362 | The Cathedral Mentality, Aligning Your Words with God’s Truth, and 12 Prayers to Unlock Your Child’s Destiny (Chuck Ramsey)
Episode Description
God didn’t call you to play it safe; He called you to take risks. In today’s episode, Chuck Ramsey will challenge you to shift your mindset and parent with a long-term vision. He’ll inspire you to take bold steps and speak God’s truth over your kids to help them reach their destiny.
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Chuck Ramsey has been the lead pastor of Restoration Church since 2017. He and his wife, Candace, have seven children and five grandchildren. In his free time, Chuck loves long-distance running, snow skiing, and competitive basketball.
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· Just like the architects and artisans who design cathedrals they will never see, your work as a parent will impact countless generations.
· Fatherhood is at the core of the universe.
· Living on the edge is your kingdom calling.
· Your words are like a hammer. Will they destroy your kids' hearts or be so constructive that it releases them into their God-ordained destiny?
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· Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome
· Apply to join the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort: Email awesome@dadawesome.org
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Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave me this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:00:39] With tears in our eyes, Jeff, when Erica got married, I shared that story. She thanked me. We're ninth grade, she's getting attention from this stud older upperclassmen. That was a time when a dad stepped in, I got to protect my daughter.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:00:58] This is episode 362 of DadAwesome. Guys, Merry Christmas. Yesterday was Christmas. This is the last episode of the year 2024, and I have Chuck Ramsey joining me. I'll introduce him in just a minute here. But want to, I just want to express my gratitude. Guys, we're about to celebrate seven years of DadAwesome just next month in January, seven years. And I am so grateful for you guys choosing to listen and choosing to engage with all things DadAwesome. Whether it's been one of our activation events, Fathers for the Fatherless, whether it's been through this podcast or our coaching cohort, the Dad Awesome Accelerator or some of our small groups or meetups around the country. Guys, it matters that you have chosen to jump in and be DadAwesome and journey towards becoming DadAwesome together. So I just wanted to say thank you. We are at the end of the calendar year. We want to invite our DadAwesome community to prayerfully consider making a donation to support the work of DadAwesome. Just simply go to dadawesome.org/give. I want to invite you guys, we're praying for more of our community to jump on board with giving monthly. That would be a huge encouragement, huge support to the ministry to have more of you say I'm in for a monthly contribution, so wanted to say thank you in advance. Chuck Ramsey has become a friend, quickly. I met him in June at a fatherhood ministry gathering that we were both at in Washington, DC, and I'm just so thankful for his joy, his delight, his intentionality. He is a prayerful dad. He is a dad who clearly loves being a dad. And we're going to talk about his, his crew, his grandkids. He's in a fun season of just like man, I just feel like there's so much anticipation that he carries with his, his journey as a dad, but also the intentionality with the men of his church. He's a lead pastor of Restoration Church just north of Atlanta. And, guys, you're going to love this conversation. There is so much here. It's about a 45 minute conversation, so a little longer than usual. But buckle up, we're going to end this year strong with my conversation, Episode 362, with Chuck Ramsey. You were chatting earlier about this idea of mindsets in fatherhood and thinking about the long game. And you brought up this idea of Cathedral. Did you call it...
Chuck Ramsey: [00:03:42] Catherdral mentality.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:03:43] Yeah. Would you, yeah, explain? What does that mean?
Chuck Ramsey: [00:03:45] Well, there's a great book by John Rosemond called Parenting by the Book. In that book, he said, too many parents approach parenthood the wrong way. They said, we're raising children. You're not. You're raising adults. If you raise children, they may never fare well into adulthood. And I got to thinking about that. And another friend of mine, Dave Martin, I heard him give a sermon and I began, all that stuff began to crystallize for me, a cathedral mentality, where an architect, some of the great cathedrals in Rome and Paris around the world, the architect never saw that building completed.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:04:30] Died before it, actually.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:04:31] Yeah. And, you know, it's ornate design, artisans, many of the artisans that would work on a cathedral, I mean, you're talking about 10, 15, sometimes 40, 50, 60 years on some of them and some even longer than that. And that whole cathedral mentality is, I've designed something that I can see an architect that they may never actually get to see it manifested. And in parenting, a lot of times, you know, sociologists talk about the fact that what I'm doing is going to touch ten generations. And so I'm impacting right now some family members I'll never meet. And I think when we, you know, and so Candace and I, we've talked about like I'm not raising sons, I'm raising grandsons and great grandsons and great great grandsons. And like, I really believe that. And so we're intentional to think about it like that. And I think, you know, we're in such a microwave, everything's instantaneous. But when you when you play the long game, man, and you make better decisions, you know. It may be painful in the short run, but man, in the long run, there's a great reward where so many of our decisions feels good to short run. But man, in the long run. So, you know, it's choose your heart. But that whole cathedral mentality, not just in parenting, but in marriage and ministry, in business and our finances, all of it, you know. Cathedral mentality.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:01] So our hope and our devastation or despair, though it swings, if we focus on the short term, it's swinging all the time of like, I'm messing it up. What am I doing? Like, I'm really on top of the world. It's like all over the place. The long game mentality, cathedral thinking about our great, great grandkids. It almost anchors a more steady approach to fatherhood.