330 | Restoring Brotherhood, Facing Fears, and the 7 Dragons Every Man Must Slay (Danny Silk: Part 2)
Episode Description
In the second half of this conversation, Danny Silk shares the seven “dragons,” or fears, that all men must slay. From confronting self-doubt to navigating competition among other men, Danny explores what holds most men back and how you can take immediate action. Plus, you’ll discover the importance of community and brotherhood in your journey to becoming a dragon slayer.
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Danny Silk is a renowned speaker and prolific author who draws on decades of experience as a counselor, social worker, husband, parent, grandparent, and more. He is the President and Co-Founder of Loving on Purpose, a ministry to families and communities worldwide.
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· Every man must confront these seven fears: God, himself, women, men, nature, machine, and provision.
· If you don't set your heart to serve your wife, you will set your heart to conquer her and be the winner.
· Men bond through doing and adventure and through risk.
· Your role as a man is to think ahead and bring benefit to everyone you’re leading.
· Fatherlessness comes from the breakdown of brotherhood.
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Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.
Danny Silk: [00:00:39] Yes, fatherlessness is a huge problem, it is. But I think it comes from the breakdown of brotherhood. If I had strong brothers around me, they wouldn't let me be a knucklehead dad. They wouldn't let me be a knucklehead husband. They wouldn't let me get away with it. They would be in my face giving me a reality check. Because you only get to treat other people that disrespectfully when you're the master of your own universe.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:01:08] Welcome back to DadAwesome. My name is Jeff Zaugg, and I am so thankful you're joining us today for episode 330. Today we have the second half of my conversation with Danny Silk. So if you missed last week's episode, jump back to episode 329 to get the set up. And actually, it's way more than a set up he delivered so many kind of actionable like this will be helpful in your fatherhood journey. But today's, we're going to go deeper. We're going to go further. And this is going to, this is going to be brings so many just next steps to each of us as dads. But before I jump into this week's conversation, I want to remind you guys, we reopened the application process for the Dad Awesome Accelerator. So we're finishing the first cohort, the Spring DadAwesome Accelerator round. Just ten dads, six week journey. And I want to quick give you a fly over for what's coming this summer. It's going to launch again in July, so it's just six weeks, it'll launch in July. And this is what we bring to the Dad Awesome Accelerator. And there's only ten spots available, you've got to apply and we'll prayerfully kind of put the team together and let you know on your application. But this is what we deliver, there's activation coaching. So it's every week we join together for a very purposeful, jam packed, 60 minute zoom coaching session. Then we have action planning. Every week, you have an action plan that gives you specific ways that you can kind of pursue the hearts of your kids. You can pursue building new frameworks and step into more being DadAwesome and building that into your family. We have accountability, man. You're going to be paired with a battle brother. You're also going to have accountability group wise because we check in and say, hey, how did you grow? What did you do this week? We have availability, our group on the fly, people can ask questions, grab prayer, get insights, gather new resources. So there's availability. We're chatting all the time with our group of ten. Then there's access to the Dad Notes. We're creating, this first round of ten, two page PDFs of like this is all the the action steps from the top ten DadAwesome books, resources. So this is huge. And it's so helpful because instead of cliff notes, you got dad notes. This is specifically taking our top resources and making it applicable. So you can have those as part of the part of the cohort. And then lastly, we do two bonus sessions with fatherhood experts, our favorite people from around the world that have been on the podcast. They've been willing to give us time and join a question and answer session, special session with our cohort. So wow, guys, I want you to join this next round. You can hear my voice. I'm so excited. So that is the fly over, the overview. Make sure you email awesome@dadawesome.org to get an email back with all the info and the link to apply. And again we're launching in July, this summer cohort. So with that said, Daddy Silk, part two, this is episode 330. And, buckle up, take some notes. This is so good. And I'm so thankful for the book he's about to launch. So here's our second half of our conversation. But none of us have arrived at this. It's, we're all in progress, but we get to choose to stay on the path of, and this is why I love Job chapter 38. You mentioned this a couple times in the book, but I think this is God like, challengingJjob. It's Job 38:3 and so as God said to Job, yeah, I call you to prepare yourself like a man. And that's that kind of, we're not going to hold anything back. I mean, this would, from the first couple episodes of the Dragon Slayer podcast that you guys just launched to, I mean, really the whole meta theme of the book, I just feel like The way of the Dragon Slayer is a man up, a take ground, a like you don't, this is not the time to play it safe. This is the time in brotherhood to step in and really slay every day, I think, is this phrase you guys use of like, no, we're actually it's a battle. And you, you give at the end of each chapter, you give your sword section of this is like truth from Scripture that will add, so I thought maybe instead of walking through all seven, just top of mind, kind of on your heart right now, what what are a few of the dragons, a few of the topics that you'd say, hey, this this is going to be helpful for the DadAwesome community?
