Episode 165 Transcript (Dean Stinchfield Part 2)


Jeff Zaugg (01:42):

Let’s talk about Men of the Kingdom. And I just have, I’ve been so grateful to learn more about this ministry and, the, ripple effect of the relationships, people that you’ve had a chance to connect with mentors and, who now are touching my life. SoI’ve benefited from your ministry, but, when did it start? what was the kind of Genesis moment and why are you giving your life to helping young men?

Dean Stinchfield (02:03):

It’s a good question. It probably started with my experience through Chuck Colson Centurion program. Which was a program that, Chuck Colson dedicated his life to, really the biblical worldview. And he wanted to equip a hundred people a year into learning the biblical worldview. And Chuck constantly would challenge me and other people. What do you want to do with your life? You’re a person on mission and I would talk, well, you know, I’m a Minnesotan and I want to work really hard and then I’ll retire and go to Florida and he’s like, and then maybe I’ll do something for the Lord. He’s like, you’re a fool. If you don’t think you’re doing something for the Lord right now, you’re missing it. Yep. And a Christian there’s no such thing as retirement. There’s just repurposement. So Chuck would always try to push me into some type of active ministry on a day-to-day basis.

Dean Stinchfield (02:54):

And I would look out and I just get frustrated with some of the things I’d see in the culture. And you know, I’d be praying that to God. And I, I just remember one day in prayer, God was like, listen, the culture is going to do what the culture does. You can’t blame a dog for barking. That’s just what the culture does. So if there’s something wrong in the culture, it’s because the church hasn’t stood up. And if the church hasn’t stood up, it’s the men in the church hasn’t stood up. Yeah. And Dean, I’ve trained you to be a leader of man. You haven’t stood up. So if there’s a problem, what are you going to do about it? So no passive. And I think that’s what the Holy Spirit’s been doing in this whole COVID era is that the whole spectator Christianity of a church filled with a bunch of people sitting in the seats and watching 10 to 15 people utilize their gifts.

Dean Stinchfield (03:43):

Yeah. That’s not the biblical model. The biblical model of the church is everybody has been given a gift by the Holy spirit and that gift isn’t to edify them it’s to serve the church and equip and encourage other people. So I looked at it like, okay, what can I do? Well, I, maybe I could train a group of guys to not be passive and step up and be moral leaders in the culture. It’s kind of that Nehemiah model. Like, listen, the walls are down. I’m going to put two guys side by side one with a sword and the other one building and you begin building the wall. And just like in Nehemiah, there’s going to be a lot of people trying to distract you say, Hey, come on, let’s have lunch or you don’t want to do that. Yeah. And I love Nehemiah’s response is I’m about a great work. Why should I come off of that great work to have lunch with you? I don’t think so. So I want what’s mine. So I challenged myself. What’s my great work. So I think if I can encourage and equip the next generation of moral leaders. That’s a great way to go life. So the admin of the kingdom, we’ve got a 12 week discipleship experience where we take people through basically a discipleship program that focused on helping them to develop a personal mission field because there is no sacred-secular divide. You’re all on mission. You’re sent by a Holy God every day, every week out into a mission field, act like it. Yeah. Right, right. And, and realize that’s the where, and that’s the who of your life. Who are you interacting with and what environment you’re going to have stewardship over that. Every place we go, a Christian, you know, don’t be a thermostat that just takes the temperature of the room you should be at, or don’t be a thermometer that just takes the temperature thermostat. That what’s the what’s righteous. What’s Holy here. And how do I adjust the temperature of whatever environment I’m going to, to conform to the, you know, the moral laws of God.

Jeff Zaugg (05:39):

And just to interrupt you there, your kids, all the dads, listening, your kids, know if you have it identified mission field. If you have a who and where that you’re focused on, that breaks your heart, that you’re actively… Like your kids know if dad has that. Or if dad doesn’t have that. So yeah.

