Speaker 1 [00:00:02] This is not the totality of your marriage. This isn't what all of your marriage is going to look like, their other seasons coming. So know that, that if you're in a hard season right now. Just keep the course, stay the course, do not grow weary and well doing it at the proper time you will receive a harvets if you do not give up. It can be tough right now, but keep the work, keep doing things that you know are going to lead to the end that you want in your marriage and your fatherhood and trust that that harvest will come. Will come. Speaker 2 [00:00:35] Welcome to DadAWESOME. You've joined a movement of intentional Christian dads who are adding life to the dads life. Thanks for taking a courageous step towards learning and growing and being mentored as you become DadAWESOME for your kids. On this podcast, my dad Jeff Zaugg interviews intentional dads from all around the world as he explores the path of becoming DadAWESOME. Speaker 3 [00:01:05] Welcome back to DadAWESOME, this is Episode one hundred and ninety two, and my name is Jeff Zaugg. I'm so thankful that you're joining us today. Today's guest, Jackie Bledsoe, is an author, speaker, founders of him and his wife founded Happily Married Couples. They've got an amazing podcast, How I Built This and Stayed happily married. He wrote the book, The Seven Rings of Marriage. Introduced him in just a moment here. But I want to invite you guys - Two  action steps. One of them join the DadAWESOME Nudge. Just simply send a text message. It's free. It's one or two times a week. A nudge of intentionality around the dads life. All you have to do is text six five one three seven zero eighty six eighteen. Just text the word dad to six five one three seven zero eighty six eighteen. It's in the show notes as well. Loved invites. You were going to start to ramp that up more that resource. You've been seen about one text message a week and you'll start to see a couple of text messages a week of just intentionally bumping and nudging you guys towards becoming DadAWESOME. The other resource I want to invite you guys to is this fall. If you live in the upper Midwest in northern Wisconsin, end of October, we're hosting partnering with Wild at Heart John Eldridge and his team to host. It's a video curriculums that are not going to be there. But we're we're hosting about one hundred dads at Honey Rock Camp. And it's going to be an amazing experience. It's called The Wild at Heart basic event. It's four days, three nights in northern Wisconsin. We've got guys coming from Illinois, Wisconsin and Minnesota. And we'd love to invite you guys to join us, check out the show notes for the link to register and learn more about that. So let's jump right in, though. This week, episode one hundred and ninety two, Jackie and his wife, Savannah, they have three kids, a twenty one year old, fifteen year old, eleven year old. They live in Indianapolis, Indiana. As I mentioned before, he's dedicated his life to this area of helping marriages thrive. We're going to talk about marriage. We're also going to talk about the dad life. As always, you're not going to be disappointed. This is a short, impactful to twenty minute conversation that packs quite the punch. So let's jump right in episode one hundred ninety two with Jackie Bledsoe. One of the things I know you have really Speaker 4 [00:03:23] been impacted by is Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And I know there's several portions you actually written some blog posts off that into homeschooling or into marriage or into we won't go into all the details, but I think starting beginning with the end in mind, am I right? Is that one of his habits? Jackie Bledsoe [00:03:43] Yeah, yeah. That's one of the habits has been very impactful for me. That was one of the two books that I read early on when I, I really started reading books. I don't know, everybody may have grown up reading books and continually, but I got to a point where I wasn't really books and that was one that drew me back again to become a book reader. But begin with the end in mind. Where are you going? You know, you're not focused on right now, but where's the big picture? What's the goal? What's that end result that we're trying to get through? And if you begin there and then work your way backwards and taking those steps and marriage and fatherhood and business and sports, I coach, my boys in athletics, all those different things give you that that focus and that big picture that you want to see. He talks about putting the big rocks in first and all those things like that. But very impactful for me. Jeff Zaugg [00:04:25] would have been some of the big rocks for for you and your wife, your family. What are some of those big rocks for you guys specifically related to kind of parenting and marriage? Jackie Bledsoe [00:04:33] Yeah, the biggest rock is just that really that we will guide our kids into a relationship with Jesus Christ and not into religion. But this is a personal relationship that we have. And we want to show you our personal relationship and we want to give you experience, opportunities and exposure so that you can make that choice. And all of our kids have done that on their own so that they go right there and everything else is leading up to that. How do we walk according to that? Once we choose that, once we make that decision, what's it look like living day to day from there? But the big rock is that's the big thing