301 | Front Yard Fatherhood: Honoring Brian Stites

Brotherhood & MentorshipLegacy & GrandparentingGrief & Loss
Written By

Episode Description

Last week, Brian Stites went to be with the Lord. His life was a walking testament of how men can show up as engaged, front yard fathers. Despite facing some of the hardest challenges, Brian continued to trust God and walk in faith. In his memory, here are ten things that were true about Brian that every dad can strive toward. 

  • Brian Stites was a man who took front yard fatherhood seriously. For him, everyone was welcome. He showed up for countless other men as a mentor and father figure. Brian went home to Heaven on October 18, 2023.

  • · He was serving others.

    · He joined other men around a mission.

    · He was the first to give.

    · He encountered hardship with faith.

    · He helped support others.

    · He kept serving others.

    · He kept being generous.

    · He worshiped and he laughed.

    · He celebrated others.

    · He finished his race with gladness.

  • Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.

    Jeff Zaugg: [00:00:38] Hey, guys. Welcome back to DadAwesome. My name is Jeff Zaugg and today, episode 301, I'm pulling a change up, a change in plans. And let me tell you why, last week, episode 300 was about an hour away from dropping, releasing episode 300 was 31 voices, 3 minutes each, like 9... over 90 bits of dad wisdom and the whole episode's 2 hours and 14 minutes long. It's crazy. The whole project was crazy. It was an immense amount of work, but I'm so thankful. I mean, the gathering, these short videos and combing through everything that was shared, it's just like, wow, there's enough for I could do like six episodes, break it into that. But let's set that aside, I was finishing the final touches of that episode, preparing to kind of launch that episode last Thursday, and I received a message that a friend and mentor of mine for the last four years I've known him well, him and his wife, Brian Stites, and his wife Heather. I learned from Heather that Brian passed away, last week, on Wednesday, went home to heaven. And immediately I got this message and just started crying. Brian, and I'll tell you about why, Brian and his wife, Heather, Brian and Heather Stites, they came around to Michelle and I right when we went full time. When when my family went full time into fatherhood ministry, three years ago, they really came around our family in a beautiful way. And my dad passed away of brain cancer, actually the night before episode 100 launched. And a year later, that's what I'm talking about right now, Brian and Heather came around us and here Brian, the night before, the day before episode 300 launched, Brian Stites passed away of brain cancer. And I'm not making any direct connections that matter. If you are an encourager and if you're generous, and if you love Jeff and Michelle and you play a father type figure of care and love that brain cancer is connected, not at all. But it still hit me really hard that that the night before, the day before episode 300 dropped, Bryan went home to heaven. And I, I'm just very thankful that that Brian and my dad are both in heaven, both excited about the mission of DadAwesome. But as I reflected and just prayed over, prayed for the Stites family, prayed for Heather, gave thanks for Brian, ten things came to mind as I gave thanks that are things that I want to be true about me that were true about Bryan, that I believe that any of us dads leaned into these ten areas, I think we would, our kids would say, thank you. So I just wanted to take a shorter episode and talk through these ten things. I'm calling this episode Front Yard Fatherhood. So backyard fatherhood, if you think of a backyard of a house with a fence, it's kind of private, closed off, you're not welcome there unless you know the person, front yard is like, you're out on the street, you're out welcoming others. I felt a very front yard, well, partially it's because Brian would have me come sit with him in his front yard, open to the whole neighborhood to see. We would sit and talk and cry, and we prayed together in his front yard. But his heart, him and Heather, their hearts were very front yard, everyone's welcome. I'm going to love you like a son, even though you're not my son. It doesn't, you want to be family, to be treated like family. So the big picture, the honoring of Bryan Stites and calling Front Yard Fatherhood, and these are the 10, 10 areas. So the first was when I met him, he was serving others. Brian was serving as an usher, greeter at our church. I knew him as someone who showed up early and served others. So that was true of Bryan, he served others. The second was he joined men around a mission. So Bryan was pretty quick to say yes when he was invited to join Fathers for the Fatherless, that's how we got to know each other. He was on my ride team and he joined and biked 100 miles for the fatherless. So he was the kind of guy who said yes to a mission, to the mission of Fathers for the Fatherless years ago, three years ago. He was the first to give. So after