191 Ken Castor Transcript

 

Ken Castor [00:00:02] I can be as intentional as I want if in the unintentional moments my kids see a jerk or they see somebody who’s living a different lifestyle or who’s talking bad about their wife. Those moments are the ones that actually matter.

 

Intro [00:00:18] We’re going to get upset when we get that answer. Welcome to DadAWESOME. You’ve joined a movement of intentional Christian dads who are adding life to the dads life. Thanks for taking a courageous step towards learning and growing and being mentored as you become DadAWESOME for your kids on this podcast. My dad gets job interviews, intentional dads from all around the world as he explores the path of becoming DadAWESOME.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:00:54] Gentlemen, this is episode one hundred and ninety one of DadAWESOME, and my name is Jeff Zaugg. I’m so thankful you guys are taking time to listen today. I’ll introduce our guest here in just a moment, but let me give a shout out quick. So we are we are jumping into our second city for fathers, for the fatherless. We’re in Fort Collins, Loveland, Colorado. We’re calling it our front range ride. And we’ve got just under 30 dads riding with us here in two days. So on September 18th, we’re doing another 100 mile bike ride for the Fatherless, an incredible local partner and global partner. And we’re going after it’s we’d love to recruit your prayers, but also just quick shout out. I want to shout out to our local gold level sponsors. So my friend Greg and his team at Accelerate Business Solutions, they they said, hey, we’re in for covering the local cost. We’re the gold level sponsor. We’re covering those costs. And they’re their company. They’re an accounting firm, but they’re actually more more than about money. They’re about a helping organizations reclaim time and rediscover passion and realize their dreams. And they are all about family as a company that got a strong family value. But they also they give grants away to help families thrive. So when they heard about our cause of uniting dads around the cause of the fatherless, they were like natural that we want to be a partner with you guys. You can check out their website in the show notes. But Greg Daly and the team at Accelerate and it’s funny, the jerseys actually have the new name apparel, the new name of their company, but it’s not quite launched yet. So if you see the the cycling jerseys that are Instagram photos, parable and Accelerate are the same company and they’re awesome because they sponsored us. So let me jump in to buy my intro of our of our guests today, though, Ken Kastor has been a friend of mine for over a decade and we reconnected about six months ago. And I was like, you’ve got to join me on the podcast. Ken has three kids. Twenty two years old, down to fifteen. His wife, Kathy and him, they’ve been married twenty seven years. He is the family pastor at at a church. You’re Wooddale Church here in the Twin Cities. And he he just brings I knew this was going to be center of his wheelhouse as far as Passions is talking about fatherhood, but not talking about perfection when it comes to fatherhood. He’s front and center. He’s like, dude, this is how I missed it. This is how I missed it. He’s quick to just claim and say, no, I’m not I’m I am not DadAWESOME. And that is that’s exactly the point. We are on a journey of becoming DadAWESOME and we’re far from perfect and so are you. So that’s a perfect place to enter as far as our eagerness to learn and grow. So, so thankful for this week, episode one hundred and ninety one. My conversation with Ken Castor. You use the word resilience, expecting that there’s going to be obstacles and he’s going to press through when you unpack a little further what you mean by resilience and even then take the next step to how some of those principles played out with your three kids.

 

Ken Castor [00:03:47] Oh, man. Yeah. I mean, today, I think a lot of dads and moms and grandparents and leaders were tempted to win Minnesota. I’ll use this term. We’re tempted to be snowblower parents where we’re going to plow all the trouble out of the way so that it’s an easy life for our kids. We’re actually harming our kids by doing that. Instead of saying, hey, son, a daughter. It looks like a blizzard out there. Let’s go charge, right, charge. Let’s figure out how to get through this together or even, dare I say, like like saying to them, you need to get through this on your own. I’m not going to rescue you. You’ve got to to go figure this out and bring this to this person who’s in need and meet the challenges along the way and problem solve. And and so this developing kind of a spiritual grit. Yeah. Is so important. I think we we remove that opportunity from a lot of our kids nowadays as a culture. So in our yeah. In our life, we’ve we’ve tried to implement this and I have not been the best. I’m not like the stellar dad has got this all figured out.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:05:04] Same goes for dads are not allowed on this podcast. You’re good there. I was better.

