385 | Raising Kids Who Live Generously, Creating Miracle Moments, and the 1% Challenge (Todd Harper)
Episode Description
Money whispers lies to our kids every single day—promising security, control, and happiness it can never deliver. In this powerful episode, Todd Harper shares how his son went from declaring "I'm going to be filthy rich and never give a dollar away" at 15 to sacrificially giving a third of his salary before his death at 26. You'll discover why most dads approach generosity as an "ought to" instead of a "get to," practical ways to make giving fun for young kids, and Todd's simple four-pillar framework that works regardless of your income level.
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Todd Harper is a passionate advocate for biblical generosity and the heart behind Generous Giving, where he's spent 25 years helping families discover the joy of open-handed living. Married to his college sweetheart for 37 years, Todd is a father of eight kids (five biological, three through marriage) and is about to become a grandfather. After losing his eldest son Davis seven and a half years ago, Todd has gained a deeper perspective on eternal values and the importance of living with heaven in view. Through Generous Giving, he's worked with families across the wealth spectrum, helping them experience the life-changing shift from obligation-based giving to joy-filled generosity.
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The switch from "ought to" to "get to" changes everything about generosity—and kids can smell obligation from a mile away
Once someone tastes the joy of giving, they never go back; Todd has never met a "former generous person"
Simple tactics like leaving a $20 tip on a $3 check and watching through the window create unforgettable generosity moments for kids
The four pillars of stewardship: Work diligently, give generously, save responsibly, live contentedly
Money lies to us about security, control, happiness, and affirmation—contentment isn't tied to financial realities
Taking kids to serve special needs children or experiencing international poverty shatters entitlement and builds gratitude
The 1% challenge: increase your giving by 1% each year and watch God's faithfulness compound over decades
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Learn about the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort
Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
Generous Giving: www.generousgiving.org
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Todd Harper [00:00:39] I think that many people approach the idea of generosity as an ought to, rather than a get to. And that changes everything. If we're doing something out of obligation, if I can use this language, we can't BS our kids. If we are generous out of obligations, it's not going to translate differently. That's the big idea, I think, of all of this, and in some ways it's what we've given our lives to, for the for the past 25 years with Generous Giving is helping create environments where the switch gets flipped from ought to to get to.
Jeff Zaugg [00:01:21] Hey guys, welcome back to Dad Awesome. My name is Jeff Zaugg, and today, episode 385, this is the ramp up towards Father's Day, and we're gonna talk about the theme of raising generous kids. This has been an ongoing, we've been asked, I've explored this with different guests from a little bit here, a little there, but today we're going, the entire conversation is going to thread this theme of generosity. And the joy of giving. And we, I mean, collectively, dads don't wanna raise entitled kids. We dads don't wanna raise kids that are all about me. And we know that kids that think of others, that serve, that give, that with their time, give with their money, like we want, and we know kids are happier. There is such joy in giving. But today, this is such a gift. Today, Todd Harper from Generous Giving, he is joining me, And most of the conversation is about his own journey, how he's experienced and seen in some expected, some very unexpected ways, the joy of generosity. He'll also, though, bring just a wealth of wisdom from. Decade upon decade of serving and helping families and businesses grow in this area of strategic generosity. So today's episode, it was kind of teed up through my good friend, Jeff Carver, up in the Minneapolis office of the National Christian Foundation. We've had so many conversations about generosity and money and the joy of giving. And he was like, Todd Harper is the guy to feature and go deep around this topic. So pretty fun, these two organizations, Generous Giving and the National Christian Foundation saying we want to help dads in this area on Father's Day or the ramp up to Father's day. So today, episode 385, this is my conversation with Todd Harper. I'd love to know what chapter of dad life are you guys currently in?
Todd Harper [00:03:32] Yeah, so married to my college sweetheart for 37 years. 37, amazing. 37, five kids, three new kids, so there's actually. Because of marriage, because of marriage. Because of the marriage.
Jeff Zaugg [00:03:46] Wait, you didn't have some more babies? No.
Todd Harper [00:03:48] No, that's right. So we have eight kids. And yeah, it's a sweet season. And we're, as I mentioned, we're days away from our first grandchild, our youngest. Our baby's having a baby.
Jeff Zaugg [00:04:03] Which is, for me, the favorite chapter to be reflective is in the anticipation of entering a new chapter of dad life. So you're right on the edge, at the eve of the new chapter of dad-life. Grandpa-life pops, probably. Maybe.
Todd Harper [00:04:15] That's my oldest son called me Pops. My oldest son is with Jesus. Oh, he is. And so his name was Davis. And our grandbaby is going to be named Liam Davis. Davis is the middle name. And Liam is a short version of my middle name, William. Okay. And Davis was... Tate's best friend, and so, yeah. How long has he been in heaven?
Jeff Zaugg [00:04:53] Seven and a half years. And that's a topic that I meant unimaginable as a dad. Yeah. What has God taught you in the last five, seven years since your son went to heaven? What has he taught you about maybe even new insights about grief or about dad life and about just perspective? Yeah, any learnings in, I mean, it's kind of a hard topic to go there, but I'm just curious.