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:06:22] Yeah. And again, it's not just for fatherhood, but it, it works for fatherhood, but just in life, you know. And if you've ever built anything, we've built a couple of houses and, you know, you have some good days. You, you, you put something up, you go, man, that board's to short or it;s too long or whatever. And in life we get so caught up in, I got to do everything perfectly right. And I know as a pastor, as a decent husband, a decent dad, you know, man, I fumbled the ball sometimes and that cathedral mentality, it helps us understand, you know, in the ebbs and flows of life and parenting and marriage and ministry and life, we're building something. And with God's help, that's going to stand for a long time. So it's not a Jim Walter prefab home that we're throwing up here, you know what I mean?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:07:23] That's it. And even the phrase you just said, we're building something, like the mindset of a builder versus the mindset of I'm trying to make it through this season, right. I'm trying to survive. I want to actually pause in the builder concept and come back to it in a moment. But I'd, I'd like to go actually back to your, your dad and your, your, your grandparents and I guess your dad was like 18 months old when this happened. But it's part of your story that it would make sense for your dad to have a very different trajectory with his life. But. Yeah. God. But God, right. Would you be willing to just help us understand what happened?
Chuck Ramsey: [00:08:03] So anytime anybody asks me, you know, a who's had the greatest influence on your life. Well, I'm like a lot of, you know, guys, it was my dad. And, but my dad did not have an easy life. My dad was not a perfect man. But what happened to him as a toddler, at 18 month old, his dad came in from World War II. And this is back before we, you know, knew what PTSD, and all the stuff and what those guys went through and the neurological damage, that gunfire and everything, bombs and tanks. And not to mention the emotional trauma. And in a jealous rage, my grandfather, my father's father unloaded six bullets of a revolver in my grandmother. And he stood over in a jealous rage and said, If I can't have you, no one can have you. And his mind had just gone, it just gone crazy. My dad's 18 months old and there were lots of siblings, aunts and uncles. But back then, nobody knew how to press, nobody knew how to process trauma or shame or guilt. And so the family, nobody wanted him. And he gets placed in this Presbyterian orphanage, which was, man, God is so good where you go, that was probably the best place for him. He had a cottage mother who was a single, devoted Presbyterian lady who raised him in a Godly way. Hundreds of kids up and down the East Coast who are now pastors that grew up in that orphanage in Danville, Virginia. And so she had a huge impact on my dad. In fact, when she died at 93 years old in Durham, North Carolina, my dad was the one who got to do the funeral. One of the highlights of his life. But so that, that's my dad. But the real turning point in my dad's life was in high school. There was a pastor, H.A. Stone, who had four sons, and my dad went to high school with him. They invited him to church. He went. And Jeff, the rest is his, the grace of God. The mercy of God. God's plan. And so from that, what my dad, he got introduced to a family, a church family, a Christian family. And, you know, Psalm, the Bible says He sets the lonely in families, he's the father of the fatherless. And a good church is like heaven on earth. And my dad found that, a family. So what else he find? He found the word of God. And, and not long after that, there's a sweet, young, single Christian lady who's playing the piano. My dad found a wife, and you may just, you know, you look at that go, wow, how lucky, How coincidental. You just see God's work. And then my dad became a pastor. So here's this little orphan boy, never really knew his mother or father or family. And I think it was when I really became an adult and a father myself, when I realized and I'm a pastor, my dad was a pastor. And you really that that father wound, that fatherlessness, man, that is a big thing. We know, to overcome, you know, C.S. Lewis said, fatherhood is at the core of the universe. And there's a lot to unpack on that. And so my dad, his life was transformed by the gospel. He was a humble man. He was a man's man. Dad was a big guy. Look like an NFL linebacker, even at sixty years old. Broad shoulders, athletic. And he was a man's man. And but when he preached maybe ten times in my whole life, did he preach and not cry. And so the tenderness, the humility, the heart for people. And you know what? My dad loved men. My dad wasn't, you know, we pastored mostly small churches. He did in rural Virginia. And if there was a lady who had an unsaved husband, which is often the case. If they were at Charlie Ramsey's church, if he came on Easter or Christmas, it was over. My dad became known, other pastors in the area would tell single women or women in their church whose husband was unsaved, if you want to get your husband safe, you need to go to the other church. And so dad was a man's man, but he was a, he was a humble, strong man and very sincere. He, he preached with tears in his eyes. And that's the big thing that really shaped me. And, you know, I'm standing on his shoulders, you know.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:13:07] The, I think the part about being, well, the tears, but also talking about his just tenderness. A theme that I pray for, because as you know, I'm a pretty tall guy. I've been praying, I've been praying into being a gentle, giant, gentle giant to my little girls cause I am a giant in their eyes.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:13:27] Jeff, you are that man. Great girl Dad.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:13:30] But there are moments that I find this sharpness in my words or in my posture, in my, and what I want is what you're describing about your dad. I want my girls to always know that their dad was a gentle giant. The gentleness and tenderness. And our mutual friend Kent Evans talks about he's like, he's like, man, like anger is the norm for dads. But what you described about your dad is gentleness and the like has lived with this whole heart. What else would you, yeah, what is it, what bubbles up with that topic? And me just desiring more of that being like your dad. Yeah, how would you encourage me?