Michelle and I stepped away from a pastoral role that had a salary attached to it, went full time father had ministry. We were nowhere near ready to accept donations and multiple text messages, Brian and Heather pursued Michelle and I and said, Can we take you guys out to dinner? Again, this was early on, we had no way to accept donations, weren't recruiting anyone to give financially. They just, they kept asking and we were actually kind of stressed. Michelle and I were kind of stressed that to get a babysitter for our three little girls, we had just left my full time job, we're thinking, man, what does it look like to go full time into this. And we almost said no multiple times. But they just kept asking, Can we take you guys out to dinner? So we got a babysitter. We went to dinner with Brian and Heather, and at the end of the dinner, we had no idea they wanted to give anything financially to the mission.\, They were interested in the mission. What are we going after? Because they he had already been a part of the ride. And Brian said, Hey, we want to, we want to give you a gift. And I said, Well, we're actually not ready, we can't give you a tax receipt, he's like, Oh, that, we don't need that. This is for any way we can help your family in this season in going full time, we're behind you. So they gave the very first, he slid a $3,000 check across the table and said, this is for you guys, whatever you can do to use it for. And it was actually right before we rented a first RV. This is, this is three years ago. He, that money helped us rent that first RV. So they were the first to be generous, the first to give. The fourth one I had down was he encountered hardship with faith. So on a Easter hiking trip to the Grand Canyon, two and a half years ago, he found out that something was somewhat wrong. He was having some weird things going on with his his head. And it turned out they found a tumor in his, in his brain. And he encountered that hardship, I get to spend time with him in the hospital, the level of faith, the level of like, oh, this isn't gonna, you know, like this isn't going to keep me down. I mean, like, I of course, hard things happen and I press through and I trust God. Psalm 112, verse seven says, They will have no fear of bad news. Their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. I felt this for Brian and from Heather, these whole last two and a half years. So he encountered hardship with faith. The fifth one, the area that was true about Brian, front yard fatherhood, like this is, this was true about him. The fifth one is he helped support others. So when he heard that Pastor Mark Batterson was coming to town with his son and needed a bike, he wasn't able to ride because of some of the balance stuff with his, his brain, with the treatment. So he was the first to say, Hey, you can use my bike. He was just on the lookout for ways to help. So he let Parker Batterson ride his bike the 100 miles with Fathers for the Fatherless that year. The sixth thing I had down, just in reflecting about Brian, is he kept serving others at the rest stop. So this is this is hard. Brian's a competitive guy. He showed up and he served others at the rest stop. He was a volunteer. You know, the year before, he rode the 100 miles, his bike's being used by somebody else. He kept serving others. His posture was, How can I help? I want to serve others. I want to volunteer to make Fathers for the Fatherless successful. The seventh thing is, he kept being generous. This makes no sense. And this again is front yard, backyard fatherhood. Backyard, is you take care of yourself, your own family, your own medical treatment, you use your money for yourself in this kind of, there's so many unknowns. Well, Brian and Heather came by our house that summer, just a year and a half ago, and they said, hey, we want to make another gift to the ministry. And the timing was crazy. Last minute they said, Can we stop by? I had a phone call set up to learn about some leadership coaching and it was way out of my price range. There's no way I could have paid for this leadership coaching and they heard about my call, so I actually had to leave them in the backyard and go get on a call to learn about this, cause I had it scheduled ahead of time and they said, Hey, if this gift can be used for that coaching, that'd be amazing. So they not only gave a gift to the ministry, they used it for something very targeted, very helpful for me personally, that's really helped guide my leadership of DadAwesome. Well, they funded that with a generous gift, and this gift was twice as much is their first gift. It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. The eighth thing that was true about Brian, and it's true about Heather, is they worshiped and they laughed. They, we laughed together when I spent time in his front front yard. By that, by that little pod they have in their front yard. We laughed together. We, like they would share new worship songs with me all the time and ask for new worship songs. They are, part of the entire two and a half year journey was a thread that was true of all their