Episode 190 Transcript (Dr. Greg Bourgond)

 

 

Dr. Greg Bourgond [00:00:02] Too many guys are like ships tied to a pier, spend all of their life polishing the brass, ships are not made to be tied to the pier, get the ship underway and God will take you to destinations you’ve never been. He’ll take you to risings you’ve never seen. He’ll have you traverse valleys you’ve never imagined. And God will give you a completely different view of his world and his world.

 

Podcast Intro [00:00:28]  You you get that exact point that I welcome to DadAWESOME. You joined a movement of intentional Christian dads who are adding life to the dads life. Thanks for taking a courageous step towards learning and growing and being mentored as you become DadAWESOME for your kids. On this podcast, my dad gets the job interviews intentional dads from all around the world as he explores the path of becoming DadAWESOME.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:01:04] This is Episode 190 of DadAWESOME, and my name is Jeff Zogu, and I’m so thankful that you guys are taking some time to listen. Want to give you an update so back a few weeks ago, August twenty eight, was our kickoff event for Fathers for the fatherless. We had about one hundred and eighty five dads who rode their bikes 100 miles and as of the time of this recording were about twelve thousand dollars away from hitting our two hundred and fifty thousand dollar goal of fundraising for the fatherless. So a quarter million dollars likely witness drops. We will have already hit that quarter million dollars raised for organizations ministries who directly serve the fatherless half stays local, half goes global through our partner venture. I just wanted to celebrate with you guys, want to celebrate safety of all the dads that road celebrate that we got to be a part of something together as dads on a mission. That’s why we do this, where we’re centering, we’re gathering. We’re saying, no, let’s not stay where we’re at. Let’s take action and do hard things in this case for the fatherless. And that makes us more intentional dads on the home front for our kids. So. So thanks for cheering as long. Thanks for praying for us. And there is a link in the show notes. If you want to help, give it. You want to help push us over that quarter million dollar mark for fundraising. Man, we’d be glad to have you join us. My family is about to hit the road to go to the other four cities. So we’re traveling in an RV and we’re hosting four more of these bike rides across the country to raise, again, awareness to to unify dads around this mission of helping the fatherless and also, you know, a rally cry about being intentional dads. So so DadAWESOME resources are being spread as we are hosting these rides. Fathers for the fatherless. So so today, though, episode one hundred and ninety. We are so thankful to have Dr. B, Dr. Greg Bogi joining us. I recorded this like three months ago. And once in a while you have a great conversation. And then just because the nature of other lineups and different themes we were we were sharing on the podcast, this one was on the shelf for a few months. And I am so thankful to get to share today’s episode, episode one one hundred and ninety A, Dr. B that he is the president and founder of Heart of a Warrior Ministries. It’ll all be linked in the show notes. But he has been married for about 50 years. I think it’s forty nine years right now. He’s been married to him and his wife. They often about once a year take an extended trip to the UK and he just got back from that trip and he’s got several books out, so many great resources on his website. But I was just thankful. This is one of those conversations. I sat in his basement, sat in his office, and when I was done with the conversation, I’d only asked him three questions. He would. This is a firehose of wisdom and his passion for activating dads to live purposefully. You’re going to you’re going to wish you were pause and taking notes. But we provide show notes and transcripts for that purpose. So. So buckle up. Let’s jump right in. This is my conversation. Episode one hundred and ninety with Dr Greg Borgeaud. Taking time to connect with me,

 

Dr. Greg Bourgond [00:04:12] it’s good to be with you.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:04:13] I’ve had so many friends say, hey, get some time with doctor B, but you’ve got to connect and learn. I know you’ve just spent so much of the past four decades investing in men’s ministry, going after the hearts of men. And I thought just as a set up question, learning from 29 years of active and reserve duty in the U.S. Navy, just knowing about the military, the Navy specifically around just insights and leadership and management. Are there any dad life principles? You’re like, man, I learned this from those twenty nine years, but many effects. It can be applied to the life of fathers as we approach the dad life. Any any just takeaways or parallels?