Danny Silk: [00:05:19] Yeah, well, I can, I can rip through quickly and then we can kind of hop around. But, you know, it's it really is that first dragon, you know man and God has got to get nailed because if you don't get that, you, you carry with you a, a wound that has a lie in it and you will misrepresent our Father, that's just going to happen. And it sets you up to struggle even more deeply with the other six dragons. You know, the next dragon is man and himself. Now, this is where you have really got to grow your discernment and be able to tell yourself the truth and not get wrapped up in the accusations and the lies that come from making mistakes. You know you better than the devil knows you, right. And you can accuse you way better than him. So he just kind of sits back at the time, and just lets you tear yourself apart. Then we have man and women, which I probably don't even need to convince anybody that that's a dragon, but it strips us down so fast because we're so afraid of being hurt. We're just so afraid of being hurt that we turn into control freaks. And then there's man and men. And we just talked about that, you know, the the deception of isolation and protect yourself and come together for, for a sport, or a work project or something and then isolate again, keeps you the master of your universe. And that is a terrible idea, guys. Man and nature, nothing will make you feel vulnerable like the ocean, like a desert, you know, like a forest. You you you you just realize how easy to kill you are, you know. You just, you're just food for something. And so getting out there and facing these fears and at the same time realizing that creation is nature. So creation is also your experiences of nature at work everywhere you go. That could be you getting sick and being in the hospital. Or it could be you get in a car accident or whatever. You know, you you are faced with your mortality and eternity. A man and machine, man and machine is probably man's closest attempt to be a creator, you know. And at the same time interacting with that, there's just so much going on with, with, your failure being out of control and or dying, right. And then man and provision. And that really has a lot to do with the, the amount of benefit you bring to those around you. It's it it can be something to, you know, how much money you make, okay, that's in there. But it's really how much benefit do you create around you and how is your heart set on that and how do you stay out of fear, lack of limitation and comparison? So that would be the second track in a nutshell.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:08:24] That's so helpful to have the flyover. Now part of the monthly zoom call that you have with your 12, I know you ask, like, what's the what's the area, what's the head of the dragon this month? Like what's, what's, which of these seven? Is that, is that question, do I have that right?
Danny Silk: [00:08:39] Well, the head of the Dragon one, we've done it. So, you know, over four years we've gone through so much of the first year, I just had each guy introduce himself. You know, that took 12 months, right. It was, actually the first six months we planned a trip in Alaska, which was just epic, epic, epic. But then I had each guy just kind of give their spiritual journey, their life's journey, and everybody got to meet them and see them. And it was beautiful. But when we were talking about, what's the dragon head that you have this month? It was really about, what, what was the struggle? What was the, you know, what was that like? And what did you do and what did you learn? You know, it was just guys bringing heads and dragons, like. Yeah, I, I thought that man and woman this month and, and some guys were like, and the thing's God has put on my neck.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:39] I'm losing. Yeah, I'm losing.
Danny Silk: [00:09:41] Can somebody swing at his head? That would be awesome. So there was, there was all kinds of great conversations.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:49] Because it is a, it's a framework to help dial in conversation and growth and like, no, I'm going to I'm going to actually be a man in this category and step in and man with woman, like, I feel like right now, with young kids season like like continuing to do work on why is this stirring up fears? Why like, what is going on right now with the person I love most in this world, like what's going on? I thought, it's kind of a funny, the name of this section that what I'm about to say is going to sound funny at first, but it's ties in with the, Princess Bride, the Wesley, yelling as you wish, right. Like, but I think you called it, be the sexy butler. Do I have that right?
