326 | Establishing Men's Ministries, Living Life to the Full, and Connecting Through Adventure (Tim Lukei)
Episode Description
In John 10:10, Jesus says that He came so we may have life to the full. This verse guides Tim Lukei’s work as a men's pastor and non-profit leader. Listen in as Tim lists practical tips for building a vibrant men's community. Plus, he describes why adventure matters for your heart, marriage, and family.
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Tim Lukei is the Men's Pastor of Mariners Church in Irvine, California. He also runs Maverick River Collective, which equips churches to establish sustainable, transformational men's ministries. Tim and his wife, Korrie, have been married since 2006 and have three children.
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· If you're following Jesus and it feels boring, you're not doing it right.
· A multi-generational team will create a multi-generational ministry.
· Adventuring as men often opens us up to do life together authentically.
· Don't just be a dad who was there; be a dad who was intentional and present.
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Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.
Tim Lukei: [00:00:39] When you built something, I need to be fired up and so stoked. Like, oh, man, how'd you build that? That's incredible. I want to learn more. That's hard, because I'm not really that engaged and excited about it. But I need to learn to be. How do I connect with my kids? I always wanted to be growing on how do I create moments to better engage and connect with my kids? I don't want to be a dad who is there. I want to be a dad who is present and intentional.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:01:05] This is episode 326 of DadAwesome. Guys. My name is Jeff Zaugg and I'm thrilled. I am, I truly mean that. I'm not just saying that, I'm thrilled. You guys choosing to listen, each of you dads who said, I'm going to tune in and listen to episode 326, it matters to me and it matters to your family. And, thank you. Just want to say thank you. I don't ever want to take for granted the fact that hundreds or many episodes get to thousands of dads are listening. So that really matters to me. So I want to say thank you. Today, episode 326, I have Tim Lukei joining me from Southern California. He's got three kids. And when I asked Mark Batterson, we were on a call probably three weeks ago, maybe, maybe now it was five weeks ago by the time this launches. I asked him who else around the country, who have you noticed, that is taking ground specifically in the area of fatherhood ministry, activating men, focused on helping dads. And he, right away, mentioned Tim. He said, have you met Tim yet? And he actually, it took, we actually connected six months earlier than that with, with Mark Batterson because we're hosting a the DadAwesome Summits, a gathering of leaders of fatherhood ministries. And we're hosting the second one. The first one was a year and a half ago in the mountains. This one's in Washington, DC, but it's a gathering of specifically guys who lead fatherhood ministries. We're trying to say there's no competition in this space. This is, this is all how do we help each other reach more dads? And so Mark mentioned Tim and I said, what's up? And I reached out to Tim. He's not only coming to the DadAwesome Summit, but he said, I'll jump on and be a guest at your podcast. So, Tim and I had a great conversation. We're about to jump into that, but I wanted to remind you, Mother's Day is like three weeks out. So this is like your weekly, rhythmic, reminder to the dads, Mother's Day is coming. And we're doing just for fun, purely for fun. The DadAwesome Store has a special discount, 15% off of everything over this next month, leading up to Mother's Day. You need to use the cod,e momawesome. And here's the deal, none of the items on the DadAwesome Store are for moms. It's just a, this is a fun reason to remind you guys that Mother's Day is coming. Let's, keep pursuing the hearts of MomAwesome in our families. And by buying some DadSwesome gear for yourself, maybe that will stir you up when you wear it, you could remind to be it. So you wear DadAwesome and you be DadAwesome. Be husband awesome. And the discount code is momawesome to get 15% off. All right, long intro, promo. Let's jump right in. This is my conversation, episode 326, with Tim Lukei. Maybe we start here, the theme of adventure and...
Tim Lukei: [00:03:52] Great.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:03:53] Why adventure matters for your own hearts, for your family, for your marriage, for the men that you lead, just the theme of adventure. Wherever kind of that stirs up, you want to talk about it, then I'll ask, I'll ask follow up questions. But talk to me about the theme of adventure.
Tim Lukei: [00:04:08] I love, I love the theme. I think it's a great way to start. I think there's a couple couple different avenues I can go. I'll start with the men's side of things first. I have a podcast called Conversations in the Wild, and this isn't a plug at all.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:04:24] I'll plug it, though. It's a great podcast. I'll plug it. Here we go, from me.