Todd Harper [00:05:28] Oh, yeah, man, God's faithful in the midst of loss. It's the worst thing that we can imagine as parents, as a father. It's a club that nobody wants to be a part of. And it makes me more excited about heaven. And I guess maybe that's a part aging is there are more people there that you know and love. Yeah. But I miss him, you know, like crazy, especially with... He'd be so excited for his little brother, and he was kind of all of our hype man. I mean, he was a hype man, and so, I mean I think about all the time wishing I could call him and talk about what's happening in the family or in life, and I mean he was a super... We joke, he would always describe people that he was... Impressed with as dynamic and engaging. Oh, he was dynamic and engaged. I know she was dynamic in engaging and He was dying. Yes and engaging
Jeff Zaugg [00:07:00] Yeah, being excited for heaven. I read, I've read twice now to my daughters, the story of Pilgrim's Progress in the Celestial City and just being excited, having like living our lives in the direction of journeying towards heaven. And yeah, thank you for sharing. And I think all of us dads, we want to live with more of our eyes on heaven, more excitement for heaven, live with our lives with alignment for what heaven values. But even that idea of a hype man, what am I cheering for? What am I celebrating? And you have a son celebrating and cheering for you in heaven. That so flips from what I think about. I think of a father. My heavenly father is excited and cheering for me in heaven, so you have heavenly father and an earthly son both cheering for you and excited for you.
Todd Harper [00:07:53] Yeah, I've got a couple of generosity stories related to Davis. Oh, please tell it. Tell some. Yes, I love stories. You want to go there. It's my favorite thing. Here is one of my favorite stories. Davis was 15. So he died when he was 26. And he was a complicated individual. I mean, he was always contrarian, right? Like. And so. Here, we're driving home from church on Sunday morning. He's driving, that's how I remember that he was 15, because he didn't have his license. But he's driving on his permit. His mother is in the front seat, the passenger seat. I'm seated behind him in the circuit row. And something had come up at church that caused my wife to ask him if he would ever be a missionary. And he says, there's no way I'm ever to be a missionary. My wife says, well, you know, that's what your dad said. And we- Because you guys lived overseas. We were missionaries. He's like, I don't care what dad said, I'm going to grow up, I'm gonna be filthy rich, and I'm not going to give $1 away.
Jeff Zaugg [00:09:09] Oh, wow. As a 15 year old driving, that was his, yep, okay.
Todd Harper [00:09:12] So I'm in the back seat just I mean I laughed out loud because it was so obvious that he was like Anything that you guys stand for I'm going opposite
Jeff Zaugg [00:09:27] I'm, that's right. Were you already, had you already given your life in leadership to help him with generosity? Yeah, right. So he's, that was his...
Todd Harper [00:09:32] His dad's the president of generous giving. He's going the opposite direction, which was, you know, obviously it was funny at the time. And of course, you now, like, I guess we're not passing on the value of generosity to our son. What I'm looking for out here is not happening here, right? But I'll share another brief story, okay? A dear friend of mine who I've been friends with for like 25 years, met him through my son Davis and his son Sam. So they're buddies, they're getting to know each other, and I'm getting to know his dad. And my son Davis looks at Sam and says, Sam, you've got to get your dad away from my dad. He will ruin your life. Because you'll make him more generous. Gonna give away all your stuff so he sold his Porsche he sold they sold the beach like this actually and rubbing off this actually happened
Jeff Zaugg [00:10:39] He didn't get his dad away from you.
Todd Harper [00:10:42] Part of why this is top of mind is this friend recently sent me a text after we had had a generosity experience together and God had prompted he and his wife to basically buy a different home downsized so that they could simplify their life and be more generous. And his text describing this ends with... Davis was so right.
Jeff Zaugg [00:11:14] Wow, Davis was so right because it changed everything. The proximity, the friendship, what rubs off because of deep passion and conviction.
Todd Harper [00:11:25] So I got to finish with the third story is where Davis went from 15 to mid-20s, I mean the last year of his life. He was not making a lot of money. He was in a kind of an internship learning opportunity and he met a kid who was a college and had been recruited to come work with the campus ministry. And was raising support, and went to see Davis, and Davis was so taken with this guy and thought he'd be so effective on campus that he was giving a third of his salary to support this guy's work.
Jeff Zaugg [00:12:17] From the guy who said at 15, I'm going to keep it all. I'm gonna make so much. I'm not going to give a dollar away. And he gave a third sacrificially. Thank you for sharing. Thank you, for your son's life, and that he's still cheering and cheering for that value that you care so deeply about. What do most dads get wrong when they think about the topic? Or just what mindsets are just off? It's just like, no, it's just wrong. When they think of living with generosity, raising kids who are generous, giving what they have. Yeah, what are some misconceptions or just things we get wrong? I think that
Todd Harper [00:13:02] many people approach the idea of generosity as an ought to, rather than a get to. And that changes everything, right? If we're doing something out of obligation, look, we can't, if I can use this language, we can't BS our kids. They read through all of it. It never works. So... If we're generous out of obligation. It's not going to translate differently.
