370 | Being Faithful Fathers, Passing the Baton, and Making Your Church Buzz for Dad Life (Rick Wertz)
Episode Description
You have 936 weeks before your child turns 18, and each one counts! In this episode, Rick Wertz shares simple yet powerful ways to lead with vision, engage emotionally with your kids, and spark a fatherhood movement in your church.
-
Rick Wertz is the founder and president of Faithful Fathering. He is a popular speaker for church groups and various organizations as he advocates for fathers and families. Rick has been married to Linda for 43 years, and they have two grown children.
-
· Fill a jar with 936 marbles and take one out each week to have a visual reminder of how time is passing with you kids from birth to 18 years old.
· To PASS the baton as a dad, focus on purpose-filled fathering, activities, studies, and staying connected.
· Your church should have an electric buzz around fathering.
· Fatherhood is not just about financial provision; it's about being a visionary for where your child is headed.
· If a fatherhood resource doesn’t exist, maybe God is calling you to create it.
-
· Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome
· Apply to join the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort: Email awesome@dadawesome.org
· Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word “Dad” to (651) 370-8618
-
Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.
Rick Wertz: [00:00:39] And as I was walking back, I looked out the back window and I said, who's that out there playing with our daughter? And my bride said, That's your son, you're traveling too much.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:00:49] Hey, guys. Welcome back to DadAwesome. My name is Jeff Zaugg and today, episode 370, I have Rick Wertz joining me. He's from the ministry, Faithful Fathering. And I've heard about him for several years now. He has dedicated decades of his life to serving at the local church, serving dads, hosting dad son experiences, dad daughter experiences, coaching and launching ministries to fathers in all kinds of churches. So Rick is an amazing guest. We're going to jump kind of right into the center of our conversation. We we talked about a lot and I want to just get right into the hearts of Faithful Fathering and into the heart of his story. So this is episode 370 with Rick Wertz.
Rick Wertz: [00:01:47] So we were just moving and going, I was busy. At one juncture, I was traveling about 85% of the time, covering all of Continental and Eastern Europe and out of London and came back from an extended trip about two weeks away, gave my bride a peck on the cheek on a mid-morning Saturday, on coming back from the trip. And I headed back to the office to wrap up paperwork. And that's what we did. We got ready for battles Monday morning, and as I was walking back, I looked out the back window and I said, Who's that out there playing with our daughter? My bride said, That's your son. You're traveling too much. You know, And as a Catholic kid, I knew who God was, I knew who Jesus was. But, you know, my bride did not say it condescendingly. She didn't say a judge mentally. She just said it as a matter of fact. Good Kansas farm girl. And at that morning, the Holy Spirit introduced Himself to me. You see, I had two prayers as a boy when I left home. One to be that I'd have a happy and healthful marriage and family, we didn't know growing up. And the other is that I'd be somewhere above the poverty line that we'd grown up well below. And the Holy Spirit said, Son, I've answered those prayers and you're taking these blessings for granted. He said, furthermore, I'm losing a generation because of dads like you. So that was my wake up call, Jeff, to say, you know, I've got to do something different. I was going the opposite of, you know, most men either emulate their dad or they go the opposite direction of their dad. And I was going the opposite direction and it wasn't working. But either way, it's not healthy unless you calibrate to the Word of God. So we, you know, I left, we left the corporate world in 1995 and moved back to the states and landed here in Houston. I never lived in Houston, but had done a lot of work here, obviously, in the oil field. And so we were just listening and had a couple of job offers, almost jumped right back into the busyness, but in that time, I met Dr. Ken Canfield, got familiar with the National Center of Fathering at that time. And I just, you know, I knew I needed to learn more about this role as a dad. And so he blessed me with a great friendship and some direction, a lot of material. And I just tried to be a sponge. But the main thing he did, he pointed me to scripture, of course, that we have to ground our fathering and, and our Heavenly Father. And when I read John 20:17, where, where Mary is holding on to Jesus and Jesus says, Mary, don't hold on to Me, I have not yet, go and tell my brothers, I have not yet returned to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God. And that's when I realized I had a heavenly Father that I could look to. And that got reaffirmed, of course, in Romans 8:15 that says, you know, we didn't receive a spirit that makes us slaves again to fear, but we receive the spirit of Sonship, and by Him we can cry, Abba Father. We're heirs of God, co heirs with Jesus Christ. We have what it