 

Dr. Greg Bourgond [00:04:50] Well, it actually begins with the birth of my daughter. Debbie and I had suffered through four miscarriages, lost four babies, and I grew up in a Roman Catholic home, but didn’t have a personal relationship with Christ. So just before I left for Vietnam, my wife became pregnant and I went to Vietnam, shaking my little fist in the face of God, thinking he was going to take this child to seven and a half months later, off the coast of Brazil, I got a radio message. I had a baby girl. We pulled into Puerto Rico to refuel. The captain released me. I flew into Miami. Debbie was in the hospital in South Miami. Still, she had no clue I was coming in. I rented a car, went to South Miami, to the hospital, went up to the third floor just as they were carrying our daughter out. And I stopped the nurse, my wife was shocked, she saw me from her bed and I said, I want to hold my child. And interestingly enough, when Debbie and I got married, we’ve been married 52 years. But when we got married in 69, this Presbyterian minister gave us a Bible. And, you know, as a Roman Catholic during that period, I never read the Bible, but I was always curious. So I opened the tissue up, pulled out the Bible, and for the next three weeks, read about three quarters of them, put it back in the box. So I’m living proof that God’s word does not return void, because when I came back six months later after Monique was born, we were in Key West, Florida. I was going to a military school and my wife had dragged me to a Baptist church twice. I didn’t think I needed it. I belong to the privileged class. I thought I was already there. But I walked into my daughter’s bedroom late at night and it was quiet and she was sound asleep and I was thinking about what a beautiful child, what a beautiful gift she was because we knew we couldn’t have any more children. In this phrase, kept going through my mind, Jeff, my gifts are meant to lead you to repentance. It wasn’t an audible voice, just this phrase. And I didn’t realize it was in Romans Chapter two or four. And immediately I understood the gospel. I denied when Debby dragged me to the church, this Baptist church twice, and I understood that Jesus was God’s gift. I dropped to my knees, gave my heart, body and soul in front of that crib and Monique’s sound asleep and God changed me. At that very moment, God placed men on my heart. I knew even as a brand new baby in Christ that if I got to the heart of man, I’d get to the heart of the family. So I didn’t know any better. I decided to start a Bible study with all the guys that were in my twenty six maintenance classes, started with three, ended up with 17. All of them came to Christ and I taught I had no idea. I taught the Book of Revelation as a brand new Christian, late, great planet Earth of all things. And somehow God used that. But then I disciple men over and over and over and over again over time because I knew, you know, it wasn’t until recently, I’d say within the last ten years that I came to a conclusion how God wires men cause to die for a challenge to embrace and loved ones to protect. But the residuals of that I understood. So I knew every time that I engaged a man, if I got to him passionately, if somehow I got to him viscerally, there was transformational change that would take place. It wasn’t a matter of cobbling together significant doctrinal truths, although that that’s important. It had more to do with stirring the kindling wood in their soul, because having them recognize, first of all, that they’re not a mistake, they’re not a happenstance and not a coincidence. They were on the heart of God before they ever came to be that God superintended their formation in a mother’s womb. They knew he knew them before they ever were. He set the number of days they’d walk the earth, but also importantly in Ephesians 2:10 it says that God prepared in advance a unique purpose for every man’s life. And that stunned me when I came across that passage. And so I thought, if I can connect a man to his purpose. And see how God has wired him and then to give him the courage to lean into his fear and leverage that wiring, he’ll accomplish great things for the kingdom. Yeah. So I started to put together the pieces of what began fundamentally ultimately began and became part of a ministries. So as years passed in the military, I got out in 1980, I was in eight senior chief selectees and then in 84 I was commissioned as a naval intelligence officer. So I started working my way up from the ground up and the officer ranks and retired in 2000 as a lieutenant commander. But all during that time, I’m investing in men and pouring into their life, stirring their soul. And I recognize that men want to hear truth. They may start off at level one conversation. But what they really want to get to is level three. But they don’t know how to get there. And it’s it’s not a one of the things that a man needs to understand is that Jesus is not meek and mild Clark Kent, he is the lion of Judah. And introducing him to the real man of who Jesus is and then helping them come to clarity about what a real man of God is. I mean, I think it was Robert Lewis who coined the definition of authentic manhood is to reject passivity, accept responsibility, lead courageously and wait on God’s reward. Wow. And then when you go ahead and couple that with a cause to die for, a challenge to embrace and loved ones to protect, there’s something that stirs in a man because men are different than women for crying out loud. David Morrow published the book Why Men Hate to Go to Church. And in it he juxtapose men and women. And it seems that our society today wants to feminize men and make women more masculine. They want to make men softer and women harder. And they don’t understand the distinct differences that God wove into the heart of every man. That most men are risk takers. Men want a cause. They want to be challenged. They have a natural instinct to protect others. So I just kept playing off of those and working with men. But I was missing something because when men were getting it and in a lot of men, I mean, they’ll turn a corner, but you can only