Jeff Zaugg [00:13:40] For them, it will be an ought to for them. They'll grow up with an ought too.
Todd Harper [00:13:45] And so that's the big idea, I think, of all of this, and in some ways it's what we've given our lives to for the past 25 years with Generous Giving is helping create environments where the switch gets flipped from ought to to get to. And when that happens, it has a profound effect, right? Because the things that we want to do, we want to keep doing. We do more often. We do it more often, yeah. And that's part of what's so cool about the work that we've been able to do is that it is sticky. If that happens, people don't regress. They don't go back the other way. That's right. Now people's financial situations can change. They can turn it down, but they stay generous. Right. I like to say I've never met a former. Which I think is really interesting. Think about that. No one ever has said to me, I used to do that. I used give it and it didn't work for me.
Jeff Zaugg [00:14:58] Even people who gave to maybe a church that something went sideways or a ministry that they turned out later, they still have tasted the joy of giving. So they're just going to redirect with more stewardship.
Todd Harper [00:15:09] Yeah, I'm not saying there aren't people who have regrets about donations they've made, but you don't find people who used to give who don't anymore.
Jeff Zaugg [00:15:22] It's a powerful litmus test that once you catch it, you want to live that way. Um, let's go to young, young kid phase for a second and just some, uh, because it's important that we talk about this topic upstream. Who, who's the man I'm becoming? Who's the dad I'm become? And we're going to talk a big picture for sure, but it's fun just to go a little bit of tactics for little kids. Um, either what did you do or what would you do if you had another swing at raising your five kids in the kind of younger than seven, eight that, that, um, what are some ideas to help them realize that it's fun to give? Yeah.
Todd Harper [00:15:57] I think making it fun is a really fun, and I wasn't great at this, so I'll just be candid. New learnings. But I have a dear friend who's like exactly in between me and my youngest son. So he's 15 years younger than me, he's fifteen years older than my youngest. And he is, he just engaged with my kids. And made it fun, you know, so like they, one of my favorite stories of their adventures together was going to Chili's and they, they ordered water and chips and salsa. So they, their check was 2.99.
Jeff Zaugg [00:16:41] Yep, I know where this is going. The waitress expects nothing at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's hear it.
Todd Harper [00:16:46] And so they leave a $20 tip on the table and go outside and watch through the window the response to see the response so fun and all of my kids they'll never forget that that night yeah you know and if anybody can do that it was $20.
Jeff Zaugg [00:17:05] Way more fun than spending the money on the $15 dessert for yourself. Way more than enjoying is the response and the reaction. Right. Great example. Keep going. Any other examples to make it fun or ideas?
Todd Harper [00:17:16] Yeah, like sitting at dinner in a restaurant and saying, who should we buy dinner for? You know, and watching the kids get to choose who would it bless or who has a need or who, whatever, and getting the waitress or waiter and saying, hey, we're going to take care of that.
Jeff Zaugg [00:17:44] Can I interrupt you on this one? So a year, two years ago, stressful season of life for my wife and I and our four girls. We're in South Padre, Texas, because it's the only warm spot to live in an RV. We're just taking a few weeks pause before we get back on the road for ministry. And we went to a restaurant, and we had it wrong. It wasn't the buy one, get one night. And we were bummed, but we were hungry. And it's like, so we knew it was a stressful meal, because it was going to cost more than we wanted to spend. And someone did that, that we'll never know who they are. Okay, get this, not only did it just radically encourage us, like God's encouragement came through so strong in this moment, like tears, tears. Tears that were... For about $50 of tears, like it's not that much money to make a family, like a deep impression. The next morning, we went to breakfast. Because of that gift, we actually had budget to go, and there's one spot you can eat on the pier next to the dolphins. It's just like, it was kind of a splurge morning, but we weren't going to do that because we only had budget for one. But now, and guess what happened? The next morning at breakfast, the exact same thing happens, and someone picks up our check. So the idea of going dinner to breakfast in our marriage, you know, 19 years this summer. It had happened one other time before. To have two in a row was just like God saying, I'm gonna give you a joy bomb and then, and then oh, you thought you were done. Here's another one. And there's no way it was the same person. We were long ways away from that restaurant, different restaurant. So to say like the impact is so much more like that example. Wildly impactful for our family and our girls, right? Yeah, do another one another for young young face any other stories. Well, I think I
Todd Harper [00:19:19] Another thing that I have have done and seen done is to create a giving jar. And a number of our friends would invite their kids to give up a soda, like if they're going out. But they would physically take the money that they would have spent. They could see it going in. And they can see it going in, and then where do we, where do give this away together as a family? And it's just, there's something about the kids making it, making it physical, right? And I think it's a challenge today with so much digital. Digital transactions, yeah. Right? In our work at Generous Giving, we often ask the question for people to share a memory from before the age of 12 that influenced their view of money or giving. And probably the most frequent answer, I mean, there's all kinds of answers to that question, but a recurring theme is my parents gave me money to put in the offering plate. Mmm, it worked.
