308 | Being a Pioneer, Running Family Businesses, and Expanding the Definition of Provision (Jordan Stone)
Episode Description
As a business owner and father to six, Jordan Stone has plenty of reasons to let busyness consume him. But he’s learned the power of slowing down, being present, and creating room in his agenda for how God wants to use him. With real-life examples and practical tips, Jordan Stone will inspire you to rethink the concepts of legacy, ownership, provision, and more.
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Jordan Stone and his wife, Elizabeth, live on the Oregon Coast with their six children. After relocating from Cincinnati, they moved into the home Jordan’s grandparents built and lived in for over 40 years before they both passed away. As a family, they own and run multiple businesses together.
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· God may have a calling for your family that extends for multiple generations.
· A pioneer goes into uncharted territory and tries to establish something that doesn’t exist yet.
· Make room in your schedule to be available for interruptions.
· Avoid getting stuck in a singular definition of provision.
· Parenting is gardening, not carpentry.
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Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.
Jordan Stone: [00:00:39] Parenting is gardening. It's not carpentry. I love carpentry. I love that you can, you know, give me a blueprint and if I follow it exactly, I know exactly how it's going to turn out. You know, anybody who's raising kids realizes quickly that doesn't. Gardening has huge responsibility. It's a ton of hard work. But you have such limited control of the outcome and you have to be okay with that. And that's, you know, that's the journey of of surrender and dependance on the Lord that He loves our kids far more than we do.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:01:13] Hey guys, welcome back to DadAwesome. My name is Jeff Zaugg, and today on episode 308, I have Jordan Stone coming at you and fun back story of how I get to meet Jordan, his wife, their six kids. But before I introduce Jordan, I want to remind you guys the DadAwesome store is live so you guys can pick up coffee mug, couple of hat options, t shirts, jackets, gift cards. This is the time of the year that man by yourself, actually, one of my friends bought himself a t-shirt, gave it to his wife and said, Hey, have the kids wrap this for me. So basically you as DadAwesome can buy something DadAwesome for yourself for Christmas. Now's the time. And it supports the ministry so, I want to encourage you guys check out dadawesome.org/store. Also one more shout back as we kind of think about end of year as a nonprofit organization, end of year generosity, giving to fuel this mission of DadAwesome, episode 305, Cast the Vision Mission, where are we going next? Where have we been in the last six years? Where we go in the next two years? So, I want to reference back to episode 305 if you guys missed that. Okay, let's get to today's episode, Episode 308, Jordan Stone. So my wife and I found ourself at this amazing retreat in the mountains of Colorado. We were having a double date lunch with this delightful couple. We're talking about fatherhood ministry. They're asking us questions right away, D.J., the husband at the table, he's like, hold on, You have to stop and interview Jordan Stone. My my best friend, my good friend Jordan Stone. And he said, there's not any chance your family's going through Florence, Oregon, the coast of Oregon. And I looked at, I looked at D.J. and I was like, actually, we are. We'll be there in about a month. And he connected me with Jordan. We had never met each other. Our family, we loaded up, we drove, my four daughters, his six kids, our wives loaded up and went sand boarding down the sand dunes while Jordan and I spent an hour together having this conversation. So we had never met their family. Immediately, like hit it off with, the girls went on adventures, and we had this conversation. And then the podcast gear failed, my main source of recording failed, my backup recording, one of them had a corrupted file. Well, here we are two months later and I was able to recover the audio files. You guys, we've been waiting for this. Wait no longer. This is my conversation, episode 308, with Jordan Stone.