Chuck Ramsey: [00:14:07] You know, I'd say a couple of things. Like when I was a teen, I can remember my dad, I don't know if he, if he had really blown it, but there was a moment of failure. And he, I can remember as a teen when he said to me, he said, Chuck, you're going to have to help me be your dad because I never had one. I'll never forget that. And that did something to me. The humility of that, you know. And I'm also reminded in Hebrews 12 where God says, you know, I've, I've loaned you, I've let your parents parent you for a little while and they did the best they could. And God knew he was giving to us imperfect parents. If our, if our parents were perfect, if I was perfect, my, my kids wouldn't realize they need a Savior, a Messiah. And so I think, like dads, if we can if dads could just accept when they messed up, wronged, when they were wrong, if they can ask for forgiveness, even at times for their, from their children, man something, grace is released. I think our kids process that and they go, Wow, I know he's not perfect, he knows I know he's not perfect, he doesn't have to be perfect. And that sets them up to, you know, really, there's only one perfect Father. And it points our dads imperfections. Hebrews 12, it points us ultimately to Father God, you know,.I think sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves. Like I'm, I'm here on my dad's shoulders, but my dad was not perfect. He was a flawed man. And I've told my kids, especially my girls, I said, I want you to know that it's not going to dishonor me one, if one day you have to sit with a counselor and process my lack of perfection. And I think we need to give ourselves a break. Don't live in shame. Just process it, when you blow it, tell them I'm sorry. Would you forgive me?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:16:22] Let's go back to that C.S. Lewis quote for a second about the center of the universe. What was the quote one more time?
Chuck Ramsey: [00:16:30] Fatherhood is at the core of the universe.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:16:33] Core of the universe. Would you unpack that? Just a step for, I know you could spend the whole podcast on Himself as the Heavenly Father and then gifting us the gift of being Fathers? Yeah, go into that a little deeper.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:16:52] Man, this could be a whole separate podcast, but, you know, so when God wants to do something in the earth, He almost always, some people say, always starts with a man. Adam, He started the whole deal with a man. Abraham, Moses, Noah, Jesus. In Ezekiel 22:30, the prophet says, and he's talking about the destruction of Israel. He said, God says I it for a man, not men, a few men, a couple of men. He said, I it for a man who would stand in the gap. And that's talking about prayerfully, spiritually. And he said, If I could have found one man, I could have saved the whole nation. That's powerful stuff right there. So first it starts with God, He reveals Himself as a Father. His word, His written word. Jesus came as a son, as a man. And so, wow, we're and there are books written about when God wants to do something to the earth, He starts with a man. Women have a role, God has used women in, I mean, you and I are here today, the other half of the story is what great moms we had, You know what I'm saying. But so when you unpack fatherhood is at the core of the universe it, and what I just said about revealed scripture. You know, now I want to go and say, you know, talking with Kent Canfield, our friend, in prisons, you know what, you know why men are in prison? Fatherlessness. It's uncanny, the numbers. And there's three characteristics of those men in prison. And the result of fatherlessness is they deal with addictions, mental, instability and a poverty mentality. And that is the inheritance of fatherlessness. And so when you look at all of scripture and the role of a man, in Ephesians the Bible says, and I think it's Chapter 3, the Apostle Paul says the whole earth has derived its name from Father God. And there are many places throughout Scripture where we go, Wow. So take human fathers out of the equation, at the core of the universe, there is a Father in heaven and humans on the earth. When Jesus taught us to pray, the disciples said, Hey, teach us how to pray. The first two words He said were our Father. He didn't say, hey pray like this, my father. I mean, Jesus brought us into that divine relationship. Jesus, I mean, our Father. And as boys and girls in the earth, men and women, the effectiveness with which we relate to our Heavenly Father determines life, the abundant life. Real life, joy filled life. Meaningful, purpose filled life, as we relate to the Father. So that's a short little bit of fatherhood is at the core of the universe.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:38] Thank you. Going back to Genesis and thinking about the power of words, I just, this is just in the last few days, I've had some ahas around, God put His breath into us, breathed into man. And then one of the first missions that he assigned, Adam and Eve, was to use their breath and to name to basically speak out names for creation. And then we as dads get this gift of we get to name our kids. And there's a lot kind of wrapped into that as far as the power of words. But we know that we can either speak life or death.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:21:20] Blessings or curses.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:22] Yes. We have this invitation to, what are we going to do, what are we to do with our words?
