Marcus Montana (Episode 182)Marcus Montana [00:00:02] When Malachi was born, he just laid there, didn't do nothing and I loved him, I loved him, you know, he wasn't, at that time just trying to get my attention said, hey, look at me, just laid there. And it gave me a perspective that I don't have to do anything for the Lord to love me. Intro [00:00:30] Welcome to DadAWESOME. You're doing a movie of intentional Christian dads who are adding life to the dad life. Thank you for taking a courageous step towards learning and growing and being mentored as you become DadAWESOME for your kids. On this podcast, my dad, Jeff Zaugg, interviews intentional dads from all around the world and he explores the path of becoming DadAWESOME. Jeff Zaugg [00:01:26] hey, guys, welcome back to DadAWESOME today, episode 182. My friend Marcus Montana is joining me in just a few weeks ago, June 19th, my family, we all went out and celebrate. We went to two different celebrations celebrating Juneteenth and this now a national holiday that remembers the end, the last group of slaves in Galveston, Texas, that learned about the end of the civil war, the end of slavery, that they learned about their freedom. So we were out celebrating and I bumped into my friend Marcus Montana, him and his wife, Lindsey. Their three kids, they're pregnant and are going to have a fourth baby here soon, which is amazing. And we've got talking about fatherhood, Marcus and I. I know he's a passionate dad. He's a recording artist, hip hop artist. He runs a record label and actually does a lot of mentoring and empowerment of younger hip hop artists. And so it was very thankful to bump into him. But just talking about intentional fatherhood, he he unpacked this concept with me of the difference of knowing God and loving God and how you can actually tell kids are especially our kids can tell if we're just taught things about God, teaching them, speaking at them, verses, man, they know that they have a dad who loves God. Just the difference, the markers there. I want to encourage all of us. Let's be thinking about am I a dad who knows God or a dad who loves God? And there is a difference. So I'm gonna jump now right into my conversation with Marcus Montana. We went all over the place, but so many great, helpful, practical parts of his journey both as a son and not having a dad present and then also now being the opposite, being the present intentional dad. So here's episode one hundred and eighty two with my friend Marcus Montana. Intro [00:03:07] (musical transition) Jeff Zaugg [00:03:26] Now, let's just backdrop for a second here. So you, Lindsay, married 10 years. Am I right? Marcus Montana [00:03:30] Yep ten years. Coming up here, July 8th. Jeff Zaugg [00:03:33] Your wife, you said two months out, eight weeks from now, you're expecting your fourth baby and then tell us ages and names of your of your three. Marcus Montana [00:03:41] So my oldest is Malachi, who's eight years old than my second one is Mercy six. And then Maxwell recently turned four years old. Jeff Zaugg [00:03:51] Now, let's go back to your story. Sometimes it is another backdrop to the conversation around intentional fatherhood is what did you experience and would you just talk about growing up and your dad was not a part of your journey. Right. Marcus Montana [00:04:03] And so for the for the most part. So, I mean, out of out of anything, it sucks with how you're born. But my mom was a senior in high school. My dad actually had dropped out of school, so that was pretty early. So just even the responsibility of taking care of a kid at that time was difficult for you to say. So I actually lived with my grandmother until I was three years old. And so and then but at that same year, that's when my parents separated. So I never actually lived. Really lived with them, where I at least had an understanding together, you know, and so he lived probably 15 miles or so away away from us. And when I was young, young, I would see him once or twice a month for the weekend or things like that until I was about eight years old. And then that kind of stopped on a consistently level, you know. And so but yeah. So a lot of my parenting, my learning to be a dad came from my mom. You know, who who you know, we probably don't have the the greatest relationship of being close, but she's she's definitely the way I know I get my drive to work hard from not not that you can't do anything on your own, but you don't wait for somebody else to come help you. You go out and and do what you can to try to accomplish what you set out to do, I guess. And so yeah, that's yeah. Jeff Zaugg [00:05:51] Was there any, any dad type figures, coaches or teachers, anyone that that you were like you saw some characteristics, you were like you knew that's a that's a father type role and one like that, that, that you are now taking some of the things they did and pulling those characteristics forward. Yeah. Marcus Montana [00:06:09] I guess in some of those ways because of how I viewed my dad. There was people who were kind of like father figures that came into my life later, especially, you know, once I gave my life to the Lord when I was 16. So my youth pastor was