168 | Dads of Influence vs. Control (Dr. Peter Larson)
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Dr. Peter Larson
Peter J. Larson, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist, published author, and leader in assessment development. He is the former President of Life Innovations and the co-developer of several internationally used assessment tools, including PREPARE/ENRICH, MCODE, and TruMotivate. He is also an experienced couples therapist and the former Director of Research and Clinical Services for the Smalley Relationship Center.Peter has been married to Heather Larson for 25 years and has three children ages 17, 18 and 20. Peter and Heather regularly teach, write, and coach premarital couples together.
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Show Notes:
4:42 - Tips for dads taking their 11 to 13 yr old son or daughter on an intentional trip:
5:57 - "A big topic of the conversation is how do you show up, and not be conformed to just what everyone else is thinking and doing?"
6:11 - How do you prepare your younger child to WANT to go on a trip when they are 13?
10:48 - "You can't just start strong or launch them. Well, you gotta finish strong too. And because that does impact you. And that's like probably one of the few pain points, when I think about my dad - like, man, he was such a rockstar. I wish he would have finished a little stronger in terms of his, just his modeling of lifestyle."
14:33 - Peter's take on cheering on his athletic son - "There's being proud of your kid, and then there's being like letting your own identity creep into it.....So, you know, keeping your priorities in check, and making sure that's not the only focus of life. You know, life's a whole lot more, especially than something like that."
16:12 - Prepare Enrich [https://www.prepare-enrich.com/] - marriage and premarital assessments for couples.
17:00 - Gloo [https://www.gloo.us/] - assessments and developing tools to serve churches
19:34 - On encouraging strengths in our kids: "...Starting to pay attention to what is it that they naturally do and that they love, and realizing there's some motivation there that is going to serve them throughout their life. And how do we unleash that - fan those flames. And what's fun is it's going to be different than you, you know, they're their own unique person."
19:52 - True Motivate tool [https://trumotivate.com/]
23:02 - "You can't make them do anything they don't want to do. And now on the flip side.... actually you do have influence though. And influence is wonderful because it's like a continuum. And so your question, your challenge as a dad, as a parent, is to think about how can I maximize my influence while knowing I don't have control."
24:22 - How do you influence your kids? 5 ways...
25:21 - (1) Light up when your kid walks in the room.
27:30 - "[My kids are] copying the things I do, even when they don't make sense, you know, when they're irrational."
29:57 - Why to make date nights a priority and what that models for our kids.
31:21 - (2) Setting up routines as a family
32:18 - (3) Making church a priority
33:55 - (4) The importance of outsourcing influence to other positive influences and letting go of control.
36:47 - (5) Don't get on the roller coaster of emotion with our kids
39:54 - "Great parents are often very willing to share a little bit of gold. And so don't hesitate to look for those moments where you can glean a little of that and mine some gold, because those things have informed our last 20 years of parenting and has been awesome."
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