turn Four Corners before you’re back in the same place. And so they’re constantly turning corners. And so what I would do is turn up the heat. You got to be more focused. You got to be more disciplined. You have to be more committed. And and some of them responded, but some of them did not. So calendar jumps ahead. It’s nineteen ninety one. I’m an executive pastor of a megachurch in Southern California, and I was always an observer. You know, I can be in the middle, but I prefer the peripheral because I’m constantly connecting the dots. I’m constantly trying to understand the dynamics that are going on. So after the course of six months being the EP there, I notice that certain men, young men, we’re not getting into leadership roles. And so I went to to the senior pastor, Dr Jerry Shevlin. I said, Jerry, I want to ask you to give me a mandate. I said, the only way that young men get into leadership roles is by surviving the gantlet of service. They get dumped into this transparent cauldron called leadership. And because they’re a proven entity, we use them over and over again. The only way to get out of that culture is to die, have a moral lapse or leave. And I said, I want you to give me a mandate to go out into the congregation and find young men. Let me put them under my wing and train them and then give me the authority to put them into positions of responsibility when I’m done with them. Yeah. So he gave me that mandate. I interviewed thirty three men. I accepted only thirteen. I didn’t really care what they said to me in the interview process because I knew God could change their beliefs. What I was looking for was their body posture, their demeanor, their attitude. If they leaned back in their chair with folded arms, they were out. That’s right. Because I’d spend all my time trying to convince them they needed to do what I knew they needed to do. So I was looking for men that lean forward, how to sparkle in their eye that were excited about the possible journey. And that’s why it started with thirteen and ended up over the next couple of years to grow to about forty men, doctors, lawyers, Navy pilots, roofing contractors. But it was during that process. I don’t know if this has ever happened to you, Jeff. When you’re reading Scripture, one passage jumps out larger than life. And I must have read this passage in Proverbs over and over again. But for some reason at that moment, back then, it just jumped out to me and. He says, above all else, guard your heart for froma becomes the wellspring of your life. And what I drew from that is OK, it says above all else, that means make it the highest priority. Guard me, be vigilant, stand your watch on the wall, never turn your back on the enemy. And what are you to guard your heart? And so I looked up the word in a in a lexicon and the word heart, I found it was over 800 times referenced in the Bible and I thought to myself, if God is referencing the heart that many times, he must be trying to tell us something. Yeah. So I started doing my research. And I came to realize that whatever is stored in your heart will manifest itself in overt behavior that either bring glory and honor to God or dishonor and shame. So as I studied it, I found out what the Bible meant by the heart, central police, core values worldview and is your central beliefs. Establish your values, your values, inform the world, view your world view conditions, your motives, your motives, energize your behavior and your behavior will always reflect the health of your heart. So the enemy’s ploy is to get men on the wrong battlefield, which is sanctified behavior modification. They may have for a period of time, some degree of success, but it isn’t lasting because they’re on the wrong battlefield that the enemy always knew it was the heart. There’s a reason why God said to Samuel when he came to anoint the king in the first the next king of Israel, that Eliab, the first of the eight sons, was prayed in front of them, had the all the accouterments of kingship at height, which I’ve always felt was overrated there. But what God is, stop Samuel right there. To Samuel men look at appearances. I’ve always looked at the heart. So I started working on those issues with these men. These forty men started focusing on their central beliefs, their core values in the world. Because what I found out that men have an ability, especially in Western culture, to proclaim a belief system that bears little correlation with how they behave. There’s an inconsistency and incongruity and incoherence, but how they behave over time will give you an insight into what they truly believe at the core of their being. So you have to change that fundamental belief pattern because everything flows from what you believe and values are the filter through which you process life decisions. There’s a Hils, you’re prepared to die on the principles you intend to live by. And the decisions that we make are always processed through the values we hold, even if we can’t articulate them. And if we decide if we don’t make a conscious decision or proactive decision of the values we intend to live by, some days we make decisions that are laudable and honorable, and other days we make decisions that are despicable. And they come from the same heart. That’s because in the heart there’s incongruity, because there’s influences the world, the flesh and the devil or God. And so a man has to make a decision who’s going to sit on the throne of authority over what he believes, what he values, what he understands in terms of how God sees the world, his perceptual attitudes about life and what motivates him when those align, when you tune your heart to the heart of God. All of a sudden, the behavior starts to change. Yes, and so my whole ministry has been wrapped around investing in men’s hearts and I’m not talking about the warm, little fuzzy organ. I’m talking about the heart after God, what it takes to be a man after God’s heart.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:17:55] I am so thankful to hear about the miracle birth of your daughter and how it coincided your your fatherhood journey and your journey with your heavenly Father.