Jordan Stone: [00:03:52] God desired to bring His kingdom and His ways to the world. He chose a family. He didn't necessarily start with a church, and that was a paradigm shift for me. So I believe that there is something very unique about family and the possibilities of family that, that God ordains and God wants for His kingdom to come on the earth. I think it's extremely limiting if you look at it just one generation at a time. If we're bound by what we can accomplish in just one generation or one lifetime, it's probably pretty small and not, you know, certainly not what what I hope for for my life. And so I think that's what, you know, the whole idea that God may have a calling for a family that goes for multiple generations and what kind of power and impact could come when a family buys into that idea, when you grasp on and and really come to clarify, why has God put us here on this earth? And that is something that's transferred from generation to generation. You just imagine the compounding effect that that could have. And so that's that's what's really captivating to me. I'm, it's not compelling at all the idea that I, I raise these kids, you know, for 18 years and then just kind of like let them go fly to whatever ideas they have, you know, certainly I want to hold them open handedly, but, I wish, I just say that if someone if my grandfather had sat me down, you know, however many years ago when I was finishing up high school and said, Jordan, you know, these are some of the things that I see in you. And here's what I've been up to for the last 60 years and what my grandparents, you know, were up to, here's the thing that we've built, and here's how I see you can be a part of continuing that. I feel that I would have been all in. And so that's essentially what I'm now trying to do, is pick up on what has already, you know, the foundation that's been laid in this place. And and in just seeking the Lord, what aspects of that would you want me to carry forward and invite my kids into doing the same?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:13] So the vision is like I'm finding myself, like, drawn into you explaining the vision. There's a big vision, and then there's the stepping stones every day, week, month, year, decade, right? There's all these small steps. It sounds like part of a more than a step, but a strategic move was moving to be here, near family, to live in the house that was your grandparents. So just putting yourself in proximity to family, that would be a more macro decision. Could you talk about, I'd love to talk about both the macro and then the micro, like these are decisions, commitments, rhythms, things that actually help ground you so that you can have that conversation when your son or your daughter is 17, 18, 21, whatever that moment of invited in. I think you're already actually having those moments of inviting them to think your vision.
Jordan Stone: [00:07:01] The decision to to have businesses, to pursue family businesses, that's, you know, there's a lot of facets to it. It's obviously it's most basic level there's a provision aspect, but so much more than that it's a, it's a a freedom and flexibility of schedule where all of a sudden we get to, you know, we get to choose and shape our life in accordance to what our family needs more than, you know, say what a corporation needs or such. It's also a tool to work together and begin, you know, at a very early stage and all throughout that it wouldn't be a foreign thing, you know, the invitation wouldn't be a foreign thing. It would be something that's very normal. We've been doing this for for many years. And, you know, it just it, it gives very tangible and practical opportunities every day to live out why we are here. So I guess that's that was a big decision and it's a tool that we see as as instrumental in kind of making it possible.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:08:22] And ownership versus working in someone else's business, ownership or working in would it still give some short term provision, not building and assets, right? It would, you would not have the freedom and flexibility if you worked for somebody else's business because you're choosing and then a tool to work together, well I guess that whoever owns the business would have to really have the vision with you, right, to do some of that. So that makes sense to me how a business would be those three things. How has your family business, well, just in just a maybe a short flyover of what is the business or businesses and then how might that look even in this chapter of parenting?
Jordan Stone: [00:08:58] Yeah. So there's a coffee shop and a restaurant right now. The, I guess the other big picture aspect of it is I moved away from this town because when I graduated high school, it's a tiny town. The it seemed that there wasn't really an opportunity for me, right. There's like, what do you, what do you do if you stick around? I guess, you know, my hope is that when my kids reach that age, there are opportunities, you know. So that's that's a big idea of the businesses. And so having the two, you know, right now it looks like my son is in charge of putting away all of our inventory, you know. So he rides his bike down there a few times a week when the truck comes and puts it away. My 11 year old is in charge of of the paperwork that comes in each day. We get comment cards from from the people who are dining with us that let us know how we did. And she takes the cards and inputs them all and takes the receipts and files them. And so, you know, finding little things that they, you know, age appropriate can do to, you know, I think I think I'm always, I'm searching for the things where they begin to understand like no, our team, our family needs you. You know, it's not, I'm not just like throwing you like if you don't show up, if you don't, you know, if you don't help us in this way, we're actually weaker because of it. And I think that's a huge challenge, just in general. But I think with a business, there are, you know, it's easier to connect those dots for them.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:10:34] Yeah. Let's pan back out for a moment, so there's a proximity to family. There's even a maybe a legacy piece with being in the same home as your grandparents, the family property and land. There's the business ownership piece that has all kinds of day to day areas of growth. I even use the word apprentice when it comes to the business. That third thing of a tool to work together like you're it's actually like training, instilling skills. You get that piece as well. Are there any other, is there a kind of a community or a church or a like is there another like category of when you think multigenerational or those as business and family kind of land, home, business? Are there any other categories you think about when you think multigenerational family?