Chuck Ramsey: [00:21:25] That's part of being created in the image of God too. We're able to articulate intelligently. Animals can't do that. Dogs can bark and make sounds and other birds can chirp and sing beautifully. But we're created in His image and we are able to articulate, to speak intelligibly. That's a big deal. There's power in our words, especially in a man, a father's words, you know.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:49] Yeah. Go into that deeper. I'd love to hear more of your heart.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:21:53] So, like Jonathan Brozozog, our friend pastor in Minneapolis that you and I have is a mutual acquaintance. He just spoke at our man's retreat couple months ago, and he said, a man, a father's mouth is the pharmacy for his family. A father's words can heal his wife, can build her up, can release things in his sons and daughters. And so we know Jesus taught out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks and the whole thing about saying the right stuff. And you and I have had this conversation before when a man says what God says over his children, that's a, that's a supernatural dimension that families, kids can enter into. And that's that story from Zachariah, you know.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:22:57] I think we need to go there because I was going to ask for like, what are some practical examples? Of course we can open our Bibles and just read promises or sweet declarations. We can declare over, speak over, and it's God's heart, our heart, simultaneously. But would you tell the story of Zachariah?
Chuck Ramsey: [00:23:10] Yeah. So let me, let me start by saying like, I'll bet if I ask you, Jeff, what's some of the earliest things you remember somebody saying to you? It was either for, most point, for most people, it was something painful or it was something powerful, that at that moment you didn't really realize it. You just received it. But it set you on a trajectory. Like one of the, so I'm, we're at my dad's reunion at that orphanage. One of his friends that grew up, I'm 14 years old, he says to me, Chuck, what do you want to be when you grow up? And I said, I don't know, football player, you know, baseball player, you're dumb and naive and your dreaming. And he goes, man, I thought you'd be a preacher. I hope you'll be a preacher. And he said, I bet you'd be a dynamic preacher. He didn't even, he wasn't even thinking when he said, maybe he was. Jeff, I'm 59, that's 45 years ago. I can remember sitting in his light blue Ford LTD in the back seat when he said it to me. Words are like powerful. So, Zachariah, the great story. Luke Chapter 1 he is, it's his turn as a member of the priestly lineage. He's in praying, and the Bible says he stayed so long, people outside were like, What's going on? Well, what was going on, an Angel came, Gabriel, the one who got all the great assignments, and he said, Hey, Zachariah, you and your wife are going to have a baby. And you remember Zachariah, and he's, it's what every man would say, man, I think you got the wrong guy because I'm old. And he says, It's so clever, he goes, And my wife, she is well advanced in years to, depending on what translation. As she's an old lady. We can't. That's impossible, right? And the angel goes, Well, now that you've told me who you are, Zachariah, and you're old, and your wife Elizabeth, and she's old and you know he's that well, I'm Zachariah. I'm Gabriel. And I just came from heaven. And God told me to tell you. And because you didn't receive that and believe it and you doubted it and you spoke against it, now you're not going to be able to talk. And he goes home, wait first, when he leaves that room, he goes outside the temple and they go, Man, where are you been? And the Bible says in sign language, he had to tell them. The Angel came down, my wife, she's giving me a baby. He can't talk. Can you imagine? And then nine months, and he goes home. Well, they did what you do to conceive. And lo and behold, here's this elderly lady, she's pregnant with John the Baptist. Malachi.,The last word in the Old Testament is going to come turn the hearts of fathers, to children, children of the fathers, which is a big deal. This is the baby that's going to do, this is important. And his dad can't talk while his mom's carrying him. You know, she gives birth in the Jewish tradition. They come, and they go alright, what you want to name him? And she says, she says his name is John. She didn't say it. I think we ought to name him John. Well, my husband says something about maybe we ought to consider. She goes, His name is John. And they say you don't have anybody there in your, no, nope, you don't have any John's in your family. That's a great sermon to. Some, when God does something in your family, it might be something that's never been done in your family, and you need to open up to that because I believe that's what happened to my dad. But anyhow. So then they go, Your wife said, His name's John. What do you, what are we supposed to do? And he asks for a little, like post-it and he wrote, if it were in English. J o h n. And the Bible says when he wrote, which was the only way he could say anything, when he said what God said about his son. When John, I mean when Zacharias said God's word over his son, he got his voice back. And that's not the end of the story. But when so many dads talk with no authority, that's why we have to raise our voices. Lot of dads are talking, but nobody's listening because they're not saying anything. But when Zachariah got his voice back then, the Bible says Full of the spirit he took the baby in his arms and the Bible said he began to prophesy over him. Now, this is a long answer for a short question. But you asked me, you know, about the power of a dad's words. We see that all through Scripture. And what he prophesied was what Malachi prophesied. Then he starts marching through the Old Testament, full of the spirit, he began to prophesy and he said all those things that were in the Old Testament over his baby boy. And that baby boy became the forerunner. And people go, Well, of course he was, it was John the Baptist, like I've told you. What if Zachariah hadn't released or said...