Danny Silk: [00:10:31] Yeah. Yeah. Sexy butler.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:10:32] Could you explain it?
Danny Silk: [00:10:33] Yeah, yeah, we were sitting around a campfire. It's a, it's a, what do you call it? A bachelor party or whatever, you know. He's he's getting married in the morning, and, we're sitting around Brian Alexander. He's just a great kid, you know, and he says, you know, everybody's jabbering away, and he's just quiet. And his first question is, do you have any advice for me as a, as a new husband? And, and so we just go into this whole thing about make a commitment to serve her for a year. You are her butler. You will, you will, she will ding the bell and you will be on it. And I say, you're going to have more sex than you know what to do, you'll be like rabbits all over the house. I said, you're going to be her sexy butler. You know, he's a body builder guy. So he could get away with the Chippendale thing easily. You know, he could just walk around and have a towel on his arm and a little bow tie on his neck. And that conversation really went around, why would you do that? Why? Because you're trying to eliminate that young man turns every situation into a competition. And and if you don't set your heart to serve her, you will set your heart to conquer her.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:12:05] And keep score.
Danny Silk: [00:12:07] And, and, and to be the winner. To be the winner. To just keep her under you, instead of get under her. And it was, it was a great conversation. And one guy finally says, well when do I get to be served? I said, well, that, that just shows that that thing's got to die in you, A, and then, B, at the end of the year if you've done yourself, if you've done your job well, she is going to be convinced that you actually love her. And here it comes, you make a request and she will be on it because she'll want to protect her connection to you, because you showed her that you cared. You didn't mess up the rest of your foundation by throwing rocks and pine needles and all kinds of stuff on the wet cement. You got there and made that stuff so smooth. You could build a house on it now, baby.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:13:03] It's, I mean, that story and the reframing that this is a dragon to slay. It's not an arrival that great we slayed it this month, we're good for the next six years. No, it's actually an ongoing battle. The dragons keep coming back. But the the man with machine, the reframing there, instead of seeing it casually as I need to try to have a little less screen time on my phone, or I need to navigate and figure this piece out of a new technology, or, how do we give our child access to a phone or this or that? Thinking of it as there's actually, if I'm not careful, if I don't approach this with vigilance, there actually could be death or deep harm. That's where I like the framing of, like, we actually, I'm, I have a sword and I'm going to battle in this area. Would you expound a little further, though, on man with machine and and why it's like it, it actually is a dragon. It's not just a thing to be casually, like, figured out boundaries within.
Danny Silk: [00:13:57] Yeah. You know, it's, it attacks us really in the, there's a, there's the whole technology and the whole misuse of technology. And now we got A.I., so it's just like, oh, this thing is just getting ginormous. Something man created is, is, is now hunting him, right. You're like, oh, my gosh, what are we doing? I mean, there's that whole thing. But the other side of it is fix your dang porch light, would you? would you please just respond to that, that broken hinge on the cupboard that she keeps talking to you about. Would you just learn to use a screwdriver already? Would you buy a tool kit? Will you go ahead and do a little do it yourself stuff? Please, you know, go in there and do it. Quit you, quit putting it off because you don't want to feel stupid. You already, you already look stupid. Okay, so go do something about it. Be the man. There's that end of it as well. And then there's, in the middle of it, which is get out there and take some risks. Get out there and learn some new skills, find some guys that love to work on that stuff and learn from them. Like, go out there and master some machine, like, we took these guys up to Alaska and put them on snow machines. Snow machines not snowmobiles because snowmobiles are for sissies, I think, or something, I don't know, but I got corrected until I learned to say snow machine. So you're out there on your snow machines, now, half the guys are from Alaska. They know all about them. The other half that I brought with me have never been on one or only a couple of time. And so we are, we went 300 miles in a week on snow machines in February. And life changing.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:16:04] Yes.