 

Dr. Greg Bourgond [00:18:05] Well, here’s here’s something for fathers if they’re listening. I told you that we had lost four babies and I knew that I would see them ultimately again. But my daughter had birthed four grandsons, four sons, and she stood in my living room after the birth of her fourth son. And quoted an Old Testament passage, said what the locusts have taken, Dad, God has restored. In my in these four boys, my grandsons and so I’ve been a strategic father to them through a set of difficult circumstances, we ended up raising our grandsons, four of them in our home. And I knew that God was calling me to be a strategic father in their life, not to be an absent father, not to be an emotional father, but to be a strategic father to them. So I gave them each values. Braden was my strength and honor, boy, you know, Kieran was my courage and valor. Boy, girl and my goodness and integrity boy. Lochlan My truth and wisdom boy. And so that’s how we would always greet each other. Yes. As there were growing up. And now Braden is twenty three. He’s welding for a corporation. To this day I was just on the phone with him yesterday where he always closes Strength and honor, Papa. I said strength and honor son. Gaelen, who’s living in our home still. He’s he’s a he’s a park patrol agent and he’s going to university in Northwestern studying criminal justice to be a policeman of all things at this day and age. And you just yesterday, the last thing he said to me is goodness and integrity, papà. Now, at first when I gave these boys these values, it was just a kind of a unique way their grandfather, papa, would greet them because nobody else they’d ever heard did anything like that. But I was always looking, and this is good for men who may be listening. I was always looking for a moment to drive the point home. So Braiden, at that time, the oldest of the four boys was going to the Child Development Center on Bethel campus is not there anymore. But before you go to first grade, you know, it’s it’s been even before kindergarten, I get a phone call from Ellen, the director says, I need to talk to you about your grandson. Now, guys, is you’re listening the first thing. What what do you think if somebody calls you and says that trouble quiddity coldcocked on the playground or something like that? So with some fear and trepidation, I go to meet with her and she brings me into her office and closes the door. Second bad sign, he must have really hurt somebody or something. She says, I witnessed something pretty unique. On the playground today, your grandson, Braden, is very popular. Everybody loves to play with him. But he noticed that they weren’t playing with this little girl, so he stood up in front of his friends and said, I won’t play with you until you play with her. I was all puffed up in front of our eyes. That’s what this country really got into the car. Or this was the teachable moment. I got into the car. We’re driving home and I’m looking in the rearview mirror, says, tell me what happened at school today, Brandon. So he told me everything except what happened on the playground. Typical, typical boys playground, Braiden Playground. So he told me, I said, Brain, how does papa greet you? It’s says Strength and honor, how do you greet Papa back? Strength and honor. I Said Son, what you did on the playground today took strength and you did the honorable thing. Yeah, and it clicked for him, called it out. And so that’s happened with all four of my grandsons. And now they’re all in their, one’s just finishing graduated from high school, but they’re all, you know, in their late teens, early 20s. And to this day, we greet each other the same way. And so that’s important because what they were always looking at, Jeff, and what it will always be the case in Western culture, nobody really cares what you had to say, until they observe how you live. And if you try to live a life of integrity and honor under God’s authority, people ultimately want to hear what you have to say, even if they disagree with you. Why? Because they can’t get past a life well lived. Yeah, they can deconstruct your faith proclamation. They can argue with your beliefs. But what they can’t argue with as a life well lived. So living man in bold relief. And that doesn’t mean you’re a saint. You’re going to have failure. But living intentionally in the same direction over an extended period of time will have a greater impact on your children than anything you could possibly say. The only time they’re going to remember what you said is when they’re into adulthood and they’re raising their family again because there’s a kind of like a muscle memory, but it’s a brain memory. They’ll attach the values that you gave them and how you lived them out with what it means today.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:23:27] Yeah, I think your perspective of having two rounds of strategic parenting, their strategy, I’m sure use is raising your daughter with another round of strategic parenting with your four grandsons as