Jeff Zaugg: [00:28:42] Blessings, truth, power.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:28:42] And then, oh man. Just, and Jesus said, there's never been anybody better. No babies ever born on this planet ever been better than John the Baptist. And you go, think about it all. Well his Dad finally got his heart and mouth in alignment with what God was saying about this baby.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:05] And his dad made a mistake nine months earlier, and he had nine months to think about it. Like there's a little bit about the stumble of all of us as dads, right? We stumble.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:29:15] No doubt.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:15] And and man, get back into alignment with God's word and then unleash like, unleash God's word over our kids.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:29:24] Nine months. God, I mean, that's a long time...
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:27] To wait.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:29:29] He learned. Can you imagine being pregnant, living with a pregnant wife and you can't say a word? It actually might be a great thing for God to do to husbands.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:38] Lower the conflict level during pregnancy. Just serve. Just serve. That's probably good wisdom for all of us in, in the moment.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:29:45] Yeah.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:46] Wow. I, I think about a practical example of this and I, certainly not every week, but the goal in our house is this is every week. Usually it's the night before we go into our Sabbath day as a family, I get the lighter out and a candle and each daughter gets to light the candle. And then while it burns, I pray blessings over them. Simple. But they, what I pray over them and what I speak of with them is all in alignment with God's word because they're having a little candle moment, right? And they...
Chuck Ramsey: [00:30:12] It's rich, man.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:30:13] And then they blow it out at the end of prayer. And then the next daughter gets to light the candle. And my youngest can't quite light it, but they can move my hand, I light the lighter. And so thar moment, though, that we've created just a little bit of a weekly rhythm as a family of praying, truth, blessings, encouragement, affirmation, love is maybe a transferable example of alignment of God's words with with our voice as dad and dads that don't have, that aren't feeling boldness, courage, confidence in the area of aligning their words with God's words. I mean, it's so simple. It's so simple, but it's purposeful.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:30:55] It's real stuff to man. You know, like, so when, so I preach every Sunday. I'm speaking to a bunch of people on behalf of God. That's no small thing. And I have said, I don't want to just say what God has said. I want to say what is He saying right now. That's what, when you're an oracle. And so think about it. God, the Bible says that God breathed His word. So if this is my Bible, God went. And that's, that's, that's what the Bible says the word is alive, active. And so as a pastor, I do this every Monday or Tuesday in preparing for the next I'll go, and let that marinate in me so that when I stand up on Sunday, it's not my words. This is why Paul the Apostle said when I came to you, I didn't come with enticing words of man's wisdom to impress you, how smart I am so that your faith might rest on. Wow, that guy's a sharp speaker, he said. But I came with a...
Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:56] Demonstration...
Chuck Ramsey: [00:31:58] Of the Spirit's power.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:59] Yes.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:31:59] And so when I preach, I want to, God, when I've done this, and when I stand up and I go and the people go, and then they go out in the world and they go, you know, I know we're on a podcast. And this is the same thing when a dad says not only what God has said, but what he is saying. Jesus said, Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that is proceeding, not proceeded out of the mouth. And that's Rhema word. When dad's Jonathan Brozozog is right, my mouth is the pharmacy for my wife, my marriage and my children and my grandchildren.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:32:51] And some of the some of the dads listening right now, this idea of a Rhema word. I mean, to me, the explanation is so simple. It's like from a worship song, from the Word of God, from a time in prayer, when something leaps into my heart. And like that's for me right now in this moment. Growing sensitivity, though, for us to actually take, to be observant, hungry, looking for. And then those words, when they leap into our heart, speaking them out of our kids, it's, it feels like that's something that we drift away from. And we have to like hunger back and like come back for more. Yeah, what encouragement would you have?