takes. We're a child of God. And I just needed to get into that. I need to live into emulating Him as a Father, not worry about examples that I was trying to measure up to or get away from, right. And so that was my journey. And Ken, I was working with the National Center for a good several years, brought Ken to Houston several times to do a citywide fathering conference. But the National Center was not interested in setting up chapters. And so Peter, Peter Stokes sent me their articles and bylaws to let me use those as a reference point and to set up a stand alone, 501c3 called Faithful Fathering. So that's what, that's how we came about and it was all about my journey. I was very selfish, but I, I knew if I was stumbling, there were other Dads out there stumbling, too. And so we, I did receive a very clear call for the ministry, which is that He, the Lord, said, you know, the light in my church is, is dim. We, the church, mirrors society in many cases and arguably in most cases mirrors society more than influences society. So my call was to get into the church and illumine the, the, the fathering movement in the church. So, then the church could illumine the community to the significance and the importance of fathers. And, you know, my, my contention is that fathers engaged want to do a good job but we're distracted, we're busy and what have you. And there's, if we can hit those dads that are in the home and charge them with some very practical challenges, training, instruction, encouragement that's what, that's what will raise the bar and and turn the hearts of fathers to the children and the hearts of children back to their fathers.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:07:02] There's so much that you passed by that I'm like, oh wait a second, wait a second. So, we'll see how many like we can thread back. But truly, there are so few people, I mean, Ken Canfield is one of them. I'm trying to think who else I've had the honor of meeting that have given 25 years, that have had a wake up call moment, have gone and done some research, research has turned into, I don't want to use the word obsession, but like a fascination and a, I can be a part of the solution. There's aew, like there's a, I just there's so few men, dads who have said and then I'm still stumbling, I'm not perfect in this point, but I can I help others who are stumbling, and, and then stick with it for 25 years. So Rick like I'm, and so are the listeners, like our community, we celebrate, as a seven year old ministry. And I, you know, I had a wake up call moment with a 1 and 4 year old where I had done no intentional learning, growth, mentorship, development, the area of being a dad. I just, it wasn't, it wasn't on my radar at all to like to calibrate a dial of intentionality. And then that led to the launch of DadAwesome. So there's, there's some layering similarities, but there's so many more years and so much more like wisdom you've gathered. I'm curious, though, when you first said the church, how I want to help the church be a beacon. Would you talk a little bit more about that, about how you have partnered and brought resources through local churches?
Rick Wertz: [00:08:37] Sure. I do always say it's capital C, church. No, I work across all Christian denominations, whether it be Catholic. I worship, I always say I grew up Catholic, I worship at a methodist church, and then I hang out with a lot of Baptist, Presbyterian, Church of Christ, Pentecostal. I don't care it's whatever, whoever is on fire and has a heart for fathering. I'd be remiss, though, real quick to go back, you know, 25 years, 7years, whatever the number is, it's all about our brides supporting.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:10] It's real.
Rick Wertz: [00:09:11] And in my case, it's a matter of realizing this makes a difference. You know, when dads are on fire, every woman wants a spiritual leader. I wasn't a leader. I wasn't, I was leading through strength and financial provision, I was not leading spiritually. So when, when she saw this coming around, she realized this is, this is a different, different man than she married and a better man than she married. And so that's our encouragement, is that moms get this ministry a lot quicker than dads do. You know, I was still trying to do dad in a lot of ways instead of and I always say we're being faithful fathers. We're becoming closer to our Heavenly Father through a relationship with Jesus the Christ that allows us to draw closer to our Father. And it's in that, that that, that we persevere and that we're passionate because we want others to have what we have. And I, you know, and I, and when I do retreat for father daughter, father sons or trainings and what have you, but to see a kid's eyes open up and just say, man, Dad, Dad committed this weekend to me, or Dad committed this time to me. And they're just, they're just charged. So it's, and, and today our kids, you know, my, I've got a 49 year old, 38 year old, 36 year old, and a fabulous relationship with each, all of them, man. The 38 and 36 year old, are our kids. And they both know the Lord and they know me. And I wasn't on that track 30 years ago.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:10:52] Yeah, the 30 years ago moment was the moment in the backyard, you didn't recognize your son. Is that right?