Jordan Stone: [00:11:22] I don't know. Not that are coming to mind.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:11:24] No, that's all right. How about if we go back at micro level, like thinking with that big vision of multi-generational family and invited into like, there's something for you both job and you're a part of a bigger story as a member of our family. What are some of the day in and day out practical decisions you and your wife are making to live into that story?
Jordan Stone: [00:11:50] Something that we say in our home probably every single day is like we're trying to remind ourselves and our kids of, you know, what we call our family mission. Which, you know, in different seasons has been different things. But, you know, right now, we, you know, kind of our mantra is we are pioneers who make ourselves available to be used by God in the lives of the people He puts in front of us. So the, you know, every single day, every single person in our family has people that God puts in front of them. And, you know, it's our privilege and our opportunity to just be available to be used however He wants to. And so that, I guess, in the most mthb7jytricro sense, that's how we're trying to live into, you know, being used by God in this place. I think that and I think that's important because I think what I don't want my kids to to feel or sense is that this is like mom and dad's thing, you know, that we're on the sideline. And I think in some ways that that they have felt that and do feel that in certain scenarios because right with little kids there's lots of scenarios where it's just much easier to send them out to play than, you know, than to be part of whatever is going on. And so, yeah, just helping them to realize that whatever team they're on, whatever person they see in the grocery store or I see at the restaurant, like that's that's a real opportunity. And just saying yes to that each day is is building something that, you know, that's just taking us towards why God has us here. So yeah, I don't know if that's what you're asking. Are you asking more? Like, Well, practically, like, what do we do?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:13:39] Well, let's go into mission first, though, of what is a pioneer? How would you describe for my seven year old of what a pioneer is and what that means to your family?
Jordan Stone: [00:13:47] Yeah, well, the reason we start out with that is because what we're doing is very difficult. A pioneer is somebody who goes into uncharted territory and tries to establish something that doesn't already exist there. And that's how we see what what we're trying to bring Kingdom wise into this place. You know, I I've heard a lot of people describe, you know, the Pacific Northwest has a lot of things going for it. Its spiritual climate is not one of them. It's in many ways a spiritual wasteland. And so the the things that we benefited from and loved and got to enjoy in Cincinnati that just seemed, you know, so common, are completely foreign in many ways here. And so, yeah, the pioneer idea is when we are discouraged, when it feels, you know, like this is really hard work, it helps us recognize that, that's normal. You know that whenever you do something, you know.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:14:50] It should be hard because we chose to be pioneers. Before I go into two other questions on your, you're on your family mission, being a pioneer and deciding as a family for, you and your wife, to move west, I think of pioneers went west, you guys moved west, back west. What advice would you give for, maybe just start with myself for for my wife and I, as we think about being pioneers, relocating and moving to a new place, figuring out where to live? When you guys made the decision to make the move here, what coaching advice, tips around helping specifically a spouse? So so for your wife and for most guys listening, the dads listening, how how can we help our wife if we feel a call to be a pioneer, but there's a, man, like the Community we're already in, It feels like, man, that's the spot. We had young kids. Is that the time to be a pioneer and go listen to God, chase the adventure and then like, Yeah, how would you counsel me to bring love and care? And also, like, not a convincing but a gentle like, I think God's in this. Let's go for it, for my wife.
