310 | Supporting Your Wife, Intentional Multitasking, and Building a Foundation Brick by Brick (Taylor Doolittle)
Episode Description
As a rookie dad, Taylor Doolittle has endless encouragement for other dads in his shoes. In this episode, he emphasizes the value of running after God, pursuing your wife, and enjoying every season with your kids. His vivid analogies will inspire you to make intentional choices as a husband, father, and friend to create the life you want to live.
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Taylor Doolittle is a passionate realtor in the greater Minneapolis and St. Paul areas. He and his wife, Sarah, have two daughters.
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· Every season with your kids is fleeting, so be gracious with yourself.
· Passionately running after Jesus and pursuing your wife will leave a lasting impact on your kids.
· Combine multiple activities—such as working out and being with friends—with intentional multitasking that keeps you whole and healthy without taking up too much time.
· However difficult you think this is for you as a dad, it’s a thousand times harder for your wife, so suck it up, buttercup.
· Your daily decisions are single bricks that create the foundation for your life and family.
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Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:00:39] Jesus doesn't care. Jesus loved messy. Look at all the, look at all the most famous people in the Bible. They were all super messy people and God loves that and uses it. So not putting pressure on yourself and just realizing that as a parent, it's less about what you teach and it's more about what you model.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:00:57] Hey, guys. Welcome back to DadAwesome. My name is Jeff Zaugg and I am so thankful you guys are joining us for episode 310. This is our kind of closing out the year episode. So we're just a few days away from the New Year and I thought I'd have a little fun, this week, with Taylor Doolittle. Our conversation was recorded at 6 a.m. So by far the earliest conversation I've ever recorded. It was recorded in the dark in a barrel sauna. So we actually jumped in to a barrel sauna at like 160, 170 degrees. And for almost 40 minutes, we we didn't take a break. We just jumped into a rookie Dad conversation. So I joked around, It's the first conversation at 6 a.m., first conversation in a sauna. First podcast interview that recorded shirtless and we had some fun. Why not have fun with the locations of recording? And we just talked about the rookie dad life. He's three years in. His oldest daughter, he's got a couple daughters, Oldest daughter is three. And and I think that his perspective is so helpful for all of us. It doesn't matter if you've got a 13 year old or a 2 year old, this is going to be helpful, very practical. And he crowdsourced to his circle of friends and said, man, dad wisdom. And he shared like the whole list. Like there's so much that he's going to deliver here in this early morning sauna session. But before I jump into episode 310, guys, we're just a couple of weeks away from turning six years old, as a podcast. And we're inviting, we've just seen an outpouring of generosity for a nonprofit organization. And the end of year Giving has been a huge deal to springboard us into the impact that God's called us after. We're, we're, God has invited us into activating dads to lead with wonder, and we're entering the anchoring season of really building a foundation to go serve churches, serve dads to really bring way more resources than a podcast and these activation events that we do. This is going to be a season of growing so many additional resources that you're going to find helpful. We've, we can't wait to share more, but we're inviting you to make an end of your gift to donate to DadAwesome at dadawesome.org/give. And thank you in advance, for all of you who are willing to make a donation. It matters like it's a huge deal to fuel this movement. So wanted to say thank you in advance. Let's jump right in, Taylor Doolittle and his wife, they've got two young daughters and I've known him for basically his whole dad life. We met through through social media, through the DadAwesome Instagram account. We met, messaged back and forth. I prayed for him as he was having a baby and then we met in person the first time when, his his little one, his now three year old was like six weeks old. So this is my conversation, recorded at 6 a.m., in a in a barrel sauna with Taylor Doolittle.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:03:55] First of all, that's how I got introduced to the podcast, when we found out we were pregnant. I was just asking buddies, Hey, give me some dad resources, I need to start learning. My good buddy, Joe Hine, was like, Hey, listen to this podcast. And that's how you and I eventually met like three, three and a half years ago. You messaged me as, or I think I messaged you like, Hey, we're going into labor, pray for us. And then we met up with coffee after our family stabilized a couple months later.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:04:21] Wisdom.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:04:23] I feel like as I was trying to prep to step into fatherhood, it's really easy for me to start thinking about. Tactical things. How do I change a diaper? How do I, I got to put together the crib. How do I install a car seat? So all of these tactical tasks. Because that's just how my mind is is oriented. Whereas I feel like the biggest transition and the biggest thing I had to learn and the biggest thing that I continued to learn and get challenged is and it's just supporting my wife really well through a transition that is typically way harder for mom than it is for Dad. There's this way more involved. So, so I'd say that's where my focus is right now and where I'm challenging myself is just being able to support Sarah well, through this transition into being parents of two kids. Because you get used to, you get used to one and then boom, another one.