Rick Wertz: [00:10:57] Right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:10:58] And, and it sounds like you, same kind of offer to your family, and I offered this to my girls. I said, there's here's the eject button and if DadAwesome does not help me be an awesome dad, you hit that button anytime and I'll walk away from helping other dads. Like, it has to be helping on the home front. So I love hearing the fast forward version that they like the dad that you became while serving other dads who are stumbling..
Rick Wertz: [00:11:25] Well, and you talk about, you know, 1 and 4, you know, my daughter was 7, 8, when I, when I got the wake up call. So, you know, I always reference marbles that, you know, there's 936 weeks from birth to 18, and I always and I've given my son a jar of marbles when our grandson was born, 2 years ago and his little girl was born 3 months ago. I gave him another jar, but he's already 100 marbles gone. 100 weekend's gone with his 2 year old, right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:11:55] Every week you take a marble out, right?
Rick Wertz: [00:11:57] You take a marble out every week and you have a visual reminder. And what I'm saying is that I'd, you know, I'd wasted 400, 460 marbles of my daughter's life. You know, I had not made a parent teacher conference. I hadn't made her debut on musical theater performance in Aqaba, England, in second grade. I was off on a business trip. I did not know, I just wasn't there. And so I did invest heavily in the second 450 marbles. But, and our relationship, you know, is just absolutely fabulous.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:12:37] And there's no shame, yeah, for anywhere a dad finds himself today in the number of marbles till launch. Because we get to keep fathering after launch into college or wherever the spot is. To, to, to circle back though to local church and to helping way, so father daughter, father son experiences. I know it's a curator of many of the resources from the National Center for Fathering from Ken Canfield. But what are yeah, what are some of the ways that you would approach a church saying I'm here to help? What is some of the engagement?
Rick Wertz: [00:13:09] Well, actually, we have our own materials and our own program, it's our own strategy called PASS the Baton. And, so, the PASS, it's a strategy that I actually hand off. I got a playbook. I've got everything on a flash drive. I've got a actually a big playbook I can show you. But it's a, it's a strategy, and I convey this strategy in regional luncheons around the area or whoever will listen to me. But the pass strategy is, is to connect with a group of dads who are passionate about fathering. So it usually starts with a speaking engagement opportunity in a church. And then at that speaking engagement, I'll take some interest cards to see who's, who's really passionate about raising the bar on their own personal journey and corporately for the church. And then I introduce the pass strategy and I'm, and I'm a recovering engineer. So PASS, is an acronym. P stands for purpose filled fathering. That means that everybody is filled with some purpose. It may be the world which I call the secular life. That's a, it may be self, which means that we think we're doing God's will, but we're in our own strength, which I call the religious life. And but then there's identity and the Trinity, which is what I call the abundant life, that's that we're striving to do God's will in His strength. So we're trying to connect with Dads to at least have that concept of of keeping the world in perspective and coming in with a biblical worldview and in the secular world situations, initiating spiritual conversation in the home around secular issues. So that's the idea is I want to a group of 6, 8, 10, one church has 13 dads as their core group of dads. And then I arm them with the rest of the strategy, A is for activities. Those are fun, easy to engage in dad kid activities. It might be a day on site, it might be an overnight on site, it might be a trip to the zoo, it might be a canoe trip, it might be a fishing outing. But it always incorporates fun, easy to engage in activity, always with a devotion time and some one on one time in that event. So that usually, that intentionality as a church body that in those things I can reach out to the community and invite people, as well, invite friends. So that's, that's how we and I, when a church gets going, they're doing 2 or 3 of those types of activities a year,. One church I just started up has a father daughter dance coming up in May. And they're going to do that. And, and with that I always encourage, I give them specific instructions on writing a love letter to your daughter. At some point during the night, everything shuts down, they take a knee and read the letter to their daughter. And that's, that's a powerful, one, one time we were doing this at a church and I had a young lady taking pictures, trying to capture it. And when they got to reading the letters, she says, she came back and said, I can't take pictures, the Dads are crying.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:16:15] Crying!
