173 – Transcription

 

Pete Stanley [00:02:55] My name is Pete Stanley… My wife, Kasey and I have been married since 2013, and we have two kids right now, we have a 15 year old son whose name is Martez. We call him Tez, and he’s been in our home for about two years. We adopted him about two years ago. And we have a little baby girl. Her name is Tika, and she is almost nine months old. And so Casey and I together founded the Reel Hope Project, which is centered around foster care and adoption. And that was something that we had always kind of talked about doing, that adoption was always something that we had wanted to do even before we were even before we were married, when we were dating. We talked about we only ever want to adopt. And so but even still, you know, it took us like five or six years before we even started the adoption process. And we are super passionate about it. But I would say that Kasey has always been like really the gas pedal in our relationship. And I, I could never say that I’m the brake because you can’t slow her down. So I hope to be the steering wheel a little bit, you know, and she and she came home with this idea for what is now the Reel Hope Project,

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:04:03] What’s been a recent story that’s caused your your eyes to shine a little brighter, something that like whether it’s, you know, the driver’s ed with your son, you know, that season or whether it’s something with your little baby girl like any any stories like that. That was a moment where I just really loved the dad. Like any stories that come to mind?

 

Pete Stanley [00:04:20] Yeah, it’s it’s funny that you ask that, because I’ve I’ve been reflecting on that a lot because it seems like the moments that I really get excited about in terms of being a dad come after I’ve had to give a hard word to my son. And so we’ve had you know, he’s 15 and he’s terminally 15. You know, he is a freshman. And it’s like and he’s and he’s getting really comfortable with Kasey and I. And it’s so nice to have him be like like testing the boundaries, you know, like he feels safe enough with us that he can kind of push. And so we have had to have like and especially, you know, like with with online school and the post covid world and stuff like that. There’s all kinds of friction that comes with with him, with his school, with his work and screen time and all that stuff that comes with raising a teenager, you know, and and so he and I have had some some pretty hard moments of butting heads. And then it’s the times that I can go into his room afterward and say, sorry, it’s the times after that. I can go into his room and say, hey, I still love you. I’m still rooting for you that are just like, so beautiful, not like seeking out fights, but I always know that it’s like going to be so good, you know.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:05:28] So it’s connected. You’re saying that the moments of joy iand the shiny eyes are actually connected as often follow up moments? Yeah, absolutely. The more difficult moments.

 

Pete Stanley [00:05:35] Yeah, yeah. One hundred percent. And it’s also just beautiful to see the relationship that he has with my daughter Tika. Like they are just best friends. She knows when he’s coming down the stairs and she’ll like turn around. Big smile, just so excited like already laughing to see him and it’s so cool. They’re just like best of friends already. It’s so great.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:05:52] That’s incredible. Yeah. You wrote I can’t remember it was an article or part of your bio, but you said something about like this family is one of the most powerful forces on the planet. What do you mean by that?

 

Pete Stanley [00:06:05] I think I think that’s everything. I think I think you you learn how to operate as a human being, as a family. I my my world view is food-based. I love cooking. And so I would I would distill that further and say that you learned it around the dinner table and you can’t have a dinner table without family, without community. And I think that’s how you learn how to have disagreements, how you learn how to have arguments, how to learn how to take turns, to talk about your day and interact with other people. And and so I think that that is like that is sort of the the the the foundation for for all of these things that we’re trying to build, like all these beautiful things that we’re trying to build in the world, take root in healthy whole families.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:06:43] Heartbreak is often connected with deep, deep passion. And I know that your story you and Kasey have been exposed to, deep heartbreak around whether it was even on the front end of of exploring foster foster care, adoption of even family like misconceptions that could be could exist. Friends, family are thinking, hey, this is what that means and they’re… And then realizing the beauty connected with what’s often misperceived. And I’d love you to talk about what did you not know when you guys first got married, but yet it was on your hearts to adopt someday. What did you not know then that God has shown you over these years, that, you know, now that you like to share, it is helpful to share with other families who are praying or considering or dreaming about adoption.

