Episode 259 Transcript (Bob Hasson)

Episode 259 (Bob Hasson)

Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I’m going to be an awesome dad because I’m give it my all. 

Jeff Zaugg: [00:00:38] Hey, guys, welcome back to dadAWESOME. It’s a new year. We’re kicking off the year, 2023, with today’s conversation with Bob Hasson. And happy new year to you guys. Merry Christmas. And we’re just a couple weeks off from celebrating five years as a ministry. We’re so thankful, I mean, five years of dropping podcast after podcast, 259 episodes so far. And we’re celebrating the five year anniversary by by encouraging you guys to do one of three things. You can consider making a financial donation to dadAWESOME. The second way is to send an encouragement email to me, jeff@dadAWESOME.org, a family photo and just maybe a list one or two ways that the podcast has helped you and your dad game, so I love receiving those emails. Or three share on social media about dadAWESOME. So those are the three ways as we approach the five year. Bob Hasson, though, I met him a year ago, he’s a part of Jesus Culture, San Diego, which we’ve been now two years. Our family has plugged in and been a part of the community there while we’ve been in Southern California. So I met him a year ago, but then got a chance, this time, a couple of months ago to sit down with him and talk the dad life. Guys, there’s so much wisdom packed in these 40 minutes. The show notes are going to have the transcripts along with those action steps, as always. But guys, listen in. There is something here for you as you kick off the year 2023. There is some wisdom, gold nuggets for you. So this is my conversation with Bob Hasson. Bob, thank you for inviting me over to have this conversation.

Bob Hasson: [00:02:16] I’m honored you’re here, buddy.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:02:18] If I was to ask your kids, Hey, who’s your dad? Tell me about your dad. What are a few of the things that they would they would say if I asked them to tell, tell me about you?

Bob Hasson: [00:02:27] Well, my boys call me, dude dad.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:02:30] Dude dad.

Bob Hasson: [00:02:30] Right off the bat. They, they call me dude, so I call them dude, they call me dude. So, and my girls call me Bob. So that gives a little bit into the relationship. And I’ve been really, really lucky because, you know, when when kids are growing up, my youngest is 26, my oldest is 37. When kids are growing up, you have this, you’re a caretaker, you’re then you’re kind of a coach. But there’s a transition once they get past, once they get to teenagers, where you have to transition to part of it being a friend because you still want to be the place where they’re going to come talk to you. When when it hits the fan, when the police are called or whatever happens, you want to be the first call. And so I was really, really lucky to be able to make that transition.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:03:16] So how do, let’s just go right there, how how do I be that dad that has the trust, has the the love has been deposited over the years, so I am the first call for my four daughters and for their future husbands? What are some of the ways that I can be that, that first call? 

Bob Hasson: [00:03:33] I think, we understand what grace is from the Lord, and we have to exhibit that to our children. We understand when we’re in the front of our churches, when somebody comes for prayer and they tell us this awful story, we have grace for them. But somehow, when we get home and our kids tell us an awful story, we turn into a taskmaster or a or a vice principal or an authoritarian. Yes, we have to have these discussions. But where’s the grace that we have for the people that we don’t even know at the front of the church?

Jeff Zaugg: [00:04:08] Yeah. We talked this morning with a group of men about control. And right away, my heart went to my marriage. And how often I want to control this conversation, this moment, this decision. And that’s my default with my girls, for sure is a control and versus grace. Is that is that what you’re encouraging is like like let’s let’s start there?

Bob Hasson: [00:04:28] Well, I mean, my default is control, also. I run a business. I in order to run a business or run a family or run a ministry or run anything, you have to have some sort of control. But but we don’t want organization, we don’t want to be run by fear. 1 John 4:18 says, fear and love can’t coexist because fear has to do with punishment. And we just don’t want to be punishers. The Lord’s not a punisher. We don’t want to be punishers. Yes, there has to be discipline. Yes, there has to be boundaries. Yes, there has to be consequences. But it can be done in a way without fear. So, you know, I’m married to a powerful woman. And and early in my marriage, yeah, I tried to control her. Didn’t work out too well. The fact that I’m still married is a testament to her. But, you know, you know what, Jeff? I learned slowly. I’m not stupid, but I’m slow. And so I keep telling that to my wife. And she she laughs at me sometimes, you know? But that’s what I’m after is is to be on equal footing in a partnership with my wife and my children.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:05:38] If I was to ask your wife, Lauren, correct? Yeah. So, which so grateful for her ministry, she ministered to my wife and I last year when she preached at Jesus Culture. My goodness, she brought fire. But if I was to ask her, what are a few areas that like these were struggle areas or, man, Bob had a lot of room to grow here as a dad? What are some of the areas, she’s like, yep, these were harder areas to his fatherhood? Especially thinking through like the teenage years or younger kid years. What are some of the ways she’s like, Yeah, he had to work hard in those areas?