that we want to do. And, you know, we're grateful that they've made that decision on their own. That doesn't mean we're perfect for that or they're perfect because there are some things that we've seen said done that experience. They were like, man, what do we go wrong? Jeff Zaugg [00:05:21] Well, I know you have to use this principle all the time because you and your wife have started because are entrepreneurs your business starters, your podcast, how we built this and stayed happily married. So you've taken a like a starter like how we built this and then but you've added the I don't want to build something and it be at the detriment of my marriage. When you talk about those two, the collision of those two things. Jackie Bledsoe [00:05:46] Yeah, yeah, it has been it came out of because it's been so challenging for us over the years marriage. We've been in marriage ministry, we've been coaching couples. That's been kind of going on for well over a decade, business as well. And sometimes they felt like they competed or that we just weren't as efficient or effective as we should be because of it feels like two opposing forces sometimes, but they don't have to be. But I've seen, I've had mentors several years and years ago that their focus was on building the business like clear cut blinders on, focus on building the business. But it impacted their marriage and their family and it wasn't the same for them there. And I was like, I never want that ever, ever. So if we're going to build something, then I want our marriage and our family to not be losing because we're winning this as an area. And I've probably made decisions that impacted what we could have done in this, in business because I didn't want it to hurt the family. So maybe if I was like, oh, if I just focus on this singularly for a while, business will be great. But I don't want that to lose this over here. So it's been a challenge. And what I found is there's many of the couples that are in the same boat that they have that or their desire in that. And so we just had conversations with couples who have built great businesses, but their marriage has still been a priority in their marriage is great as well. Jeff Zaugg [00:07:06] Yeah, well, that is our prayer. And I've actually wrote this into kind of the manifesto, the vision statement when when we launched DadAWESOME, I said I'm giving my wife and my girls, like, veto power. Like I'd never want to build something in the area of fatherhood ministry and have them not like that. I'm building. It's like there's and of course, there's dips and there's moments of stress, of course. But at a high level, the board knows this and in my friends know this, that if it's not going well for my family, then it's not going well. You can't just put the focus there. So thank you for your work in that area and being a champion of that. And that's a that's a huge deal. Let's go back to Thanksgiving night. Twenty eighteen, I believe was the right date. This was three years ago, three and a half years ago. He's talk about what happened that night and then specifically what's changed. If you think of the two years before that and then a couple of years after that, how did it change you going through that experience? Jackie Bledsoe [00:08:02] Yeah. Yeah. So quick answer is, I had a massive heart attack Thanksgiving night. Twenty eighteen. Call it the Widowmaker heart attack. And that's kind of obvious. That means that most people don't survive it. My my cardiologist told my wife she's like most people don't make it to me. And he said those that do usually die right on the table in front of me. And so praise God that I'm still here, but it was definitely without even saying anything it's life changing that night, you probably read the blog post. God had people on in the right places at the right time that allowed me to even be here. But it really gave me a bunch of perspective. One, one of my big things that I would say a lot after the hour after surviving, that was basically it's OK, something go down that would normally raise my blood pressure or have me upset or really focus on something that's minor. I'll just say to myself, it's OK. It's OK, because that perspective of me fighting for my life that night and maybe not being here for my wife, my kids, honestly, that was the one thing that kept me, I think, going during that time because that maybe I was able to survive a little bit longer to make it to the doctor. But I just like I got to I can't I can't check out right now. But perspective, of course, my wife and kids, I have a story to share as well, is really, really grateful that I'm here. And just like all the stuff we go through, ups, downs and things we're striving for, that really don't mean anything that the things that we're going through, that we make a bigger deal than that, that they really are. It just really puts it in perspective health wise. I didn't - the doctor was surprised - cardiologist was like, I don't know why he's here, how he could go through this, how Fitbit really active at the time, diet was not terribly bad, chic fil a was my one bad habit, fried food. Right. But other than that man, it just kind of came out of nowhere. So we're grateful to be here. But now it's just perspective about everything is really what it is. And I say this too. I think God is always working on something in this area, is that not just was it something physically wrong with my heart, but spiritually as well. So