 

Pete Stanley [00:07:27] The importance of a team, like people around you that that I never would have thought like I in my head, it was like, so Kasey and I are like doing all these all of these trainings and really kind of doing our homework. And we felt pretty settled. We felt like, OK, we’ve got this as much as as confident as you can be entering the adoptive world. Right. It’s a it’s a big, scary world no matter who you are. But we were reasonably confident going into it. But since our son has moved home, it has just become so important to me how necessary having a village of people around you is and we’ve got so many people that are like consistent that that will take him so we can go on date night. So that will bring him to play basketball or whatever. It’s like, you know, pick something like they just bend over backwards to be in his life. And it and it is just like I could not have imagined the importance of it. And I’m so glad that we were super intentional before adopting him to try to put this together. But it has just been so invaluable.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:08:25] Now is that a team of friends, that circle of close friends, are they are most of them adoptive parents as well, or is it a mix?

 

Pete Stanley [00:08:32] It’s it’s a good mix. Yeah. We’ve got I mean, it runs everywhere from like I mean, my brother will take them to play basketball. But then we also have some friends that are well into their 60s that have grown adopted kids that live out of the house. But that will take him for a weekend or he’ll even go like help them work. They’ve got a good chunk of land and he’ll even go help them work sometimes. And so it runs the gamut. Yeah, it’s super cool.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:08:58] So that’s one one area that you maybe you didn’t know what the level of importance and you know, now what are some other areas that you’re like, man, this is what God has shown us over these last five, six years.

 

Pete Stanley [00:09:07] Yeah. Just the and I think this is true of, you know, whether you have biological kids or you adopt kids, but definitely the the the friction that comes in your marriage once kids are on the scene. And certainly, like, I think as men, I’m all right. This is this is a editorializing a little bit. But I think as men, we have a lot of growing up to do in in society, you know, and I don’t think and I think that that knowledge comes pretty pointedly when you first get married, certainly, but never as in focus as when you become a dad. And so I had a lot of growing up to do. It’s hard for me to say because I put her on a pedestal. But even Kasey had a little growing up to do. But it’s like when and then adoption is is that and there’s even more on top of that, because especially in our case, like this is a fully formed person, like with his own experience, his personality, he came into our house at thirteen. You know, that’s like that’s the he’s he was an old kid. And and so it was it wasn’t it wasn’t just a baby who was the sort of like formula, formless lump of cute, you know, that has just potential. And so that added a whole different wrench into everything. And certainly like the the friction that my wife and I had, we had to be really, really intentional about about about overcoming that and about having those conversations. And I should say I because she is really good at that. And I really had to be intentional about that, too.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:10:32] Well, I want to I want to highlight something. The way you’re talking about your wife is something I admire from just we’ve spent a half hour together here. Pete is the way you you talk about her as as just like her, her leadership, her vision, her even the way you describe your heart, work it versus the heart work… I just feel like all of us as dads listening, we’re you know, we’re closing in on probably this will be released after Mother’s Day. But I’m thinking about Mother’s Day right now. Yes. Just a couple of weeks out. Yeah. I think all of us could learn from what you’re showing me right now, which is even a look in your eyes, which, you know, we’re not doing video today, so we’re just doing audio. But the way we speak about our wife and those dads listening that aren’t married yet, this will be a future, maybe a future season of your life that you can speak life over your wife. But I think we all. Did someone teach you that or is that something that’s been natural to you, to speak really highly and really affirming the way you talk about your way?

 

Pete Stanley [00:11:28] Yeah, yeah, good question. I think certainly there were elements of that teaching. I’ve had really good mentors throughout my life and certainly, like my my dad was was always very in love with my mom. Even after they were divorced, they were still great friends. And and so he was a good example to me. But also, like just the mentors in my life have been have been very healthy in their relationship, in their relationships with their spouse. But a lot of it has also just been a personal journey, noticing sort of the and I’m and I’m sensing a shift, a significant shift in in the way that just sort of men talk about their wives. But even noticing, like in in society, like the the the sort of sitcom dad trope is like just grated on me. And I just and even from a very, very young age, you know, like I knew that was. And that’s not how you talk about your wife. That’s not how you talk about your life partner. And so that was something that I that I yeah. So I had good examples and good mentors on one hand. But then also I was very intentional about sort of cultivating that within my own just my own outlook towards my my wife. Yeah. Yeah.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:12:36] I appreciate I appreciate that. And you said a moment ago that, you know, many of us men, you included, me included, still need to grow up.