Bob Hasson: [00:06:12] Well, I grew up with shame in my life. I had an angry dad and and shame was a part of my life that got, you know, healed in the last ten years, really. And so everything that comes from an orphan identity, all that shame, it got translated, you know, into the marriage, into the kids. And we just talked about control, thinking about control, so, you know, to to to men out there, to young fathers, you know, if you’re dealing with shame, if you’ve heard that in your life, if you if you have, you know, orphan thinking. What’s an orphan? An orphan is someone who does not believe that anyone will take care of them, so they have to take care of themselves. And and so we we will come into this orphan identity where we think we have to take care of ourselves, which means we have to control. And when we try that with our children and our wives, it it it’s really, really painful.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:07:14] So the shame cause some of the orphan thinking.

Bob Hasson: [00:07:17] Thinking, yeah.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:07:18] And what, what was, you mentioned even up to ten years ago, what were some of the things that caused you to move away from and step into freedom and towards Sonship?

Bob Hasson: [00:07:28] I’ve always believed in therapy and counseling and and because of my background, which I wrote a lot about in Business of Honor. I’ve been in therapy, you know, in my thirties, in my forties, my fifties, in my sixties, and not constant, not all the time. But when it comes up, you know, being willing and available to shift and adjust and say something is not right. And I and I really need to go get this thing fixed. So there were instances of me being short with the kids, of not listening, of being authoritarian, of being absent. Because one of the things that we can do is if we go to work, well, we feel better there because most people at work can’t say no to us. But you come home to your family and they’re arguing with you or asking why or that kind of a thing. If you’re not squared away, it, it, you know, it, it you turn into a different person. One of the goals in my life is not to be compartmentalized. I want to be the same person that you see at church, at home, at work, at the grocery store. The same person.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:08:39] Yeah. I read in your book, your latest book, Shortcuts, with a slashed out, so no Shortcuts. I read in your book, though, that you had these five areas of flourishing relationships, personal health, employment, other meaningful activities, maintenance, just doing the things, too. Is that what you’re referring to as far as compartmentalization, that like as I go after all these areas, I want to be the same person? Or are you going in a different direction?

Bob Hasson: [00:09:05] You know, that’s that’s one of the areas. But more what I’m talking about is if you look at if you look at leaders and you see leadership crashes, what you end up seeing is isolation and compartmentalization. Stephen Mansfield wrote this beautiful book called the Ten Signs of a Leadership Crash. And in that in that book, one of the ten signs was isolation. And and so what happens as we become more successful or we’re leaders or shame hits on all these different areas we tend to isolate. For me, if I did not know how to solve a problem, I would isolate myself until I could get my arms around it, figure it out, and then come out and say, Well, I’m having this problem, but I figured it out. When when the idea of the Cross of Christ and greater faith is sharing, sharing with other people what you’re going through, so you’re not isolating. Isolation tends to lead to compartmentalization. So what I’m really talking about is the compartmentalization between who you are in different areas of your life. If I come to see you in your RV or if I come to see your church, or if I come to see you on a Century ride or if I go see you on the sand or if I see you in a coffee shop, am I going to find the same Jeff? Are you going to be smiling? Are you going to be six foot seven? Are you going to be dark haired? Are you going to have the joy of the Lord? That is the thing that we that we have to fight against as men is not compartmentalizing and being one person in one place and another person in another place.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:10:53] And if someone listening is feeling, actually some of that’s happening right now in the workplace or at the gym or in different, what like odds are you’re saying that there’s probably some isolation happening in as well if you’re compartmentalizing. But what do you think, is it getting with brothers? Is it, is it like how do we how do we move out of that place into synchronizing, I’m the same in these different areas?