 

Dr. Greg Bourgond [00:23:40] something we didn’t plan.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:23:42] Fully. But it’s a unique perspective, having two rounds of parenting. When you look at those two rounds, are there things that you were able to do, like the perhaps it’s the speaking blessings and identity over your grandsons with actual specific characteristics. Maybe it’s that maybe it’s other things that you wish you would have done in the first round of strategic parenting with your daughter that you got to do in the second round.

 

Dr. Greg Bourgond [00:24:03] Yeah you know, the first round of parenting our daughter, I was pretty strict and pretty focused. You know, I was pretty black and white and I was a follower of Christ, obviously, my daughter God used to bring me into the kingdom, but I was very, very strict. And what I learned over the course of time is that sometimes God called you to be a sage on the stage. In other times, he wants you to be a guide by the side. And I understood that parenting needed to be situational. That you needed to change your leadership style with the confidence and the competence being demonstrated by that child in whatever task you give them. For instance, if they lack competence and lack confidence in a task that you give them because they’ve never done it before. Then you need to be a sage on the stage and say, son or daughter, here’s how it’s done step by step, and you need to give them direction. Now as they start to gain more confidence but still lack confidence, you shift from being a director, still a sage on the stage, but being a coach, you’re not playing the game for them, but you’re giving them directions on how to play the game. When they start to gain some degree of competence and confidence that’s when you switch  form being a sage on a stage, to being a guide by the side and you become a partner. Yeah. Where you work alongside of them. And then finally, when they demonstrate some degree of competence and some degree of confidence. You seek being a partner and you become a mentor and you simply answer questions that they’re asking, one of the biggest problems that we have raising children, I think, is many of us are answering questions, they’re not asking. I learned this a long time ago that there, and it’s probably too simplistic, Jeff, to think of it this way, but people are essentially either, that are not followers of Christ and even some who are followers of Christ, either a skeptic or a cynic. Yeah. And so a skeptic has a threshold that once it’s reached, they’ll seriously consider the claims that are being proclaimed to them and consider whether or not they’ll embrace them. So they’re malleable. A cynic believes they have all the answers and don’t need your input. So how do you deal with them, in a scene with our children men, is that if your child is a skeptic, simply answer the questions they’re asking. If they’re cynics, simply question the answers they’re giving me. My father was a combination of both. Just before his death, he lived on Sugar Island in this cabin. And I had read Greg Boyd’s book, Letters to a Skeptic. And I thought, well, that’s a kind of a neat method to engage somebody you love. And it’s so I wrote an email to my dad and I said, I’ve been a Christian for 20 some years. Dad never had an opportunity to share with you why. But here, why don’t we engage and just asking questions and in just answering those questions. So we started this dialog. So now I’m in his cabin just before his death. And keep in mind, he’s a skeptic, but probably more of a cynic. Yeah. So he still starts to spout off all of these beliefs about other planets and other gods. And and I said to him, Dad, how does that relate to what you said two minutes ago about this issue? So I’m questioning the answers he’s given. But with respect. And so he continues to spot off and then, Jeff, in the middle of the conversation, he looks out through his picture window as if I’m not there and says to himself, well, that sounded stupid, didn’t it? All I did was question the answers he was giving. So then again, as your child grows and especially if they go through a public school system nowadays, they’re going to have periods of skepticism and cynicism. But you need to understand, you need to adopt your leadership style, not just about competence and confidence in any given task, but to know that your child will go through a series or an era of skepticism or maybe even cynicism. So if they’re in that period of skepticism, you simply answer the question they’re asking and no more. Trouble with most young Christians or even older Christians, as soon as the door is open with a nonbeliever, they regurgitate everything they know and all they leave is a stench. And I wonder why that person doesn’t want to talk to them again. But if you simply answer the question they’re asking. Chances are the spirit of God will stir their soul because her convicts the world of sin, righteousness and judgment. They’ll come back and ask a level two question or a level three question. Resist the temptation, Men. Do not regurgitate everything, you know, simply answer the questions are asking. So when your child moves to that era of cynicism. Simply question the answers they’re giving, but I always do it with gentleness and respect, you know, God expects you as being the spiritual leader of your home to not be a thermometer that merely registers the temperature of the environment. Your child gets angry, you get angry. But to be a thermostat that controls the temperature of the environment, sometimes men you need to heat it up, sometimes you need to cool it down, but control the thermometer or the temperature of the thermostat.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:30:12] OK, so earlier you said you said this. He said, Tune my heart to the heart of God. You talked about tuning and that scripture was a part of that from the point where your daughter was born like scripture, all of a sudden you gobbled it up. And when I think of tuning, I think of my acoustic guitar. Right. The six strings, that meant it’s bad if it’s not in tune. I just think some of us dads are listening right now. And it’s like, OK, what how do I tune my heart? I mean, it’s crazy. You brought up this. That idea of the heart is the wellspring of life. Like like because I read that four hours ago, Proverbs, I’ve read Chapter one through and through Chapter four, like it’s wild the timing I’m reading through the Bible in the year and that was this morning’s reading, but like could talk just a little more about, for a dad who maybe is not gobbling up scripture. They don’t find that hunger for God’s word to to lock them into know this is so like it’s a tuning in and our kids benefit from a dad who is in tune. Yeah. Yeah.