Rick Wertz: [00:16:16] I'm crying, and I can't see. So, at one juncture, I remember a daughter was, looked up at her dad and her dad just couldn't get through it. You know, he was breaking up and she looked up at him and said, Dad, you're going to be a mess at my wedding, aren't you?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:16:33] This is, I love this. Yes. What a great example. Like, there's so many things, every podcast conversation I have, there's so many sealable, borrowedable ideas. But that one alone, even if it's a group of dads you're friends with in someone's living room, it doesn't even have to be a big formal thing. But to say ahead of time, write the love letter to your daughter, in not a big formal thing, but just like we're pausing, everyone right now knows this is the song, this is the moment, take a knee and read the letter to daughter. I mean, it's so shareable. It's so portable. I love it. Keep going, keep going.
Rick Wertz: [00:17:07] The room gets a lot of dust in the end, in the eyes. And then the second S is for studies and we do have three working on a fourth actually we're, our latest publication is called Seasons of Fathering. So I'm developing studies around that, but we have three materials out there that are available on our website that are dad specific studies. And these can be done individually, they can be done as a group. And what's been very popular is these core groups in the church start a lot of times they'll do a study together to pull everyone together, so they'll do that. So one of the, one of the groups we meet monthly as a core group, they do a session on their own and then we talk about it in the core group meeting. And so these are, they're, you know, when you ask a roomful, my operations manager just did a talk at a church last two Sundays ago to about 50, 60 men. He says, How many of you all have ever done a study for Dads? None.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:18:08] None.
Rick Wertz: [00:18:10] None. So, that goes back to, you know, we really want to help a church encourage and equip Dads. You know, I don't know your experience, I know mine early on, I'd get one sermon a year on Father's Day and it's usually chewing me out for not being a good enough dad, right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:18:26] Shaming. Yeah.
Rick Wertz: [00:18:26] And I refuse to do that. Everything Faithful Fathering offers is about encouraging and equipping. We're not about shaming or laying on a guilt complex or that type of thing. But the study for dads, you know, when I brought the operations manager on a couple of years ago, that's the first thing he had to do is go through all our videos, all our studies, and immediately his bride said the same thing mine did. That there's a difference here, you know, I want some more of this. And, and when you, that's, that's what we, that's what that's when the Holy Spirit is doing, you know, in doing what He does. The second to ask is for staying connected, you know, past purposeful activities, studies and now staying connected. This is, these are weekend retreats. I do father daughter, father son weekend retreats, usually since about 2018, 19, we've had to do church specific retreats. I used to do open retreats. I'm trying to get back there now, but these are retreats that there are one on one. One Dad had called me one day and said, I have four daughters. Can I just bring them all? I said, No.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:19:42] Sounds familiar. Yes. And one at a time, one at a time.
Rick Wertz: [00:19:45] And you know, after five, you know, we missed one year, but after five years, he blessed his last daughter at every retreat I end with a blessing over our daughter or our son. But he blessed his last daughter, and then he said, Can I say something to the other dads? And I said, Sure. He said, I want you all to know I called Rick five years ago, and I wanted to bring all four of my daughters. He said, and he said, No, and it really ticked me off. He says, I wanted to, I wanted to just check the box.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:14] Yeah, yeah, efficiencies.
Rick Wertz: [00:20:16] And, and he says, that each daughter was blessed by this time, I was blessed by this time, and now, this was 18 years ago, Jeff, He now has given me another testimony how his daughters have all written him a letter from college saying how important that weekend was. It's really pretty powerful. But when you get a church, you know, one church, we had about 25 father daughter Parish at the first retreat. I spoke to the senior minister, a preaching minister afterwards, and he says, you know, we only have 25 Dad's at that retreat, but this whole church is a buzz around father.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:57] It's electric because of, yes.