 

Pete Stanley [00:12:44] Yeah.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:12:45] I’d like to go to that topic a little further because it’s I have very similar awareness. I’m seeing things in the last 48 hours. I’m like, where did that come from? And. What do you think a one like we were set up by our dads, we were set up culture has set us up to a degree, there’s a level of like permission I think our culture has given us to not step into manhood, maybe the way that culture was expected 200 years ago to step into. But what’s your take on why men? Why, you know, dads listening today, why we need to have a perspective of I still need to grow up.

 

Pete Stanley [00:13:18] Yes, right. This is like one of it’s a passion of mine. But I think I think a lot of it is. And actually, if I could just share like I at my home church, we have a group of guys that that gets to meet together. And we just did like this big this big day a couple of weeks ago. And it was rainy and we were playing ultimate Frisbee outside and we played football. And it was awesome that we came inside and they were like 20 or 30 guys there. And a lot of them are dads. And and just realizing that it we all carry these sort of father wounds because our fathers were imperfect. But I just felt this word from the Lord. And I would like to just speak that over any of the dads listening right now that, like the father wounds that you’re going to inflict on your children are already healed. Like God is, God has worked that out. And so that sort of gives me, that gave me, that gives us permission to dive in, head first to the relationship that we have with our kids. And so, first of all, I want to I want to kind of lead with that. But but I think we also there’s a lot of growing up that we have to do because I just think that there’s this sort of suspended adolescence that that that men experience. And I don’t know why. And I think some of it is like biological. I know that men certainly mature more slowly than women. But but also, I think there’s there’s been this sort of mentality of like men like like the especially the emotional problems that we as men experience should neither be seen or heard nor talked about, you know, and and that’s insane to me. Right. And and I’ve always thought of myself as like a very expressive, emotional person until my wife and I get into conflict. And then it’s like, oh, then I shut down that I’m like, you know, all that stuff. But yeah, so as far as why I I couldn’t really find the source and I think a lot of it is just that that sort of like and again, like I’m noticing a shift. But I but I think there’s still that idea that we kind of need to bottle and then bye by stuffing that down, then you can’t bring it out into the open and work on it, you know.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:15:23] Yeah. Yeah. You know, we mentioned a little bit in our conversation earlier, Fathers for the Fatherless, this one hundred mile bike ride that we we lead and we’re in five cities this year. The interesting thing is that I think dads are joining our team and dads are listening today that even maybe they aren’t joining the team. They’re going to be like a hundred miles. But they think of themselves, hey, I’m a father and I do care about the fatherless. I know. I know our heavenly father has a deep, deep passionate heart and love for the orphan. Yeah, but the the secret mission of fathers for the fatherless is to expose and help us realize that I, as a father am living fatherless and I can tap into this immense strength. And I mean the the promise that you just spoke over all of us like God, it wants to step into those areas and he wants to father us. And as soon as we realize we need a Heavenly Father and we accept and experience his [love] versus, take forward the wounds and the pain that maybe we were set up with or the baggage we picked up along the way, lies that we believed as soon as we realized it and step into being fathered, then not only can we can we help, you know, be a help with good and resourcing and prayer and support and volunteers to help the fatherless. But we also can stop that generational pass down our kids to tee them up so that they actually are not only we step in his father’s physical fathers, but then then they have a heart tapped into our Heavenly Father. So I know I’ve used a bunch of spins on Father and Heavenly Father and but I believe it’s so critical. And I think that’s part of why we’re connecting so well in this conversation is this passion for for dads not to operate and lead from a place of being fatherless. Right.

 

Pete Stanley [00:17:04] Right. Absolutely.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:17:05] So I want to go into specifically what it’s looked like for your family the last two years of just the man, your son joining your family and now this little nine month old daughter. And so talk a little more about what was unexpected and in what you’ve like. Oh, that was harder than I thought. Or this is like just talk about catch us up on your family. A little more on the change for you and your wife in the last couple of years.