Bob Hasson: [00:11:19] Having vital relationships with people who have the permission to speak into your life. Now, how do we get those? Most men that I talk to say I don’t have any friends. I’m alone. I’m isolated. Nobody understands me. And, and I get it. I do get it. But, we have to take risks to figure out how to be in relationship with other men. And I’m a covenant person, and I have a close handful of friends that are covenant people, that that means, hey, your wife’s in the hospital, I’m on an airplane. You know your kid sick, what do you need? These, these are the type of relationships where they know everything about me and I know everything about them. So, so that when, when I call with an issue, a problem, a worry, anxiety, you know, they can slap me across the face and say, You’re an idiot. Come on, you’ve been through this before. You’re going to get through this. Or, you know, when it’s, when it’s really, when it’s really a hard time, there’s a listening ear. And I know that I don’t have to explain myself as so, so this level of relationship and being a dad is important because, you know, our sons and daughters are going to drive us mad. They’re going to do things and say things to us that we never we could even never imagined. And when that happens, we need to have a place to go, to have to have really great conversation, to re-center us into the Lord and to who we are. And then they push us back into the, right back into the fight.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:12:58] Yeah. Yeah, those two areas of the courage to see a counselor, a therapist, like I’m going to go there because I want to see healing. And then the second one, covenant relationships. Close friends like for sure have been come up time and time again is like, do the hard work, do the hard work. It even makes me think about the term, shortcut, and I read about the definition of a shortcut, a shorter or quicker way. And then there’s a second half of the definition that people are looking for that right now, listening to this podcast, they’re like, I’m looking for a shortcut. How do I how to accelerate, like being dadAWESOME, being a great dad? How would you coach or just be a guide to me and the guys listening around shortcut thinking when it comes to fatherhood?

Bob Hasson: [00:13:44] There’s a reason why it takes nine months for a baby to be born. There’s a reason why it takes close to a year for a baby to walk. There’s a reason why four year old’s say no. It’s this whole process. Our lives are a process. Fatherhood is a process. If we had to deal with 13 year old problems in year one, we wouldn’t know what to do. And the process of watching, I think fatherhood is is the most beautiful thing about a journey of life, because we get to watch our kids grow and we all know they’re going to grow. And we say things like, hey, you know, your kids are young, you blink and they’re 26 years old, which mine are. And wow, how did that happen? My youngest is 26 years old. So, so I think fatherhood and motherhood, parenthood, it means you’re going to enter into a journey. I wasn’t the best dad from the 0 to 6 year old because by and large, I act like a 13 year old. So when they get when they got to like 11, 12, 13 years old, boom, they were right in my zone. And we could go and, you know, be silly together and act like what 13 year old’s do. And then from from then on, as as they got older and became, you know, amazing young men and young women, I was able to be myself with them. I think, you know, one, I’m going to I’m going to say there’s two keys, saying you’re sorry. Like my dad never said he was sorry and just, you know, disciplined and was abusive the way he was. I say I’m sorry all the time. And I want my kids to know that I am repentant, that I’m sorry that I blew it, you know, that I shouldn’t have reacted, even though they made a mistake, I shouldn’t have reacted that way. And the second part is age appropriate, as your kids grow up, let them in to the dark side of you. Because they always, always see dadAWESOME. Right? Like, my dad is awesome, he can, he can slay that dragon. He can beat up that bad guy. He can put out that fire. He can scale that building. But they need to know that there’s things that you struggle with. And, you know, I was I was very honest with all my children, you know, as they got age appropriate with the things that I struggled with, because I want them to know that, well, in life, we’re going to struggle. They’re going to struggle. And, you know, it’s not like dadAWESOME is a unicorn.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:16:23] Yeah. I thought about the term transformation and being in the transformation business. Your, your business is a painting business. You transform, in relatively short amount of time compared to other industries, you can transform the look and feel. Can you see of any, you think of any parallels between painting a home or a room, the transformation on that side, and the fatherhood journey of seeing our kids transform or seeing ourselves, as dads, transform? Any anything jump into your heart around transformation?