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:05:23] Rhythm's disrupted.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:05:25] Yep.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:05:26] There's some places my mind jumps around, well, you could go for a night out with some girlfriends to go get some refreshment there. Or you could take the morning shifting and get breakfast or like there's tactical, how do you support your wife. But, what are some maybe jump all over the place, what are some examples of ways that you can kind of put the focus on helping Sarah?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:05:45] Yeah, so that's where my mind initially goes, is how would I feel helped in this season? So then I go and do all these things that I think would be helpful. And then it turns out she doesn't feel those as helpful. So I think the most important thing is to just having that open line of communication and and asking your wife, how can I best support you in this season? Which a lot of times Sarah is exhausted from the day because we have a three year old tyrant that's not being compliant. And so Sarah's is exhausted. And I might ask, Hey, what can I do for you today? But then she has to think and she doesn't want to think in the moment. So, so it's finding that balance between knowing what your wife's love language is and taking action without having to be asked while at the same time making sure that in those moments where we do have clear thinking that what I have been doing is helpful and oftentimes it really is just like the other night, we put the girls down and I just said, Hey, Sarah, let's hang out tonight. We just sat down on the sofa, had some tea, had some Christmas music on. That sounds so silly for us for that to be a special thing, just to communicate that. Let's just sit and talk. But after we did that, she was thankful and made a point to say like, Thank you for asking me to hang out tonight. Even though we live in the same house and and we hang out quite often in the same room. But that doesn't that's not the same as intentional time, meaningful conversation together.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:07:19] Yeah. When was the last time or just what surrounded a moment of like, man, this is really hard and I'm really frustrated right now as a dad? Like that you don't have to say all the details of the story, but specifically interaction with your older daughter, your three year old, like what, what does that look like and what's going through your mind? And how did you kind of navigate that, that moment of frustration?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:07:45] So it's 6 a.m. now. So the first time I was frustrated was about 8 hours ago, 9 hours ago.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:07:51] Bed time is brutal.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:07:52] Oh, my gosh. It's so interesting how little kids can bring you to such high highs of happiness and with a flip the switch, just absolute maniacs. But that's all part of it. I run my own business, so I always think in business terms. I think that's the cost of doing business, right. In order to enjoy the joys of fatherhood, you got to know that that's all part of the gig and that's okay. But I'd say right now, Rory's 3, and it's crazy to me because we have a six month old as well. And for her to be so sweet and smiley and not moving yet, not talking back yet, and then fast forward two and a half years and we've got a little person that's trying to take over the household. Yeah, we're just in a season of discipline right now, and I think where I get most tested is the consistency that is required in order for discipline to even matter or work, and then the patience that has to go hand in hand with that consistency. A couple of months ago, Sarah and I were getting very, very frustrated and and we found out that we were good at discipline 90% of the time, but because we weren't holding the line for that extra ten. None of that 90 was worth it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:09] It all crumbled.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:09:09] It all crumbled. So we were exhausting ourselves and getting frustrated and it was not moving anything forward. So kind of realigned, communicated, on the same page. And over the past couple of months, it's it's been getting better. But that's just the stage where at. I have to remind myself that, we've never been parents of three year olds, and Rory's never been a three year old before.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:32] You're all rookies.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:09:34] Yes, we're all rookies.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:36] See that, that piece of advice alone, like, why do I beat myself up so much? I can, I can ask for forgiveness and my little girls will forgive me every time I ask for forgiveness, right. And and I shouldn't expect them to get it right either, because they're doing this for the first time. Taylor, when I think of you, I think of a friend who really loves being a dad. So this is the way you talk about your girls. Like I've just seen, it's more than just the words, but it's the way you carry yourself when you, when we talk about topics of fatherhood. Like you truly were looking forward to it. You know, that first time we met for coffee, you really looking forward to this role. You saw it as a treasure and then, yeah, it's just kind of been a consistent theme of our phone calls and time together in person is you love the dad life. Did you see that modeled from you? Like I said, well, I got that from my dad. I knew that I was going to love this. Or, how what would caused you to get a spot of instead of seeing dad life as an inconvenience? Or it's like they're little, What can I do in this phase to, like, treasure being a dad? Who did you learn that from, or where did that come from?