Tim Lukei: [00:04:28] The concept is and I know you know this because you love to adventure too, but it's harder for us men to connect when you just put us at a table and go, hey, let's open the scriptures and have a Bible study and share our struggles in our, you know, what are we celebrating? But if we go on a hike or we go surfing or we go golfing, like by the, by the, what I say by the ninth hole, I might know that you're struggling in your marriage, or I know that your parenting is is suffering, or I know that you're really stoked because you just got a job promotion and you've been working your tail off for it. But that doesn't naturally come out always when we're not adventuring. Adventuring, often guys doing something together, often adventures, open us up to do life together in authenticity and just being real and, and and so I think adventure for me is a pivotal part of the men's ministry that I've created, the way that I personally do life. One of my life verses is John 10:10, Jesus came to give life and life to the full. And when I hear that is, like adventure, let's go adventure with Jesus and our family and our children and our friendships. And so it's not if you're following Jesus and it feels boring, you're doing something wrong. Because the life of Jesus should be far from anything that is boring. As the same concept, I think, rolls right into fatherhood or a family. Like some of the best moments I have with my family are out adventuring, on a trip or, you know, snorkeling together with my boys or, you know, going into a cave, kayaking and or, even even on an airplane, just like, together and laughing and watching, you know, something on a, on an iPad or whatever. Just adventuring together creates connection moments and, you know, moments of this is so awesome we got to experience this together. So, that is adventure as it pertains to man's ministry and family and parenting. Like, the best way I know to how to connect with my kids is going on an adventure. And that doesn't always mean hopping on a plane, going to Hawaii or wherever else. It could be like, hey, we're going on a bike ride and I'll take you to this rad new playground. It's going to be amazing. That could be an adventure. And it doesn't cost necessarily anything. Like my kids beg me to to go on bike rides and it costs nothing.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:07:08] So I used to be with my, I think she was three at the time, my second youngest daughter. We would walk to the rock at the end of the street and do rope swings off the rock. She'd sit on the rock and use my long arms, and I'm the rope, I'm swinging her. That was our, that was our dad daughter adventure was daddy daughter adventure was to the rock to do some swings. We'd bring a sparkling, a can of sparkling, fizzy water and, and sit on the rock and share the can and then walk back. That, like, adventure, you're right. And you actually said by the ninth hole, maybe you've gone a little below the surface and it's wild. You're, that phrase, the first time I thought about this, something maybe 12 years ago, a buddy just truly opened up on the golf course with me. And I don't play that many rounds of golf.
Tim Lukei: [00:07:51] Yeah, I'm not a golfer. I don't know why I use the reference.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:07:53] You use the reference, but the memory just came back of the hurt and pain he was going through and the he didn't want to surface that because it was embarrassing for him to share what with the story and how it was affecting his family, his marriage and but h,e we went there sitting on that golf cart, you know, about the ninth hole. So I think also it does cement moments like that adventure cements deeper memories. And, and just like that story spurred on a memory to me, I'm going to ask you to think any parallels, and this is the random question, never asked it before. Snorkeling, snorkeling and dad life, is there anything, this idea of putting on the mask and snorkle and and looking down, looking up, holding yor head up, whatever. Any parallels at all that you can draw from snorkeling to a dad life principle? It's something might be, a learning and application.