 

Dr. Greg Bourgond [00:31:11] Well, let me start with an illustration. At the turn of the century, small communities built what we’re called icehouses. They had thick walls, no windows at the long side of the building at the very end that have a door and at the very front of the building, they’d have a door. And when fall came on and then the first signs of winter, the men of the community would take a Horse-Drawn sleds and go to slow moving rivers or lakes that were already forming ice and cut out large chunks of ice. And they’d bring it back into the ice house. They’d cover it with straw or sawdust. Then the people of the community would bring in their perishables into the ice house. Now, these ice houses were so well constructed that the ice didn’t melt until well into the summer. But by that time, there was putrefying food in there and the men of the community had the thankless task of the hottest time of the year to go in and clean out that ice house to prepare it for the next year. Well, in one such occurrence of cleaning that the ice house out, this little boy was watching at the top of a hill, these men going in and out at 15 minute increments. And one man came out distraught, shaking his arm. As the boy drew closer, he heard the man say, I lost my family heirloom, that precious watch that’s been in my family, I can’t find it. And before they knew it, the little boy disappeared into the ice house. Ten minutes later, he came out holding the watch. They said, How did you find the watch? He says, it was easy. I laid down in the straw until I heard the ticking. Men, if you want your life to be tuned to the heart of God, God speaks most profoundly with a still small voice that forces that to lean forward to hear it. And so in order for you, you may have to lay down in the straw to hear God’s still small voice in your life. He will not force that upon you. You have to seek it out. I mean, the Prophet Elijah had learned that the hard way. So the whole idea about tuning your heart to the heart of God is you need to understand how God sees the world. You need to understand how God feels about the world. You need to understand how God engages the world. The only way you’re going to do that is to understand beliefs, values, attitudes and motives from the heart of God. And the word of God is living an active man sharper than any two edged sword pierces the division of the soul and spirit. Another joins the marrow, a decision I think it’s interesting of the sort of the heart and the mind. And then it’s profitable for teaching, reproved, correction and training and righteousness. There’s a reason, men, that it’s hard to pick up a Bible and easy to pick up a novel because the novel isn’t inspired in the enemy knows that. And the last thing he wants is for you to become his formidable foe. And he knows that if you immerse yourself in the word with intentionality and that word has a way of transforming your heart, it’s a reason why it’s called the water of the word. Because when you walk in this world, you can’t help but allow the world to rub off on you and needs to be washed off regularly by dipping it into the water of God’s word. And it’s also called the scalpel. Sometimes the corruption needs to be cut out. It needs to replaced with truth. There’s nothing worse than living a lie. I’m so sick and tired of hearing. Well, my perceptions are morality. Absolutely trash. No they’re untruth. Now, here’s what’s interesting. I’ll give you a little formula. S equals R over E. S stands for either satisfaction or success or significance. R stands for reality and E stands for expectations. If your reality is based on a perception which is not the truth, you’ll adjust. Adjust your expectations to an untruth and you’ll end up in failure and wonder where you fit, why you failed. And the first thing that every business leader does who takes over a company is to spend some time to get a sense of the reality of where that company is, because that will always be the starting point of transformation of that company. It’s the same thing with us. Men tuning our heart to the heart of God is once again tuning our heart to the truth to make sure that our expectations are adjusted against reality. Yeah, if we’re ever going to arrive at some degree of significant success or satisfaction. So the idea of tuning your heart to the heart of God, the best place to go to do that is the word. And that’s why the enemy tries to keep it from you. That’s why men, you can read a novel in your eyes don’t don’t droop. But the moment you pick up scripture, all of a sudden you get tired. You don’t think that that’s a spiritual battle going on? Remember, men, the word of God is living an active sharper than any twits or appear to the division of the soul and spirit of the joints of marijuana and to discern are the thoughts and contents of your heart.