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:10:39] Yeah, I mean, I can honestly say the only thing that I ever knew that I wanted to be when I grew up was a dad. And I think a lot of that comes from just having two great parents. My mom and dad, were just incredible. And it's funny, as you get older and as you, as you step into these new life chapters, you start to have a deeper level of appreciation for your own parents. Or at least in my experience, because I had such a good example and such good parents. So I think it was the first couple of months where I would call my mom and say, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was this hard. Thank you. But my dad was just incredible. And as as I've gone further and further into the dad life, you know, three years now, which is not not a whole time, but now I start to be more thoughtful in the questions that I ask my dad. And and something that impresses me so much with my dad is he came from a broken home. His parents separated when he was really young. He was one of four boys. All of the boys in his family had gotten separated. My dad was on his own when he was like 15 or 16. Went to like eight different high schools moving around with his dad. And then turned out to be this incredible Dad. Where I, where I, where you asked me like, how, who modeled fatherhood for you? And what's so impressive to me about my dad is he didn't have that model in the home. And so I think how do you, how did you become such an awesome dad without having an awesome dad yourself? And the answer, as I found out, was his father in law. So that's my my mom's dad, a father of seven, and did a great job. And my dad, when he met my mom when he was in his early thirties, he just saw his father in law just do so great at leading the family and learned from him.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:12:33] He took on as a mentor, as a template of like, that's my intent is to be like him and he just lived into it. When you bump into, and this happens to be at a playground or, you know, a conversation at breakfast with some college roommates or this or that moments where I can just see and feel that this dad, you know, no judgment here, but is is having a hard time and is not treasuring being a dad. Is grumbling about the dad, I think it's pretty normal, actually in different circles. If there's enough trust to talk how your heart really like it comes out of and there's there's some guys that don't carry that the joy for fatherhood or the intent of like, no, this is the thing I want to be. What would you your encouragement? Not that the it's easy for passionate guys to like say stuff that's just over loftier, like what are you doing, get on track. But any ideas on how you would encourage those dads to turn in the direction of seeing that life is a treasure, it's a gift?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:13:30] Yeah. I think just without slapping them across the face because that being a dad is hard. Even if you've got good, good kids. It's just, it's just hard. I mean, just logistically, your schedule is so full and if you want to be present and intentional with your kids and in your marriage and in your relationship with the Lord. I mean, there's literally not that much more time in the day to do any thing that would be selfish for yourself, right? But yeah, I think it is just that reminder that, man, it's so fleeting. This is such a small window that we have with with our kids and for how frustrated I could be last night with Rory as it's taking me an hour and a half to get her down to bed. I know probably in a year or two or three I'm going to want nothing more than her to want to cuddle daddy, right. So for me, it's just always finding that balance between enjoying the present moment, without enabling behavior, that's not good behavior. Disciplining well, without squashing joy. But yeah, it's it's funny. It's all of these cheesy parent sayings that you hear before you're a parent that you just roll your eyes at when you, the day become a parent, they all just become so true. The days are long, but the years are short. Sarah and I, Oh my gosh, we'll just, the iPhone does a really horrible and great job of saying, remember this day a year ago. Sarah and I are just scrolling of these old photos of our kids and just like crying, like they're so tiny. So, yeah, I'd say just a reminder to be present because there are so many great joys in this stage that you're at that as soon as they go away, you're probably going to want some of that back.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:15:21] And I know that, like, that principle is also true, like your your heart and your thinking about preparation for dad life. So if you had to rewind four years to like you guys are celebrating being pregnant, you don't have, you don't hold your your your little girl in your arms yet, but you're waiting and anticipating. When you think about what was the most important, and maybe we just ask the question this way, if you could go back four years ago, what would you tell yourself to be, and it can overlap with some threads we've already talked about, but what would you tell yourself as like put more focus here or here or here to be ready to step into Dad, Dad life?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:16:00] Yeah, I'd say it's less about, I was so focused on just the tactical tasks that I would have to do now that I'm a dad. And that stuff, while helpful, is so easy to learn in the 30 seconds, right. So none of that really ended up being really helpful. What I should have been focused on and what I still need to be focused on is my relationship with the Lord. That's absolutely number one, because you're not going to be a good leader for your family unless you are modeling yourself after the greatest leader. So that's number one. And then number two is absolutely pursuing your wife with as much passion as you can. So that's something to I know a lot of people that are married that don't have kids, where people are saying, you got to establish a date night. I know it seems kind of silly before you have kids because you're like, well, every night's date night. What do you mean? We have we have nothing else.