kind of like a dad to me. Definitely a spiritual father like he is. But he he did a lot more physical things for me of of of looking out for me than he needed to. You know, so that kind of set help examples. But and then once I got into college, I just started looking at men that were kind of around that, you know, because now I'm at age where they even though it'd still be great to have a dad. But you can't make excuses anymore for not having one, you know? So now I'm like, OK, what are some characters? Or just because I went to Bible College and I guess in a state school can happen to. But in Bible college, you have some nontraditional students or like pastors who are coming back to just renew their education or renew like what's the. New, I don't want to say the new way of doing things, but kind of that or just a refresher course. So just in my class when I was a freshman in high school, I had a couple of guys who were in their 50s who were family man, and their family was around. And so I hung out with a lot of them and just kind of experienced family from that perspective of together, because even, you know, growing up with being in a single parent home, my mom worked hard. So we rarely ate dinner together or things like that. We were definitely she made sure we provide it for from a need to live standpoint, but, you know, some of the nurturing things that could have probably used wasn't wasn't there, and it was a rarity that, you know, we had meals together. You know, it's kind of flying through. You kind of eat while you watch TV type of thing. So it's just complete contrast to how my wife grew up, where they say dinner together every day, you know? And so just kind of how, you know, that balance of of our relationship shape shaped out. But yeah, it started. Yeah. Just in college. And then as you learn to if you want to say look for your needs, then you can see in life, OK, who's good at being a good dad, who's good at this, who's good at that and just pulling out the pieces. Yeah. To learn from, you know, and then how they handle when things don't go as expected, you know, Jeff Zaugg [00:09:17] I mean, learning through observation, like just simply being aware that you didn't have, so you were on the lookout for. Yeah, whatever, because then there came a moment where you became a dad. So your oldest is Malikai. Yeah. So that that moment that he was he was born and this this like decision of like, hey, I'm starting my fatherhood journey, even though the journey as a kid you didn't know the great degree did not have a dad, what were some of the thoughts in that moment and what were some of the decisions that you kind of have leaned into over the years to be what you didn't have? Marcus Montana [00:09:48] Well, just even before that, that was one of my. Greatest thing I look forward to, if you want to say being a dad, ever since I was younger, 20s, you know, and you know, I'm in Bible college, everybody's getting married and moving on. And I'm like, even though it's great to be in a relationship, I look more forward to being a dad just to have that different experience that wasn't there than even being married. You know, because I was at points a day people it didn't work out. And, you know, I'm like, I just adopt kids or should desire of your heart. Yes. Yeah. So so just. But I didn't understand that before because that was the most difficult part for me when I gave my life to the Lord, was seeing him as a father, you know, so I could see him as Lord and savior, as a friend, as protector, as provider, as everything. Because you you've seen those things. But because of how I viewed what a father was, it was hard for me to see Christ as that. Tell we had Malachai and when we had Malakai, that changed my whole perspective because when Malikai was born, he just laid there, didn't do nothing, nothing for you. And I love them. Love them. You know, he wasn't at that time, but just trying to get my attention saying, hey, look at me, just laid there. And it gave me a perspective that I don't have to do anything for the Lord to love me, you know? And so that. Yeah, changed my whole life that that moment is like. Jeff Zaugg [00:11:39] That is, I need to be reminded of that every single day and every day I move back into it is a great characteristic. Your mom showed you this characteristic of drivin in provider and like it is a very rewarding to steward. We as men, we we should many times we need to step up and be driven and have a goal. But does it earn more love from our Heavenly Father? Yeah, I need to be reminded this every single day and that the gift. Marcus Montana [00:12:08] Well, I don't ever earn more love for my kids, you know. And so that's the thing is, is even you know how I think about my mom working two jobs to provide as I grew up, I just saw somebody who wasn't there. And that's the type of things that play in my own mind of even out doing ministry, of not being there because they don't understand, oh, I'm providing hope for somebody else. They just my dad's not here. And I understand that it's different scenarios, you know, because I'm coming home, you know. Right. But also the same time of. It's part of teaching them of