Jordan Stone: [00:15:58] Yeah. The biggest challenge is the comparison of what you had to what you now have. And I think that framing it as pioneers or whatever term you want to use is helpful because if we were going to the mission field, as you know, you might think of it, you would have a totally different set of expectations. You wouldn't have expectations that have the same caliber of friendship the day that you walk in. You wouldn't have the same expectation to have the community and the, you know, the church and the comforts. Like there's there's a there's a a list of things that you inherently sign up for when your mindset is we're going, we're being sent out on mission, as opposed to we're relocating. We're just moving. And so I think, you know, for both of us, that's that's always been a battle of comparing man who was so nice when we had this. And so you know I think fighting that but, I don't know, I've never had very much luck on the convincing path, you know, like it's it's a lot of listening and has a lot of, you know, like in my specific situation, we were we were leaving her home and coming to mine. We were leaving everything that she knew, you know, and coming to everything that I knew. And and so just empathy and compassion and trying to listen and and not taking it personal when she's having a really hard time. Because there's been some, you know, some super difficult seasons. And I'm a fixer and I want to want to fix it. Don't try and fix it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:17:41] Yeah, I made the mistake last night. Yep, been there, often. That's helpful. You said pioneers who make ourselves available. Is that the next phrase in the mission? So business owners, restaurant industry, you know, hospitality, typically aren't very available when it comes to like, the demands of that business being profitable. How how's that going for you guys? And how do you explain that again to your kids to live into, hey, we make ourselves available. An,y any more kind of flushing that part out?
Jordan Stone: [00:18:12] Yeah. I mean, the way I think of it is it's it's more of a mindset. It's more of a, an act of surrender. Like, hey, here's what I, here's what I think I need to get done today and what you know, here's my agenda, but I want to hold it open handedly and be open to interruptions. I think that, you know, I have a friend who, I don't know if this is true, but he says a lot and it strikes me that he says that almost all of the, you know, the miracles and the profound things that Jesus did happened while He was on the way to somewhere else. And so I think, you know, as I go throughout my day, yes, there are many demands and things that I feel like I have to do. But, you know, who are the people? The next part is, who is God putting in front of me and do I have enough time for them? And so just trying to be present in each moment and, it's not easy.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:19:08] No, it's not. So good, though, and our kids are watching. Yeah, what's the reaction to the, to the inconvenience or the disruption to the plan. I'm heading this way and that person or this certain circumstance or this delay. Any any recent God stories in the area of someone that was in your path or in your kids or your family's path, that you you're able to maybe show some love to or learn from or any any recent stories?
Jordan Stone: [00:19:35] Yeah. I mean, this morning we were processing through with my five year old that she's in a little gymnastics class and she has a few friends in there. And one of the friends is,you know, was being a bully to the other friend. And so we just have gotten to, you know, be walking this week through with her, like, what does it look like to to love those people that God's put in front of you, you know. And so she, it was so cute because Tuesday night we were supposed to travel to my other son's flag football game. And so she she goes, I would have skipped gymnastics so I could, you know, go earlier to the game, but I had to talk to this person. And so she went, you know, and kind of explained to them, hey, we got to be kind to this, you know. So she felt like, no, there's something I have to do because this is the opportunity God's put in front of me and so, you know.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:30] That's a great example, that there's a little spark there, a mission of I'm this is on purpose versus I'm going to go just avoid the situation. She pressed in because that's your mission. That's who you guys are. Let's go back into like at like micro level, so daily or weekly rhythms that you guys have set up as a family, as as a family who owns a business. Can you kind of describe maybe it's not all dialed in right now, the Zaugg family, our family's not all dialed in. But what are some of the kind of hopes or the your purposing this in your schedule?
Jordan Stone: [00:21:02] Yeah. You know, we we homeschool the kids, So that makes, uh, I mean, I don't know. It makes things a lot easier as far as getting to craft how you want your life to be. And so the, the nature of our, you know, our business with the restaurant is we're dinner only. And so I don't really have to start thinking about it until about noon each day. So we get our mornings together. We have what we call morning time, which is our family Bible time. That's what we start every day with. And so that's, I would say, a super important part of our our family rhythm. We go into school after that and just Elizabeth and I get to do school together and we get to teach them together.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:53] So you join for that morning chunk. What does morning time, what like, what does that Bible time look like right now?