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:16:55] All play.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:16:56] We have nothing else to do. But establishing those rhythms. Because as soon as your family grows, those rhythms get disrupted, as they should be, and it becomes very easy to fall out of rhythm. And so just pursuing your wife, passionately running after Jesus and pursuing your wife with with all you can. Because the transition into parenthood, however hard you think it is as a dad, it's a million times harder for a mom because immediately their identity shifts. For us as dad, maybe it's a little less sleep, maybe a couple more tasks, but we're still going back to work and we still have all this stuff. Whereas for for moms, I mean, their identity completely switches. In a world that gives the illusion that being a mom is easy and happy for everybody on social media, whereas it's hard for everyone. And it just seems like it's difficult for women to, to be honest with each other, that it is hard.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:17:58] There's two other themes that I see in you, Taylor. Brotherhood of just valuing friends, but not just like, let's pull together and be friends. Let's, let's do something that matters, as friends. So the two themes are our friendships and brotherhood and then pushing yourself physically and inviting friends too. So this is like our Fathers for the Fatherless triathlon team and various other kind of pursuits. Whether it's cross-country skiing a long ways in the winter or just taking on, I'm I'm going to I'm going to make room, find room to rally men, rally brothers around causes that matter. Would you talk a little bit about your heart for that? And like, what has where did that come from and how do you balance that with the demands and the requirements of being at home as a dad with your kids?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:18:47] Yeah. So I'll speak about how, why, why I like it so much, and then I'll speak to how I've failed in it. So, one, I spoke earlier about how your capacity shrinks, your schedule gets more full as your family grows. So me, selfishly, I have to be very efficient with my time if I want to fit in the things that selfishly I want to do. And one of those things is being active, which, you know, it is selfish while at the same time I'm a better person, better dad, better leader if I can be active and healthy. But I need to find ways where I can, I can kill more than one bird with a stone, right. I need to knock out multiple things with one task. So in rallying guys together, it's something where I can selfishly, I'm doing something that I want to do, where I'm staying active and working out. I'm going to be doing that anyways. Two, I'm doing it in community, which it's all at 5:30 a.m., 6 a.m.. So I'm doing it at a time where the families asleep. So, if anything, I'm sacrificing sleep. So doing something healthy that's good for you, doing it with people that I want to be like and pull me up while at the same time we're doing it all for a great cause. So that's where the Fathers for the Fatherless is is perfect because it's something that I like to do, something that I'm good at. And that's all something for for a great cause. So at that 5:30 a.m. instead of I am just checking off this one thing today, which is just being healthy. No, it's like I'm checking off some friend time some, health time, right. Increasing my health. And then we're all doing it for a purpose with that vision of of raising funds for an incredible nonprofit.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:39] The stacking of good things, things that you know are good for your soul, good for you as a dad, like stacking so you get to accomplish them all in the same 90 minute slot. Like is I think it's a like it's a gift like to figure that out. A lot of people haven't figured out, but if they have a friend that has, they get the benefit of all three things. They get invited in. Are there any other areas of the dad life in these first three or four years that you've you found, man, I can do this, plus this? It's not one plus one equals two. It's one plus one equals seven. Like it like just areas like that, anything else that top of mind?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:21:15] Well, I mean, we talked about being in community for active stuff, fitness stuff, but I think just being in community with other dads that are on the same, in the same chapter, in the same couple chapters as you. It's funny, as you and I were just kind of talking about last night about what are the things that we want to talk about during this conversation. And one of those things is what are some pieces of advice? I immediately went to my group of guys that we lead a Bible study together on Friday mornings. It's a group of 12, 15 awesome dudes that love the Lord that all have little kids. And I told them, I said, Hey guys, what are some tips? What are two or three pieces of wisdom that you'd share? And so, I mean, half of the wisdom that I'm sharing this morning is not stuff that I figured out, it's stuff that buddies encourage me in, right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:22:03] You crowdsourced.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:22:03] Oh, my gosh.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:22:05] With your inner circle.