Dean Stinchfield (05:57):

Are you, are we going to live intentionally or we’re going to happen to life? We’re going to let life happen to us. Yep. So we talk about a personal mission field, then what’s your personal mission statement? Your personal mission statement is? That’s the “what.” When God has you here, what does he want you to do? And when I ask people to like, where do you feel God’s pleasure? Okay. Where it that’s, you know, from chariots of fire, love that. Okay. You know, it’s that Eric Lidell mentality, like I run because I feel God’s pleasure when I run. So where are you feeling God’s pleasure? Right?

Jeff Zaugg (06:29):

I’ve created a guide which I’ll link in the show notes to help, to help dads figure out that personal mission. It’s so helpful. And we’re going to link to all your resources just to send guys your way. Um, and the cool thing is you’re equipping not just in the twin cities anymore, but you’re, you’re creating resources to equip a much broader, which is yeah.

Dean Stinchfield (06:49):

Ideal. I want revival in our time. I’d love to see it right here in the Twin Cities. But I want to see revival in our time led by the men in the church, across the United States and then beyond. First in Jerusalem then in Judea and then the rest of the world. Uh, so yeah, that, so that personal mission statement is what’s, you know, what are the unique gifts that you’ve been given, but what are the burdens on your heart? You know, Jonathan Edwards talks about what are the affections of our heart? What are the desires that move us to tears, move us to anger, move us to motion, and in how, where do we feel completely alive, where God looks down and says, Hey, good job. Do more of that. Yep. He’s kind, kinda like probably what you’re feeling here. Oh, I love that. Uh, and then we go through the three eternal questions. With the three eternal questions. Basically are who’s your audience? Uh, what, what timeframe are you living your life and what treasures are you going after? Kind of at T and T because, so oftentimes we get so focused on the here and now, if you ask these eternal questions that embeds today into a longer narrative, who’s the audience, are you going for man or the applause of man? Or are you going for the applause of God? What timeframe are you living in your life, or you realize that you’re an eternal being. So the drama that we’re dealing with today and dads have a lot of drama and a lot of pressures. They have pressures at work pressures as, you know, being married pressures as a kid, but embed that into a longer narrative. It takes some of the drama out of it. You’re living an Epic life. You’re living an eternal life. So let’s embed this crisis that what are the crisis or great times that you have now, it gives you just a smoother perspective. Yeah. And are you chasing eternal rewards rather than temporal? And if you answer those three questions, I’ll give a pretty good feel of what’s going on in your life right now.

Jeff Zaugg (08:32):

Man, that framework, I, I feel like we could spend a whole series of podcasts going into your framework further, but I it’s, it’s helpful to fly over. I want to, I want to circle back to the beatitudes. And just because that layer of again, how scripture has informed everything you’ve built with men of the kingdom, when you think of dads and that layer of reading through the beatitudes with a dad filter, what are some of the like, man, this is what pops out?

Dean Stinchfield (08:58):

That’s a cool question. Um, you know, the beatitudes was the foundation of the Sermon on the Mount and Jesus’ entire teaching was basically built on that plank. The beatitude begins with bless it are those who are poor in spirit. And the poor in spirit is basically, an accurate realization of who you are in front of a Holy God, that you really bring nothing to the table. And everything is a gift from God. And we all have a one-on-one meeting with God someday, and you have to realize your poverty of spirit. And then it kind of, and the beatitudes are sequential. From poverty and spirit then you go to mourning, bless it are those mourn. I mourn my sinful condition that God has a Holy standard. And I just don’t measure up. That’s the poverty of spirit. And mourning is you’re mourning your sin, you’re mourning other sins.

Dean Stinchfield (09:55):

And you’re seeing that in the world. And you just have deep soul anguish on that. And then you have some meekness that flows out of that. And then you’re hungering and thirsting after righteousness. So the first three beatitudes is the emptying of self. The fourth beatitude is the filling of self. And then you move over into bless it are the merciful. And that is someone who is taking action and providing comfort at those that are suffering the consequences of sin. And then bless it are the peacemakers and it’s not worldly peace. It’s, you’re, you’re, you’re helping to create peace between the other person and God in eternal peace, not a temporal peace. So I think I, you know, I go back and I begin to think through, how do I reflect that on being a dad? I think how the beatitudes should inform being dadAWESOME in that environment is you are emptying of yourself because I think dads might feel inadequate. If these kids are looking to me, I gotta be a provider for them and a protector and a, you know, a prophet and a priest. I gotta do all these things. And I don’t measure up because you’ve got Satan on your left shoulder, giving you all your sins, and the doubts. And they’re real, but that’s poverty of spirit. And then you’re mourning and you have a meekness, but then you’re filling up with righteousness. I’m emptying of myself. And I’ll fill up with that resurrection power to step up and be dadAWESOME to the kids that God has given me. And what a gift we’ve been given. CS Lewis talks about – We never go through life with any mere mortals.