Tim Lukei: [00:08:45] Wow, that wasn't an easy question. I'm going to do my best. It's definitely winging it. But, a couple of years ago, first time taking the family over to Hawaii. And at the time, let's see, it's probably three years ago. So my daughter was, my daughter was three and the boys. We just decided this was going to be a, we're going to walk to the beach and just me and the boys and so, Maverick's probably 8 and Sawyer's, you know, I think 6 or 7, I don't know, somewhere in there. And so they're just getting the hang of snorkeling. This is like fifth or sixth day on the trip. And so, there's, there's kind of like this little ridge you got to walk down. It's not this pristine, easy beach entry, a little bit of a sketchy off the rock jump in. And it's late afternoon, so there's a little bit of, a little bit of a risk. A little bit of this is, the waves are bumpy, little wind, little sketch. And so they keep looking back at me like, dad, are we going to do this? Like, is it safe? They're looking for safety. They're looking for dad's approval. And I'm like, yeah, we we got to jump off the rock into the water in order to see, see the fish and snorkel and, and this particular spot in the afternoon, the sea turtles love to show up. So it's like, this is going to be epic. Like we got to go for it. And so instead of me jumping in first, like they're like, no, we'll go. But they're like, once we get in, like, how are we going to get out? I'm like, I'm not sure yet. I'm not actually sure yet, but I was like, oh, we'll figure it out, boys. Let's go. So we all jump in and it's great. And, beautiful snorkeling, saw sea turtles, the whole thing, super rich memory. But probably the parallel is they're they're looking down, they're looking up, and they're looking back at me. I'm just this constant moment of am I safe or not? Because the water's rough, but you can't really tell that the water's rough if you're snorkeling. If you ever snorkeling, the only way you can kind of tell the water's rough, if water keeps coming into the snorkel and dumping saltwater down your throat. So that's kind of the only way. And so they they're, they're recognizing this is a little bit sketchy. There is some risk. At the same time, I'm looking down and it's beautiful, there's all this marine life. But they're constantly checking to make sure I'm close and dad's near. So, the parallel the best I got is...
Jeff Zaugg: [00:11:27] I like it.
Tim Lukei: [00:11:28] The, you can be experiencing something risky, adventurous, but you're looking back to your dad, your Father for safety. Very parallel to God the Father. Just knowing this risk, this faith adventure, this moment of needing to know that God is with me, God the Father, paralleling to, is my dad here? Are we safe? How are we going to get back? Are we sure this is a good idea? I have those moments all the time, as as a grown man. And I have to look to the Father, like, are we good? Are you sure? You said to go, but did you really mean you were going to, you know, take care of me financially? Were you sure I should, you know, make that risk? Is this a good idea for me and my family? So I know that in the journey that I've gone on in the last year and a half, there's been a lot of those oh, crap moments. And I've had to look back to the Father. You know, I, I was obedient. I did what you asked, but I'm scared. I'm scared and I need you.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:12:44] It's okay to be scared. And it's okay to be needing a Father. A steady provision from a Father who's steady and has been there before. And that's, that's, that's really helpful. As a, as a little window into your journey with your family, as a dad, as a husband, what would your wife and kids, if I was to ask them, describe dad, describe your husband, you know, like, what are some of the ways that they would describe you as a husband or father?
Tim Lukei: [00:13:12] I think some of the the the, the theme of adventure is that my wife didn't grow up with a dad and didn't get to go on, she grew up, like my wife, fun fact, she's an identical triplet and has an older brother. So, she, single mom with four.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:13:31] Oh my goodness.
Tim Lukei: [00:13:33] And her mom was a teacher, so a teacher's salary. So, she didn't get to explore and travel and do all these, you know, adventurous things, you know. So growing up, you know, that was, you know, she got to go to Yuma, Arizona on a vacation and, you know, nothing, nothing really, like, extravagant as far as vacations and different adventures. And so when we started dating and we started, you know, married without kids, it was all adventure.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:14:04] Yeah.
Tim Lukei: [00:14:04] Like, let me show you all the the amazing places that we can explore together. And so adventure and travel and experiences is something that, she would probably say fun, humor, lightheartedness, dad's silly. That, those are the kind of things, I think, along those lines that they would say. And, I'm thinking back to a moment a couple of years ago when I was really burnt out and exhausted with life and ministry, and my wife, one of the most, you know, biggest gut punches, she said in this conversation of recognizing it says, we got in a fight about something dumb, and then it turned into this meaningful conversation and she said, hey, you don't seem okay. Honestly, you're not very funny anymore. And I was like, oh, no. And she's like, and you've lost like your spirit of just joy and fun and and it was like, oh man, you're, you're dead on. Like it wasn't like a reaction, no, what are you talking about? I'm good. It wasn't that. It was light bulb went off moment. And so when she knows when I'm not well is probably when I'm not full of energy and excitement and joy for life.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:15:23] So let's go right after that topic of a few of us listening, light bulb is going off right now of saying, like if my closest people, my friends, my wife, my kids, if they had to rank, where do they wish dad, you know, where do they wish me, Jeff, would be on the bringing life and joy and fun and adventure. And if it's lower than where I want it to be, if that light bulb just went off, it's lower, what are some of, what are some of the tips, the the coaching advice, the ideas that you have for, for me or that dad to, like, turn it back in the right direction of this is how I bring life to my family?