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:22:05] And that's that's just one of the cheat codes of life, right. Is is we're all in this together and to be surrounded by your mighty men, right. That are alongside you, there to battle in a season that has such great joys but at the same time is is really hard. And anyone that tells you that it's not hard, either one isn't trying hard enough or they're lying, right. So yeah, I'd say just time with other Christian men. So stacking, right. I do a Friday morning Bible study with the guys. So last year we had a group of 15. Those guys became leaders this year and this year we got a group of 60 on Friday mornings out of our office in Minneapolis and those guys. So I want to encourage those leaders so that they can then encourage the guys that they're leading in the in the Bible study. So I'm getting time in the Word. I'm getting accountability to pursue the Lord and I'm spending time with buddies. And after Friday mornings, we go cross country skiing. So, right, so knock it out, a third one there. So that's something that, this is, raising families is a team sport, and if you're trying to do it as an individual sport, it's just you're making it so much harder than it needs to be. So whether that's joining a group at your church or starting a group or trying to get a group of friends and putting structure around, hey, once a month we're going to do a marriage group where we're going to get a babysitter and we're going to get together, have dinner at someone's house, and have intentional conversation about our marriage, our marriages and being parents. You just got to do it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:23:46] It's funny, I was thinking at first, when you said it's a team sport, referring to you and your wife and teamwork and we're in this together. You're actually saying it's the village, it's the community team sport that makes you a better dad, like raising families. Is that the direction you're going with that?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:24:01] That's exactly I mean, yes. Yes, both. But I was going more in the, I mean, think about for a lot of guys growing up, like who were the most impactful people in your life during high school or college. And for some people, it's their parents. But for a lot of people, it's not right. It's that teacher or it's that that coach. Or so if I can strategically place these non-parents that love the Lord around my kids, well then I'm just increasing the odds that they're going to be poured into by people that have the same values that are running after the Lord that care for their wives, the same way that are raising their kids with the same values and principles. So, so to me, I joke about this where it's like I want my kids to be confused of who's actually their aunt and uncle and who's not.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:51] Because you've got so many close and loving people.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:24:54] Yeah, yeah.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:55] That's a good confusion to move towards. Just so many voices of wisdom and love in people their parents trust deeply. I love that. I want to go back to the list of crowd sourcing advice that you grabbed from these guys. But before that, just just broadly on men and men taking initiative, dads who take initiative, even though we're imperfect. So you got a dad you're talking to right now, me who started a dad podcast, but I'm very much approaching the dad life imperfectly, right. Like, but I took initiative and started something. You've taken initiative around teams, this Bible study, the team it was a huge triathlon that you're rallying guys around like it was not my idea was yours. You're ,you're a guy who has a vision, a hope, and then follows up with action. I really respect that about you. Why like one, Why do you do you agree with my hypothesis that many dads, many men are not men of initiative when it comes to faith, Dad, life, marriage? I guess that's first question, second question like how can we encourage them to be men of initiative?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:26:00] Yeah, I mean, I think probably a lot of it is just the fear of messing it up or the fear of not knowing how to do things perfectly and not wanting to start and not wanting it to look messy. But I'm a big believer of an imperfect something is way better than a perfect nothing, right. So just taking action is just so, so important. And then also remembering is like, if you think it's hard, it's likely because you care, which means you're probably doing a good job. Or hey, my morning routine, once you have a kid or once you have two kids, you have no idea what any morning is going to look like. So my perfectly structured quiet time in the morning doesn't look the same as it did before kids. But Jesus doesn't care. Jesus loved messy. Look at all the, look at all the most famous people in the Bible. They were all super messy people and God loves that and uses it, right. So, so not putting pressure on yourself and just realizing that, as a parent, it's less about what you teach and it's more about what you model to your kids. So, so pursuing your relationship with the Lord and passionately loving your wife are the two things that you got to do that are going to make a lasting impact on your kids, whether whether you believe it or not.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:27:18] But taking that just a little step further, you said by starting this Friday morning group or leading that group, it adds accountability to you to keep growing, keep learning, because you got some like that's on your calendar, right. So any any dude who steps in and says, I'm going to lead this thing or I'm going to rally these guys to go on this weekend trip, Or I'm going, I care about growing in this area of Walk with the Lord or Journey as being an intentional father by just saying, I'll I'll chance it. I'll take the step. I'll be the guy who takes initiative. Like we immediately, like what pours back in, there's insecurity in going on and there's all this like, doubts, shame, Like there's stuff that gets thrown at us, especially in the fatherhood area of Who am I to take the lead here? Who am I? Like this crazy that that voice is not our Heavenly Father who holds the guys back from saying, I'll take the lead around seeking God together or being intentional dads together. But but the default is passivity. I think that's we're going to, we're going to head. Anything to add on that?