Danny Silk: [00:16:05] Life changing for the guys that just to get to bond and facing their fears on a machine. It was also nature, you know, and it was men, you know, and all the dragons were swooping around and there were no women there. But it was, it was super, super beneficial. Which is the other part of this is, yeah, the zoom calls are good, but guys don't bond talking as much as they bond doing. So you got to have these, these activities that. So, I have guys all over the country and I, it's my job, I take responsibility. I'm the one that got the 12. I'll be the hub and I am setting up pheasant hunting. I'm setting up golfing. I'm setting up, you know, trips to. This cluster guys get together, this cluster of guys get together. I have yet to get them all 12 together in the same spot.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:17:01] But it ties with, when you say that men, men bond through doing and through adventure and through risk. But also the planning. Because the first, I think what you said, six months of the zoom calls was planning this adventure together. And so that's kind of anchor. And then you went into stories and how important it was once a month to, like, hear somebody, really get to know the deeper levels of somebody's story. It ties, the with the provision section that dragon to slay around. Do I have a vision for my own life, for my family, for my work? Do I have a vision for my 12? If I have, a crew of guys that I've invited them into something, I better give them a clear vision or they're not going to say yes or stick to it by any means. Why is part of provision, why is vision and clarifying a vision such a big deal?
Danny Silk: [00:17:51] Yeah. Well, it's, it's hard to accomplish anything if you can't see it. You know, if you can't get there, it's very much if you are going on vacation, you better, better pick a place, you know, and you better define what's going to happen there. Or are you just going to, go for a drive or something? I'm not sure what you're doing, right. so, you know, you you really are looking down the road and you're leading, so people are following that. And in that is is your responsibility to bring benefit to everybody on the journey with you. That's, that's your role as a man, is to think ahead and to build benefit for for your family, for for your legacy. You know, you were sharing with me at the break that that down line legacy of hundreds of people that have come from you, you know, like, wow, like that, that is vision. Like, oh, I'm thinking generationally, I'm not just thinking momentarily. I'm not living paycheck to paycheck. I'm living generation to generation. So then as a provider, you had better open up your clarity of where you're headed and who's going to be benefiting for you ever being on this planet.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:19:14] And that takes us right into mission. You and your, your first group of 12, before you started inviting them to the second half of this, you came up with this mission. You said you agreed that our mission was twofold to build a band of brothers, that's the 12, and raise up an army of fathers to heal a generation of orphaned sons. So there is a second part. There's a band of brothers that is important. Let's fight these, fight these different dragons together. Let's grow together. Let's, let's be there for each other, know each other stories. Let's adventure together. Let's break through to new experiences and grow and be more brave. But the second side of let's raise up an army of fathers to heal a generation of orphan sons. That's the side where you're asking your 12 to go find and invest in their 12. Can you kind of expound on the second half of that call?
Danny Silk: [00:20:05] Yeah, and this is kind of the upfront ask, really is, you know, as I'm gathering these guys, each one of them, I said, would you commit to this for the rest of our lives? We're going to work on our brotherhood. And would you go do the same? Would you go benefit 12 guys? And you know, this kind of the natural order of things. It does turn into brothers and sons because you go get someone younger than you classically, you know. And sure, I know how, how, how fast we can grow this before we're, you know, in the in the preschools. So, you know, we have to kind of keep it up here a little ways. But yeah, I think that the, the ownership generationally is a big part of what we're doing as brothers. I would attribute that, or I would acknowledge, yes, fatherlessness is a huge problem, it is. But I think it comes from the breakdown of brotherhood. Because if I had strong brothers around me, they wouldn't let me be a knucklehead dad. They wouldn't let me be a knucklehead husband. They wouldn't let me get away with it. They would be in my face and giving me a reality check. Because you, you only get to treat other people that disrespectfully when you're the master of your own universe.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:39] Yeah. Danny, I, I did basically speed reading about two thirds of your book to prepare for this conversation, and I am committing to all of our DadAwesome community and to you that I'm going to do a slow read pass through the whole book. Because I believe that what you have pulled together and what you have lived and now are sharing is, is going to change the trajectory of like what it looks like for me to build brothers and invest in, and invest in others. And it's going to change my family. It's going to change the community that I live. It's going to change the ministry that I lead. And I want to say thank you. Thank you for your hard. I think these areas that I care deeply about, of living as a loved Son of God, identity there and then, living as an intentional dad and in brotherhood, and then helping kids that don't have dads like these core things. We're just so aligned on this mission. And, so wanted to again say thank you. Any just last words and anything else you wanted to share with our community?