Tim Lukei: [00:16:00] I mean, first and foremost is if you're, if it's being recognized by your kids and your family, like, it's, it's, it's not something that we should take lightly. It's take immediate action. And so I think what you're asking is what are some of those immediate actions that we take. One, do some self processing and and figuring out, yeah, like for me it was immediately, I recognized, oh I am burnout. I'm exhausted. And so no matter what you you should already have had people in your place that you're reaching out in to go, hey, I'm not okay. Have you recognized it? And then begin the processing on what does it look like to become whole again? To get, you know, soul rest, to take some time, if you can, to figure out, is there areas where I need a coach or a therapist? Like, one of the things that I try to do as a men's pastor is like, normalize therapy for men all freaking day. It's not, something you do when you're in crisis. It's something that you do constant. And, guys, we don't do that well. We don't process, talk through our hardship, difficulty or past. We don't, that's not our natural gear, for at least most guys. So maybe you get into some, have some meaningful conversations with people who speak truth into your life, but whether it's, you know, painful or not, you need to have that. So, maybe some therapy. Definitely figure out what, what things are the reasons? How did you get here? You know, don't throw Band-Aids at something. Oh, I'm going to take a long weekend. This, a four day weekend or a week off may not be enough. So throw, or figure out what it is that got you there. What is the root cause? Like what? You know, what are some of like, I'm big on, what are my core values? And if my core values are all out of alignment and the things that matter most in my life are fifth on the list, tenth on the list as far as the way that I'm living, I have a serious, reordering that needs to happen. So if if I'm all about, if family is my number one, and it's taking fifth place because work is so demanding. We are going to continue to feel like crap and not be whole. So I think doing assessment of core values and going, okay, the top three are actually in the bottom ten in my life right now. So how do we reorient those and rearrange things? And I live in Orange County, which is a really wealthy part of Orange County, Irvine, Newport Beach, Costa Mesa. And so I hang with a lot of guys, and I've had some really painful conversations of guys that have said, I'll never forget, one guy's broken, totally banged up in my office, and he's like, Tim, I have a huge home with six different beautiful cars. I'm, the CEO of a really, like, amazing company. We're killing it. And my wife hates me, and my kids won't talk to me. And it, it kind of gets to your question a little bit in that he's completely put his life in the wrong order and all the things that he thought that would bring him joy and happiness and have completely ruined his life. And I, you know, so when guys are showing glimmers of that, I'm like, man, if you lost your wife because of your job, would you be stoked about that? It's like never a yes. And so I'm like, man, you got to make some changes. Like, I don't know how, but you have got to find a way. And so that's a longer answer maybe to your question.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:05] That's helpful. You're adding the level of seriousness to like the self-assessment and the audit and the clarity of this is who I desire to be. The intent is here. Let's actually take inventory and ask people who care deeply. And, and then am I willing to make radical changes to repoint to what's most important? And that might be selling some of those cars.
Tim Lukei: [00:20:29] That might be selling some.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:30] Ii might be something a lot more painful than that actually, to really take risks to, to bring it back into order. Part of what might be important here is I have not yet explained, Tim, why we got connected. So when I asked, our mutual friend, Mark Batterson, who else in the country do I need to contact to get to know because of bright spots of, like, what's happening with the men, with the fathers? Leaders of fatherhood ministry movements is what I asked him. He brought you up and said, you got to get in touch with Tim. Which is such a like I just was like, so thankful that he, he sent me your direction right away. Where, like, have we known each other for five years, Tim, or has it just been I mean, this is our first time connecting, which I'm so grateful. But you lead a ministry, that is helping in one local church and lots of other local churches. So this is why it's it's fun to share with our DadAwesome community. You've been, like 20 years, 16 years. How many years at Mariner's helping with men's ministry?