Bob Hasson: [00:16:56] Yeah. So the Lord just showed me this like relatively recently. I, I, I, I figure to look at I’m a painter, I’m a contractor, okay? I’m a businessman. I run a business, all these things. But, you know, I love seeing things transform. Well, God spoke to me, you know, about ten years ago, and He said, well, the reason that I gave you this love for your business is because you love transformation. And so all the things that I’ve been doing, books I’ve been writing or podcasts I’ve been doing or people been meeting with only is because I want to see people transformed. I feel like if I’m vulnerable enough with my story and all the problems that I’ve gone through and say, Hey, look, there is a better way. There really aren’t any shortcuts, but I’ll give your listeners a little, they don’t have to read the book, there’s one shortcut, the shortcut is the pursuit of wisdom. Wisdom is the shortcut. Everybody thinks it’s life hacks, cheat codes. You know, what, whatever. If, hey, can you anoint me? Can you bless me with with your anointing so that I don’t have to pray for 8,000 people? You can just bless me and I’ll have the anointing, and I pray for one person. It just doesn’t happen that way, it’s a process, it’s a journey. And so and so I think, you know, in this journey, looking at what how your transformed, how I’ve been transformed, how our friends have been transformed. This is this is the heart of God.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:18:25] Wisdom. The shortcut. Now I receive wisdom from my wife. She’s a source of wisdom from books that I read, from experiences, I can gather some wisdom. What are some of the other inputs when you think, Hey, make this a priority as a dad who wants to grow in wisdom and have that shortcut, that accelerator, what are some of the inputs for you?

Bob Hasson: [00:18:43] Find other awesome dads, brother. I mean, find, find, but I mean, it comes back to this covenant relationship thing. You know, you find people who are just doing the right thing now, you know, older in my life, as I’ve been older, I’ve I’ve had the privilege of watching, you know, really, really amazing dads. But I’ve also seen really, really amazing dads where their kids have committed suicide, where there’s been tragedy, where there there’s drug addiction and homelessness and all these different things. And so you look you look at this and say, what, what’s the difference between what I did and what they did? Really, there’s there’s no difference. We don’t know what happens in the mind of a child. But but all we can do, in my opinion, is be the most honest dads that we can possibly be, that our sons and our daughters know everything about us. It seems intrinsic that, you know, yes, tell your son who you are. The good, the bad, the ugly, because he’s because he’s going to be a man and you want him to be a good man. But on the other side, it’s our daughters, who need to know because you don’t want them to be afraid of the man that they’re going to marry. You want them to know, what do men deal with? What are what are the things that you deal with as a dad, as a husband, so that as she grows up, she understands the struggle of what her husband is going to eventually go through.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:12]  Yeah, that’s that’s fascinating. So it’s on both sides for modeling for sons, but we’re also modeling and preparing daughters for their future husbands. The concept of sweet spot, I know you write about this from a little more on the career side of figuring out our sweet spot and and not that a sweet spot is easy, but you’re working towards our sweet spot. I thought about it transferable into helping our kids. Not figure out we know exactly where they’re headed and they know exactly where they’re headed, but guiding them towards who’s God created them to be. So identity, calling, assignment. Now will you just speak to a little bit of the concept of sweet spots and helping our kids figure out?

Bob Hasson: [00:20:51] What sport were you in, did you do in high school?

Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:53] My main was basketball as you could guess. 

Bob Hasson: [00:20:55] Okay. Yeah, I know. So, so you have four daughters? And maybe they’re going to play basketball. But as they grow up, as you see them grow up, you’re going to encourage them into what they’re interested in. So, I played this really weird sport in college called Water Polo. But but my kids, my oldest played hockey, my second son was a was a wrestler, my oldest daughter played soccer and my youngest daughter played field hockey. Lacrosse, I mean. So, so and people were like, are they going to, are your kids going to be water polo players? Like, no, why? Why would that happen? And the older they got, people are asking me, are they going to take over your business? No, I want to see them doing what they’re called to be. One’s an engineer at Facebook. One is a wealth manager. One one is in publicity. One is in fashion. And they’re and they’re crushing it in their lives because it’s what they’re passionate about. So so I think I think watching our kids grow up and flourish is is the most oh, it’s the most amazing thing to see and and to be able to support them in it.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:22:06] So part of them finding the sweet spot is not controlling or not trying to put them in a model, a mold that is us. Any other just practical ideas on how to help nudge them towards what God’s called them to do?