Jordan Stone: [00:21:59] Right now, you know, we spend a lot of time in the Proverbs because we're talking a lot about wisdom, the path of, you know, righteousness and wickedness. And but it's, it's very I don't do any prep for it. We usually open, you know, open the Bible and read a chapter, read a story and talk about it. What's what's standing out to you? You know, like what, You know, what struck you about what I just read? And we talk about it and then just talk about what's what's going on, what's what's ahead of us that day, what opportunities do we have?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:22:34] How long is that rhythm been in play? Cause I know, like, my my family, I'm sure some listeners are like, Man, my littles are not going to sit for this moment. Like any any tips on, maybe you just always been, they've just grown up, this is what we do. Or do you use toys or activities or drawing while you're, yeah, what's it look like?
Jordan Stone: [00:22:51] Yeah, we've done it, we've done it all. There's certainly, yeah, at different levels of, of expectation based on their age but books, coloring. They're, when they're young they are, we kind of the goal is just we're hoping that they can be with us in the same room and sometimes they can't, you know. But yeah, they're more than welcome to to do those things. We've had coloring pages.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:23:18] Cool. Very cool. How about anything else daily or you want to jump to the week level, anything like, that you guys anchor the week around?
Jordan Stone: [00:23:27] We do a date. A date every week, my wife and I.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:23:31] Not to your restaurant.
Jordan Stone: [00:23:33] No. We actually you have to do it in the morning because we're so exhausted every evening that we found that night, night dates do not work. So yeah, we, Friday mornings are our date morning. We aim for a a Sabbath dinner, Friday night and try and keep Saturdays clear. We do actually shift that during different seasons, right now. We're in the midst of soccer season, which is very Saturday intensive and not conducive to Sabbath. So we're pretty open and fluid with, you know, we're just aiming for one day a week to be able to kind of be set apart. I would say we look at life pretty much on a quarterly basis and kind of what does this next quarter look like and what are, you know, what are the things that based on what's happening in our life, you know, what are the rhythms that we have to make sure happen?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:25] Is that quarterly perspective of like a an intentional pause with your wife to say, okay, like what are we praying into? What are we going to purpose as far as goals changes? Or is it your dates every week kind of bring about some calibration for every three months?
Jordan Stone: [00:24:40] Yeah I think it's it's more the latter. It's not very structured or but it's just kind of, you know, for a long time we kind of tried to set these annual goals and, you know, even like a vision for each year. And we just found that, like, it wasn't working.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:57] Too big of a bite.
Jordan Stone: [00:24:58] Yeah. You know, and who's to say what life will look like in October, way back in. And so we've just found quarterly, it feels like we've got a better shot at understanding what lays ahead and how we can best tackle it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:10] Yeah. I had a moment last night with my wife where I realized, man, curiosity that for sure it has to, it's risen to the top in both marriage and in parenting. Like me, being curious and not reactive is a massive theme right now. Like I, I have so much to grow and so much to work on. And the girls, my wife and four daughters all benefit greatly when I'm a curious dad. So just an example of a real fresh thing that I'm right in the middle of not seeing much success, but seeing the need to press in there. Are there any fatherhood like goals or like a quarterly, like this is an area that you're focused on growing in in the area of being a dad?