Tim Lukei: [00:21:22] So I've been on staff for close to 16. I've been the men's pastor for 8.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:27] 8. Okay. And that, so that just doesn't exist. Many people that haven't heard of Mariners Church, I've known for a long time because of just, influence in, in, you know, Southern California and beyond, but, church with men's ministry pastor is so rare, so rare. And then a church that goes beyond just having a pastor to seeing the fruit of men actually being activated and being, like, chasing Jesus, discipling their families, taking leadership on the home front that are not just in the plus 50 category. That's, I mean, that's sometimes is the gravitational pull towards men's ministries is for an older crowd. So you've been leading and seeing success in the whole, I think, guys in their teens through guys in their 90s, which is crazy. Give us just a little flyover of what you've been, had the privilege of being a part of and what you lead there at, on the local church level.
Tim Lukei: [00:22:15] Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. So I originally was asked to be the men's pastor, like I said, seven and a half, eight years ago. And at the time, I was 35 years old. And the the men's director at the time, he was gray haired, older gentleman, super cool dude. But it was leading a men's ministry here that was median age 55 plus, which is pretty common in most churches all over the country if there is even a men's ministry. It's primarily an old guys ministry. And so my immediate thought was, no thank you, I'm too young, nor do I want to hang with all those old guys, as cool as they are. Nothing wrong with them, but I'm just not feeling like that's my next step. And obviously, that was not God's plan for my life, and, really felt like the word that God gave me as, as, as I was praying about it was, the bridge. And what I saw that to mean was a bridging the younger generation with an older generation to create a multigenerational men's ministry, so that guys in their, you know, teens, 20s, 30s, 40s would also feel very empowered and engaged to connect with men's ministry. The thing that I knew, at that point in my life, I was had, probably, two kids and I was like, man, I, if I'm going to do this, I really feel like that's where I want to start with young dads, too. I know that the struggle is real trying to balance, being a great husband, father, and in my job. That's a lot of things to try to get right in my walk with Christ. And so I'm like, I, I'm just going to create a ministry that I would be really stoked to be a part of. And my whole background is youth ministry. I'm a Young Life guy. I met my wife through Young Life. I just, Bob Goff, is like, totally, I love that dude and all the crazy. And so I'm just like, and I don't know if it's going to work, but I'm going to create a men's ministry that is essentially a youth ministry for men. And obviously going to, because I was younger, just tap all the guys that I'm connected to in their 30s and then younger, and we're going to build something really epic and that guys will know that, no, that is not for my grandfather. That is for me. And I need that and, wow, there's a ministry specifically within the ministry for young dads. Bingo, I need that. And so that's a little bit of of what we've seen in the, you know, the when I first started, there was a men's breakfast, like I said, 55 plus. About 150 guys showing up on a Saturday morning. Just your traditional men's breakfast that you would see in other areas of the country. And I, and I was introduced and I'll never forget, other than one other dude, I was the youngest guy in the room. And, like, hey, I'm so stoked that you guys are here and never want you to not be a part of this ministry. I need you. But please know this ministry is going to get younger, and we will desperately need your wisdom, and your, the life that you've lived in all, all the life experiences to be passed on to the young guys. But don't be nervous when there's dudes way younger than you that start showing up. And then we began the process of building a multi-generational men's ministry, and it's it's working. And, yeah, we see, anywhere from 7-800 guys show up at a men's breakfast now, and, and some guys that are bringing their kids when it makes sense to. And it's, it's pretty, it's pretty phenomenal what God has done through and in some small and big changes within the men here.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:26:19] But I know that the, the heartbeat is it comes from who you are. There's an adventure component. There's very much a small group component, not just to, you know, sit in rows and watch the stage, there's a ton of small groups. There's, there's activation of like, there's fun that you mentioned. There's the, there's the let's let's create with competition and fun and adventure and new risk in these, these layers. But, multigenerational, something you brought up that is so important versus just create something for people that are just like me, right. As you now have launched Maverick River and a nonprofit ministry that serves and helps equip others with your podcast, Maverick River Collective, and and other resources. What are some of, if you had to just kind of go top handful five tips, or it could be three, it could be seven, whatever, but some tips you, multigenerational is one, what are some of the other like things you're like, hey, I would think about this if I was launching a men's ministry at my church, trying to get men connected? What are some of the top things that you would advise, hey, make this important, make this kind of core value?