Jeff Zaugg [00:20:38] The pastor of generosity you got to be the one to give was sticky. It was memorable. And that's, you know, my church doesn't pass a plate anymore. No, we were an auto give. Yeah, every paycheck. So I've never made me do that with my daughters. Yeah. Yet that go upstream. That was normal for kids to learn about generosity.
Todd Harper [00:20:56] So how is that going to influence future generations? I don't know. But it at least means that we need to be talking about it more, right? Like this is what we're doing. We give every week or we give every month or it's on auto-draft because it's a priority Yeah.
Jeff Zaugg [00:21:17] So the jar would bring that concreteness, or we could certainly make a portion of what we give to a local church done with cash or done with a check that's seen and felt. I love that. Immediately, my heart went to our family going out to ice cream, and we get a pint and then we make the cones ourselves versus you get your own cone. And the girls know it's less expensive, but they've never seen the tangible. Hey, because we're doing it this way, we're saving about $10 from what we would have spent. So let's put it there to give, like it'd be such an easy calibration for us. That would be a big impact. Wait, we're giving more than we're eating because the Pino ice cream is nine bucks, and we're going to give ten? Like that would be so fun. It gamifies it. Great example. Uh, we are praying, um, in our little beach town in Florida, our church, tiny little church community, grateful, um a couple hundred people were buying a new building as a church. We got to go experience it the first time two weeks ago, and our girls got to feel it, the difference in the kids ministry space, and so we've been praying every night for our church and this, um it's not a big capital campaign, it's a two week sprint of prayer and giving, and they know that the church is trying to give a chair, they've broken it down, and, so our girls are praying and I got share with them just two nights ago. That we got to help a church in Minnesota by two buildings. And it just jarred them. They're like, wait a second. What? Wait, the church doesn't buy that? People buy that?" I was like, yeah, we're the church. And then we got to have another church in Minnesota that we left right away. We weren't even there. We got to help them buy a building. And this is actually the fourth one, Michelle and I have prayed into helping a church buy a build. And it's just, it's really been fascinating because the questions back reveal that I haven't brought them along enough. They're like, it is jarring them. In a precious way, though. It's good. What would you add for the next chapter? Now we're talking, let's say, a 10-year-old teenager, preteen. Any ideas or suggestions for that age.
Todd Harper [00:23:12] Yeah, so I have a little simple framework around how, what would I hope my kids got? Great. All right? And there's kind of four two-word statements, all right? And this isn't just generosity, it's like stewardship and generosity, right? So the first is work diligently. I want my kids to know how to work diligently, give generously. Thanks for watching! Save responsibly, live contentedly. Can you say them all for one more time? Yeah. And then if you'll unpack a little bit. Work diligently, give generously, save responsively, live contentedly and like if, if they're, if that's descriptive of the way they're orienting their lives, it's like, it doesn't matter how much money they have, right? I mean it But living that way is the key to freedom and purposefulness and availability to God's purposes in the world, right? God wants us to work. Proverbs 13-4, the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied. The whole give generously thing, I just love Proverbs 11-25. It says, The generous, the generous person will prosper. Flourish. Whoever refreshes others will himself be refreshed. Another version, verse 24, in the message says that the world of the generous gets larger and larger. So the visual is powerful. The world of stingy gets smaller and smaller. So I want my kids to live, to give generously. Save responsibly. So, when we talk about that, saving is a wise thing. And there's lots of references to that in the Old Testament. And the ants, right? That's right. There aren't actually any references in the New Testament. The saving. Just give it all away. So the challenge is, how do we save responsively? We can save irresponsibly two different ways. Out of fear, right. Well, we can save too much. Or we can save too little. Unless God calls us to give it all, I'm not sure we're ever going to get critiqued by the Father that I gave too much. That's true. So that's the third kind of framework. And then the last is to live contentedly. And in our culture, that's a radical reorientation. Hebrews 13.5 says, keep your lives free from the love of money. And be content with what you have, for I have said I will never leave you.
Jeff Zaugg [00:26:14] Nor forsake you. Yes. I want to go back to your son at 15, saying, I'm going to keep it all to myself. Because the lies, there's some lies that money says. So I wrote them down here in just some of my research. I think you shared these things in another talk. But money will lie to us and say, securities found there control happiness, affirmation value were the four that I had pulled out. Can you just elaborate on the lies that the world would say. Money versus the fourth point that you just mentioned about living contentedly. Would you kind of go into that a little bit?