Jordan Stone: [00:25:52] Yeah, I think one of the realities I've been faced with as my son, my oldest, has, you know, is becoming or I guess has become now a teenager, I realize that I'm a pretty good dad when it's when what that means is very black and white for me, you know, like when it's, you know, helping with diapers and meals and nap times and like, I, I seem to thrive in that because it's, it's very clear. And it's a huge struggle when it becomes more ambiguous and certainly he and my 11 year old are entering stages where it's much less clear to me how, what does it look like to be a good and present dad and I think that there's this shift happening where my relationship with with him has always, up until this point, has kind of been on my terms. I can have as good a relationship with him as I'm willing to make the space for and pursue. And there's now this shift happening where I've kind of got to be invited in. And I think, you know, the curiosity thing plays into that and just a willingness to yeah, to enter into things that I don't actually have any interest in, but they seem to be, you know, what he's, what he's into\. And so yeah, that's, that's kind of a new stage of parenting that I'm in right now of like, yeah, what rediscovering who my son and kids are and, and how can I, you know, pursue them and meet them in the place that they are. So that's new. It's very uncomfortable.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:27:35] That's I feel like I'm confronted with new levels of discomfort in parenting all the time. So it's good. I mean, we want to press in versus kind of turn the other way. And so that's that's amazing. I did want to ask about money, generosity, budgeting. Just we talked a little bit about this with family business and having provision and, you know, having that to pass on to our kids in a multigenerational sense. But is there any, in your homeschooling or your business operating the business, any tips or ways that you're thinking strategically about teaching your kids about money?
Jordan Stone: [00:28:17] Yeah. I mean, I think that we're we're trying to be very open with them about what we do with our money, you know, and help them to, you know, certainly any, any giving that we're doing is, you know, we talk about it as a family and try to, you know, help them understand that this is what we get to do together because, you know, because of the place that God's put us. I, I don't know. Like I think we all parent as a reaction to the way that we were parented. And so, you know, I would say that money is certainly no exception to that. I think that I kind of grew up with this very rigid, like there's certain percentages that, you know, each thing has to fall in these categories. And I, so I've kind of swung the pendulum like it's, you know, they they make they get to make money through the business and different things. And, and it's kind of always just a question of like, hey, you know, that money is, you know, been entrusted to you. What do you want to do with it? Do you see needs around you that you know that you're excited to meet? Or do you have needs? Or, I don't know, I guess I just I want them to I want them to be generous. I would say that's a, you know, a very I don't know. I would say that's that's an essential part of our family culture and kind of DNA. But it's got to be, you know, on their terms and it's got to be out of a place of of I want to, not I have to. And so I guess my hope is that as we honestly dialog about our excitement of, you know, getting to do and be a part of that, that they would kind of catch the vision for that.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:30:09] Yeah, I do like thinking about money, think back to your family mission, about making ourselves available and that business ownership, having assets that are working, money's working for you. That makes ourselves, thar's a tool to make yourself available. Time, margin in your schedule, not overcommitting, allows you to be available. So there's actually like I really I can think about just more and more layers to that statement of I want to be the kind of dad, the kind of family that is available, but you have to put intention around money around, yeah, living on a budget. What, your calendar, what you say yes to, all these things or else you can actually put into that mission statement.
Jordan Stone: [00:30:50] Yeah. No, absolutely. I think, I think that many, I was one of them, many dads get stuck in a very, I guess, singularly focused definition of provision that that all has to do with financial. And I think, you know, obviously it's it's a non-negotiable, you've got to be providing for your family. But I think the God's idea of how He wants us as men to provide for our families is so much more broad than that. And and I really have, you know, have been on a journey to discover like what what is actually my responsibility as it pertains to their, you know, to every aspect of their life, not just being the one that makes the money? And I think that, yeah, the, the reality of business ownership is and this is true for all of us, I think it's just not as clear is like God shapes my day and He shapes each season. And there are some seasons where business ownership is not something that gives a new maegin, it's something that takes all my margin away, right, you know. But but God knows what the business needs and He knows what my family needs. And when you're in the position I'm in, it's very clear that, you know, He can pull whatever lever level levers He is pulling. It has very, you know, direct effects on what your day is look like. And so I think just recognizing being in that place of surrender that like, Lord, my day is Yours. I've obviously got preferences. These are, you know, this is how I'd like to spend it and this is what I hope this season is for. But, you know, just kind of recognizing the season He has you in and trying to take advantage of what opportunities that affords.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:32:34] Yeah. Let's go a little deeper into provision, because I'm just curious when you think beyond financial provision, we talked about time in our calendar, like providing like availability, being a dad who's providing presence. What are other areas of provision that you kind of, that have been unlocked to you?