he was like, OK, I want to work on your heart too, your character as well. So that is always in my mind as well as I go, what are you doing? If you've got to use this to get my attention, I don't want to go through that again. But let me learn. Let me grow. Whatever you're trying to do in me, I want that to happen. So you know these things right here, if it's a an eye opener to do it, you got my attention. Jeff Zaugg [00:10:25] I told you this before we hit record, Jackie, that diving into some of your blog posts from even years ago. For me as a dad of four daughters, you wrote a couple of posts that just were really targeted at just being intentional in the area of your daughter. So one of them was what you must teach your daughter before she turns 16, which was. So she's isn't your daughter. Twenty or twenty one now. Jackie Bledsoe [00:10:49] She just turned twenty one. Jeff Zaugg [00:10:51] Yeah. So I mean, that's another chapter ago when you wrote that article. But then there's another one just about like preparing your daughter for marriage, and you're writing this in a season that's long before she's getting married. But I just I want to thank you. Like I felt I feel like I felt a little bit of a treasure chest of dad daughter resources. I will link them in the show notes. But just when you think about again, back to that, it doesn't matter if it's one of the exact points off the article. She wrote it a long time ago. But preparing your daughter, things you'd want to do intentionally before a daughter turns 16, which things jump in your mind is top of mind. Kind of just pretend like we're sitting next to each other on an airplane and we've got a few minutes and then I need some advice, some coaching dads to daughters. What would you what would you share? Jackie Bledsoe [00:11:32] Yeah, I'd say the first thing is to model what you want her to see in a husband. So that son in law that you want to model that with how you treat her mother, your wife. And that's the biggest thing. And that's what really got us into sharing with couples, is we we wanted to know is like OK with our daughter, which I think at the time she was the only one that we had. Would she want to get married based on what she sees in our marriage and our house behind closed doors that everybody else doesn't see at that time? We can say yes. So that impacted us. But that's one of the biggest things as model it. Show her what a husband, a father should, how she should, how she should respond and relate to a woman who he's married to, a woman who he's not married to his daughters. That's the biggest advice that I can give. And now over the years, I'm pretty sure I'm like, oh, man, I messed up in that area. I didn't model that well. But that's been something that I've always strive for. And you hear a lot that daughters marry guys who are like their dads, for better or for worse. You know, whether it's good or bad, I hope I guess I could say I think I would be pleased if she chose someone that was reminding me of me. I guess that would mean that I've done something right. I believe. And I think I could relate to that that guy as well. So that's the biggest thing. Communication too and I'll say this, my daughter and I, she's probably the closest to me in personality. So my stubbornness. So you see the things that are like, oh, that's me, that's good and bad. So we as a daddy and daughter relationship, we've had some tense times over the years. And part of that is because she's just like me. So on one hand I'm like, oh, man, that's great. On the other hand, I'm like, man, that's not great. But this really and it comes down to the communication and communication styles and things like that. So. Work on just listening to your daughter. I've been up and down over the years that we both are quick processors and thinkers, so someone says stuff we think and respond quickly. So I have to consciously slow myself down and just really sit and listen to her. Sometimes she just wants that, other times she needs an answer. But communicating is crucial. Yeah. Jeff Zaugg [00:13:41] You know, this would apply for dads and sons as well. I picked three of your just really practical like so it was less surprised by the things that you shared because it's like, yeah, that's just good wisdom. But then of teaching your daughter before she turned 16, basic car maintenance, changing oil at a tire. This is something that I was not taught. Another one was how to drive a stick shift. Another was to budget save live debt free. These are just practical things that the world is not going to teach. And what an opportunity to to teach your kids. You can talk about any of those three, but just talk a little bit further around. These are practical things you can teach your kids before they turn 16. Jackie Bledsoe [00:14:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll talk about two of them. One real quickly, is the driving a stick shift? We had we got a car from my older sister, an old Volkswagen Beetle bug like the two thousand. We were - it was old it was a stick shift. We were keeping that car for our daughter because we wanted her to learn how to drive a stick shift. But it just got too old. We had an extra car in there, so we finally got rid of us. So she did not learn how to drive a stick shift. So I'm frustrated by that. So I have to teach her at some point. But as far as like that, free of things like that, I am really proud of her in the way she's