Todd Harper [00:26:50] Yeah, I do think money is tricky. It's sneaky, right? And it offers things that it can't deliver. I mean, I know some of the wealthiest people in the world, and the amount of money someone has, has nothing to do with the level of contentment, right? Paul in Philippians 4 talked about, he learned the secret of being content, whether living in plenty or in want, right. And so, so contentment is not tied to our financial realities. And money, you know, it's interesting. Paul, Paul exhorted Timothy in, in 1st Timothy 6 and he was speaking to the wealthy. He said, command those who are rich in this present world, two things, not to be arrogant nor to place their hope in riches, which are so uncertain. So it's, interesting. He doesn't say that it's wrong to place our hope in richest. Mmm. It's stupid. Yeah, it's so true. Because they're uncertain and he goes on, but rather place our hope in God who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. He goes on command them to do good, be rich in good deeds, be generous and willing to share. In this way, they will lay up for themselves treasures in heaven as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that... They may take hold of the life that is truly life, or the life that is life indeed. So again, that's the pathway to life and fulfillment and joy. And it's not found in everything that the world says money offers. I mean, consuming is not a pathway to live. Or contentment and ask anybody who bought a new car and how long a week later or three weeks later or one day later, you know, and I'm, I'll secretly confess, I'm a car guy. I mean, I kind of like cars and it's always been more interesting to pursue it than to get it. Right. And so that, yeah, I mean, there's so many. Lies from our culture that tie us up. And I think just, gosh, as a dad thinking about raising kids that are well adjusted and loving and want to be with their family, and I mean, The principles of God's Word, I've been thinking about this recently, that they're There is not a single decision in my life that I've made that was aligned with God's Word that I regret. Now, I have plenty of regrets, but when I'm making decisions that are aligned with the truth of God's word, it's almost like He designed us and He knows what's best for us.
Jeff Zaugg [00:30:23] Well, Jesus is a storyteller in parables. And I learned recently that 20% of the parables were about basically possessions, generosity, giving, or there's one other category that all ties with money, though. Like, does that sound accurate?
Todd Harper [00:30:42] Arguably more. I think, and I didn't, I can't say this exactly, I think there are 32 different parables and I think 18 of them deal with.
Jeff Zaugg [00:30:53] Money and possessions So this morning, because of the prayers of my daughters and I have been praying about generosity, and so we asked, we asked Claude, so there's ChatGPT, there's Claude these different AI tools, we asked for, we'd like to hear four of Jesus' parables about giving and generosity, written in a, so we ask you to kind of summarize the story for an eight-year-old and tell it. So we've been learning about these stories that use biblical principles, they're called allegories, I believe, that it's a different story that brings out the principle. So we, for fun, said, about four secret agent sisters. Tell us four stories. And in a second, we had these, we're laughing out loud, but they end with the same exact principle that Jesus taught us. So we just, as a fun way to engage scripture through a side door, we use AI to tell. And it's just like, these stories are sticky and the girls get them. My three-year-old gets Jesus' teaching. And of course, you don't have to use a summarized paraphrase allegory version. You can go right to the Bible with your little kids. But. Storytelling about generosity. I want to be a dad who, it says in the Psalms, who will tell the next generation about the glorious deeds of the Lord, like it's your job. Your job is to pass down stories of God's faithfulness, his goodness, but also stories of generosity. Like I just told you the restaurant story. Dads who can share about, look what God did and look at how fun it was to give and to be part of giving and the joy attached to being and living generously. So we can do it in the present, but we can also tell stories about the past and about people being generous to us. How would you, like this. This upstream from, there's the tactics, and then there's upstream, who is the man I'm becoming? The dad, the leader in our household, who am I becoming? Because we know it's what we are, who we are at the core of us, not the what we tell for our kids. What are some of the guidance, coaching, or even challenge me, like I'd love to hear?
Todd Harper [00:32:55] Well, I think this, like we started, right, we can't take people where we're not going ourselves, right? First Corinthians 11, 1, Paul says, follow me as I follow the example of Christ. So that's a high calling for us as dads, and we're going to do it perfectly. That's thank goodness for God's grace, you know? Um, but I, I think that... That has been a huge motivator to me as a dad to be someone that I would want my kids to emulate, right? And it continues now as I'm preparing for grandfatherhood, you know, like I want to be a granddad who shows up and is present and is for my. My grandbabies. So how are we being conformed into the image of Christ? How are we growing in our own generosity? But like, the generosity thing, I think, is really correlated to our understanding of the gospel and how much He's given us and how we live in response to that. And it doesn't take a lot of money to be generous. I mean, a lot my work has been with those entrusted with much, so those are a lot of my stories, if you will. But the principles of living open-handedly, the reality is even all of the data, the giving data out there, is those who make less than $50,000 a year, According to U.S. Tax data, they're the most generous people. And I think in some ways it's because they're so aware of their own need. And so they become interdependent as opposed to independent.
Jeff Zaugg [00:35:05] That keeps us from understanding. Yeah. Fascinating. Do you have something else to add?