Jordan Stone: [00:32:53] Well, I mean, I think, you know, their education is a big one. You know, I think that, I guess I was I was struck with how many areas I was kind of unconsciously willing to abdicate my responsibility. And so I think that's one where where we have kind of decided that, no, we want to be very involved and in the things that, you know, in deciding what they get taught and at what pace. And and just kind of creating, you know, the mindset and environment around education that we want. You know, their spiritual health and walk is is something that I would say I probably unconsciously was abdicating to a pastor or whatever pastor we were under or whatever children's program we were under. But, you know, now understand that, you know, no, that's that's my deal. You know, these there's wonderful supports and I can't do it alone, but I think just seeing, you know, my vision of of of the role blew up immensely, you know, and and it's a huge burden to carry. But I think that's what keeps us in a place of dependance. and I think that's good and right and it's meant to be a heavy thing.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:34:10] Yeah, That's really helpful. Really helpful. Maybe the last two topics, one is friendships and just knowing a little bit about a long term college buddy, D.J. and friendship and how that friendship has has actually touched on trips that are happening to be near each other. Some even mentioned some of like a financially in each other's lives more than maybe most people are, which right away I was like, whoa, I'd love to hear you talk a little bit about that. And then, yeah, just how you think about friendships in this season of being a dad of six kids, living in the Northwest, away from some of your friends, I'm sure that you had like, what do you think about it? How would you encourage us in the area of friendships?
Jordan Stone: [00:34:52] Um, friendship, I would say, is extremely difficult in this season of life. I think that it, it often feels like, well, I just I often say, like, I don't know where it fits. You know, and so, I'm very grateful for the friendships that God, you know, that God has given me that have lasted decades. I think that there are certain seasons of life that are way more conducive to building friendship than the one I'm particularly in right now. You know, and really, my deepest friendships were all formed in college and early marriage life where you had tons of time and, yeah, and just space to do what's necessary to build deep friendships, which is spend time with each other. You know, this season of life is a bunch of half conversations and interrupted time and so, you know. But I think the most beneficial things that I've found in this season are how can you create overlap with the people that you really want to go deep with? So how can you do business ventures or meals or, you know, whatever the things that you already know you have to be doing? How can you overlap with the people that you want to go deep with in what you're already doing? Because I personally don't have margin to, you know, start a new hobby or this, you know, fit more things in. So I think it's what are the things that I'm already doing where I can create that overlap? And and we've had a lot of success with that. But I think yeah, the friendships that I have with with with D.J., there's a group of us that, you know, for the last 20 years, every year we've made a priority that we're getting together and it's, you know, it's always inconvenient and always costs money, but it's a recognition that that's important, you know, and now being able to bring our families into that and just build those friendships. But there's real power in maintaining the friendships of the people who really know you and you know, and the people, yeah, we here in probably a month or so, we'll all sit down and we'll lay out every aspect of our financial life and we'll say, you know, hey, guys, this is, what do you think about this? Here's what I'm thinking, but I'm open to you speaking into it. And I think it's it's a level of vulnerability that you're probably, you know, more willing to do when you've got that history.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:37:22] Of trust, deep trust. And in that like but knowing that's coming each year probably does affect some of the decisions you and Elizabeth make as far as your spending. So, you know, it's going to be seen and not not critiqued, but like there's going to be wisdom shared into your decisions. It's not a, it's not an isolated, private thing, your money.
Jordan Stone: [00:37:40] Oh, absolutely. I mean, I just think, I mean, certainly with money, I know my own propensity and I know, you know, if it's something that's that's kept in the dark, then it will, you know, it won't head in the right direction, right. There's just such power in things, in all areas of our life, being in the light and and being willing to let others speak into it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:38:04] To that group of friends know ahead of time, do they see even in your budgeting or savings that you were going to take a year off of work? Did they know about that journey before you took the year off?
Jordan Stone: [00:38:15] No, that that came to, you know, as a number of the ideas I've had, they they're probably pretty hesitant. You know, or I don't even remember exactly what day...