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:28:19] Yeah, I mean, that's what you hit it, you hit it on the head. But the reason why I love this sign up for leadership or to lead causes is because it introduces a level of accountability that isn't there if you're not leading it. So if I'm leading this thing on Friday mornings, well if I don't show up on Friday morning, the door's not getting unlocked or I'm I'm organizing this group right on Friday morning. Well, if I'm not there, then no one knows where to go, right. So selfishly, it's something that I like to do because it forces me to get out of bed when otherwise it'd be a little bit more hard, more difficult to get out of bed when needed. So having that level of accountability, whether you are leading a group or just joining in with the group and they say, Hey, we're meeting here at this time. So being surrounded by people, by guys, that are raising your your your default standard is super, super important because people are always going to trend towards what the average is in the group. Whether it's the value of real estate in the neighborhood, I'm a realtor. Or, or the boys that's hanging in your group. So that's something that I think is, is super, super important.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:29] Yeah. Because if we count on our feelings of I'll see what I feel like this Saturday morning, like kind of my feelings, I'm not going to show up in the best way, in that moment I'm going to choose sleep. But when I count on, I've made a commitment to my future self, in a Friday morning, maybe you've made a commitment for ten straight weeks or ten straight months. I've made that commitment to my future self and to my circle of friends, and we're going to step into a much better version of growth and accountability, like you said, and like stepping up when we do that.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:29:58] Yeah, this is this is an analogy that I did not come up with. This is something that I heard a couple months ago that's really stuck with me is is every day that you get up and you decide to do the thing, whether it's loving your wife in an intentional way or getting that workout in or diving into the word, you're placing a brick. And in that day, that brick, you can hold it in your hand. It feels very inconsequential. It feels like you dropped it, it would just break. But if you lay that brick every day over a matter of years, you can just step back and you say, Oh my gosh, I built a wall. I built a foundation here, right. So, so every day, I'm such a big believer of every day you're casting a vote for the person that you want to become. And so making those in the moment, difficult, daily choices over time are going to make such an impact on your life and are going to redirect the the outcome of your life in an incredible way.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:30:58] And yes, I love that visual. You can place bricks on the home front and it's massively like the dividends of discipleship of your kids and pursuing your wife on the home front is like the generations to come. Kids, grandkids, great grandkids, huge. But as soon as a dad says, I'm going to actually play some bricks for other dads, other men, other families, and continue. Of course, when you're doing that, there's also some subtle accountability. There's some overt accountability that I have to be placing bricks on the home front. Or else I'm just it's duplicitous, right? But as soon as we start placing bricks over here, the compounded for each brother, each friend, each a man, each father that you pull into your circle and inspire an even a small way to lace in bricks of their own, then then you you had a chance to share, and not take credit for it, is sharing like they're like generational legacy. So that's where I can just kind of geek out on this for a while.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:31:56] And that makes me think of another analogy that I heard recently. It was Tim Tebow was on the was on a podcast that I listen to and Tim talked about how he one wants to be the moon. And that's kind of my theme going into 2024 is I want to be the Moon. And what that means is, on a full moon night, the ability that the moon has to light up the world is incredible. But the moon doesn't emit light. The moon reflects light, right. So being that reflection to be able to, it's not under my own power that I am doing any of this stuff, but I want to reflect the love of Jesus on the people. I want to point people back to Him. I want to point, encourage people into being better husbands, into better fathers, into healthier guys, because that helps you do all of those other things, it's just something that's really, really important to me. And and you don't need to be this crazy, charismatic, quote unquote, leader to be able to do any of that stuff. My joke is I organize these groups because I'm the one that can use a spreadsheet and I can send out calendar invites and I put gifs in the text conversations, appropriately chosen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:33:12] You have to be within sight of the sun. Like I like that analogy, as soon, as soon as you're blocked by something like the moon emits zero light. So you have to within insights, there has to be a line of sight. So which is what we've talked about a bunch is, is our walk with the Lord. So let's go back to crowdsource dad wisdom. Any, any other, if you got a couple more, it'd be fun to just riff on any anything else you gathered from your group?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:33:40] Oh, my gosh. Let me just..