 

Pete Stanley [00:17:29] For sure. For sure. Yeah. So we again, we had always talked about wanting to adopt and and one of the first unexpected things, which is how long it took us. And so I fully understand, like as someone who who I work for a nonprofit surrounding adoption, like I fully understand the the need to, like, take time to be ready. And I think we’re we were as ready as we could have possibly been to adopt. But all that being said, there, haven’t there certainly been our fair share of challenges in that, too. And so the most surprising thing for me was just how much undone heart work there was for me. And so having having Tez in our home has been amazing. And he and he is like this super bright, exuberant, like fun kid who is just like super full of energy. And he’s just like he he really can kind of draw the room like he he is he’s just super exciting to be around. So he is a great kid. But having him in our home dredged up a lot of stuff in me that I thought was pretty, pretty well buried. But it turned out to be the sort of pet cemetery buried where it came back alive and like a much worse way. Oh, no, but yeah, but but certainly like the the own like my own father wounds and stuff and the stuff that I never dealt with surrounding like my parents divorce or, or my mom’s remarriage or or even like my dad died in 2009. And they’re certainly like there’s grief and there’s stuff there that that I think, you know, you always will be dealing with in in different capacities. And so I started the I mean, they recommend like as you’re adopting the they they asked that you set up a therapist for for your kid. And so we did. And it was and it was great. But then it really quickly we came to see that like, OK, I need to do this. And so I jumped in on on therapy for myself. And so I’ve been doing that since about since he moved home. And I just I love it. I think everyone should be in therapy. I think there’s there’s there’s just something that like another party about having another party help you help walk you through your own story. That is so helpful. And so that was just extreme for me. Like, I, I did not expect that. And it has been incredibly difficult for me internally, like, really, really tough. Just these things that that I have been dealing with. But but. Now, like two years down, two years after having started therapy, these strategies and these things that we’ve been working on are finally taking root. And I’m like and I have these these this equipment now to deal with all of this stuff when it comes up. And so that was the biggest surprise for me. And I’m still working through it. And and it’s definitely a work in progress, but it has been like just so great.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:20:28] Well, and the guys that can’t see this, but I’m like I’m fist pumping right now because I believe so strongly in therapy. And a Christian counselor and someone who’s been trained to help navigate and a friend circle, mentor circle, a church, pastors in your life, all these things are positive. Yeah. But when you actually spend money and meet one on one with a with a therapist, with a Christian counselor, like the the payback, like we want to we want to invest in the right spots that have the most, most multiplying impact forward for our lives. Like let’s say we each have another 40, 50 years, like the money that you’re spending in the time you’re spending and the that your heart, the what do they call it or the risk that you’re taking of putting yourself out there? Yeah, it has an amazing compounded return habits. And you’re already experienced in the first two years that we do, we champion seeing a counselor and a therapist. But as we’ve talked about in a while on the podcast, so thank you for bringing it up and being courageous because it takes courage. Oh, for sure. And then it takes other people sharing and normalizing it.

 

Pete Stanley [00:21:26] Yeah. And that’s been the problem is like it’s just so there’s such there’s such a stigma around it still. And I again, like, I think like our generation and younger, like there’s almost this from some some of the people that I talked to. There is this celebratory atmosphere now around therapy where it’s like, oh, you’re in therapy, I’m in therapy. Yeah, but that hasn’t been the case. You know, that’s really recent. And so it’s super exciting to see people get passionate about mental health because before that it was like, oh, I don’t want to talk about that. I don’t want to be in therapy. There’s this taboo. And but now I think there’s such a shift on the way. It’s so great.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:22:02] Yeah, I’m thankful. And I want to move us into talking more about the Reel Hope Project and talking about foster care and adoption. And so we’re going to actually, in a moment go into like practical like what are things tips for dads who are exploring this journey. And what I don’t want is someone to turn off this podcast because we’re like, that’s not for me, because I believe it’s for all of us, our hearts to be connected with adoption. We have a we have a God in heaven who has adopted us. And we will have friends. We will have family members. We will have church that that embrace and are directly a part of. So we are a part of the wraparound team to some degree. So, yeah. So it’s benefits all of us and others, some people listening who are going to be surprised, like God will nudge you to explore further. And so let’s talk about the Real Hope Project, what you guys do specifically, and that will pan out further into talking about in general foster adoption.