Tim Lukei: [00:27:19] Yeah. I think one of the easiest things that you can immediately do to create a multigenerational men's ministry is the the leadership needs to look like the ages that you're reaching. So, you know, we have, I remember, we had a men's patio team that I inherited. And so when you walk out of church on a Sunday, there's the men's table. And God bless the 2 or 3 guys that were, you know, 60 plus. And, so I just started recruiting a couple dudes in their 20s and 30s, and so I would never only have two guys in their 20s at the table, though. I would always have a guy in his 20s and then an old guy. Because actually, it covers the entire gamut of ages. And so, your ministry, the men's ministry should reflect visually what you're hoping to accomplish as far as reach. And so that, that's one easy one. So create, build it, so multi-generational team will create a multi-generational ministry. I'm massive on, the first step is create a core leadership team of anywhere from 8 to 12 guys. And so I wrote a whole playbook as I'm taking churches through. And so for the very first play is Build the Dream Team. And I liken it to Jesus Built the Dream Team. And it wasn't a bunch of guys that were, had their doctorate and wrote 20 books on men's ministry, or they didn't all have the theological degrees. But a team of guys, first and foremost, that are fired up about reaching men. Passion is going to be, you know, one of the number one things I'm looking for as I'm building that team and then their ages. In a perfect world, a couple, two guys in their 20s, two guys in their 30s, two guys in their 40s, all the way, there might be two guys in their 90s if they're fired up and still got any fire left. So, I have right now, I still have a core team and there's, I think 3 or 4 guys in their late 60s, early 70s that are gung ho, fired up about the mission. And then I got guys the trickle down from there and so on that tier and on that team, obviously passion, age, but also skills and competency in areas that they, you know, hey, I'm fired up to build and disciple men through groups. Okay, great. Because that's what we're all about. It's not like, you had mentioned it, I want to make sure I say, it's a men's ministry shouldn't be an events based ministry. You need an event because that is the wide end of the funnel that will get the guy's attention. Grab them. But then all day, if there's not a next step into group life where transformation happens more often, like you said, in circles than rows all day. If if a men's ministry doesn't have groups, you don't have a men's ministry. Or if your men's ministry is just one group, you don't really have a men's ministry. So the biggest thing that I'm excited to share is that the men's ministry here at Mariners has over 100 men's life groups. To me, that is a bigger accomplishment and data point then, oh, we had 800 guys show up last month at our men's breakfast. That's awesome. How many of them are connected and actually serving and integrated into the life of the church? Well, I don't know. Well, that's to me the number that proves it is the circles, the group, the life groups. So those are some of the things that I think are going to be imperative.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:04] Thank you. And there's a whole bunch of follow up questions I could ask, but I can also just keep sending our guys who are, this is sparking interest to the resources you're already creating to help so and so, and I'll do that for sure. To swing back to the home front and your, your three. I was going to say littles, but, I mean, the youngest is six now, so they're, they're growing. They're growing up. I still refer to my four as littles, but, now they're also, my oldest is in double digits now. What what would you say, if there's an area that you're like, you're pinpointing, that's a growth area for me, as a dad, I want to grow in that area. I want to read books to help me grow. I want to get around mentors. I want, is there a one, two, three areas that you're like, and this is an area that I feel challenged and I want to be growing in as a dad?