handled resources so far. And that has been one of the biggest things like to prepare. And she was home school student through high school. She graduate as a homeschool student. And we did not have the funds ourselves to pay for her to go to school. And we said, we don't want you to get a loan either. So you've got to find whatever you can to do to get to school. So she hustled like I've never seen anybody hustle. When I say someone, a child who did everything they needed to get into school, she handled all applications, school research, scholarship applications, all that. So she got a scholarship to school. She saved her money and she just bought a new car debt free. So she's got a car that is debt free. She has no debt. She's got emergency savings. She literally, as we were talking, I just got a text from her that to me and my wife about how much funds she's got available for school this month or this semester that she's preparing to go to Los Angeles, California. So that is exciting to me. Now, there are some areas like she's she's a little too Spin happy. But for the bulk of it, she's avoided debt, which is a big thing. She's had. She has some savings. She has a Roth IRA, which we started with her years ago. So she's sitting in a much better position than we were as her parents years ago and probably than most people in general at that stage. And now we're kind of turning it over to her. It's like, OK, you got this foundation, you understand the importance of it. Now you've got to make the conscious decisions over and over again. But I expect that she will. Jeff Zaugg [00:16:16] So that ties us back all the way around to starting with the end in mind. Some of the things that you just described are things that I really desire for all four of my daughters, that they will have that hustle, that grit, that Problem-Solving, that wise stewardship and management of money and resources and thinking. Long game, not short game. Right. When it comes to money like all those things, but specifically around the hustle, we already talked about modeling. And I have no doubt from what I know about you and your wife, you hustle, you work hard, you work hard. But how else can we teach that specific characteristic of of hustle and kids that, oh, I can I can step in with confidence and solve and figure it out and I can work hard to get what I my heart wants, what I desire. How can we teach that besides the obvious of modeling it. Jackie Bledsoe [00:17:02] Yeah. Yeah. I think for us and our kids there were periods when all of them were homeschooled. Our boys started out in home school and then now they're in a in a different school, a regular school. And our daughter started out and everything from Christian private school to public school, and she finished as a homeschooler. But I think those homeschooling seasons, when they overlap, especially when you have three kids and our lifestyle, we were all at home at one point, but we had to equip them to figure out how to problem solve. And what are you trying to do? You got to figure it out. You got to do it. That's the the curriculum. That's the model lifestyle that we follow. I think that is the biggest thing that has been instilled in all three of our kids, not just our daughter, is from those periods of figuring something out when it comes time to it. We can't just give you the answer or give you what you need. What do you need to do? Our youngest is starting. He's eleven now. He's teaching us stuff on technology and phones and stuff like that. We give him something and the next day he's the teacher. So he goes and he figures that he's not afraid to take something apart and put it back together. Our our fifteen year old, he wants it together straight, but he also is a hard worker. Every school, every athletic organization or team that he's a part of, the same thing keeps coming back. He's one of our hardest workers and our daughter. What she showed in getting into college and getting multiple scholarships and all that type of stuff, I think a lot of that came from as a home school student and the way we modeled it in our in our family and and just kind of gave them that opportunity to figure stuff out and do it on your own. Make mistakes. You will. That's perfectly fine. That's where you're going to learn from it. I think that's been the biggest thing is giving them responsibilities probably before they were ready for them and allowing them to try to do it, mess up, make a mistake, but also very intentionally encouraging them to learn from it because she had to go through a lot. She had to make some decisions in that scholarship and school process that we were surprised. And when I say she did it on her own, the only thing that we really did when she'd come with ask a question or we provide the financials that she needed for the scholarship applications and things like that, but she did it. Jeff Zaugg [00:19:04]  am I correct that you guys just celebrated as a twenty or twenty one years of marriage? Jackie Bledsoe [00:19:10] Let me count now. We just celebrated 20 in June. Jeff Zaugg [00:19:14] Amazing. My wife and I just celebrated 15 years. And I want in five years, I want to to have, like you and your wife, happily married couples, dotcom, like it's part of what you're exporting and you're helping others. But it's true of you. Like I followed. Like, I feel like this conversation and enough of the digging I've done about you guys and your passions. You're like you