Todd Harper [00:35:10] Yeah, I was just going to say, I think, you know, one of the things that we did with our kids that I think impacted them significantly was we had the opportunity to travel and we intentionally, like I traveled a lot with my work and we never, we never used our flyer miles. To fly anywhere in the United States because we could drive there. Save them up. Yes. And so every three to four years, we got to take the kids somewhere internationally. I'll never forget taking my son Davis. This will just be an episode dedicated to Davis. So when he was 13, our youngest was seven and we got to go to Africa. A friend accompanied us to Africa, and we... We started in South Africa, which is the most affluent African country. We went to Kenya, then we went to Ethiopia, which was one of the poor African countries. My kids absolutely loved Ethiopia, and then they fell in love with the people. But we did a long drive in Kenya, and the roads in Kenya are just hard to describe. They're just much different than here. And later that summer, we were on a road trip and my son, Davis, says to me, dad, the roads here are so
Jeff Zaugg [00:36:49] gratitude ratcheted up because of exposure.
Todd Harper [00:36:52] No, I mean, how would you know how nice the roads are here?
Jeff Zaugg [00:36:57] There's no base, there's no comparable factor. Right, right.
Todd Harper [00:37:01] And the friends that they got to interact with in Ethiopia, several of whom literally had grown up on the dump, like they were trash collectors. And they were the most loving, fun, it was amazing, bro. And my kids just were... Were undone by that. And it was like, it was this disconnect, like the poorest people that we've ever met are maybe the most joyful.
Jeff Zaugg [00:37:43] The shiny eyes, the joy that's felt, that's lived when you're there, right? When you're present. That it shatters entitlement. Yes. Because we all drift towards entitlement, 100%. I'm drifting that direction, so are my little girls. So is my wife, right, until we have reset moments. Right. So can you think of, so that's an international example, say what the mile, like prioritize trying to, any other even micro examples of things that we might shatter or pull back entitlement.
Todd Harper [00:38:14] Yeah, I think, where can you volunteer in your own community where you rub up against needs? So we have some friends who started an organization called Nathaniel's Hope. And it works with kids that are, they call them VIPs. Special needs kids. And they have an event called Make Them Smile. And it's a big carnival, specifically for... Special needs kids. And we have involved our kids in that over the years. And it just changes your perspective, right? I mean, it doesn't, you don't have to say anything. The kids just experience their own privilege. And wow, how can we be about meeting the needs of others. And it and it's this. Amazing day, right? Like the kids, it's better than going to Disney here as a Orlando.
Jeff Zaugg [00:39:20] That's it. Yeah, there's more joy attached to serving and seeing delight and being a part in relationship. Yeah, yeah, I love that. To go back to my ice cream example of, you mentioned the glass jar with a $10 bill or a dollar bill in it, to borrow from. Not the ultra wealthy, but people who have generational wealth that are using strategic means to deploy those resources. I've heard of families that do quarterly meetings or yearly retreats that say, okay, God's entrusted us with this. How do we deploy them into voting as a family, praying as a family? I'm trying to think for my family to how to help my 11 and eight-year-old, my oldest two, actually come around like in a bank account and deploy those funds in joy to organizations that we love to support or to even bring new opportunities to the family. So I'd love to hear your thoughts on this plus if you could also share the 1% challenge. You shared this on another talk I heard of someone who decided every year I'm going to increase by 1% because we see on our taxes how many what percentage was it that we gave. We kind of have an audit forced on us every year. Yeah. So would you share kind of those two spheres? Yeah. So. I w-
Todd Harper [00:40:31] I love the idea of having an account for giving, whether that's just a bank account or whether it's a more sophisticated donor-advised fund, trust or whatever it is, but the decision You're not deciding whether to consume or to give. It's already been chosen. It's like, yeah, so now we're on the lookout, right? We've got money to deploy. We've gotten money to bless people with. So I love doing that. I love actually giving cash to children in appropriate amounts to have them be on the look out for places they can bless people. But the idea of sharing decision rights with our kids about where to give as a way of letting them in on the joy, but also as a ways of training them is absolutely critical. And we do a lot of that with families that are stewarding lots of money. And how do you begin giving children and grandchildren decision rights on charitable capital.
Jeff Zaugg [00:41:47] Because there's more joy when it's a cause that breaks your heart, or that you're passionate about, or you trust the leader. Even children kind of have like, I want to give that.
Todd Harper [00:41:57] Yeah. And as a dad or mom, like getting to see that, getting to observe, like what lights my kids up, not just, hey, kids. I mean, it's great to inform our kids on what we're doing with our giving, but allowing them in on that is, it is just another way to model and train and equip our kids to be others. Right? I mean, ultimately, you and I know that joy is found in giving our lives away.
Jeff Zaugg [00:42:34] Yeah, the self word is empty and there's nothing fun about going to self.