 

Pete Stanley [00:22:53] Love it. That’s great. Yeah. So we founded the Reel Hope Project about four years ago. And when I say we, I really mean my wife because she’s you know, she’s the driving force behind everything that we do. And so I got to help her as much as I could. But she she really, like, spent the first year working like crazy, trying to get into counties and agencies and churches and stuff to to get this started. But what we do is we make short two and three minute super high quality videos of kids who are in the Minnesota foster care system who are waiting to be adopted. And so we bring those videos around to churches and communities and try to find people who will start thinking and praying about adopting. And it’s been a super cool journey. And it’s and it’s certainly been difficult because, you know, the foster care and adoption of an adoptive world is so highly confidential and fraught with with with with sadness and stuff like that. And we want to change that narrative, too. And so we we we work with kids who need to be adopted. Obviously, the goal of foster care is reunification with with the family. And there are some thousands of kids in regular foster care at any given point, at any given day in Minnesota. But there are about a thousand kids out of that who have to be adopted. They can’t go home. They don’t have family waiting for them. And so those are the kids that we work with. Yeah.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:24:17] So and just so everyone listening knows, when you say Reel Hope Project is R-E-E-L like a film, reel, Reel Hope. And what I and I have watched handfuls of these incredible reels. And what I see when you say like when the word hope is in your name, but immense hope, an immense celebration of of the identity and the life of this this son or daughter of God. But but future the mission and goal is that they would have a forever home and be a son or daughter here on Earth as well as have a Heavenly Father. And so so I love your mission. Immediately, like the level that I resonated with because of, again, intentional fatherhood being a ministry area. But then also this mission of Fathers for the Fatherless and how can we help fuel, so as you’ve gotten this going, though, your journey of praying about adopting was parallel with helping other people adopt. Yeah, talk about that, that overlap of as you’re helping others, you guys are prayerfully saying God is one of these boys or girls going to be are we going to be their forever?

 

Pete Stanley [00:25:21] Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was really interesting how it all kind of shook out, actually, because my Casey actually met our son on his shoot, which was super cool. But so, yeah. So for the first two years of Reel Hope, we were sharing at churches talking about how everyone needs to adopt and we hadn’t yet adopted. And so there was a little bit of like a disconnect there, certainly. But but our experience going through the foster-to-adopt process has been super helpful in being able to, like, encourage others and like break break off misconceptions and help break some myths and stuff. But yeah, so so like two years ago, adopting our son, he’s 13. It’s like this is that now we’re in it. Right. Like I’ve been I’ve been sharing it churches and telling everyone, like all you need to adopt. But now this is like really happening. And so there’s a there’s a big difference between, like, the sort of the training that you get beforehand and hearing all the stories and stuff like that. And and even if even if you do see a Reel you know, like I think that’s a game changer in terms of like the story that is told around a particular kid who needs to be adopted. But even when you get all of that stuff, that’s that’s so much different from actually having them in your home, you know, and so that certainly lended a lot more certainly like credibility to my role, but also like this sort of rooting in reality and which is really nice.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:26:52] Yeah. And there’s there’s a really tangible side of knowing state of Minnesota. And of course, we have listeners in many, many other states. But in Minnesota, about a thousand kids that do not have an aunt, uncle, grandparent, someone that’s waiting that could like other foster kids that are waiting to take them back home, that we in this case are in desperate need of a forever home. They have no the pathway to a forever home without being found. Right. And that’s what you’re doing. Reel Hope Project is helping them be found in celebrating their life through a short, short, reel. Yeah. How, when you think misconceptions. What are some of those that you’re trying to bring down by sharing their stories and sharing the hope that just just I just I’m captivated by the reels you’ve created because, again, it’s it’s celebration. It’s not sadness. It’s celebration. But what are some of the misconceptions?