Dean Stinchfield (11:39):

Okay? Everybody is conforming to one or two images, one that would frighten you. And the other one that you’d be tempted to worship. So don’t be cavalier with the kids that God has given you. These are co-heirs with Christ, my daughters, their daughters of the King, and I’m not talking me. And these are daughters that, they’re amazing women. My two daughters, I’m going to get choked up again, but what a responsibility, what a gift that you have a chance to help shepherd people like that, that are going to be co-heirs with Christ in the universe. You kidding me? The only way I can do that is if I’m emptied and I’m filled with resurrection power and God plus one’s a majority in any situation. So I’m more than equipped to stand up and be dadAWESOME to my daughters and anybody else that may come along because God’s sending them in my path. I better do a good job with it. I, sorry. I got a little emotional there. I apologize.

Jeff Zaugg (12:41):

I’m grateful. I know that you are not only a dad to your daughters, but now your son-in-law, there’s a,

Dean Stinchfield (12:50):

Who’s a fantastic guy, He’s so fun.

Jeff Zaugg (12:53):

What a gift. I’m praying for my four future son-in-laws right now.

Dean Stinchfield (12:57):

As soon as my daughters were born, I was praying for my son-in-laws my son-in-law. I told him before I met you, I prayed for you for 20 years because I was praying that he was, he was being raised by a godly man, that he had a Biblical worldview, that he was staying close to his father, that he was filled with righteousness. And my wife is a prayer warrior. I mean, she can be praying and I’m falling asleep, you know? And she was praying over my future son-in-law’s for ever.

Jeff Zaugg (13:27):

I want to highlight that the ripple effect is more than just our kids. It’s our kids’ spouses in the future. It’s our future grandkids. You, play a dad role to some of those kids. 22 years of serving in the same church in the kid’s ministry, youth ministry of your church. That’s a huge gift. Then there’s a ministry, Men of the Kingdom, and there’s countless men now. And friends of those men who are being touched by a dad figure that you’re playing, you’re connecting them with other dad figures. So I just want to illuminate being dadAWESOME has the potential of going so much further than we think. And we’ll never actually even know, but it does not require perfection. It requires, putting to death passivity, saying I’m not going to be passive. If you’re passive, your sphere of influence as a dad is much, much, much less.

Jeff Zaugg (14:14):

And it’s actually harmful. It’s harmful to the kids that have been entrusted to you if you’re a passive dad. Um, but there’s, uh, there’s one other group that we haven’t mentioned yet, which is close friendship, leads to the kind of friends that look each other in the eye and say, Hey, if I’m gone some day, will you be a dad to my kids? Oh yeah. And, um, I know you have a friend like that. That’s in heaven. And I want you to tell, Tell that story because I think it encourages all of us. Like the reason for friendship is not just strength in the present. It’s actually, so we can play, God’s role of a godly father to even their kids, potentially. So tell that story.

Dean Stinchfield (14:49):

So one of my best friends, Jay Peril, you know, if I can use his full name on here. Uh, so Jay and I, we met each other on a basketball court. Got in a fight right away in the basketball court. He kept driving the lane. I told him to cut it out. He kept putting his knee in my chest. I told him, don’t do it again. So he did it two or three more times. We scrapped. And then we went out afterwards, been best buddies ever since. So I lived with Jay, in fact, when my wife first and I got married, Jay lived in the basement because he was finishing his MBA. But he’s one of the best athletes I ever knew. He constantly had a smile on a face. He brought joy everywhere. He was one of those goodness filters in the land.