Tim Lukei: [00:31:51] Yeah, I think, for sure with my oldest being 11. We've already had a couple of, the talks, so to speak. And I actually think that what I've learned in that process, some of which from Jim Burns resources and, and thehomeward stuff, but it's, it's not a, a one and done conversation as far as, like, talking to my oldest or anyone with kids at like, the tween or going into puberty ages, it's like, I want to continue to grow. And what does it look like now to be a dad with kids who are moving into youth? My son's in sixth grade, which means at at school and at the church, he's considered a junior higher. Which is still trips me out. And so I want to learn and I want to continue to grow in the area of, like, what does it look like now to be a father who has a a teenager? And then my son, who's nine, is right there behind him. So, you know, giddy up on, you know, just preparing. And then my little girl will be is creeping up quick. So that's a massive area of growth that I want to continue. We've had a couple of those conversations as far as the talk, but I'm not only talking about that. What does it look like to connect with my kids now differently? My oldest is going to not be as stoked to to head up the local playground. And how do I, you know, learn how to be good at Fortnite and Minecraft? Because that's what he's stoked about. And Minecraft, minecraft literally makes me dizzy and sick to my stomach. But how do I learn how to toughen up and play Minecraft even though, I don't want to and it literally makes me dizzy. But when he builds something, I need to be fired up and so stoked, like, oh, man, how did you build that? That's incredible. I want to learn more. That's hard because I'm not really that engaged and excited about it, but I need to learn to be. So just new things on how do I connect with my kids? I always want to be growing on, you know, how do I how do I create moments to to better engage and connect with my kids? I don't want to be a dad who is there. I want to be a dad who is present and intentional. It's more than that, for me. So, I'm not perfect at it. I got a long way to go in it, but I want to show up and not get distracted by things that don't matter in moments that, like, should have connected there, should have. That was the moment. I totally missed it. So I'm growing in those areas.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:34:36] Thanks for sharing. It's, that question is just a sample question that anyone listening right now can ask another dad. And just that what it sparks of what might be a just a little five minute back and forth on share ways that you're growing like it's amazing the value of us just saying let's go there with our conversation. And really we're admitting some there's some, vulnerability there. Because usually if it's an area you're growing, it means you have certainly not arrived or you've pinpointed.
Tim Lukei: [00:35:02] No doubt.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:02] There's a growth needed. Let's just go rapid fire, some books that might be helpful for the DadAwesome community. So we we have already brought up Mark Batterson and how he's been impactful, but do you have a top 1 or 2 books of his that you'd say would be helpful for dads?
Tim Lukei: [00:35:16] 100% for dads, Play the Man was the first Batterson book that I ever picked up. And probably need to read it again soon because, you know, the second half of the book is all the rite of passage stuff that he took his son through, or sons. And so that that is definitely my, one of the top Batterson book. All day, and at least once or twice a year, I'm taking guys through, Draw the Circle.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:46] Draw the Circle, that's my top one. You nailed it.
Tim Lukei: [00:35:48] That's my number one.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:51] Yep. I've read three times.
Tim Lukei: [00:35:51] Yeah, yeah, I've done it a handful of times. It's always just so rich.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:57] 40 days, 40 days, five minute reads, right? I mean, it's not that, it's not rocket science, but it's so good.
Tim Lukei: [00:36:04] It's super user friendly, but it's so deep and so impactful and just, just the rewiring of our brain that we need to be unified with God and abiding in Him in prayer. And so, that, those are my two top Batterson, I've read many of them, but those are the top. Those are the top, top.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:36:25] And before we hit record, we both talked about Morgan Snyder and Becoming a King. Like, I mean, for sure. He's been on three times, DadAwesome. So like the guys know about, but we want to, I wanted them to hear again, that we equally are like, read that book. Do you have like two other like 1 or 2 others that we haven't talked about that you're like, these would be helpful?
Tim Lukei: [00:36:46] The book that I would say, and it feels so cliche to bring up, Eldridge.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:36:53] Thought you were going to say the Bible. I thought you're going to say the Bible there for a second. I was like, really?
Tim Lukei: [00:36:57] I mean, of course. Of course. You need to be reading Eldridge's book.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:36:59] Which one?
Tim Lukei: [00:37:01] So, Resilient, he wrote a couple of years ago, and I picked up that book and I was able in 2022, I talked about that conversation when my wife was like, hey, you're not you. You're not funny. What's up? And I was just exhausted and burnout in 15 years of ministry. And I ended up taking, nine weeks off and a sabbatical break. And I picked up Resilient. The subtitle is Restoring Your Weary Soul in These Turbulent Times. Absolutely essential for, I think, anyone, men or women, because the book is kind of, one of the things it talks about is none of us really got out of Covid unscathed without some sort of weary soul, exhausted, messed up. And the spectrum of of the impact is, is obviously varies. Some people, you know, had some severe stuff go on in that season. But it really helps us really go back to the essential need for Jesus and restoring our souls and, I just got a ton out of it. Love that book. Handed handed off to a lot of people. So that would be the other one. I'm sure there's others. I can't think of anything right now.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:38:12] 3 or 4, so we nailed there. So that's, that's great. Was there anything else, Tim, that you're hoping to talk about today with, with our DadAwesome communtiy? Anything else that was top of mind that you wanted to pass along?