 

Ken Castor [00:05:09] I saw it before before being a professor and needing to learn how to articulate these things and develop classrooms around this stuff. I was a youth pastor for 20 years, and I was I was much better at this as a youth pastor, to be totally honest, than I was as a dad. There’s something about being so close and living in the same house that you want to avoid. You want to avoid the hard challenge because it’s uncomfortable

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:05:32] and the easier is often for the dad for us to step in and do this.

 

Ken Castor [00:05:35] Yeah, yeah. It’s it’s we remove the trouble from our kids because we don’t want to have to deal with this. We don’t want to have to deal with the outcome of a failure or the the push back of, you know, why do I have to do this? You’re always making me do this. And sometimes it’s just easier to let it go. But we’re relinquishing our dad responsibilities in those moments and we’re we’re stealing from our kids. The opportunity for them is to become resilient.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:06:05] It’s a steal move and it’s the short term versus the long sightedness. Yeah. Let’s go with a time. You got the right time. You got it wrong. And let’s dial it into preferably your daughter just because of the age she’s at being fifteen. So within the last few years,

 

Ken Castor [00:06:19] are you asking me because you’ve got a bunch of

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:06:22] daughters, I’m told by a few years ahead of you in that last year. So where did you get it? Right and wrong, though, in the area of helping her with resilience, helping not step in for the save, but letting her… could you hit one story on each side?

 

Ken Castor [00:06:35] Well, can I tell you where I’m struggling with that at the moment? The first thing comes to mind. She’s fifteen. She just got her driver’s permit. Dude, I’m scared to death to let her be driving me around. But so in order to help her develop resiliency, I need to be willing to to set the stage of courage and potential. You know, I’ve got to I’ve got to be willing to embrace risk myself and then model. Hey, this scares me, too, but but we have to do this, and I know you can do it. So, Jeff, I’m scared to death to get in the car, you know,

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:07:16] so it’s almost a decision with every single time as she has her driver’s permit, not her license. Yet, like every time you’re given the hard choice on, will you hand over the keys?

 

Ken Castor [00:07:25] Will you hand over the keys? That’s right.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:07:29] So that’s a good practical threshold, though, that requires it versus even down to scooping the dog poop in my backyard. It’s a chore that I’ve trained my daughter on. And I expect, but often the shortcut move is not to go in and encourage her, hey, we got to come out. It hasn’t been done yet. Or you miss some. It’s easier for me to shortcut that. There’d be an example of a fail for me. Is I shortcutting I’m taking away the law. I’m stealing from her the empowerments. Can you give another example of an area that you’ve missed it and it’s been a difficult one to actually choose the harder path.

 

Ken Castor [00:08:03] One of the most practical realities, Jeff, is probably in our own kitchen off the table. Yeah. And the irony is the pastor in me is like, Ken you idiot? Like, the table is the place where faith exists. And yet how often do I shortcut the whole process? And I you know, I washing dishes is is an important task of learning some resiliency and getting grimy and dirty and and cleaning up after people’s salvific mess, you know, so and I think sometimes just to shortcut it, I steal it away from my kids, do it yourself, the meal prep, the the experience of being together, oftentimes in our house. One of the things I wish I would have done differently now that my kids are all older and I wish I would have done differently, is instead of my wife and I usually my wife preparing the meal and then we call everybody to the table. Yeah, I wish that we had spent more time preparing the meal together, all of us together and and experiencing that part because I think most households, if they still do a meal together. Many don’t, but if we do do a meal together, it’s like a rush to the table, a rush to guzzle everything down together and then a rush to get away from the table. Yeah. And so I wish I’d spent more time in the preparatory aspects. And as I look at scripture, do the preparation is most of the experience in many ways. You know. You know what I mean?

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:09:43] I’m I’m being challenged because it’s an area that I’ve kind of deferred. And so that’s my wife’s area. But I’ve been continued to be challenged and invited to take more ownership in that space. And I do see it as a precious space.