Dean Stinchfield (15:29):

And Jay, I tease him. He was like Body by Jay looked like Claude van Damme. And it just like this big, strong guys, three, four years younger than I. But he was like multiple times, like, Hey Dean, if I ever pass away, you’re going to take care of my kids and my wife. And he said it multiple times and just over COVID. You know, I was kicked out of my office. I wasn’t in my office. And so Jay and I would walk around Christmas Lake and we were hanging out and two or three times, he was like, Hey, remember just in case. And I was like, Jay, who you kidding? You know, you’re going to bury me, but you bet I got your back. Well, Jay tragically died last summer. Um, he had a heart attack and he passed away. He’s got a 16 year old son, a 13 year old daughter and a twelve-year-old son.

Dean Stinchfield (16:17):

And he’s got an amazing mom. You know, Amy’s doing a fantastic job. These kids are, they’re really unique and fantastic. Um, but I’ve got to step. I’m trying to step into that breach. I can’t replace their dad. I’m not their dad, no one ever can, but can I try to come alongside them and help them in the journey in their life? Yeah. I’m trying to do that, but you know, here’s another failing, a Dean failing. Okay. You know, oftentimes, you know, guys will ask you to do that. And you know, as a buddy of just say, of course I will, but if you’re going to step up and do that, you gotta take that Yes seriously. And I didn’t take that Yes seriously as much as I should have, because if you’re going to lead anybody, you have to be, you have to know them and be known by them.

Dean Stinchfield (17:05):

So I didn’t invest the time before he passed to know, and be known by his kids. And all relationships are built through shared experiences. So I’m trying to play catch up here and build shared experiences with these three amazing young kids that my buddy asked me to step in. And I’ve, I’ve unfortunately had to do that now a couple of times. And, um, it’s an honor to do it because I’m paying back one of my best friends. And I know every tough situation like coming up, I got to have the sex talk with his kids. I know my buddy, Jay is cracking up. Then you can put repressed Deano in this role. So, you know, I can see his laughter. Um, but I also, I can see his smile in his kids. It’s a chance to almost hang with my buddy again.

Jeff Zaugg (18:01):

We don’t know our length of time before we move from this paradise. You know, we saw the Eagle perched straight outside this window – this paradise to the perfect paradise. We don’t know our time, but we know that if we are builders of the kingdom here and we join God in his building. But that is through relationships with friends that is through, um, choosing to lead. And actually you challenge all the guys that are part of Men of the Kingdom to either build something, to have a project that is – everybody who goes through two categories, two categories,

Dean Stinchfield (18:33):

Everybody who goes through, they got to have a project. It doesn’t cost you anything. I’ll provide you mentorship. I’ll provide you resources. We will pour into you, but you, you yoke up with one other man in the Holy spirit, based on your unique, personal mission fields and your unique personal mission statement. Which my mission statement is, I just want to get that out, Is my job is to glorify God by, advancing his kingdom through equipping and encouraging the next generation of moral leaders in the church. Whatever I do, I better be about that. Um, so you’re right. We only have a small amount of time to impact until we kind of go into that, that better environment. But you know, I sit back and think about what can’t I do in eternity that I can do here. Okay? So what can’t I do in eternity? I can’t comfort those that are feeling the impact of sin. I can’t provide mercy because in there he’s going to wipe away every tear. So their sin isn’t in heaven, but you know, we’re not living in the garden anymore. I can comfort those that are impacted by the consequences of sin. I can bring truth to those who aren’t, who don’t know the truth. In heaven, everybody’s going to know the truth because we can have lunch with Him. So I can present the truth, you know, and I can attack evil. So I like that. Yeah. Okay. I like stepping into the arena. Give me, you know – some people want the ball at the end of the game and some people are going to pass the ball really quick. I want the ball. Okay? I want to go after. I want to, I want to knock heads.

Jeff Zaugg (20:12):

There’s a fierceness to that. And there’s a commitment and there’s a determination.

Dean Stinchfield (20:15):

Every man should be a protector. Physical, spiritual, you know, what’s a world doing. You got to step up.