Rick Wertz: [00:21:01] So that became my mantra, Jeff, is I really want every church to have a buzz around fathering. That's, that's when we know, when I have a buzz around fathering and then buying every new Dad a jar of marbles, I'll consider myself, I'll just, Lord, go ahead and take me, I'll be ready to go.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:16] I mean, truly, this is why we had two conversations back in December, Rick, you know, that was the first time we met. And I knew like, your heart beats for the same thing that, like, we beat for here at DadAwesome. Like we dream about the church being famous for helping dads. And regardless of how these dads feel about Jesus when they're invited, when they're on the sidelines of a soccer game, they're invited to as a new Dad, hey come to my church because we help dads be awesome Dads, right. And I hear the exact same heart of the church is known as a beacon of light in this area of fatherhood. Not as like we're passive, we're just going to let the tide, let the culture take us in this direction. So, I'm like so pumped as I think about like even some of your resources. You had a this year in 2025, I resolved to be a faithful father and you actually give a template, I can link this in the show notes, but a template with scripture attached around prioritize physical presence, engage emotionally, lead spiritually by example. But actually writing in there how you're going to go about growing in each of those three areas. And this to me is, is just such a helpful guide to not just be a mission statement, but to be like, actually, this could give me three, a framework for three goals this year because I could grow in all three of these areas and the engage emotionally is maybe the one I wanted to dial into right now. And just ask how, so if I had a group together, we fly out to you, we get to spend a day on your front porch or around a campfire or whatever, in Texas. How would you, what would be some of the coaching themes or some of the coaching guidance you would share with us around engage emotionally?
Rick Wertz: [00:23:00] That's a, that usually requires a lot of focus on one on one time. And dads with daughters, I say, you know, just date your daughter. You know, make sure at least once a month you're getting out there. My, my daughter was actually upset with me over Christmas because some, you know, she's, she, she and her husband were here and but every time she's in town or I visit her, we go out for lunch, one on one because that's something we established early on. And that's, you know, I encourage dads to date their daughters and get their sons out for an ice cream. Son's it's a little bit more natural because we'll go wrestle, we'll go throw the ball, whatever the case may be. But I would still take my son out for a hamburger and we just talk. You know, and that's how those, those are the things that we do. But to engage emotionally is really to tune in to, to what makes them click. And I, I'm an old tennis bum, so I was trying to brainwash my kids to play tennis, you know. And for some reason I had my son was two and a daughter was four, I had him out there running lines on the tennis court to be, to be the next Steffi Graf and Andre Agassi, right. And, and for some reason, they didn't fall in love with tennis. We were in New Orleans at the time and it was pretty hot.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:21] Yeah, that's real.
Rick Wertz: [00:24:23] So anyway, my, my point there is, is that we have to get to know our kids and and we have to expose them to a lot of things. You know, I'm not one that says you can just take one activity and just do that for this year. I want them to do as much as I can take on. And yeah, it's going to be crazy in the house and we're going to be going in different directions, Mom and Dad sometimes. But as far as I'm concerned, that's part of our job. We're, one of the biggest things we do after our, you know, exemplifying, you know, in marriage, we're exemplifying our relationship with Christ every day because that's the closest thing to our relationship with Christ. And this world is our relationship and marriage. And so that's what the kids need to see. That's the primary education we give our kids day in, day out. But after that, we have to help them understand how they've been uniquely gifted. You know, is it athletic, is it academic, is it musical? Is it artistic? You know, whatever the case may be. And as we guide them or expose them, then they, they find their bent. Then our job then is to engage with them and help them nurture those gifts, to glorify God, not to glorify itself, but to honor God and their own discipline and nurturing those gifts and then living into those gifts. So when we engage emotionally, it's a commitment to, it may not be a formal date, it may just be a praying with them at bedtime, it may be sitting watching a show together, whatever the case may be. But it's, it's physical presence with emotional engagement that, that really helps us tune in to our kids and they tune into us. You know, one of the things we always do when on, on some of these, excuse me, on some of these activities, we'll have an interview card for Dads to interview their kids and, you know, do, do, and you always answer the card first and then see how many you got right. You know, do you know their best friend? You know their favorite food? Do you know, their, you know, whatever the, the what, what what's their greatest accomplishment the last six months from, from their perspective, right? And then the kid is also we interviewing Dad. Do they know your best friend? You know, do they know what's, what's important in your life? So, so that's where you start to engage emotionally is when you truly know each other. And, and one thing I always warn Dads is don't, don't date your daughter any more than you date your bride because we have to.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:26:57] Do it in the right order.