updates, always. This is a new worship song that we're just worshiping. We're trusting God through singing. We're singing. It doesn't make sense to sing when you can't even get all your words, he was having a hard time saying all of his words the last few months, but he kept worshiping. The ninth was he celebrated others. So my daughter and his granddaughter did a dance camp together. And we went and we sat in the bleachers together. This is four months ago and watching Brian celebrate and just beaming, beaming with joy, just celebrating. He was having a hard time even walking was a little tricky with balance, yet he celebrated and just beaming for his granddaughter. It was beautiful. And then the last one, something my wife said when we had dinner just a few months ago with Brian and Heather, she said, she looked him in the eye and said, You are walking this out. It is so, I think what Michelle said is, it is like it's so inspiring the way that you're walking out this journey. And it was so true. I wrote down, he finished his race with gladness. His posture was one of hope, faith, gladness. He's suffering. He was having a hard time speaking and keeping dialog going, yet he had gladness. And this was so true about him, it is so true about what I, who I want to be is I want to be someone who just no matter what the storm that comes my way, I lead with gladness. I walk with gladness. God is good even if the circumstances are far from good. So, Brian, as as we honor you today, Episode 301, Front Yard Fatherhood. You model for me the kind of dad I want to be. The kind of man, the kind of leader, the kind of generous, like from generosity to the ways that you serve, the ways you celebrated, the ways that you worships, the ways that you encountered hardships, the ways that you just, like, laughed in moments that don't make sense, laugh. Brian, Thank you for walking out, what I, what I just got to see is like, that's what I want to do if I have to walk through a trial and even a trial that in this case didn't lead to healing here, he's in heaven now. Brian, thank you for the deposit after deposit after deposit that you put into me and my family and everyone else who's been around and watched you walk out this journey. You are a gift, Brian. And we, we celebrate that you're with Jesus. And let me say a prayer over all you guys watching today, listening today. Today is the day that we're focused on Front Yard Fatherhood. How can we be men who don't live for just ourselves and live based on our circumstances? But guys, how can we be men, dads who walk with faithm encourage with open handedness, with generosity? All these areas, they're all in the show notes. My kind of bullet point, ten areas that I called Front Yard Fatherships. So, let me pray over you guys. God, Thank You for Brian. Thank You, for the ways that he deposited courage, faith, hope, joy, generosity in me. And thank You for every everyone in DadAwesome that's listening today. That's learning about this, this man Brian Stites, God, may we be men who live in a way live in ways that are beyond ourselves. May our kids see us live with courage, steadfastness, not fearing bad news. God, may we be men who walk with courage and hope, regardless of our circumstances. May our kids see that and God just know that's because my dad loves Jesus, because my dad trust Jesus. So thank You for Brian. God, as we celebrate Brian this coming Monday, God may You be glorified and may many, many people be inspired to trust You. And God, I pray for Heather right now. I pray for the whole Stite's family. God, may they experience heaven as they grieve and as they miss Brian. May they experience heaven come to earth, God, may You be very near to them. May You be very near, we know You're near but they feel Your presence, near. And God every one of us dads, I pray that You would just maybe one thing off this list, show us what's the area that I can step more into as a man who trust God and he presses forward regardless of our circumstances. God, we love you. I'm thankful for these guys listening. In Jesus name, Amen. Have a great week, guys.

  • · 3:26 - "I'm calling this episode Front Yard Fatherhood. If you think of a backyard of a house with a fence, it's kind of private, closed off, you're not welcome there unless you know the person. Front yard is, you're out on the street, you're out welcoming others. I felt a very front yard with Brian. Partially because Brian would have me come sit with him in his front yard, open to the whole neighborhood to see. We would sit and talk and cry, and we prayed together in his front yard. But his heart, him and Heather, their hearts were very front yard, everyone's welcome."

    · 10:28 - "He finished his race with gladness. His posture was one of hope, faith, gladness. He's suffering. He was having a hard time speaking and keeping dialog going, yet he had gladness. "

 

Connect with DadAwesome

 

Listen on any of these platforms

Previous

302 | Silencing Distractions, Seeing Your Children, and Being Set Apart as a Father (Carlos Whittaker)
Next

300 | Celebration Episode: 30+ Voices, 90+ Takeaways