Tim Lukei: [00:38:21] I'm just grateful to be on the, on the podcast and to find another person who's equally as passionate about men's ministry, but men's ministry, and we talked about this when we weren't recording. The way I see it is men's ministry is fatherhood ministry. Whether even you're a dad, you can still, and this is a big part of the work that you do, having a male figure to positively influence a younger generation and kids who desperately need that father figure, that fathers wisdom, that fathers affection and love is essential. And so a men's ministry is a father, father ministry. And, I think a good one should be recognizing, like, you're not just called to be walking with Jesus every day, which you are, being a man of God is being a great father. And so I think, what you're doing is amazing. I love the even the name DadAwesome is so great. I'm big into marketing and names, so I'm like, yes, he nailed it. So I love what you're doing and I'm stoked to be a part of it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:39:33] Well, this will be the first of, I'm sure, many conversations, Tim. Could you say a short prayer over all the, all the dads listening?
Tim Lukei: [00:39:38] I'd love to. God, I think You know this very well, but none of us are perfect. And we're just trying our best to be great fathers. And thank You for setting an amazing example of what it means to be a great Father. So I pray for those who are discouraged and feeling a bit hopeless in the area of, the way that they love and cherish and hold their children. I pray that they would be inspired. I pray that they would have hope. That they'd look to areas of change, that they would grow into being intentional fathers to their kids. I just pray blessing over the listeners. I pray, God, that You would help us to be great men who follow You, and that You'd help us to integrate our whole life into walking with You and being great husbands and great fathers, being great at our work, and to represent You in all the areas that we can. And so, God, I just pray that the, that the men that are listening would be encouraged to keep going and to keep chasing after You. We pray this in Jesus name. Amen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:40:52] Thank you for joining us this week for episode 326 with Tim Lukei. The conversation notes, the links, the quotes, the transcripts, all the goodness from today's episode is at dadawesome.org/podcast. And we mentioned at the top, at the intro of this podcast, this special 15% off of the DadAwesome store, that's right there on the DadAwesome website, just /store. You could find the store and order something up this month using the code momawesome. Guys, thank you for being DadAwesome. I'm praying for you. I'm cheering for you. Our, our prayer is that we move from dads of intent to dads of action. Let's be activating our own selves. Let's be moving to, it's on the calendar, we're pursuing our kids, we're pursuing our wives, we're putting time on the calendar to actually put into action what we learned. So let's not just think about adventure, let's plan the adventure and put it on the calendar. So there's a little nudge at the end here. Appreciate you guys. Have a great week.
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· 6:29 - "Adventuring together creates connection moments and moments of, this is so awesome we got to experience this together. That is adventure as it pertains to man's ministry and family and parenting. The best way I know to how to connect with my kids is going on an adventure. And that doesn't always mean hopping on a plane, going to Hawaii or wherever else. It could be like, hey, we're going on a bike ride and I'll take you to this rad new playground. It's going to be amazing. That could be an adventure. And it doesn't cost necessarily anything. My kids beg me to to go on bike rides and it costs nothing."
· 16:18 - "Do the self processing and figuring out, for me it was immediately, I recognized, I am burnout. I'm exhausted. No matter what you should already have had people in your place that you're reaching out in to go, hey, I'm not okay. Have you recognized it? And then begin the processing on what does it look like to become whole again? To get soul rest, to take some time, if you can, to figure out, is there areas where I need a coach or a therapist? One of the things that I try to do as a men's pastor is normalize therapy for men all freaking day. It's not something you do when you're in crisis. It's something that you do constant. Guys, we don't do that well. We don't process, talk through our hardship, difficulty or past. We don't, that's not our natural gear, for at least most guys. Maybe you have some meaningful conversations with people who speak truth into your life, but whether it's painful or not, you need to have that. Definitely figure out what things are the reasons, How did you get here, and don't just throw Band-Aids at something."
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