 

Ken Castor [00:09:56] Yeah, you know, where I think I learn that principle. Jeff was from my own dad. In terms of cutting our yard, yeah, so my dad had this John Deere riding tractor mower, and as a kid I used to watch him cut our yard. We had a lot of grass and he would cut the grass and he put these cool line designs in there and it just looked like he was having so much fun on the tractor, you know, and it wasn’t even that fast of a tractor. And it was just it was just a big green, beautiful machine with a big engine. And he he one day, as I’m, you know, watching this experience happen over time, he one day comes to me and gives me the keys to the tractor. And he’s like, it’s your turn. It’s cool. And I was so excited and so nervous. And I got on that tractor, Jeff, and just took off, just gunned it. And I ran over my mom’s flowers in the mulch.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:10:59] Any permanent damage to the tractor or is it just more to the mulch?

 

Ken Castor [00:11:02] Oh, it probably dulled the blades or something, but the flowers were devastated. The mulch was everywhere. And I in that moment, I expected my dad to say, forget it, get off of that tractor. Like, I’ll do it fine. I’ll do it. Like you’re just going to obliterate the yard. And we’ve worked really hard in this yard. What are you doing? You know, I expected that, you know, instead my dad kind of takes a deep breath and he’s like, keep going. And and I’m sure as I look back on it now, I’m sure that my mom and dad looked out the window ready for me to chop my foot off as she gets ready for me to run over some more bushes. They knew that the yard was going to look terrible to all the neighbors this year. Like this summer, the yard is going to look awful, but in my eyes. The yard was incredible and I just kept wanting to get better and better and better. I remember this as a kid and by the end of the summer, I was probably almost as good as my dad at it in terms of knowing the paths, knowing how to empty the the grass buckets and knowing how to put gas in there and make sure the oil was OK. And Dude, As I look back now, I, I realized that one thing changed my life so much. So the irony, Jeff, is it today I really struggled to let my own kids mow the yard, the yard, because I take so much pride in it. Sure. Right. And so I’m really into it. Every facet of life as a dad, it’s hard to give up what I’m good at and let my kid do it. Not as good.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:12:47] Yeah, right. Well, not only the not as good, but you were destructive to start with. There was a handoff. There was a handoff that happened. You have what it takes now can do this, which is what all of us want in so many areas of life. Like I want. This still is a thirty nine year old. You have what it takes. You can do this. Yeah. We get to we’ve already talked about in the kitchen. We talked about behind the wheel of the car with the yard. OK, so a few practical areas. I’m trying to think other and if you could think through with your three kids are there or even as you were a kid, what your dad did, any other just examples of I’m going to they’re going to learn more resilience and they’re going to learn I want to choose the empowerment route versus that’s out to it and play it safe.

 

Ken Castor [00:13:28] Yeah. There’s one thing that my dad did for me. That I I would want everyone to know and do for their own kids, so my grandfather, we’re all named Ken. So I’m Ken the third. Yes, my grandfather is Ken Senior, my dad, Ken Jr.. My grandfather loved my dad, but he he rarely, if ever told my dad that verbally. He would he would brag about my dad to all of his friends and neighbors and everything, but to my dad, you know, he didn’t give a hug or he didn’t say can Jr., I’m so proud of you. I love you so much. Like, he didn’t give that kind of affirmation. So as I was growing. I often struggled with why doesn’t my own dad give me more of that himself? And then as I was getting a little bit older and I think as as I believe this was when we were getting ready to have our first kid, I think Kathy was pregnant with Zach, my dad – we were beginning to learn how to hug one another. You know, we’re fighting through that awkwardness like we know we got to hug each other’s, give this a try. And for me, it was always kind of a challenge like, oh, I’m going to give my dad a hug. But it was almost like this rebelliousness, like I’m going to I’m going to get my dad sort of thing, you know? And at one point, my dad, bless his heart, he during that stretch of time, he put his hand on my shoulder. Jeff, kind of drew me in. And so I’m like, oh, my goodness, what’s going on here? And he goes, You’ve seen how how I’ve loved you compared to how my dad loved me. And he he just he articulated for me how much more he worked on expressing love to me than he had gotten from his own dad. And then he said, I haven’t always done it perfectly and I could have done a lot better. And but what he said is, but you’ve seen how far I’ve come. I want you now to take what I’ve given you and I want you to go that far with your son. And it it wrecked me and any sort of harboring of my dad hasn’t shown me enough love that was gone, like it’s not even a forgiveness. It’s like now it’s an appreciation like, oh, my goodness, Dad, thank you so much for the legacy you provided for me, even though it wasn’t, like, perfect. I see now how far you took it and and how how hard you worked to break through and create a new reality. And so, yes, I will take that mantle and and I’m going to I’m going to as far as you came, I’m going to go that far with my son. And so my hope is and I’ve shared that story with my with my son Zach, and my hope is that that he will take it then that much further. I hope that for generations that’s the legacy of of our family that. Oh, yeah. Way back in the 1980s, like. Ken Jr. started this process of going so far in and being able to love his kids and showing God’s love to them and articulating it, and then then his son took it that far and then his son took it that far. And then his son took it that for many generations down the line, I can’t wait some and in heaven to discover, you know, the stories of how life change happened, how people knew the Lord because each generation shared God’s love that much more to their kids.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:17:11] I read on – I think it came from a Father’s Day Facebook post from your wife, Kathy, and she reflected on her dad, her father in law. So Ken, junior – your dad. And then she wrote about you and she said she said and she’s referring to her husband, Ken, who we’re talking to now. You are a champion for your kids and have modeled so much for them. That’s a big deal to have. Best friend, wife, like those words spoken of the word champion in the word modeled is a huge deal and I guess I’d love to hear from you. Like what? Like what is model like when you say modeling or when she said modeling. What did she mean by that? And this is OK from her through her. It might feel like you’re bragging about yourself, but that’s quite all right. Like just what do you think she meant when she said and the modeling you modeled so well for them?