 

Pete Stanley [00:27:51] For sure that I mean, the biggest one is that it’s too expensive. If you’re if you’re adopting out of foster care in Minnesota, depending on the avenue that you take, it can be virtually free. And so we at Reel Hope, we try to put people on the right path, if that’s something that’s holding them back, because obviously, yeah, like infant or international adoption can be in the tens of thousands, you know. But but local adoption is is I think the only thing that we didn’t get reimbursed for was like our fingerprinting for whatever reason. No idea. And then another another myth is that people people would say to us, like, oh, I would love to adopt from foster care, but these kids are bad. And that’s and that’s not true. The kids don’t get put into foster care because they’re bad. They’re they’re in foster care because someone important in their life didn’t didn’t do something that they needed to do for them. So that’s that’s absolutely untrue. It’s certainly challenging. You know, like raising any kid is a challenge, but it’s but it’s not like it’s it’s a. It’s going to be different, but it’s not going to be any more or less challenging, I would say, than raising your own kid, your own biological kid. And then another the most common one that we hear, the most common myth that we hear is, is that and again, that’s because this is because we’re sharing at churches a lot. And but people will always say, like, oh, I’d love to adopt, but I’m too old. And no, that’s that’s totally false. And I mean, we know couples that are well into their 70s that have adopted because it’s like if you adopt a kid that’s 16, 17 years old, a family doesn’t end when they’re 18. Family is forever. So you’re going to you’re going to help them, like, finish high school. You’re going to help them apply for college, for their apartment somewhere to call home on holidays, somewhere to, you know, to plant their feet. So it’s like it’s not it’s not necessarily like you’re raising these kids from infancy all the time. So and oftentimes, like, people who are who are older are better fits, you know, like they have the wisdom, they have the maturity, they have the experience to to be able to tackle the challenges, the unique challenges that come with adopting. Yeah, yeah.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:30:00] It’s really helpful. Really helpful. Thank you for just dropping. I know there’s more, but just a few of these specific misconceptions. Now, tangibly, how many how many reels roughly have you guys created? How many kids’ stories have you told.

 

Pete Stanley [00:30:14] Yeah. Yeah, good question. We’ve done the most current numbers are we have 186 reels for 228 kids, ok. And of those 109 of them have been matched with families which is amazing. We are so excited about that.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:30:31] And this is 109 forever families, and we’re not talking about a family to help for three years till they graduate from high school. These are forever families that are saying you’re mine, I’m yours. And that is remarkable. And we celebrate and are so thankful with you guys for just how many years is your four years? About five years, yeah. So and there are some people listening that are like, man, I want to just go, I want to learn more. So I’m going to have your website. We’re going to link it on all of our show notes, your website. You can say it right now. This we know though. What’s the website.

 

Pete Stanley [00:30:59] Yeah, thereelhopeproject.org. Perfect. And all of our reels are up there. They’re just like a just disclaimer. You know, don’t go in watching those reels, thinking that thinking that you’re going to be able to to to say, no, I no,

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:31:14] It’s it’s just that could change your life if it really could change your life. And I don’t believe that it’s us listening. It’s like we get to change somebody else’s life. I think God uses a child. He absolutely is uses my kids using your kids to change our lives, although it’s been changed. Yeah. So we we’re going to send our listeners to come learn more to look about learning, getting to explore, becoming foster parents, adopting potentially being a forever home. So we’re cheering for you guys. We’re so thankful for the work that you’re doing. And again, if you’re listening in other states still jump on the website, learn about what’s happening, and then you can search and find locally. In fact, I just found an amazing organization in in Fort Collins, Colorado that’s doing amazing work in the same space that you can find if you look for. But there’s something very unique and special about what God has used your organization, you and your wife and your team. So thank you for the work. What would you say if it was just going to end with kind of like, hey, these are some some tips, some not best practices, but like, here’s a little wisdom. Just pass on some wisdom to, again, the dad who’s just like, yeah, but they’ve got some some doubts in their mind right now. And he just like as they’re exploring next steps towards adoption, foster care, any, any just like a little bits of wisdom you’d pass on as we had for sure.