Rick Wertz: [00:26:58] They have to know, kids have to know they, the family rotates around the marriage, not the marriage around the family.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:27:05] Yes. Rick, this is so helpful, so practical. What a gift this conversation. I have three quotes that I want you just riff on. Just add, add a little that these are from you. So you already said these things, one is, fatherhood is not just about financial provision, it's about being a visionary for where your child is headed. Yeah, elaborate on that one for us.
Rick Wertz: [00:27:29] That, absolutely, I mean, that's, that's happened to me. I got so focused on, on living above the poverty line and I thought, well, if I, if I provide financially and I'm available for disciplinary action as needed, then I'm doing the Dad thing. I put Dad in a box and I can do dad. And when you open scripture, you realize that you're the priest of home. You're, you know, you're going to teach him about the Word, you're, you're got all of these other responsibilities. And you realize that, that when, when, when Paul was talking to Timothy about, you know, if you fail to provide for your, for your family you're worse than a nonbeliever. You, that provide is really provisionary, which means that there's, there's many dimensions in which we provide for our family. We provide an example of relationship. We provide guidance spiritually, we provide financially, absolutely. But we also provide for their development. We provide for their, their maturing. You know, that to mature with our children as they mature. So these are all the different dimensions of, of, of providing. And I'm trying to remember which, I think it's in Dads Becoming Heroes that I really break that out into the multiple areas of being provisionary as a priest in the home and as a provider of, of many things in the home.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:01] Amazing. And we're going to link out a couple of your mini courses, books, your, your retreats. We're going to link them all out to the Dads so we can make sure to find all this. But one of the things you also said was if you can't find what you're looking for, maybe God has called you to start it. And I'm using the context of like what a dad might be looking for. That dad daughter dance isn't in my neighbor, isn't in my community or whatever the thing is. But yeah, how would you kind of challenge and encourage dads to be starters to help the other stumbling Dads?
Rick Wertz: [00:29:30] You know, that's, that's kind of our theme this year is our theme is boldness. You know, the last few blogs and several blogs in this series, they're are all talking about boldly prioritizing your time, next week it'll be boldly engaging emotionally. Just, just being sure that, you know, we're not passive, we're not reacting, we're, we're moving forward with, with the boldness and the confidence to, to take an action. And, you know, there are a lot of resources and folks can pull, you know, all of our resources. That's one thing I haven't said, Jeff, is that, you know, everything we do is available. The Lord, we, our ministry works off of donations from men that have been touched by the ministry. And so we've been blessed by that over the years. And so I don't charge for speaking engagements, I don't charge for the materials. They're all accessible, easily accessible from the website and if there is anything that isn't, than they can sure call and I'll work to get whatever I can to them. But the, the, the, the idea of, of a Dad being able to, if he has an idea I just say get a couple dads and do it. You know, we, we've done overnights with 2 or 3 dads out there and that's okay and then you, you have a little bonfire you, you may play a little kickball game or you might do some board games. You might just play some catch, you know, that type of thing. But the idea is to have some intention or some, some good time to to check out of the world and check into each other is what I always say. If we can just step away. One church is the day before Mother's Day, they're calling it Mother's Day off. So all the Dads are just taking the kids and say, mom, this is your day, ahead of Mother's Day, we're going to go down to the church and have a, you know, play some dodgeball and have some good times as Dads and kids. And, but then there also be that intentional time that we always talk about.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:26] I love that. Another great example of just take it, steal it, use it, let's go.
Rick Wertz: [00:31:31] Yeah, absolutely.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:32] The last quote I was going to read is I get this wrong way to often, and you wrote this, be calm and consistent. Teenagers already have anxiety, they don't need us adding more of it. And I was like, oh no. For me, it's like defensiveness will happen or just crabiness and I'm bringing, instead of a non anxious presence, instead of bringing a calming, I've lived more laps around the sun than you have to my little girls. I can be calm in this moment. I don't have to find myself rising. I miss this. But will you coach me for a moment on this principle?