Bob Hasson: [00:22:18] Well, I think your the second part of your question is what God called them to do is like, Lauren and I, you know, we pray for our kids all the time when they were young. We’re, now, two of my my daughters, my two daughters are in New York. We’re praying for their safety every single day. They’re on subways. They’re tough girls. Right? But, but. So, so you end up, age appropriately, wherever the kids are, you’re praying into what their lives right there. And and you’re recognizing that, you know, honestly, these aren’t our kids. We’re stewarding our kids on this earth, they’re the Father’s kids. So, so what we’re doing is we have this amazing ability to have them on the earth and be blessed by them, but there’s a higher calling in their lives.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:23:05] And what they what stirs their passions or what ends up capturing their hearts or their focus might be an unexpected surprise for them and for you. And actually, that brings me in to asking you about passion. We chatted about this on the beach. The guys were mining out questions around this topic of looking for what am I passionate about and how that’s almost a false like it doesn’t really the word passion we get it wrong so often. I’m thinking about the dad life and the dad who, like you, says, man, this younger kids season, it’s hard. It was not natural to me to catch up with my kids when they’re younger. I’m waiting, that season, it’ll be more natural. How do we live into being passionate dads? Stay passionate about fatherhood, even when it gets hard.

Bob Hasson: [00:23:55] Well, you know, I, you and I were in athletics. And and and so, as kids grow up, they get interested in athletics. And so, like, what did I become? Like the teen mom, like, hey, I got my Suburban. Look, I put them in the car, I’m driving to all the events I am, I made a commitment to be like, Hey, I’m going to be at all the games and most of the practices if I can. And so and so all of a sudden you’re present and you’re present, you’re present, you’re present and you’re not present yelling at them. You’re not present telling them when they get back in the car, you miss this, you did that, you missed this. Don’t do that. You say, oh, my gosh, honey, wow, I saw three things you did beautifully. That was incredible. You played an incredible game or in ballet or gymnastics or whatever it is that they’re passionate about. You’re looking for the gold and what the kids are doing. And then you’re calling it out in them.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:54] Yes, you’re pointing it out with you’re, with our words.

Bob Hasson: [00:24:59] They’re hard enough on themselves. You’re hard enough on yourself. Your kids are hard enough on themselves. Oh, that piece of art that I did, it’s ugly. And you might look at it and say, hmm, it’s pretty ugly. But what you’re telling your daughter is or your son, that’s incredible, I didn’t know you could use black and red and orange together. And what were you thinking there? And they say, oh, it’s it’s a it’s a cat. It’s a cat. And he was eating an orange and oh, I see that now. And, and so that’s the thing like part a part of the thing about hearing God is what does God do for us? He calls us out in our future, in the prophetic and in the hearing God. He’s calling us up to something different. That’s our job as our kids is to call them up past where they are into into into their future.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:47] Yeah. Unconditional love I know is a part of that. And it’s something that that most of us did not have modeled well for us, unconditional love from a dad. Yet, the first thing you said when you were being introduced, you said the first thing about you, who is, who’s Bob? It’s, I’m a loved son of God. Did I get that right?

Bob Hasson: [00:26:08] Yeah.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:26:10] I, I just think, I need to hear this more often. Everyone listening needs to hear more often. I’m a loved son of God. Loved son of God. Who helped you understand that and and lean into that identity?

Bob Hasson: [00:26:26] I, again come from shame and the Lord found me when I was 17 years old. And so, what, by implication, what that means is I made every single one of my mistakes as a believer. And big mistakes. Big mistakes. And, and so the grace of the Lord has been on me for my entire adult life has been so profound. But it wasn’t until, you know, in the last two decades that I really recognized and it wasn’t until the last probably five years before it hit home. What I’m trying to say here, Jeff, is that life is a process. And and so, you know, back then when I could look at you and say, Jeff, the Lord loves you, the Lord is going to bless you, and here’s why, because this is what I see on you. But if I took if I if I pointed back at myself, I was like, you know what? You’re a scumbag.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:27:28] Condemnation back.