Danny Silk: [00:22:35] No, Jeff, I had to say thank you as well. I mean, I know that you're pouring your life into the success of of fathers and brothers and men. So I, I just really appreciate guys like you. Thanks for your support. You know, just as this book rolls out, there's, it releases on May 24th, which is National Brothers Day. I didn't even know there was a thing, until boom. So that's, that became the target. We're creating a website so that all the first gen, dragon slayers can, can gather, and I will meet with them. You know, I'll have I'll pick up another zoom call, and I will teach them and support them and encourage them as they go and build their 12, you know. And they will do conferences and different gatherings and, you know, it'll it'll it'll become a thing. And we have this cool logo. I'm just waiting for all the pictures of tattoos, you know.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:23:36] So you're saying that this there's going to be a lot more conversations, Danny, that we're going to have you back to keep inviting us in, and so look out. Well thank you. Would you say a short prayer over all of us as we say goodbye?
Danny Silk: [00:23:44] Absolutely. Father, thank You so much for designing us as men, calling us to to be providers and protectors and connectors. Lord, I pray that You would just breathe on us as a generation. No one comes to You except that You calling them. And, Lord, I pray that You call men to You that we would pick up and that we would know You so that we could represent You in all the areas of our lives. Lord, thank You for the courage and the strength, the spirit of power and love and a sound mind. Thank You for arming us to face these dragons, to face this life and be successful for Your glory. In Jesus name, Amen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:36] Thank you so much for joining us for episode 330, the second half of the conversation with Danny Silk. I want to make sure to set you guys to the show notes, so our website, dadawesome.org/podcast, is going to feature all the links, all the action steps, the transcripts, the quotes. Make sure you hop over and skim through because it often, we can listen to a conversation and we need, we actually need the the the written down, like these are ways I can step in and grow and be DadAwesome this week. So I wanna encourage you guys to check out the show notes. It's also found, part of the show notes, are found in your podcast app, whatever you listen on. Hey, would you do me a favor? We've been inviting both on Spotify and Apple Podcasts or other platforms, you're listening, could you leave a rating and review? If you guys can just give a, give a five star rating and leave a couple sentences for why DadAwesome, the podcast, has been helpful. It's going to help more dads hear this resource. Want to Invite you guys to leave a rating and review all so you can hop over to YouTube and subscribe to the DadAwesome channel. And that just helps more dads experience, this activation man, we're praying that we could activate you, activating dads to lead with wonder. Let's see this role as a gift. It matters that you listened, it matters that you bring in your whole heart to your fatherhood journey. Your kids are not saying thank you today, many of them are too young. They're not saying, dad, thanks for this. Thanks for that. Thanks for being intentional. But they will in the future. So let me be the on,. Let me say it right now, guys, thank you for choosing to be DadAwesome. Thank you for the joy that you're bringing, the peace that you're bringing, the patience. Thank you for bringing love to your kids. Let's this week, I wanna encourage you guys, at some point while your kids are sleeping, pray over your kids. Sneak into their room at night, when they're sleeping, and pray along the side of their bed. Pray for your kids. That alone will make such a difference. Appreciate all you guys. Cheering for you. Praying for you. Have a great week!
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· 14:49 - "Quit putting it off because you don't want to feel stupid. You already look stupid. So go do something about it. Be the man. There's that end of it as well. And then there's, in the middle of it, which is get out there and take some risks. Get out there and learn some new skills, find some guys that love to work on that stuff and learn from them."
· 18:14 - "You really are looking down the road and you're leading, so people are following that. And in that is your responsibility to bring benefit to everybody on the journey with you. That's your role as a man, is to think ahead and to build benefit for for your family, for your legacy. I'm thinking generationally, I'm not just thinking momentarily. I'm not living paycheck to paycheck. I'm living generation to generation. So, then as a provider, you had better open up your clarity of where you're headed and who's going to be benefiting for you ever being on this planet."
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