Jeff Zaugg: [00:33:41] Yeah, great.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:33:42] I can literally pull up the list. Yeah, I can tell you that if you are not in a group of guys, an organized group of guys that love the Lord, you probably have a lot of people around you that want that. So it literally just takes that first person to say, Hey, we should do this. So, all right, Connor Piche, be the first to apologize with with wife and also model apologizing with and for kids. If you make a mistake, take the time to get down on their level and say sorry. So being the first to say sorry, I mean, when you are exhausted, when you're sleep deprived, when it's the 17th night in a row where you're not getting any sleep, it's very easy to attack each other as spouses. So remembering that you're on the same team and always be the first one, even if in your mind, you know you're right, you're wrong. Admit it, just say it. Apologize and move on.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:34:41] I love that. So good.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:34:43] This is a really great one from Jordan Porteous. So, Jesus first, have open hands, be the first to celebrate wins and the first to be lifting up after a bump in the road. Everyone's looking to you, whether they say it or not. Great honor and a great responsibility to emulate Jesus. Sam talked about Find ways to pursue your wife and prioritize weekly date nights just because as you have a kid and then that next and then the next, it just gets harder and harder. So you need to establish that into your daily routine. Thomas said, serve your wife, humble yourself, and don't place any expectations on your kids unless they're holy expectations.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:22] Wow.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:35:24] That's a really good one.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:28] Who had the comment about like buck up, like step up? It was a pretty strong one. Was it you?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:35:33] Oh, yeah.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:33] Yeah, yeah. Read that one quick. I know we've covered the topic, but it was fun, you brought a little stinger there.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:35:41] I said, for however, however difficult you think this is for you as a dad, it's a thousand times harder for your wife. So suck it up, buttercup. I mean, it's just something, everyone, it's like you want a pity party. You want someone to say, Yeah, it's hard. It's going to be okay. Which it is. I'm telling you guys right now and just repeat this podcast if you want someone to say it is hard. But that's not going to solve the issue in the moment. And so all all complaining about the moment only makes the moment even harder and doesn't move towards a resolution or a solution. So understanding that, yes, selfishly, you're having to sacrifice a lot as you become a parent and as a dad. But the amount of changes that are going on in your wife's life, both from an identity perspective, but also from a biology standpoint and physiologically. Like the hormones and the body, and the structure. I mean, it's funny, It's like as soon as you and your spouse get pregnant, your wife's life immediately changes then. For the husband, they're fun to make and you don't really do any work in the first nine months. And then even that first year after your biggest role is supporting your wife, right. So so having that praying and this is one of my big prayers is praying for unlimited compassion, praying for unlimited empathy, praying for unlimited patience, because those are all things that if you want to support your wife, well, you need those in abundance. You need to daily die to yourself, daily die to your selfish desires and know that, hey, when you signed up for this marriage covenant, this is what you signed up for, baby.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:37:25] Yeah. Covenant. The deeper, yeah, the deeper sides of it. All that I have is yours. All that I have. And so I love suck it up, buttercup. Like, like that, that that charge can be men who actually, like, raise that bar significantly. You said unlimited compassion and unlimited empathy. Like, we're going to miss the unlimited mark, but if you go for the unlimited market, if you say, like, I want my reservoir to be so full so I can just keep giving and giving and giving. That's such good, like I needed that, Taylor. So thank you for for coming strong with that piece. Any last like, oh, it'd be fun to talk about this when it comes to you rookie dads, anything else on your heart you wanted to share?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:38:10] Well, I feel like, as Sarah and I, before we had kids, when everyone, when anyone ever talked about becoming a parent, people seem to always focus on the sacrifice you need to make. The difficulty with sleeping, the challenges that you'll face inevitably. But being a parent has just been so, so fun. And we wish that people would have talked to us about the joys, because maybe, I mean, it all happened in God's timing, but maybe we would have started earlier, right. So so that's something, we just hit our second 20 minutes, we've been here for 40 minutes.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:38:43] Nice work.