having the experience of what it means to truly follow Christ or even your own desires, you know, and so we understand in life there's sacrifices we make to follow. The Lord said it to the T. Jeff Zaugg [00:13:12] You wrote this. I think you just heard it on and on social media. You said the goal isn't perfection. It's his presence. Can't remember how long ago that was. It popped out to me. The goal isn't perfection. It's his presence. And I was curious how you how do we wrestle that out as dads? Because we want our presence. But of course, we can't be present at all moments. I would actually probably do our kids harm to be presented almost. Marcus Montana [00:13:37] Yeah. Yeah. Jeff Zaugg [00:13:39] The goal isn't perfection. It's his presence. But also the goal as dads is not our perfection. It's just be present with our kids. How have you and Lindsay prayed, prayed through and made decisions, any kind of decision framework around what you say yes to and what you say no to because there are opportunities that come your way all the time. Yeah. How does that work in the dad life? Marcus Montana [00:14:00] It's a thin line between, I say, using wisdom and stepping out on faith. You know, when you got other people who are responsible for you. Yeah, but I've also learned that when I followed the leading of the Lord he takes care of it. Yeah, you know, and so even in the mess that looks like what is going on here, that is there to take care of it, it is shown over and over and over again. You know, Bronzewing ranges from heaven looking down. I pretty much see it. The point I wanted to Kirsti so thankful that the Lord showed mercy. Now we keep Unidentified [00:14:43] keep keeping on your break. Bring bring it on. Point, point, no, I mean, we down in the mountains of. With the lion. Are there any Jeff Zaugg [00:14:55] lyrics or like declarations in a song that you've written that that you're like that was that's more than me. Like God spoke this and it's just something that's hung out like it maybe it ties even deeper than for one song, one moment. But it's a little bit of a life anthem. Any any lyrics that pop in your mind right now, like I wrote that. But that's like that's truth. That's a declaration type lyric. Marcus Montana [00:15:16] Everything I do is about a life for transformation, a life that can be changed through submission, through the Holy Spirit. And I guess that's kind of where I can't be in some spaces I would like to be, because that's my answer, you know. So I've been trying to navigate how we go into public schools, how we do things, and when people like what's the answer to this. But I've learned at the same time now as I'm getting out of even with that, my religious mindset and say, OK, because the Lord gives us practical way. Even you know it. The marriage relationship is an image of the relationship of the body of Christ. So how do I show transformation that comes through the Holy Spirit by saying transformation that comes through complete families, you know? And so so that's what became my life goal in doing events. So somebody call up, say, a youth pastor. They want to do a youth event. And I'm like, well, I'll come for less if you make this a family event for you or whatever when we're, you know, because people and it's we're still think of hip hop as being a youth thing. And it is youth. But I'm like, hip hop is older than I am. And then when people like I don't know what I'm like, I'm one of the old people in church now. I was, you know, just just some of those things that I thought we had 20 years ago. People still carry with, you know, hasn't haven't moved forward. And I was like in church. Now, kids do their things. Youth do their things. Adults do their things. And I understand there's there's places for that. But how much how many things do we do together as a family? And so that's why I say, okay, I'll come. You know, we won't charge you personally to come. We're just take up an offering. And so the people who who, if you want, say, benefit from it, will support what we're doing, you know? But that's my goal because I spent a lot of time now in rehab facilities, which was a big reason why my dad wasn't around. He chose alcohol over us. And and it's still a struggle, if you want to say he fights with today, but. Not seeking active help or, you know, and that's just the thing is like when when I'm in facilities like Teen Challenge and I ask, what do you love more than this that's going to cause you to change? That's obviously the first thing you need to submit yourself to the Holy Spirit, bring in transformation, transformation in your life. But if you're still in here trying to do it in your own willpower, that got to be something that you love more than ness that's going to cause you to change. And so or at least start taking the steps towards that. And so in those centers like that, most people who are in those situation come from broken families, even if they were whole physically. They weren't mentally, emotionally, spiritually that cause an individual to now leave the house to run from something or search for something. Right, when it's when it's all should be in the home Jeff Zaugg [00:18:50] and you