Rick Wertz: [00:32:13] You and I are both. And we're in situations where, you know, just the way it plays out so often is, you know, you're, you're trying to get, when the kids are young, you lose out on some time because you're trying to get established in your career. And then when they get into those teen years, you realize that this career takes a lot more work than you thought and you're kind of overinvesting in that, and so you're distracted and stretched out a little bit as well. And so the, the, the situation is not conducive to a real good relationship to begin with. And a lot of homes, a lot of that, it's just where we are career wise and our in our own lives, typically. So when I say, you know, just take a deep breath and if a child storms out or does whatever, then you just take a deep breath. And one thing I always say when, when doors slam, you know, be the physical doors, and I always tell the story of my daughter when she was in middle school, she was auditioning for the, for the honors band in high school because that was the, that was the group that she wanted to get in. And she was a good little clarinetist and, and what have you. And she came home completely confident that she could play all 12 scales that rhythm and get them done, and then it was on cassette tape back then, that dates back a little bit. That cassette tape that had to be continuous at rhythm, all 12 scales. And about an hour and a half, two hours into it, you just heard some squeaks and some frustration. And finally, I can't do this and stomp into her room and door slams, right. And so when a door slams, it's Dad's job to go open it, whether it's a physical door, emotional door, whatever. And I went and she was crying and I just said, Honey, what's up? She said, I just can't do it. I said, You mean you don't think you're good enough to, to complete this auditions? She said, I don't think so. And she's, just I'm not able to get it done. And I just, I'm just, and she was really in tears, and I said, So you don't think you have what it takes to complete this audition, Get into honors band? And, no, I don't think so. So, there's no hope for you to being in the band? I don't think so. I said, You know, honey, I said, the devil's been telling that lie for a long time. Told it to Adam and Eve start with, you're not good enough. You don't have what it takes unless you eat it from the tree, and then you can be like God, right. And I just encouraged her. I said, Honey, you, you're, you're a good little clarinest, you can do whatever you put your mind to. So, you know, it's up to you, but I think you can do it. And a little bit, she came out, she got the, she worked all night on it, but she got the, she got it done. Got it, it turned in and she made honors band and she she credits that for her discipline because this down here this is competitive country for marching bands and she, they were one of the top in the country and she credits that discipline to what got her through college and on into her career. And, and I just think had I not had the coaching from the National Center and what have you, I could have said, if she wants to do it, she'll do it. You may not have ever, she may have, at that point, decided she was a failure. She may have turned to drugs. She may have done and, you know, maybe that could have been a completely different trajectory had I not been engaged. And so that's the emotional engagement, is to be willing to stand in the gap, be willing to open the door, be willing to take the hits and know that you're, you're the adult in the room and just listen and, and help. And in my case, I mean, the good news is I had been reading scripture. And so I was able to introduce a biblical worldview and let her know who she, you know, the I said, you know, the Lord says, we have what it takes. We, you know, He gave us the Holy Spirit. We have the indwelling Holy Spirit, the power of the resurrected Christ. You can do whatever you set your mind to. And there is hope because Romans 5:3-5 says that He's poured, he's poured hope into our heart. He, we have hope because He's poured the Holy Spirit, His Holy Spirit into our hearts. That's His love for us. So, you know, it's that's, that's Romans 5:3-5 is we rejoice in our sufferings because sufferings produce perseverance, perseverance, character, character, hope and hope never disappoints because that's the love of God poured into us through the Holy Spirit. So that's the, that's the Scripture I was able to quote to her to encourage her in her journey. And so that's, that's what I mean by emotional engagement.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:37:05] Rick, you're, you're a Dad who loves God's word, who stumbles, is not perfect, but is learning. And then this theme of boldness you guys are in right now. You, you fanned that flame. You, you instilled boldness in your daughter. You told her who she is and who's she is all in that like what you just explained, like all this. Then she's like, it affects the trajectory. She's like, I'm seeing so many things that I want to copy. How you, in that moment, but really the setup was you're a Dad who opens closed doors to their hearts, to their room. And sometimes there's a pause before opening the door. If are, my oldest daughter, at times she shuts that door, but let her know I'm here. I'm here and I'm going to open this door and show you love. And actually Jesus with Peter, after Peter denied Him, He, three times in a row said, I love you, I love you, and let me go feed my sheep, go feed, like this, you can't get outside of My love. Like, if we as dads, right, can just follow that lead. I mean, there's so many things we've talked about today, Rick, that I'm so grateful for the ways you've inspired and, and even just like modeled for me, what DadAwesome, what I could even keep stepping into of helping church be a beacon of light and continuing to say Dads, we are stepping into, with each day, being a hero for our kids. They're looking to us as a model and we get to model for them what we've experienced as a model from from, from God our Father. So I just want to say thank you. Rick, would you say a short prayer over all of us Dads?