Chuck Ramsey: [00:33:28] So I think, you know, don't underestimate the times the Bible says and full of the spirit. Zachariah took John. But all through the New Testament, even in the Old Testament, we we just skip over that. So what's the take? When I walk with the Lord full of His spirit, the Holy Spirit's most personal, practical force in the universe. He's a person. But for like, for instance, this past year we did our extended family now, we have, there's 19, now there's 20 Ramsey's. Children, sons in law, daughters in laws, babies. And we went down to 30A in Rosemary Beach, Florida, and we're all under one roof. We had, we've never done that. And it's June, it's my sabbatical. And I asked, Lord, what can I do to make this fruitful? Because Candace and I thought, Man, we may never do this again. This could, this could get tricky. Do you know what, Jeff? The Lord very practically said, I want you to have an unoffendable heart. And I thought, okay. And I was like, okay, just help me understand. And it's like, no matter what anybody says or how they say it, when one of the kids goes, wait, who drank all the, you know, who made the coffee? You don't hear them saying, who made the coffee? Hear them saying, Hey, who made the coffee? I can't tell you that one simple instruction. Walking, if dads will walk with the Lord and the Holy Spirit will lead, will guide, prompt. Even somebody right now listening to this podcast, God's Speaking, it's not because me and you and me. It's Him. What He's doing. And if you can just, I can't, I went that whole week of like when Candace asked me something, when she's short, when a kid, when things are getting said, if dad, I'm the dad, the father in law, I'm the granddad. I'm the husband. I learned, I was the thermostat. When I was, it was the best vacation we've ever been on. I waited until Father's Day, and I told Candace what the Holy Spirit, she said, it was the sweetest time we've ever had. And she began to realize, you never being short, you know, never being irritated, always go going, yes.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:56] It trickled over into everything.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:35:58] But that comes back to, you know, I'm not perfect, obviously, but walking with the Lord and Him impressing, hey, on this vacation, you as a husband, Dad, Granddad, Father, Dad, don't be offended at anything, you know.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:36:14] I love that. There's a phrase that I kind of, I'm stuck on, and it's, it's a, but the default could be to tell somebody, take care, take care and dads play it safe mentality does I mean really in so many ways playing it safe as a dad versus being someone who's taking ground and taking the the flip side of take care. Take care would be again, just hoping everything's okay. Let's just, everything okay versus take risks and the difference of a dad or a man or even to think about like the men in your church living on the edge saying I'm about kingdom purpose is beyond myself. I'm about more than taking care. To me, I'm pretty like, like I'm stuck on this statement. What does that do to your heart thinking about taking risks versus taking care?
Chuck Ramsey: [00:37:08] Taking care is so boring. It's so mundane, you know, playing it safe, being on the defensive all the time. That's just not what God's called us to do, to be, you know. He said to get in, you know, you mighty man.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:37:27] It's identity.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:37:27] You're a nice, cautious, safe dude. Peter, he got out of the boat when he saw Jesus. And that mentality of We're in a storm, I'm in here with these 11 other knuckleheads and Jesus is out there and and he said, Jesus, if that's you, tell me to come, which is another power, the power of the word. Peter was saying, you say the word and I can get to you. And he got out of the boat and walked on water until he took his eyes off Jesus and got him on the storm. And the other 11, they never, you know, you go, Peter, man, what a, what a fool. And he goes, did you see me those first 4 or 5 steps? And nope, boring. But John Eldredge is right, you know, Wild at Heart, we're to take risk. We're, men by nature, are adventurous, and fear causes us to shrink back and play everything safe, you know. Sons and daughters are not going to be inspired by a dad who takes care. That's kind of a mom's job, if you ask me. Mom, Candace protects us from the crazy stuff. But our kids love, you know, let's go camping. Let's go snow skiing and let's go whitewater rafting, where we almost die, but we don't. And they go, that was awesome, let's do it again. Kids, and you know, we don't almost die, you know, but you're on the edge. And I think that's, we're called to do that. And even in Kingdom service, we're to do that, you know. We're to be on the fence of Go take, the Promised Land. He told Joshua three times in four verses, in Joshua 1. You're going to have to be bold. You have to be strong. The way to do it is stay in my word. Don't let it depart from your mouth. Meditate on it day and night. But be bold. Be strong, you know.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:39:33] I love that. I think about the phrase fight or flight. And a dad who takes flight is a play it safe, let's just keep everything okay. If there's a dad who fights for his family, who says, no, I'm vigilant, I'm keeping watch, I'm prepared for that. Whatever's coming. The story, because I'm a girl dad, I have to ask the story about your daughter. In a season of freshman or sophomore, she's young high school. And you, I mean, the level of, you know, dad who fights for his daughter sometimes is doing things even a little bit covertly, secretly. So you got a hold of, or you just spotted a text that came through and then what did you do? What, what happened?
Chuck Ramsey: [00:40:12] That's funny. So Erica is our second child, oldest daughter of two. And she's a freshman in high school and she's a cute little attractive girl. And she was athletic and she gets the attention of it was either a junior or senior. And this is early days of smartphones. And so when the texts come ding, and it was sitting near me. And so I thought, I'll check it. And we were concerned because this one older boy who had a reputation as a player. And Candace, my wife, she, she, she has that sixth sense. She knows about kids. And, and so that particular boy sent her a text and let her know he's going to be staying in our neighborhood with a friend. And I was like, all right. So I got his number and from my phone I sent him a text directly. And I said, Dear so-and-so, this is Mr. Ramsey. I saw your text to Erica. I understand you have a reputation of someone that I don't want my daughter to be around. I'm asking you, don't ever text her or communicate with her again. Thank you very much. God bless you.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:41:36] Did it work?