Todd Harper [00:42:41] And in our current day and age, there's so much focus on self, and all of the digital media is frankly the opposite of that, almost all of it. That's true. So how do you combat that? What's the counter narrative of this story? So the 1% story, and I've heard this, multiple times, although it's certainly not normative. But one of my friends in his 30s, they had been faithful tithers, which means technically they were giving 10% of their income away. And he felt compelled to increase that by 1% a year, which kind of any of us could do that. Small adjustment sacrificially, right? I mean, I get a 2% raise in my paycheck and I kind of don't remember what I got in December and January, right. It's like, and so it's an accessible step, but this friend was sharing at one of our national events and he was in his seventies. So they were up to- 50% at that point, right? No, beyond. Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, he had gone beyond the 50% and God had just provided year after year such that it was possible for them to do that. Now that involved some cost, some sacrifice, but he and his family would not have described it that way. They had so much fun over those decades. Yes. And just experiencing God's faithfulness along the way, right? Like, even as you described the meals being provided for, I mean, that in our lives, God has done some miraculous provision in moments of need. And those are some of the things that I cling to as, you know, markers in my life of God's faithfulness, and in some ways. So much better than if we could have provided it for ourselves, because it was a demonstrable intervention of God in our lives. That's what we all want. One of my friends says, I have lots of quotes from friends, no original thoughts here. One My friend says that everybody wants to experience a miracle. But nobody wants to be in a position to need one. Are we giving in such a way? Do we ever give in such a way that we need God to show up?
Jeff Zaugg [00:45:49] Putting yourself out to the edge of, I'm beyond comfortable, I'm right at the edge of this is scary generosity.
Todd Harper [00:46:00] Because we do want to experience miracles, and for me, I'll say maybe I don't experience as many miracles as I would like because I've always got a backup plan.
Jeff Zaugg [00:46:13] And what if the most, if living, if we're drifting towards scarcity as we give less or give just the minimal, we're actually living in scarcity land and we're missing out on all these miracles where if we lived with an abundance mindset, a little more risk even in how we give or discomfort or sacrifice. That unlocks this joy, this peace, these miracles, these celebrations, and it all ripples down. If we do it well with our kids, it will all ripple down, those miracle stories. The journey of generosity, did I have that name right? That's how you coach. So just to kind of land our conversation today, if a dad's listening. And there's already been so many takeaways, but to take us on just a little bit of a landing journey of like, how would you challenge, instead of encourage, challenge us to just take a step on this journey. I'm positive all of us have a step we can take, and it has compounded impact because the world says there's not enough. You need to just be a provider for your family, like work here, put more focus on career, provide more, save more so that you don't need anyone else, right? All these lies. How would you challenge us to risk, to step in, to see the joy attached?
Todd Harper [00:47:34] Yeah, I would I would say take a step forward from wherever you are We never get to a place where we're as generous as we need to be. I compare it to love, right? Like, is there a place where you get, you know, I'm about as loving as I need to.
Jeff Zaugg [00:47:55] Always crow. Never. Right? No arrival.
Todd Harper [00:47:59] And I don't just mean money in generosity, right? How can I be more generous of spirit? How can say an encouraging word to my kids? How can put myself in my kids' shoes? How can be grow in empathy? How can take a step forward and to the point of your whole podcast, right, How can I be intentional as a dad? And not cheat my family in the pursuit of what this world says. I was with a gal last week. We were at actually one of our experiences called the Journey of Generosity, okay, and we're sharing the memories from before the age of 12. And she says, I grew up in a family that was well resourced. And she said, I was going through my journals from middle school recently, and I had written in my journal. Money, money, money. All I really want. Is my dad to know my friend's names. His presence. So how are we showing up as dads generously in our kids' lives? And how can we make it fun to be more generous? And I would say, how can grow in our faith in God's faithfulness? And that takes, that takes an action. And financial giving is a great way to grow it. I think it's why Jesus talked about money more than anything else, because it's such a tangible expression of our faith in God. Do I really believe that the creator of the universe has my back? Corinthians, he who sews sparingly, reaps sparing. He who sewers generously, reeps generously. I mean, I've just seen God's faithfulness in hundreds, thousands of families that have endeavored to live by the principles that it's more blessed to give than to See you.
Jeff Zaugg [00:50:40] Yeah, where we started around that once you experienced and tasted the joy of living generously, no one goes back. And the Malachi mandates this last verse of the Old Testament of the turning of hearts of fathers, the turnings of hearts to the children's hearts of their father. The unlocking with our resources, our generosity, our giving, as being, I think, a core part. It is, I mean, it's based on the percentage of Jesus teaching. It is a core. We always ask, like, what does God say? Well, go do it. Like, if we do that as dads, we are dad-awesome. And no one does it perfectly, but go do it. So this has to be a conversation that we press into. And we always invite, encourage, challenge. Let's not be dads of good intent. Let's be dads in action. We're actually, we have a bias towards action. Otherwise, it's never felt and experienced for our families.
Todd Harper [00:51:29] Well, and you're bringing up Malachi, so Malachi 3, test me in this and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven. So it's the only scripture that I'm aware of where we're challenged to test God as we bring our full tithe to his kingdom.