Rick Wertz: [00:38:53] Lord, I praise You for my brother. I just thank You for his leadership and DadAwesome that lift up, he and his bride his for girls and, and all Dads that are listening here that we just open that scripture, Lord and look to You. Maybe start in Romans and read through all the letters just to get a feel for how You've spoken through the Apostle Paul and then go back to the Gospel. And of course, my favorite gospel, the Gospel of John, where You talk a lot about Your Dad, and that's what I enjoy reading, Lord. So equip every Dad with that, if our resources on the DadAwesome site or the Faithful Fathering sit, Lord if those resources are helpful, then illumine those resources to come beside Dads to encourage them and equip them well on the journey. But most of all, Lord, I just ask that You would open the hearts of fathers, turn hearts to their children, and, and but never neglecting the primary relationship of marriage. If they are married, then, Lord, help them live into that marriage in a way that reflects a relationship with You. If they're not married or divorced situation, help them find a way to love the mother of their children in a way that would honor You and, and help the children navigate through the trauma of a broken home. So, Lord, we know that You're awesome and You, You're who we're trying to emulate. Continue to give my brother all the energy, clarity and discernment He needs in ministry and all those listening. Just encourage them to walk a little bit closer to You today than yesterday, more, more so tomorrow than today. Lift this up in the powerful name of Jesus, the Christ. Amen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:40:43] Thank you so much for joining us for episode 370 with Rick Wertz. You can find the show notes, all the conversation links, some of the key takeaways, the transcripts and the links to Rick's ministry, Faithful Fathering, all at dadawesome.org/podcast. Guys, I would encourage you, let's lean into some of these themes. Let's be Dads who have a bias towards action. What's one thing that you can take away and you can walk into the Dad life this week implementing? Let's be Dads who, instead of feel engaged, feel inspired, let's be dads who take action. I'm praying for you guys this week. Thanks for being DadAwesome.
-
· 5:49 - "I was very selfish, but I knew if I was stumbling, there were other Dads out there stumbling, too. So, I did receive a very clear call for the ministry, which is that He, the Lord, said, the light in my church is dim. We, the church, mirrors society in many cases and arguably in most cases mirrors society more than influences society. So, my call was to get into the church and illumine the fathering movement in the church. Then the church could illumine the community to the significance and the importance of fathers."
· 24:26 - "We have to get to know our kids and we have to expose them to a lot of things. I'm not one that says you can just take one activity and just do that for this year. I want them to do as much as I can take on. It's going to be crazy in the house and we're going to be going in different directions, Mom and Dad sometimes. But as far as I'm concerned, that's part of our job. One of the biggest things we do after, is exemplifying in marriage, we're exemplifying our relationship with Christ every day because that's the closest thing to our relationship with Christ. And so that's what the kids need to see. That's the primary education we give our kids day in, day out. But after that, we have to help them understand how they've been uniquely gifted."
Connect with DadAwesome
Learn about our Fathers for the Fatherless events in 2023:https://f4f.bike/
Follow@dadawesome on Instagram
Make a Donation to DadAwesome (tax-deductible)
Join the DadAwesome Prayer Team
Receive weekly encouragement by texting "dad" to 651-370-8618