Chuck Ramsey: [00:41:39] So, like, 3 or 4 days later, Erica has no idea I've sent this. And I never told her until the night of her, her wedding, the rehearsal.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:41:52] The groom's dinner? You held on to it for what? 5 years? 7 years?
Chuck Ramsey: [00:41:57] I did. And so I sent, that she doesn't know it. So she's at school for a few days. She comes home, she goes, Mom, she calls the guy by name, it's like I don't even exist anymore. I'm like, is she only knew. In his world, you don't exist. But that was a situation where, you know, I wasn't doing it to have fun or be mean. But I'm like, Bro, don't even think about it. Based on the rep, Erika has an older brother and a couple of younger brothers. They knew this kid. And I'm like, You're older, trying to take advantage of a younger girl. Don't even think about it. And he didn't.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:42:42] Wow.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:42:43] Do you know what? With tears in our eyes, Jeff, when Erica got married and I shared that story. I can't even talk about it now. She thanked me. Where in ninth grade, she's getting attention from this stud, older upperclassmen. That was the time when a dad stepped in. I got to protect my daughter, even from my daughter. And Erica got married, walked down the aisle wearing a white dress, and she had deserved and earned that right. It was special.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:43:22] I go back to or raising or raising our, you know, future parents, right. We're raising like the long game was, we chose to instead of taking care, you chose to take a risk and to press in to the area that could be uncomfortable or yeah. The gift of a dad who is watchful, who cares, who is assertive, and in that moment of then gift of God that you were near the cell phone right. Your daughter has two dads. She has you and she has a heavenly Father. Man, what a gift.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:43:59] And you know, Jeff, like, I don't, I don't think I've ever shared this with ryou, but I have a little document, and this just developed, like when a dad prays over their kids, I don't know. There's no scripture I have to back this up, but I just feel like when parents pray for their kids, they kind of go to the top of the list for God. And I have prayed, there's 12 things. I pray that our kids will know the power of prayer. The joy of sacrifice. The truth of God's word. The pleasure of His will. The value of virtue. The power of purity. Faith to swing for the fence. Live life on the edge. Get out of the boat. Believe God for the impossible, that's number seven. That they will always see the glass half full, not half empty. They'll know that they have a father in heaven that with five small barley loaves, two small fish, He can feed 5,000 and they'll be 12 baskets full left over. The glass is never half empty. And you know those things I pray that they will never be back biters or gossipers. They'll realize the power of their words, that they'll speak truth in loving ways. That they'll understand the power of the Holy Spirit. Number 11, that they'll understand authority and that they will honor their father and mother so that things may go. And said submission and authority is the axis the spiritual world spins on. If my kids will understand. Teachers, referees, umpires, police officers, pastors, parents, find out in every room who's in charge and relate properly to them. Submit to them. And then the last thing is I pray that they'll be good stewards. They'll be tithers. That they'll be generous with their resources. And it's in being generous that real life is released. And though, like you mentioned, I just happened to stumble across that text. Now, I had prayed that thing, and you know, when you see God help you save your kid. And it seems like just in the nick of time, nope you pray those things. Prayer is powerful. And when we pray over our children, we have seen I mean, I wish, I wish my kids could do this with you sometime to hear it from their perspective. How sometimes every kid in the grade got away with going to the party, but them, they didn't get away with it because we prayed they get caught.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:46:50] God rescued them. Wow. Wow. I Think there's, there's so many of us that need to hit pause and rewind and listen to those 12th prayers and ask God, what are, what are my prayers I'm going to pray? I want to end here, though. It's, it's the visual of a hammer and the mindset, the heart, the determination as a dad to, to be a builder instead of. instead of passive, passivity, instead of let's just try to get through this phase of fatherhood. Being dads who are builders, I know is right at the heart, the center of your heart. And your church has come around this theme of like, we're, we're builders as men in this church. So, yeah, take us into I know it was a it was a rave about it, it God's word jumping off the page to you that brought the hammer idea. But I would love to hear your heart on this. And then and then I'd love for you to pray over us dads after that.