Taylor Doolittle: [00:38:46] So something that I would just encourage guys who are either, their wives are pregnant currently, or they're thinking about stepping into the dad life or or one day they want to become dads, is I just cannot drive home more that it is the greatest joy and our only legacy, or our greatest legacy, rather, right. For those that might not be able to have kids, it is, it has the ability to be one of our greatest legacies of what you're leaving behind. So yeah, it's just something that's just so great. It's very hard, but nothing in life that's super easy to attain is really even worth going after anyways, is it?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:39:31] Yeah. Harder is better. Taylor, I have observed close up and from afar and through voice texts and Marco polos and whatever other tools I can, I love being close in proximity to you in this journey. It's been a gift to watch you step in and know that what you've shared today is not, well, it's because we're we hit record like this is who you are and thanks for living it because it's contagious to the people around you. Would you say a short prayer?
Taylor Doolittle: [00:39:58] Yeah. Before I pray real quick, just one last kind of call to action for any guys that are in the Twin Cities area that that might be listening to this. If they're like, ah, a group of guys sound awesome to be around or like, I just don't have that or reach out. Like, find me, reach out to me. I'll get you plugged in. Also, for anyone that wants to go sweat really early with a bunch of really immature guys. Also, reach out to me. I'll get you plugged in. In any area of the metro, we got people that want to get out and be active and be better dads. So reach out, please, and we'll get you plugged in. Okay, Lord, first of all, I just want to thank You for who You are and how You model being the perfect father as You treat us like we don't deserve. In the moments that I get frustrated with three year old Rory, I know that You probably have a million times more examples of times that you can be frustrated with me and You're not. So we love You and we thank You. Thank You fortime with Jeff. Thank You for Jeff and his family who are making sacrifices to point families closer to You, which is such a worthy cause. We love You and hope that this podcast reaches the right people, whether it's one guy or two guys that need to hear this and pray that we reach them and they reach out for more resources, or just have that little bit of motivation, that Holy Spirit and nudging to take action on anything that they may have learned this morning. And we love You and we thank You, in your name, Amen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:41:31] Thank you so much for joining us for episode 310 with Taylor Doolittle. All the conversation notes, those action steps he shared along with a way to contact Taylor, we're going to make sure in the show notes as a way to reach out to him. Either list, his website or his email address or something, in case you want to take him up on that invitation to get plugged into his community of of men who are gathering to learn, connect, spur each other on in the dad life. So check out dadawesome.org/podcast and then you can hop to the episode 310. It'll be right there at the top. So guys, as we close out the year 2023, let me say this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It's, I mean, your, the gift of being a part of this journey with us, the gift of listening to the podcast, of leaning in and deciding I care about this area of my life. I want to make this a priority. I want the dad life is a gift and I want to grow and I want to pursue the hearts of my kids. Guys, thank you for being that kind of dad. So grateful. And also I wanted to say thank you for any of you guys who are making have prayerfully decided to make an end of year contribution to make a donation. This is a tax deductible gift. We're a nonprofit organization. Go to dadawesome.org/give and you can scroll down a little bit, there's some Q&A on that page of how to, it was a wire transfer through different funds, employee matching the different ways to give beyond just the online portal so you can check all that out, dadawesom.org/give. Guys, thank you for choosing to be a DadAwesome. Have a great new year with your family.
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· 16:16 - "What I should have been focused on and what I still need to be focused on is my relationship with the Lord. That's absolutely number one, because you're not going to be a good leader for your family unless you are modeling yourself after the greatest leader. So that's number one. Number two, is absolutely pursuing your wife with as much passion as you can."
· 26:51 - "Not putting pressure on yourself and just realizing that, as a parent, it's less about what you teach and it's more about what you model to your kids. So, pursuing your relationship with the Lord and passionately loving your wife are the two things that you got to do that are going to make a lasting impact on your kids, whether you believe it or not."
· 35:15 - "Serve your wife, humble yourself, and don't place any expectations on your kids unless they're holy expectations."
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