mentioned alcohol for your dad, but, you know, the dad's listening right now, it could be I mean, there's so many things that could be right that are holding us in bondage. It could be pornography. It could be some. It could be workaholism. There's so many things that could lead us to not live free. Yeah. And who who who experiences pain because of a dad who stays in bondage first steps into freedom, which is what God offers. I know this is part of your mission, is to help others find true life. I know that that's attached to freedom. I mean, how would you how would you encourage someone listening who's like and I have something that's keeping me stuck and I'm I am not going to be able to bring freedom or bring life or bring the end to be the intentional dad, the loving dad. In fact, this thing could actually take me out. It could take me out completely and keep me away from my kids. How would you encourage and challenge that, Dad? Marcus Montana [00:19:43] Yeah, honesty is the biggest key, even though it sucks because dealing with pain, like, why are you even in this situation you are comes from somewhere, you know, like why are you delving into work so hard or delving into anything that causes you if you want to say to escape reality and most of the time that pain or lack, like if you because there's plenty of people who work hard because they had nothing growing up. Right. Or. You know, or if you had an improper family structure, relationship, things that now caused you to seek validation or fulfillment from somewhere else, you know, and so that comes. Yeah, to being honest confession we call a repentance, you know, and I think that's not something that we need to be afraid of, even though culture, Christian culture has taught us to be afraid of repenting. But it's actually the most freeing thing that we can do. Yeah. You know, Jeff Zaugg [00:21:01] and part of it is you can keep focused on I'm like, I'm so bad I messed up. I can't get free. I or you said it earlier. Like, do you have something you love more than this thing that's holding you back. And we believe our Heavenly Father is is that like but then also through the eyes of your kids, I'm like, think of the eyes of your kids. Like I wanted to ask kind of a strange question about hip hop and about the industry, but also about like hip hop music. Are there any parallels between an artist? You're like, OK, there, that's phenomenal that their craft, their art, that like you're just like that is amazing and an amazing dad. Is there anything that you can draw that would be a parallel or a similarity of like from hip hop to fatherhood? Marcus Montana [00:21:49] When you look at, I guess, hip hop as a culture, because that's who I so I, you know, ran into some situations, say with you call to do something at a church. And I go, well, we're not doing that right now. We want to do this. And I'm like, what do you mean not doing that with hip hop or rap? And, you know, look at it's like, well, it's part of that part, but who I am. So I cannot not do this. And a dad, is who I am, you know, now I can neglect both, you know, culture because I look at hip hop as a culture. Rap is the music of the culture. And so it's it's it's part of who I am and and both aspects now how I can which I look at it now when we come into debates or what's going on with racial injustice or political unrest and how we attack things, and I look at if I love my community, if I love my kids, how can I both stand up for and to them? How can I honor them and correct me? You know, and that happens both in their culture and as a parent. Wow. Wow. You know, so when people like weather out there causing a ruckus, so people. Conjoint urban culture and hip hop culture as one and the same. So when you're talking about minorities in the inner city, you see this kind of part of the case where there are rioting out there and they're doing this. You know, Martin Luther King said rioting, rioting comes as the voice of the unheard. And, you know, if your kids are trying to share with you and you're not listening, you're too busy. They're rioting. That's going to ratchet up, you know, there. And that's what I explained. You know, when people like look at them, you know, out there. And I was like, you ever been mad at your house alone to cause you to throw something against the wall and break it? Because whether you weren't being heard or you were hurt or whatnot, now you're just multiplying that by thousands of people. And that's why it's the magnitude that it is. Jeff Zaugg [00:24:09] So Martin Luther King Jr. said writing is the voice of the unheard. All right. So how do we as dads give a voice to our kids, even in the moments that we feel like we have no patience? Right. How can we how can we lean into that? Marcus Montana [00:24:26] I ultimately is what's the priority in our life now, sometimes, obviously, that slides in the exact moment. You know, it's like I'm on a work call a half hour ago, but how, how, when and not of of. The priority for the Lord, for our family, and then whatever we do outside of that, whether that's work or whatever, and so I think whatever, in anything, whatever is the hierarchy in our life is what we're