 

Ken Castor [00:18:09] Yeah, I’m really moved by that when she wrote that that impacted me, I respect her more than anybody. She has more integrity than anybody I’ve ever known. So for her to say something like that is is really meaningful to me. With Kathy and I,  27 years. You don’t make it 27 years without living life together. And let me say, you don’t make it 27 years in a vibrant relationship without living life together. And it has not always been easy to parent. There’s a tenacity to it. I want to say, you never… As a parent, you never give up on your kids, but really, that’s not the focus. It’s every every day you you dedicate your life to Jesus. And and it’s your it’s your daily walk with Jesus that gives you the strength. To make it through, and I never tried to model like I really sincerely, I don’t think I ever tried to model myself my goal, Jeff, every day – some better than others. But I, I seriously think I can confidently say every day I’ve tried to live for Jesus and to let let that be evident and sometimes intentionally so. There are some intentional rhythms I’ve built into my life so that my kids would know that, hey, my dad’s all about Jesus. Like that’s been my goal. But but I can be as intentional as I want if in the unintentional moments my kids see a jerk or they see somebody who’s living a different lifestyle or who’s talking bad about their wife or whatever, it those moments are the ones that actually matter. So I can I could do a Bible study every morning and let the kids see that. But if I don’t live out the Bible the rest of the day, it’s actually going to backfire. And they’re going to hate the fact that I did a Bible study every morning. Does that make sense? Yeah. So I think what I hope what Kathy’s pointing out, where I would be very just grateful to the Lord is if. Is is if in the unintentional moments, if my kids saw resiliency and integrity, a tenacity of faithfulness in me. If that makes sense to us, that’s

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:20:38] our prayer for everyone listening is that we would just be taking steps in that direction, not arriving, no, not aiming for perfection. But are we taking steps in a direction that when our kids are noticing and in the unintentional moments they’re noticing some of these characteristics that we pray are true?

 

Ken Castor [00:20:58] Yeah. And it’s not even like I so I hope I’m always kind. Well, I do, but I know that I’m not, right? So so when they see me, when I’m being unintentional and they see me being unkind, what do I do with that? How do I handle that? Do I do I blame other people or or do they see a man who takes ownership of his mistakes and sets an example of seeking the Lord and and trying to become a better follower of Jesus? So that’s that’s what I’m talking about, because my wife knows more than anybody I’m messed up. Right? I am I am flawed. The poor have poor creature of God. My wife has to live with me and she knows. So for her to write that she’s not actually saying, ‘Ken is the most amazing man of she’s not actually saying that. What she’s saying is, I think if I could paraphrase her. Father God. Thank you for helping can walk with faithfulness so that my kids can see that I, I really appreciate that because the glory should really go, I it’s the glory stops at me. My kids are in big trouble.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:22:21] Yeah, right. Well, that’s where we started. This is when we were praying before we hit record around the gift of having a heavenly father. And then the gift of being a father for our kids. And in fact, you were you were mentioning. So the story of the prodigal son. So many takeaways in different seasons of life. I read the story completely different, but I feel like that’s the beauty of Jesus. Telling the story is that he’s got nuggets for us in all different ways. But I think recently you said kind of a new like, oh, this is a new gold nugget from that story into the fatherhood journey. You talk about that for a little bit.