Bob Hasson: [00:27:30] Condemnation back. Positionally, if you recognize that, that our identity is that we are beloved sons and daughters of God, positionally, then from there, that bar is low. Right? We don’t even have to do anything. It’s mine. It’s by grace that I have this, that I’m a loved son or daughter of God. Then wherever I go, if I’m as successful as I’ve ever could be, I’m still a loved son of God. But if I’m on the on the ladder to success or if if let’s say I’ve blown it and I’m in jail or I have all these bad things have happened to me, I’m still a loved son or daughter of God. No matter where I am. And so what that should do is crush performance. The performance should be crushed out of you, recognizing that your identity is that you’re a loved son or daughter of God.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:28:30] That’s good.

Bob Hasson: [00:28:31] It’s deep.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:28:32] It is.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:28:33] And it’s easy to say. Hard to really, like soak it in like like live into our decision making.

Bob Hasson: [00:28:38] And that’s why it takes such a long time.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:28:41] Now, from that place of a loved son of God, we can still move into strategic planning. We can goal setting, a direction, a calling, we can move into all of that. I think some of us some of us listening around fatherhood have not thought about fatherhood and being a dad with some of the business, some of the leadership lens of let’s set goals for the next six months, two years, five years. Did you have any of that mindset when it came to fatherhood? Did you take, I know you have it in your business and in your leadership you helped others with, but do you have any of that kind of goal setting any like listing out, these are some of my hopes for the next chapter?

Bob Hasson: [00:29:22] You know, the fatherhood of parenthood is such a slippery slope and things change so fast. And, you know, you have overarching goals. You have overarching goals. I would like the kids to be healthy. I’d like the kids to be to love the Lord. I’d like the kids fill in the blanks, these overarching goals. But things change so quickly that and, and you know, you’ve got four daughters, all what are their ages?

Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:47] So nine down to one and a half.

Bob Hasson: [00:29:49] Nine. Okay, so, so, so like if you wrote a goal for six months, like, it would be. It could be.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:56] It’s a it’s a quarter of her life, the little one.

Bob Hasson: [00:30:00] There you go. And but but what Lauren and I did is people ask me like, how why why are your sons and daughters such great human beings? Did you teach them about finances? Did you teach them about, and we didn’t. We but they watched us. We sat around the table and we talked about our days. And I talked about, you know, what was happening at work, struggles at work, success at work. Lauren talked about what was happening in her ministry, struggles and success. And they saw, they saw. I wasn’t ever saying I hate my job. You know, work is a curse. But they saw the struggle. They saw, they heard discussions about finances and stewardship and all these different things and they watched. And what I found as a father, and now a grandfather, is these little people, they watch more than what you say to them, they watch what you do. And then later in life, they do what you do.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:00] Yeah.

Bob Hasson: [00:31:01] And so so it’s a it’s a phenomena and and and and Lauren and I guess, I guess if we did one thing, we led by example.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:11] Yeah. You’ve mentioned you had dinner together, there’s conversation around the table. You mentioned the Suburban and being in proximity. You’ve mentioned calling out the gold. You mentioned brotherhood a number of times. Going to counseling. You’ve we’ve had a lot of practical. Is there anything else, though? Oh, and then just the fact that be aware they’re watching. They’re watching. Anything else you’re like, oh, this is something we did? Anything practical, you prioritized that you feel like had some, it’s a deposit you made, because you just chose to be a dad who does this that had some form of outcomes that you’re like, No, that was worth it.

Bob Hasson: [00:31:49] My boys who are older, I was building my business, so I was home less. But when my daughters were were coming of age, I kind of made a decision, I’m going to try to be home in the afternoons from from the office and, you know, help pick them up or be around for homework or being around being in proximity. I think in this day and age, what I would say is be present. When you go to the soccer game, when you go to the gymnastics exhibition, when you go to the ballet, when you go to wherever, you’re the piano recital, put your phone away. Be present. In other words, try to figure out figure out three things that they’ve done. And whatever you’re watching and say, I saw you do this and I saw you do that. And it was really, really good because being present is is really important. There’s times in my life when I’ve been very preoccupied and and I and I’ve said to to Lauren, to the kids, like, I’ve got a really a lot of stuff happening at the office. I’m pretty preoccupied. I’m nervous. I have all these things going on. I’m there’s going to be a season where I’m going to be a little late, so I’m sorry, in advance.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:33:08] Yeah.