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:36:39] You said earlier on the three things that a man needs a cause to die for, tell me the next two again?

 

Dr. Greg Bourgond [00:36:45] again, challenge to embrace and loved ones to protect.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:36:48] So most of the dads listening, they have they know who those love ones to protect are those first two. I think what happens and I know you called this out, this idea of you called it the misty lowlands of mediocrity.

 

Dr. Greg Bourgond [00:37:01] Yeah. It’s not you. It’s not original with me. It actually came from A.W. Tozer. So, you know, that’s one of the things that drove me to invest in men. I got so sick and tired of men living lies of mediocrity, living in as as clip-winged birds in cages that they’re making because of poor decisions that they made and forgot to fly like an eagle. And so I don’t know of any man that gets up in the morning and says, jeez, I just can’t wait to be mediocre today. But most men don’t know how to get there. They’re stuck. They’re finding success in the wrong things. The only thing that really matters, guys, is things that are eternal. Naturally, we have to make a living. We have to put bread on the table for our family. We have responsibilities. We have obligations. But that’s not our identity, Western culture believes it is. And what your profession is or what you do for a living. It’s all wrapped up in what you’re doing. When that’s taken away from you, all of a sudden you lose your sense of identity. It was Neil T Anderson who said it’s not what you do that determines who you are. It’s who you are and Jesus Christ that should determine what you do. Yeah. So it matters that you understand that God has declared a purpose for your life. Now, we can’t define what that is. It appears like this cloud in the distance that we keep seeking after because we’re going down the wrong roads. We’re not tuning our heart to the heart of God so that he can speak with a still small voice and clarify for you, this is the purpose for your life. This is why you were created. Once you understand what that is, all of a sudden you’re moved from shotgun, the laser beam in your life. You have purpose, intentionality and focus and you will storm the gates of hell. So the idea is, what is your purpose then? What are you to give your life to for the cause of Christ? For some unfathomable reason, Infinite God has chosen you as his finite creature to implement his redemptive plans for the world. You are a vital cog in the wheel of that that progress. And so the idea is, what part should you play now? Generally, you don’t get clarity about that purpose until God lays on your heart a passion. I call it committed passion. It’s either a people group God’s called you to serve or cause he’s called you to embrace or a combination of the both. Once you get clarity about that, all of a sudden that cloud of purpose becomes more definitive. And it’s no longer mixing metaphors here. A balloon filled with air. It’s something of substance. So when you start to tune your heart to the heart of God, when your beliefs reflect God’s word, the foundation which you stand when you use biblically informed values to make decisions in life, when you have a biblical worldview based on a set of perceptual attitudes that are based on God’s truth. When you’re motivated by unconditional love, then your behavior is transformed. Then your life has focus, then you have intentionality, then you have purpose. I’m not talking about a generic purpose, Jeff, because every man is given a unique purpose for their life. So it’s finding out what that is by tuning your heart to the heart of God. Listening to the still small voice of God in your life, leaning forward to hear it and allowing God’s word to transform you and to wash off the world,