 

Ken Castor [00:22:57] Yeah. Even for some reason in our Bibles, we even title it often as the Lost Son story or the Prodigal Son story, which is ironic because there’s three main characters in the story and the story actually is hinged upon the father. So it should be if if we’re going to have a title for it, it should it should be the good father or it should be the the father who didn’t give up or it should be, you know, whatever it is, the the embarrassed father, whatever it is. Right. So I now I always read that story now through the filter of the father first and not the son or the second son first. Does that make sense? But here’s the thing that blows me away about that. And this hit me. It’s hit me many times. But during Jeff, there’s a lot of dads. Who judge the effectiveness of their fathering on the behavior or the outcomes of their children. And I I think this story of the good father actually tells us that is a terrible measurement. And here’s why, right? So this dad, I think nobody would argue like this is the best dad. And he has a son who comes to him, says, Dad, I kind of wish you were already dead because I’d like my part of your estate. So can we just pretend that that’s true? And can you just, like, be dead to me and give me what you would give me for my inheritance and I’m going to go live contrary to everything you’ve taught me. And you know, all of our family, all of our community, I am pretty much kissing them off and I’m going to go squander my life in debauchery. What do you say? Now, we probably need a lot of therapists involved, but for some reason the dad says, I’m not going to force you. I want you to live your life somehow, but I want you to know I love you and I don’t know how all the inner conversation went. Jesus doesn’t give us a lot of detail, Jeff, but for some reason, the dad says, OK, the kid goes off, he squanders everything. Thankfully, the kid at some point wakes up smelling salts in the pigsty and is like, oh, my goodness, everything I actually ever was created for is back with my dad and the way my dad has lived life in the way he taught us. I’m going back there. And of course, we know the story the dad sees him, has been watching for him, is ready to receive him home. And I know dads, myself included, you know, there’s sometimes your kids do something and you’re like, I’m not forgiving that kid. Like, do you realize what he’s done? Do you realize the embarrassment this causes? Do you realize what people are saying about us as a family because my son’s done this or whatever? The dad had to go through all of that, the embarrassment of it. The dad runs out, hikes up his his coat and runs out and embraces the kid, I think not just to receive his kid, but to protect his kid from everybody else who’s angry at him. Right? The dad brings the son and he doesn’t just have a private gathering with the family and and he doesn’t bring the son into the living room. Sit him down. OK, now here’s what’s going to happen. He’s like, we’re having a party. Come on, everybody. Everybody come in here. And the dad is setting the stage for the kid to be received, to be welcomed, to be embraced, like the very thing that the kid actually. Beyond what he could dream for, way beyond everything he asked for from the dad, like, can I have my share of the inheritance, the dad is actually now providing it, but now within the restoration, the family. So this is the good father. Now, what’s remarkable to me is. That’s not because of the kids behavior now and then the next part that is even more astonishing to me is the faithful son. The good son, so to speak, is like. Forget this, Dad. This isn’t fair, and he’s right, that’s the remarkable thing in the story, that older son is absolutely correct. Dad, you’re being foolish. The title of this story could be The Foolish Father in some ways. Dad, you’re being foolish. You’re squandering the ironic man. The younger son squanders everything. The dad squanders it extravagantly now in love. Right? So the younger son’s the older son’s ticked and now he’s rejecting the father, but he’s living on the estate still. So he’s he didn’t even have the integrity of the younger son to reject the dad and go away. He’s rejecting the dad and demanding to stay on the estate and still receive everything he deserves and should inherit. Isn’t this remarkable? So, Jeff, what I hear from this story is that the measurement of a good father is not based upon the behavior and outcome of the children. The measurement of the good father is. Does he reflect? God, the father, and the character and the heart that all of his children would be in relationship with him at home. That’s that’s the story. And so I think that’s been my my goal, Jeff, isn’t that my kids would be well behaved because have you ever noticed whenever that’s your goal, dude, you’re mad all the time and you’re ticked and you’re yelling at your kids and you’re sure your discipline is terrible and but when your goal is OK, me, myself, I am going to live for God today and I’m going to have my life be about the character of God and Lord, would you please help me represent you in my interaction with my kids today? Would you please help them see a man who’s chasing after you? If if they do something wrong, would you give me the wisdom and discernment to to help them find their way? Discipline actually means to learn. It doesn’t mean to punish. It means to learn. So would you so would you help me be disciplined with you to learn who you are and what you’re all about so that I can teach my kids to learn who you are and what you’re all about? That’s what discipline is supposed to be biblically. You know what I mean? So it’s the story of the good father has become, for me, the the kind of daily this is, and to be honest, this is how I’ve gotten through some really difficult moments of fathering. Lord, I you know, my my kids struggling with this, I’m worried they’re not going to fall as a pastor. This is I’ve tried to help a lot of parents whose kids are struggling with things and, you know, from from defiance to bad decisions to to huge cultural struggles to mental health or to drugs or whatever. And the parents are like, I’m an awful parent. And I’m saying, take that measurement off of you. Your goal right now, today, first and foremost, is to dedicate your life to Jesus and live for God. And then let’s work on the steps you need to take as a dad.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:30:19] Sure, I. I’m so grateful for that perspective and the right order, right, if we go to tactics and we go to outcomes, we’re going to be stuck in this this perpetual not enough, not good enough to our identities all over the map. We’re riding the roller coaster. So thank you for unpacking in that, Freshway. Like, that’s very I have not I’ve never read it through that lens that that story. And it makes so much sense. Yeah. And it’s also it parallels so much if we say our Heavenly Father is a good, loving father. Yet my actions all the time are all over the map. Like I can’t touch his identity. Right.