Bob Hasson: [00:33:08] And but those seasons pass and, and, and if our priorities really are a family first, if our priorities really are for our character to shine, you know, before our wife and our children, then, then and that then that’s the honesty, the vulnerability and the transparency that that we need to have before them.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:33:29] Yeah. In these last two areas that you encourage, Bob, are both like I feel this strong, like Holy Spirit saying, That’s for you, that’s for you. And one of them is they’re watching, especially in the small space of the RV. Like there’s less times for us to slip out of earshot, my wife and I, in ways that my tone has been sharper. My areas that like I’m not proud of moments that they’ve watched and seen. And so I have the ability, like you’ve coached to to repent and go back to them and say, I’m sorry for the way I talked to mom in that moment. But the other one that you just said is as far as presence, because of blurring the lines and just having more times that at the beach or at this place or at this restaurant, like my phone is out way more than usual in this chapter. And, and I don’t want that. I really do want to step into what you’re encouraging and challenging, which is being present in these moments because they’re flying by.

Bob Hasson: [00:34:21] Listen, I bet you if I asked my wife, like, did you do a good job of being present with the kids? She’d say, no. Right? And and, but so it’s a and I’m not I’m not berating myself. I’m just saying it’s a process. And and it really is a choice, especially in today’s generation. We didn’t, I mean, we didn’t have phones back when the kids were growing up. So, but we had newspapers, you know, and you pick up the newspaper and then you can’t see anybody else.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:34:49] It has your eyes. It has your eyes.

Bob Hasson: [00:34:49] And so so this whole life, you know, this this whole life is a process and a journey. We’re trying to do better than we did yesterday. We’re trying to do better than we did the week before or the month before. We’re trying to move forward. The people I want to be around, Jeff, are people who are willing to learn, are willing to shift, are willing to adjust. And the thing about brotherhood, before we can be fathers, we have to be brothers. The thing about brotherhood is, if I’m not calling you out, who is? Who else in your life is? I feel like if I’m in relationship with you and I see you on your phone being not present, I’m like, Dude, are we together or not? Like, if you’re busy, I get it. Like, we can we can leave and you go be busy, and then we can have another time together. And, and I think that’s what we need to do for each other is just continue to call us to greatness, to call out the gold in one another so we can be better. Because I guarantee you, no dad wants to suck. Every dad wants to be dadAWESOME. It’s not a goal to be bad. It’s a goal to be good.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:54] Yeah. And that actually lands me at this these three, and of course I don’t mind the alliteration helps me remember humble, hungry, heart of a learner. Humble, I want to be a humble dad. Hungry, I want to keep learning, growing, I want to press it when it’s hard. I want to be hungry. Heart of a learner, just let’s let’s have that posture to learning my kids, learning my wife, learning from other sources, mentors, friends. How would you kind of add your take to being humble, hungry, which I took these three out of your book, so it’s already your take, but humble, hungry heart of a learner?

Bob Hasson: [00:36:28] I don’t, I don’t think there’s there’s too much to add. Let me let me tell you a story.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:36:32] Yeah, please.

Bob Hasson: [00:36:34] My oldest son had just gotten married. I was in a board meeting in Las Vegas at like 11 a.m. And he he called me, I picked up the phone, and I could tell something wasn’t right. So I walked out of I walked out of the of the board meeting, and I walked around this block in Las Vegas for 2 hours. And he he said, Dad, I’m dealing with pornography. And I and I feel terrible, like, I don’t know what to do. I want to tell my wife and and I just don’t know what to do. And, Dad, I just don’t know, I don’t know how to be a good lover to her. Now, okay, look, listen, I’m a dad, my son has just called me.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:37:26] Newlywed.

Bob Hasson: [00:37:26] With this. With this. And for 2 hours, I got to talk to him. Right? 

Jeff Zaugg: [00:37:33] He chose you to call.

Bob Hasson: [00:37:34] Yeah, he chose me. Months later, he called me, he said I got to tell you a funny story. I was with a coworker and we were all we were talking about sex, and he was telling da, da, da, da and he goes, and my son said, well, my dad says this. And his coworkers like, what, you talk to your dad about that? And he looked and he looked at his coworker and he goes, You don’t?