Jeff Zaugg [00:51:54] Todd, I just had a visual of your son throwing open the gates, like literally cranking open a gate of heaven, like literally as you talked about him being a champion, a cheerleader. Would you say a prayer over all the dads and that we would have that bias move towards trust and faith and action and generosity?
Todd Harper [00:52:14] Father, God, thank you for this opportunity to have this discussion and to be reminded ourselves of these Biblical truths that really offer a pathway to joy and freedom and intimacy with you. And we know that in that, as we align our lives with your word, that we will be better and better dads. And I pray for everyone listening to this podcast, Lord, that we would all be awesome as dads, that Your grace would cover our deficiencies and that Your Grace would invite us to more fully embrace the role of fathering. And we just ask that your purposes would be accelerated in our lives for your glory, we ask in Jesus' name.
Jeff Zaugg [00:53:22] Thank you so much for joining us today for episode 385 with Todd Harper. As we hit the record, this stop record button at the end of my conversation, we continued the conversation and Todd shared something with me that I treasured. And I was so thankful for what he shared with me. That afterwards I reached back to him and said would you at all be willing for me to read that list of 10 things and he gave me his permission for me to read this list and here's why this is so significant. And first this list along with all the show notes, the conversation links, the kind of action steps and key points, key quotes are all going to be linked at dadawesome.org podcast. You just simply look for episode 385. It'll be right at the top, the most recent. But this list... Here's what happened, Todd explained to me that just a couple months, three months before his son Davis went to heaven, he passed away in that accident. Davis wrote a letter to his dad for his 50th birthday and Todd was willing to share these 10 things that he wrote. He wrote a list of 10 things he's thankful for about his dad as a special 50th-birthday gift. And I'm going to read this list of 10. And as he read it, I just, my heart just like, oh my goodness, thought about my four daughters and their future husbands. And I want to be a dad who lives with the long view, the man, what are my kids in their 20s and 30s? Like this is our daily decisions lead towards this type of letter. So here, let me read these precious words that were written as a gift. With the 50th birthday celebration and a card to Todd, but Davis wrote this. Number one, I love how you love mom. Your marriage is such a great example to me. Number two, I loved how you brag on your kids. You're always telling someone about the cool things your kids are doing. Number three, I love that you love watching basketball with me and asking questions. You want to know my world. Number four, I love the you took us on trips growing up. I'm learning the value of all those experiences as I grow up. Number five, I loved how intentional you are about family time. You are the most happy whenever you are with your family. Number six, I love that you are active. It's bad to the bone that you still cycle and golf and water ski. You're a total cool dad. Number seven, I love your saying, pay for experiences, not stuff. Number eight, I loved how good a friend you are to people. People are always telling me about how incredible of a friend to you are them. Number nine I love that you're a reader. You're always telling me about something that you are reading or something I should check out. And number 10, I love you unconditionally love me. Your example of how to love your wife and kids is incredible. So that was the, those were the 10 things that Davis, that he wrote to his dad three months before he passed away. And I know Todd already prayed to close this episode, but I want to encourage just one more time, let's be dads of action. Let's make decisions in this area of generosity. We make decisions today that are laying the foundation for our kids and their teens and their 20s and their 30s and our decisions to explore deeper the joys of generosity. This is having a big compounding effect on our kids that we don't see today, but that Todd has seen in thousands of families that he's served. And that I just know this is an area of deposit. If this year, if we're like, this is gonna be a dad-awesome year, if this was a year that we turned the dial of intentionality around generosity, we gotta live it first, living generously, and then actively train, disciple, guide our kids around the joy of giving. What a gift that would be that would pay itself forward in so many, so many ways. So guys, thank you for listening. Shout out again, such gratitude to the National Christian Foundation, to Generous Giving, to Todd Harper for his time. And guys, let's be dads of action. Happy Father's Day. Happy lead up to Father's day and praying for you guys.
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"We can't BS our kids. They read through all of it. If we're generous out of obligation, it's not going to translate differently for them."
"I've never met a former generous person."
"The world of the generous gets larger and larger. The world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller."
"Everybody wants to experience a miracle, but nobody wants to be in a position to need one."
"Money, money, money—all I really want is my dad to know my friends' names."
LETTER FROM HIS SON: (Davis Harper’s letter to his dad for his 50th birthday)
1) I love how you love mom. Your marriage is such a great example to me.
2) I love how you brag on your kids. You're always telling someone about the cool things your kids are doing.
3) I love that you love watching basketball with me and asking questions. You want to know my world.
4) I love that you took us on trips growing up, im learning the value of all those experiences as I grow up.
5) I love how international you are about family time. You are the most happy whenever you are with your family.
6) I love that you are active. It's bad to the bone that you still cycle and golf and water ski, you're a total cool dad!
7) I love your saying "pay for experiences, not stuff"
8) I love hearing how good a friend you are to people. People are always telling me how incredible of a friend you are to them.
9) I love that you're a reader. You're always telling me about something you're reading or something I should check out.
10) I love that you unconditionally love me. Your example of how to love your wife and kids is incredible.
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