Jeff Zaugg (20:22):

The world though is saying hey run it through your filter of what you want. Run it through your filter of what’s easy. Run it through. It’s what’s easy is like what’s sold to us every day. Right? Everything is what’s easy for me. Yeah,

Dean Stinchfield (20:33):

That’s right. We become a rights group rather than a duty and obligation group. And you know what? This country is built by people about duty and service and sacrifice and obligation, not rights.

Jeff Zaugg (20:45):

And our kids are watching. Our kids are watching. And, you’re, I just, I guess I want to land the plane with asking for if there’s any, I think your, some of your, your mentees referred to them as Deano-isms. So, so things that just get you passionate and you can’t help, but like share them. Any nuggets that when you think of the dadAWESOME community, who you’ve already so graciously – you’ve challenged us around not being passive around having a, an area, a people, a place, a time that you can serve a mission statement. You challenge us around friendships and serving in the local church. And there’s, so many next steps for the people listening, but any other, just nuggets you’d have for all of our community?

Dean Stinchfield (21:28):

Uh, have courage. You know, courage is the, is evidence in every virtue at the testing point. So have courage to pray dangerous prayers. God, if there’s any sin in me, convict me. God, help me see others through your eyes. Look at the people around you as, uh, ends not means. They’re not means to your ends. These are made in the image of God and you have the opportunity to interact with these eternal beings. Like I said, a co-heirs with, you know, they’re, co-heirs with Christ, but ask God those dangerous prayers, not only for your sin, but what kind of mission do you have for your life? Because I, some people step back and say, Hey Dean, I can’t fight evil. And you know, I can’t have revival in my time. Well, leave the big things to God. But what are the small things that you can do?

Dean Stinchfield (22:25):

You know, be that Edmund Burke to step up when there’s evil advancing, say, you know what? Not on my watch, not through my, the devil may come, but he’s not going to come through my area. I’m going to stop right here and realize that, you know, that God plus one is a majority have said it a couple of times. And if you are with the Holy Spirit and God wants to accomplish something in your life, you can’t fail. Christians should be the best risk takers take risks. And if God’s in it, all you really got to do is put your sail up and hang on because the Holy Spirit’s pushing it. You can’t lose. You’re in for one heck of a ride. And if God isn’t in it, then fail, fail often and fail early because who cares if you fail, get up and try it again. If God’s not in it, no matter how excellent you are, you can’t win anyway. So get over yourself. Fail more. Yes.

Jeff Zaugg (23:17):

My face is marred with the blood and sweat and tears. Uh, at least I will have dared greatly. I’m paraphrasing. I’ll put it in the show notes, the whole quote, but man, that man in the arena,

Dean Stinchfield (23:28):

Teddy Roosevelt, and don’t be the critic. Don’t be the critic for other guys. We’re trying something. Yep. Be a Barnabas. Be an encourager, you know, equip the guy next to you. And get some great friends. Every guy should have, you know, you know, a Paul that’s mentoring them. You should have Barnabas’s and Silas’s, and, and Tituses that you’re going on adventure with, and you should have Timothys that you’re pouring into. Yeah. So if you have those three key relationships that will challenge each other. That will speak truth. That will call you out. When you’re out of line. Like my buddy Frank did, you know, get some good men to yoke up with and then just go boldly, go boldly. Yeah.

Jeff Zaugg (24:08):

Yeah. That’s it courageously, boldly. Would you pray a prayer of courage over everyone listening?

Dean Stinchfield (24:13):

Yeah, absolutely. Heavenly father. We, we love you. We want more of you in our life. And I just pray for all of the fathers out there. I pray give them courage, give them strength to step into the breach in their family’s life and their kids’ lives and realize that it’s not them alone, because if they walk with God, they walk with resurrection power. And they should fear no evil, because when you have God with you, you can’t fail. So I’m counting on you. Dads out there. Uh, God’s plan is to build out his church and protect the culture through the, just the dads of the church. And God be with them. Be with me, be with this ministry. I pray a hedge of protection, spiritual protection over the ministry, and just be close to us. God, because we can’t do anything without you. Uh, just keep us close in Jesus name. Amen.