Jeff Zaugg: [00:37:59] It’s normalized.

Bob Hasson: [00:38:02] Uh huh. Fast forward, that was probably 15 years ago, fast forward to today’s date, my youngest daughter in New York, crushing it. Problems are happening in a relationship. She calls me. Crying on the phone and I’m listening to her. And I’m just saying, honey, it’s going to be okay. Honey, you’re amazing. Honey, he’s amazing. Listen, it’s going to be okay. And I’m I’m, I’m hoping her through this. They, it ended up not being okay in their relationship. But but my point is this is the goal as dad’s, is that we’re the people who our kids call when something when something happens, when they really need wisdom, advice, a loving heart. Now, obviously, my wife’s phone rings way more than me. So I’ve got to I’ve got two great examples of, you know, them calling me with deep things. And I think I think as dads, that’s our goal. And I think when we have young kids, if we if we have that goal in mind, that in 10, 15 years, when our kids are whatever in college, they get married, they’re dealing with whatever, they’re going to call me.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:39:22] Yes. Wow. I am so grateful for this conversation. Would you be willing to pray over all of us listening and pray for, you mentioned this statement before, I can be a dad, I have to be a brother. Before I can be a dad, I have to be a son, a loved son of God. Like there’s there’s a big like this could be some big shift areas for some of the dads.

Bob Hasson: [00:39:43] Yeah.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:39:43] Just pray for your any of the words that either of us have said that that it would like God would just shine a light on, this is the next step.

Bob Hasson: [00:39:52] Lord. Thank you that you’re a God of process. For 30 years, Jesus, you walked on this earth and you were an apprentice, before your ministry started. And God, you were being prepared for your ministry. So here we are, Lord, as men, as some of us are husbands, some of us are dads, some of us are grandparents, but we’re all Sons. Some of us are brothers. In you, Lord, we have a brother, a brother community. And so, Lord, I pray that you would give each man the ability to understand that this life is a journey and it’s a process. And Lord, where shame comes in, where we’re saying, I’ve blown it and I can’t ever restore it. Lord, thank you for forgiveness and repentance, and I pray that you give courage for that. Where, where, where hopelessness comes that I have said or done these things that I can never get back. Thank you, Lord, for the simple words, I’m sorry and I want to change. Lord, I pray that you would allow, allow listeners to reset themselves to understand, Lord, that you are so full of grace that you came and you and on this world you hung on the cross, you shed your blood right now for this as as husbands and fathers. Lord, help us to reprioritize the next season of of being a husband and a father, of loving our wives so that our children, both our boys and girls, will see what a vital relationship is and what they want in a spouse. So that our sons and daughters will look and see, this is the man or the woman I want to grow up to be because this is what I see. Lord, we as fathers have this incredible privilege to be a shining example of of of what of what a man could be. And are we going to make mistakes? Yes. Have I made mistakes? Tons of mistakes, Lord. The person that has the most wisdom is the person who’s willing to talk about all their mistakes. And I’ve made them, Lord. And I know that our listeners have to. So bless them, forgive them, heal their land. Give them the courage to turn to each other and to you. To move to the high calling in the mark of Jesus, Lord. Fatherhood, marriage, and in the rest of their lives. In Jesus name, amen.

Jeff Zaugg: [00:42:45] Thank you so much for joining us for Episode 259 with Bob Hasson. All The Conversation notes, the link to the transcripts and links to his book, Shortcuts and other resources are all going to be at dadAWESOME.org/259. I want to remind you guys, we are celebrating the five year anniversary of dadAWESOME in just a couple of weeks here, encouraging you guys to prayerfully consider making a financial donation to the ministry, encouraging you to send in an encouragement email or just kind of like, man, this is some way the podcast has been helpful, the ministry has been helpful. You can send that to jeff@dadAWESOME.org. And then the third way to celebrate five years is to post something on social media about dadAWESOME. Recommend a podcast episode or just recommend the show in general to other people who other dads who may be in need this resource. So guys, thanks for listening today. Thanks for saying, man, I’m not done learning. I’m going to be a dad who pursues adding life to the dad life. Who pursues being dadAWESOME, not arriving, but saying, man, this area matters. Let’s go have a fun week with our kids.