 

Pete Stanley [00:32:29] Yeah. I certainly like my role within the Reel Hope Project is I get to share at churches every Sunday and talk about what we do and introduce like, you know, the reels like show the reels to the to the congregation, stuff like that. And I totally realize the irony of rolling in for like ten minutes on a Sunday morning and being like you all should adopt. When my wife and I were so passionate about it and it still took us five years before we felt like we were ready. So I would say, like my biggest encouragement in this is to just be open. Like don’t don’t necessarily like should yourself to death, like, oh, I should be doing this. I should be doing that, you know, and that’s I mean, that’s advice for all of life. But but within this, it’s like you you do have to, like, be ready. But also but also stay open, you know, and so I think, like as I talked to to people who like, say, come to our table and want to jump in or don’t know what to do next or whatever, I would always recommend, like there’s a there’s a book called The Connected Child by a by a doctor named Karen Pervis. That’s a phenomenal resource. And she actually is no longer with us, but hosted a conference called Empowered to Connect. And it’s just like that’s the best thing that we did. And so if there are hiccups and hang ups towards like as you think about adoption or things like that, that’s fine. Like sit in that and then just sort of like let yourself take the time to work through that and let God poke at your heart. Because I would I would offer up a challenge that I heard one pastor say, like, I think we are all called to adopt and you need to feel a specific call not to. And I understand that that’s high challenge. But but I think that, like, we’re all called to be a part of this in some way, you know, and and so. Do do yourself and your your family, your wife, your kids, your future kids a favor and make sure that that you take the time you need because you don’t need to rush it, you know?

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:34:34] Yeah, yeah. It’s a I love that you said it’s a really it’s an orientation to, a heart openness to I’m open to this process and we don’t know how long. We don’t know. But it’s a it’s a choosing to be connected and involved versus a this is not for me. Yeah. But we know that voice is not from our Heavenly Father, that this is not for me in around adoption, around caring for kids that don’t have families. Thank you for your work. I’d love to invite you, Pete, just to pray for all of us listening and both around just even the themes you spoke earlier about, like, man, that we could step into receiving love and being fathered, but then also this journey in this process that God would nudge us if there’s a specific next step, so would you pray for us?

 

Pete Stanley [00:35:20] Father, God, thank you so much that you are the the example to us as dads. Thank you. That we have a perfect father that we can always look to. And God, just thank you that that you want to guide us. Yeah. So I just pray for all the dads listening, first of all, that you would just infuse them with encouragement and just just a sense of of you’re doing the right thing, Dad. And yeah. And then I also specifically pray for for people who are considering adoption and foster care. God that you would. Yeah. That you would speak clearly and loudly. Towards the next steps for this, because this is important and I just pray for the kids that are waiting, the kids that will that will meet their families through this God. And I just thank you for that in advance. And and God, I also just pray for the hearts of the fathers who are listening God, that there would be an openness to to to healing and openness, to good communication and and even and even over like things like therapy and stuff like that. God, I just pray just an excitement and an openness towards that and just towards healthy hearts in all of this. And so, God, just thank you for for the gift that fatherhood is. Thank you for the challenges and for the fun that it brings. And God just think that we get to walk through this with you. We love you in Jesus name. Amen.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:36:55] Gentlemen, thank you so much for joining us for episode one hundred and seventy three with Pete Stanly. All of the conversation notes, the action steps and the transcripts are going to be at DadAWESOME Duggie one seven three. I want to remind you guys that tomorrow, May 14th, is the early registration deadline for fathers for the fatherless here in the Twin Cities are going to want to go to F number four, letter F dat bike after bike for fathers for the fatherless. And I would love to have you join us. Or if you’re in one of the other cities, if you happen to be in Colorado on the front range there, just north of Denver, or if you’re in Philadelphia, New York or in Arizona, in Scottsdale, Phenix area, join us. We’d love to have you join us in bike 100 Miles for the fatherless. Our vision and goal. And what we’re praying for is that we’d raise one million dollars this year between these five cities for the fatherless. And again, one of the local organizations is the real hope project that you learned about today. So, guys, thank you for being a part of today’s episode. Thank you for coming in and learning and prayed about such an important area of foster adoption. And guys, I’m praying that you will add some life to the dead life this week.