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:40:40] you mentioned earlier that you were drawn to and you selected these young men who leaned forward with shiny eyes that they they they leaned in and wanted to be teachable. And what I have experienced and with all of the listeners have experience today is, is you living with a band. And it’s so clear that you you’ve given yourself to this call and you’re all in.

 

Dr. Greg Bourgond [00:40:59] Well, there’s there’s one thing that drives me. I want to stumble through the gates of heaven, utterly exhausted, having expended everything on the field of engagement. My wife knows that I’ve shared it with her many times as, yes, there’s going to be two or three angels utterly exhausted when you get there, too. But the point is, guys, give your life to something that matters. Make a difference. Too many guys are like ships tied to a pier, spend all of their life polishing the brass, making sure the steering mechanism works, taking the oil off the engine, swabbing the deck, but never getting the ship away from the pier. Ships are not made to be tied to the pier. God doesn’t care if your engine is oily. He doesn’t care if you are a sloppy steering system. He doesn’t even care if the decks are dirty. Get the ship underway and God will take you to destinations you’ve never been. He’ll take you to horizons you’ve never seen. He’ll have you traverse valleys you’ve never imagined. And God will give you a completely different view of his world.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:42:11] Thank you so much for joining us for Episode 190 with Dr. Greg Beauregarde, one, I encourage you guys check out the show notes we provide each week. In this case, it’s it’s DadAWESOME Duggie, one nine zero. But every week, transcripts, action steps, different quotes from the conversation links out to his organization, his different books. Also this week, we wanted to invite you guys if you live in the upper Midwest, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, if you live in this area and you’re looking for an opportunity to take some of these themes a step further, there’s four guys, I’m one of them who are hosting in northern Wisconsin at the end of October. We’re hosting a wild at heart basic event, four days, three nights around so many of these themes that Dr. Greg Moore, God just, you know, directed us towards with this conversation. And so it’s a wild at heart basic event with video curriculum from John Eldridge, Morgan Snyder and the team at Wild at Heart Ministries. But just want to encourage you guys, check out the show notes. There’s a link to register. And I just really believe some of you listening these four days, three nights at the end of October in northern Wisconsin. It’s actually right where I grew up, Honey Rock Camp, way up north in northern Wisconsin. I think some of you need to come join us. We will. We’re going to camp out the event at one hundred and ten dads. So so hop on quick. We are adding people to the team every single day. So check that out. And then secondly, if you would like to just have some more encouragement along the way as you’re listening, as you’re living as an intentional father, what I encourage you guys to sign up for our text message. It’s once or twice a week, a nudge of encouragement called the DadAWESOME nudge. You just need to send a text message to six five one three seven zero eighty six 18. Just text the word dad to the number six five one three seven zero eighty six eighteen. All right, guys, thank you for listening. Thank you for saying I’m turning up the dial of intentionality in my dad life. I want my kids to know I’m a dad who’s pursuing their hearts. I’m a dad who says I’m not done learning and growing. I taking this area of my life very seriously and I’m going to choose to be joyful as I step into becoming DadAWESOME. So thank you for being on this journey with us. Let’s go after it. Let’s have a great week with our kids.