going to lead to and what we value. And and so that's, I guess how we. How we. Let our kids be heard, you know, in our value of being a parent, you know, Jeff Zaugg [00:25:20] I think of an emotional and energy management. Yeah. To be to bring and I know that's a passion of yours is just fitness and staying healthy and that there is spillover from staying healthy and strong into your craft and songwriting and leading the label, but also into a healthy marriage, into healthy parenting. There's spillover from from the strength. Marcus Montana [00:25:42] Well, all of that embodies, I would say discipline. Jeff Zaugg [00:25:48] Would you talk more about discipline and just to even just encourage me directly? Marcus Montana [00:25:51] Well, even discipline comes from the same root word as where we get disciple, you know. And so how do we discipline ourselves? Like sometimes we look at discipline our kids, whether we're making them be responsible for their actions. But some of that are the discipline is OK. We set up a system or structure for them to follow. And when we don't want to be bothered to do what they wanted to break the system, you know, but part of that discipline is this is how we're how we do things, you know, and and that discipline comes despite our feelings, you know, whether we feel like doing it today or not, whether working out whether it's OK, I need to go in the studio and finish the song. And that's what I would say when people go, are you a morning person? I'm like, I made myself become a morning person because of discipline. Jeff Zaugg [00:26:56] And you saw the benefits. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Any topics we didn't cover that you're like around fatherhood. I'd love to share this. Anything on your on your heart. Marcus Montana [00:27:06] I guess the the the biggest thing, and it could be cliche in our world, but it's being submitted to Christ and the Holy Spirit because. We don't know answers. We try our best. The other day, and his love covers a multitude of sins and I think because Christ loved us, that teaches us proper love. And I think that's the biggest thing on, if you understand how are your loved or the love that you have that comes from Christ, which is, you know, an agape love, like I don't have to do nothing for it then that allows us to freely love without looking for something in return. You know, and I think that. Yeah, freeing, you know,  another freeing thing is that I'm not doing this with I mean, I guess we do hope, you know, because we understand sowing and reaping that I love my kids properly to in turn they would be able to love properly. But I don't think we're thinking about that on a daily basis. But when we sit back, like, oh, that's that's a hope, you know. Yeah, but I think because of the experience of our identity and who we are, knowing that we're loved by Christ allows us to love others, you Jeff Zaugg [00:28:35] know, and it ripples forward to future generations. Would you say a short prayer for all of us? That's well. Marcus Montana [00:28:42] Well, we just thank you for your grace. That covers all our mistakes. We thank you for your intention of being in our lives and always being open for you or for us to approach you. Help us today to have an accurate view of you as our father. If we can just call them into your lap and said that I need a hug, hold me today. And yeah, I pray for dad and the ones hearing this in their relationships are how they are with their kids or how they even are with their parents. You know, if it's it's been a struggle, you know, I know I've been sensitive in my heart. Even just hearing enough of that. You're you're turning the hearts of the kids back to the fathers and the fathers to the kids and help there just be healing through that process, Lord. And for just the family in general and I pray for wholeness, completeness and for all the answers that we look for will be found in Christ and found in the home. Jesus name came in. Jeff Zaugg [00:30:00] Thank you so much for joining us for Episode one hundred and eighty two with Marcus Montana, all the conversation notes, the transcripts, the action steps and then links to the various record projects, the music, the the record label and all their artists with transformation records is going to be at DadAWESOME.org/182 and all of Markus's social handles and links just to keep up with what he's doing, what he's creating, and him and his family are all going to be located there. Hey, want to welcome you guys. The DadAWESOME nudge is about weekly. We're texting you guys encouragement, prayers, intentionality, resources around becoming DadAWESOME to the DadAWESOME Nudge. You simply can opt in by texting 651-370-8618. Again, you just simply have to text this number 651-370-8618 and just include the word dad in your text. And we'll make sure to get you opted in to the DadAWESOME nudge. Guys, thank you for listening this week. Thanks for leaning in and saying, God, what do you have for me? How can I turn some dials of calibration? How can I turn some dials of intentionality as I become DadAWESOME for my kids? It matters that you're listening. Thanks for listening and have a fantastic week.