 

Ken Castor [00:30:56] So should we measure God’s effectiveness as a good father, according to his children’s behavior, adopted us? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so are we saying that while Israel, the Israelites are worshiping other gods and marrying themselves to other gods that he was not a good dad? Right. We would never dare say that. And yet that’s the criteria we often use to judge whether or not we’re being good dad. Yeah.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:31:21] Wow. Now, I know the listeners, the the Brotherhood we have here at DadAWESOME is is so many different shapes and sizes and families from different places and different age kids and adoption and biological kids and mixes of the two. I’d love you to just share. I love this stat. This fact about your family is that none of your kids were born in the United States. Is that true? That is true, yes. So what does the back story there of where they were born and how your family came together?

 

Ken Castor [00:31:47] Oh, man. Yeah, so are bookend kids, our oldest and youngest, were biologically born in Canada. So they’re dual citizens of Canada and the U.S. and our middle son was born in South Africa, just south of Johannesburg. And we we adopted him when he was six months old.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:32:09] How did you come to meet your middle son? Like, how did you get connected through an agency or did you travel?

 

Ken Castor [00:32:13] Or we shouldn’t have been able to have any kids at all. And are our two biological kids are our miracle kids. And the fact that my my wife got through those pregnancies herself is kind of a miracle. So we kind of knew adoption was probably going to be part of our story no matter what. And the two kids, the two biological kids were were surprises in many ways. And the whole process was just fragile and entrusting the whole process to the Lord. So so we just they’re gifts to us. And then our son, Ben, whom we adopted, is a gift to us in a very similar way, different circumstance. And just like we can’t believe that we got through that process, adoption is a difficult, emotional and long range set of hurdles. And, yeah, to get to South Africa and to to be a part of that. And there’s an orphanage there called TLC Orphanage and Tender Loving Care, we think. But it’s actually the Love of Christ orphanage. And there there are millions of orphans in South Africa, millions because of HIV AIDS, largely so. This is an amazing ministry close to God’s heart, and we got connected to them and yeah, we’ve got a 19 year old son now.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:33:49] Wow. Yeah. And I know the journey, the a delay to become a dad is is real in our circle of friends as a family. The delay that’s led to down a adoption pathway or a just it took longer to have biological kids like that delay has been real for a lot of our our community. A lot of the listeners have experienced or are currently experiencing a delay to that dream and desire in their hearts to be to be a dad. What words of encouragement this is that chapter of the delay was a while ago now, but I’m sure you have some things you’d love to share to those those dads. In fact, we even our ministry fathers for the fatherless, we invite any we say you have to be a dad to be on the bike ride the hundred mile bike ride. But we say if you’re in the anticipation of fatherhood, you’re praying to get pregnant, you’re waiting to adopt, we say, you’re in! Join us! Because, so we see that season is a precious season, the delay season. What would you share, though, to any dads in that season?