Chuck Ramsey: [00:47:55] Yeah. So we just did our men's weekend, Real Men weekend. And in prayer preparation for the Lord had just talked to me about doing a builder's theme, you know, because we're building and I know for DadAwesome, that's a from Proverbs 24, that's a core verse for you guys. Ao on that we can the theme verse is from the Sermon on the Mount, the classic story, the Foolish and the wise Builder. Verse 24, Jesus said, He who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a, a wise man who built. Just Stopping right there, a wise man who built. Who built what? His house is, where his family's going to be raised on the rock. And then it says when the storm came, when the winds blew, when the flood rose, his house stood. It doesn't say if the storm ever comes, it'll be able to stand. It said when. And we all know, I've been married over 30 years, storms come out of nowhere sometimes. And what's the difference between the foolish builder and the wise? They both heard the sermon. Same sermon. From Jesus. The only, and they were both building a house. The only difference was the foolish one didn't put those words into practice. And man, we're builders and builders, you get your hands dirty, you know. You got to swing some equipment when it's used the right way, you can be effective. You know, a hammer can be constructive or destructive. A saw can, a butcher knife in the kitchen can. It's necessary, but it can also be murderous. In Jeremiah 9, God says, My word is like a hammer. And then He goes on, He says, And I've broken your heart with my word. What God's saying I needed to tear down your heart so I can rebuild it. And I've talked to men, make sure you understand. Your words are like a hammer too. And you can destroy, be destructive and and crush your kids hearts. Or you can use those hammers, that word, and it can be so constructive. You can say things over your children that will release them into their destiny. I believe God's a powerful Almighty God and He can deliver kids from all kinds of dysfunction. But if a dad will get on the same page with God, a dad can almost single handedly determine whether their child reaches their destiny or not. Now, can God repair a broken adult? Yes. But man, a healthy child that becomes a functional, healthy adult, the sky's the limit. And dads are the key there.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:51:23] Chuck, I, I feel like this is probably part one of we'll do several more in the future because didn't get to, you know, over half of my questions. It is fun that we're talking about a hammer and building and there's some pounding going on outside the rooms. It just kind of adds to the point. I love it. Could you say a short prayer over all of us dads?
Chuck Ramsey: [00:51:44] I'll be glad to. Lord. I thank you for Jeff and his story. And I've heard his story and how he got to be the one to carry the burden for DadAwesome and what a joy he is, a perfect girl, Dad. And just his passion and commitment to live this life of sacrifice for the cause of raising up and empowering dads. I pray blessing over him. I pray that the listening, those that are faithful to listen to his podcasts on the regular, I pray, make him real team. As they're blessed, I just pray Lord for windfall blessing. I think You're raising up guys like Jeff to touch our nation. We all know fatherlessness is the bane of every culture that falls apart. In Europe, this is the issue, in America, this is the issue. Thank you that we could say about Jeff, you found a man who is willing to stand in the gap against fatherlessness. Use him and every dad that listens, pray blessings on them, their children, their grandchildren, over their homes. If I can just speak Isaiah chapter 4, verse 5, where You God said it was your desire to establish Your glory over every dwelling place where Your people live, You want to be there with them. May Your presence be rich in every living room, bedroom, dining room, kitchen, garage, cul de sac. Where Your people live, Lord, may our children know God's presence resides here too. And I thank You for the truth of Your word and this opportunity to share with my good brother Jeff. Jesus name for His glory. Amen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:53:42] Thank you so much for joining us this week for episode 362 of DadAwesome with Chuck Ramsey. The conversation links, the transcript, some of the key quotes and highlights of the conversation are going to be found at dadawesome.orgpodcast and then simply look for Chuck Ramsey or episode 362. Guys, as we finish this year, I'm just so grateful for each of you journeying with us, being a part of the DadAwesome community. I want to invite you one more time to prayerfully consider making a donation to support the work of DadAwesome. You can go to dadawesome.org/give to make a one time or recurring donation and support this work. And lastly, I want to encourage you guys to email if you're at all interested in the DadAwesome Accelerator, our six week coaching cohorts, that's kicking off again in January, and all you have to do is send an email to awesome@dadawesome.org to receive a flyover of all of the expectations, the promise and kind of an outline of the experience. So send an email to awesome@dadawesome.org. Guys, thank you for joining. Thank you for pressing, pursuing the hearts of your kids. Being a prayerful dad. Thank you for being dads who are changed versus unchanged. When you listen, when we press in, we pray, God change me and I'm praying that over you guys, as you turn the calendar year into 2025, that we would step in and all be dads who are desiring to change and grow and take new ground and be DadAwesome. Happy New Year, guys.
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· 22:06 - "A father's mouth is the pharmacy for his family. A father's words can heal his wife, can build her up, can release things in his sons and daughters. Jesus taught out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. When a man says what God says over his children, that's a supernatural dimension that families, kids can enter into."
· 49:58 - "Jeremiah 9, God says, My word is like a hammer. Then He says, And I've broken your heart with my word. What God's saying I needed to tear down your heart so I can rebuild it. I've talked to men, make sure you understand, your words are like a hammer too. You can destroy, be destructive and crush your kids hearts or you can use those hammers, that word, and it can be so constructive. You can say things over your children that will release them into their destiny. I believe God's a powerful almighty God and He can deliver kids from all kinds of dysfunction. But if a dad will get on the same page with God, a dad can almost single handedly determine whether their child reaches their destiny or not. Now, can God repair a broken adult? Yes. But man, a healthy child that becomes a functional, healthy adult, the sky's the limit. And dads are the key there.
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