you love being married. And I want that of myself in five years, even more than today, we just reflected in the last 15 years and dreaming about the next 15. But how would you how would you challenge encourage me to actually put some of these things in practice so that at 20 years you love being married more than you than you do at 15? Jackie Bledsoe [00:19:56] Yeah, I think that goes back to starting with the end in mind. One of the first things that we were taught a big thing is we have marriage mentors. That's a big thing that's kind of pours into us. But one of our early mentors, a couple said, hey, divorce is not an option and this is not a game. It's not the joke with it. So at that, that was the end is like, OK, we're together forever. So now if we're going to be together forever, then we don't want to be together forever and not like each other and not enjoy each other. So any time we commit to something that pulls from that, like how do we continue to come back together? We figured out that we needed to spend a lot of time together. There were a lot of things that we cut off cold turkey when we realized that this could pull from our marriage. And there were relationships that just didn't understand that outside of our marriage, friends, partners from back in the day, girlfriends for her that we didn't we stop spending as much time with to spend more time with each other. But it is. Yeah, I wrote the book, Severing the Marriage. Yes. We got happily married couples dotcom. But it is growth over time grow together growth towards Christ and just a continual commitment to say this thing is going to work and we want to enjoy it. We don't want to be in here reluctantly married and hating marriage and we go through stuff. We've been through stuff together. But at the end of the day, I love her. She loves me. We enjoy being with each other and we look forward to many more years together. Jeff Zaugg [00:21:21] Yeah, that's that's what I want for every single person. Listen, I for myself and my wife, Michelle, so thank you. I want to just give you the last last words. Anything else you were thinking about wanting to share with our DadAWESOME community. Jackie Bledsoe [00:21:34] Now, I'm just excited to be a part of the DadAWESOME community. Now, my official part of it now, since I've been on the show, you're like, yeah, yeah, awesome. But now just just encourage I'll speak to the dad or whoever's listening that may be going through a hard time right now. That's one of the things with the seven rings of marriage, we want to let couples know that this year and a half season, this is not the totality of your marriage. This isn't what all of your marriage is gonna look like. There are other seasons coming. So know that that if you're in a hard season right now, just keep the course, stay the course, stay. You know, my wife has a scripture probably posted everywhere is I think it's Galatians six and nine do not grow weary and well doing. But at the proper time you will reach a heart. You receive a harvest if you do not give up. So that's the word that I give to you dads as well. It can be tough right now, but keep the work, keep doing well, doing keep doing things that you know are going to lead to the end that you want in your marriage and your fatherhood and your business, whatever it is, and trust that that harvest will come at some point. Jeff Zaugg [00:22:36] So good. Would you say a short prayer for all of us? Yep. Yep. Jackie Bledsoe [00:22:40] Thank you for just this opportunity to come together as dads and and husbands and share with each other and knowing and Jeff and I your teaches us that we're two or more gathered in your name, that you're in the midst even through technology. I believe that's the same. So we're grateful for your presence here as you've got in this conversation. We're grateful for those who are on the other the receiving end of this, receiving it. We just pray. I pray that you soften their hearts to receive. If it's just one thing that will bring about change, about transformation, that will help them to grow closer to you, to their spouse, to their wives, and then also be better dads, be awesome dads, then we are just grateful for that. That's all it takes. Five. They don't have to know every single thing that we said. They only have to engage in everything, but just give them something further that will impact their lives greatly. We love you, Lord. We bless us. In Jesus name, we pray. Amen. Speaker 3 [00:23:35] Thank you so much for joining us for Episode one hundred and ninety two with Jackie Bledsoe, all the conversation notes, the transcripts, the links out to his his blog, his organization, his podcast, his book are all going to be at DadAWESOME Dagget one nine two DadAWESOME Doggle one ninety two. I want to encourage you guys, if you would, that leave a rating and review whether you're on Spotify or or Apple podcast or any other podcast platform, leave a rating and review. It helps more dads find this resource. As we approach episode 200 hundred of Ember, we hit episode two hundred. More ratings and reviews are just going to help this podcast accelerate to to be impacting more dads. So thank you for for doing that. Thanks also for just continuing to listen and learn and say, man, I'm not done learning. It's such a big deal to your kids to be a dad. It's not done learning, not done growing. That's why DadAWESOME exists. Thanks for being DadAWESOME. Have a great week.