 

Ken Castor [00:34:47] That season of preparation is… The principles that you’re working on in your heart and your soul and faith in that season of preparation are the same resources that you will turn to as a dad so that that season of waiting. You can’t be impatient and do fatherhood well. Right? The process of potty training, the process. How about this, the process of having a newborn that you can hold, put their face in your palm and you rock them back and forth, their legs are straddled over your forearm and you’re rocking them both back and forth. You know, the waiting. I think I counted to one thousand one night as I was just like, would you please quit crying? Oh, OK. Falls asleep and but that doesn’t change later on. It’s potty training. Later on, it’s, you know, learn to ride your bike later on. It’s helping your kid learn how to fish in the boat by being quiet. And still later on, it’s 11th grade 11, 11 years old, and some big puberty thing happens. And it’s like, I got to be patient with this one. Oh, my goodness, I knew that was coming, but I didn’t realize what it was going to be like doing doing this with my child or driving with your daughter in the car as she’s learning to hit the brakes at the right time. And have you ever done a roundabout with a 15 year old?

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:36:24] Oh, no. My goodness.

 

Ken Castor [00:36:26] Oh. So and she probably embarrassed that I said that. Now, I’m so proud of her, though, because she’s giving it a try. My job is to put those all those things. I was working on my soul. The Lord was working on me during the preparation time. The same principles apply. And it really all of our life, all of our daily routine of life is a preparation for eternity with the father. And and we get to we get to learn his heart by practicing it. That’s the amazing thing about God. He invites us. We were created in his image. We learn relationship and he asks us to represent him. So we get to we get to practice what he does. We’re not as good at it. Isn’t this ironic? I mean, it comes full circle. Everything we’ve talked about, he’s like, hey, Jeff, here’s here’s the keys to fatherhood. You’ve seen me do it. Now you give it a try. And and so we’re trying. We’re not as good. We’re running over flowers. We’re messing up the mulch. We’re the lines and paths we follow aren’t quite together. But we get to follow. We get to practice and practice and practice it. I hope the Lord allows me to live well into a later season of life. And I hope that I get to to know that I’ve learned the path really well. And I’ve actually, you know, I’ve learned how to do this pretty good. And I hope that I get to look at the generations that follow me, my son, and hopefully someday his kids and and I get to enjoy the struggle that they have and learning how to do it. The key in all of this for me, Jeff, is are we are we walking daily with the Lord ourselves, living open handedly, then with our kids? Lord, we entrust our kids to you.

 

Jeff Zaugg [00:38:21] Thank you so much for joining us this week for Episode one hundred and ninety one with Ken Kastor, all the conversation notes, the links, action steps. We’re all going to be at DadAWESOME.org/191. You can find it all there. Want to invite you. I know I mentioned this last week as well, but at the end of October, if you live in the tri state area, kind of the upper Midwest in northern Wisconsin, Honey Rock camp, there’s a team of four of us guys. I’m one of those four that are hosting a wild at heart, are wild at heart experience. It’s called it’s called the Wild at Heart Basic. It’s using video curriculum from our friends, Morgan Snyder, John Eldridge, The Broader Wild at Heart Team. We’re capping the event at 110 dads. 110 men. You don’t have to be a dad for this event. But many of the guys we’re inviting our dads since this podcast is DadAWESOME. So in the show notes, is the information to sign up? It’s four days. Three nights. We’ll be back on time to be with your kids on Sunday. It’s the last Sunday of October. So just. Yeah, check that out. We’d love to invite you guys to come join us for this Wild at Heart Basic event in northern Wisconsin with all that guys. Just keep going after it. We’re cheering for you. Ken, thank you for joining us this week. We are praying for you guys as you step into becoming DadAWESOME for your kids. Go have a great week.