Jeff Zaugg: [00:38:28] It was 11 years ago, right? A while ago.
Jordan Stone: [00:38:30] It was a while ago. Yeah. But, you know, and it really did the whole impetus for that boiled down to my my vision and understanding of of fatherhood and leading a family was being expanded and blown up to to a point that I just felt like I couldn',t I couldn't make the changes that needed to happen if I kept going on, you know, the path that I was on. Like, I just I needed a serious reset to recalibrate. You know, so many areas of my life or it just wasn't going to happen. And so that's a lot of why I did that.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:39:06] You took a full, full year off, right?
Jordan Stone: [00:39:07] Yeah.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:39:08] And there is like that's the Sabbath yeath, the every seventh year let the land rest, right. That's the concept of a reset which has, you have to have a strategy in ahead of time to take something like that or a lot of credit cards, figuring that out. One or the other.
Jordan Stone: [00:39:23] It wasn't the latter.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:39:24] Like how, so what did you learn? That makes sense that you would do it as a reset for some of the hopes that you have in being a dad. But were there any or were there any takeaways? You're like, man, I learned this by taking a year off.
Jordan Stone: [00:39:36] One thing that I certainly learned is that had I had I known all of what God wanted to do in me during that year, I never would have signed up for it. You know, I feel like it was the classic bait and switch where He, you know, He kind of clued me in on enough things that were like made sense and compelling, like, Oh, I could see how this would be helpful for that. And yeah, I get that. But had He shown me the whole picture of what actually happens when you grind everything to a screeching halt, I wouldn't have done it. And what really happens, at least in my case, there are so many things that we suppress through busyness. The demons in our life, the baggage in our life, the things that we really, you know, it's quite uncomfortable to face. And so busyness provides us a very socially acceptable way to never confront those things. And there were tons of that stuff in my life. There was tons of that stuff in our marriage and in our family. And so when you stop everything, all of it has the opportunity to come to the surface and you don't have any more excuses not to deal with them.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:40:47] That's not easy. That's, that's gonna be messy and painful.
Jordan Stone: [00:40:50] It was. Yeah. But I mean we certainly came to the end of the year and yeah, never, never regretted it. But it was painful, you know. But it really did, it created room for us to, to actually shape a life around what we said was most important to us. And that was, that was troubling to me when I, you know, when I really got honest with myself and said, you know, these are all of the things that I say are most important to me, but my calendar doesn't reflect it. My checkbook doesn't reflect it. And so are they really? And so, you know, being able to shape a life and a, you know, weekly and and daily rhythms that reflect our priority of family and our faith, I think was it was just necessary for us. And, you know, you got to, we we put ourselves in a place of vulnerability and surrender where we got to experience God's provision and showing up in a in a way more tangible way than than you get to otherwise.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:41:58] Wow. You're not necessarily selling it for us listening to like go and do what you did, but like, if we want the deep work, I mean, if really you're putting foundation blocks in play for your kids and grandkids and great grandkids and beyond, like how worth it was it to spend that year and go there to the places that are so much easier is to kind of keep below the surface. So so I'm I'm grateful that you shared even it's that side, it's easy to kind of sugarcoat and be like, I learned this in this and you should do it too. You did the opposite. But it's helpful. It's helpful. That's why I asked. So maybe we we land here, you've got a great fire pit out out front on your porch. And if you had three young dads, they've been, you know, maybe they've got a two year old, four year old, that kind of range. I invite them over and we just got five minutes, 3 to 5 minutes for anything that you'd like, man instill this as a priority. What would be some of just a few minutes worth of the top of mind you'd want to share with those young dads? Any, and it could be things you're just adding an exclamation point for something you've already shared. But is there any, as we land, just like hey take this seriously or do this or prioritize this because it will matter? It matters so greatly for again, your kids and grandkids and great grandkids. What are maybe a few things you'd share with those young dads?
Jordan Stone: [00:43:16] My favorite analogy for parenting and probably the most helpful has been that parenting is it's gardening. It's not carpentry. I love carpentry. I love that you can, you know, give me a blueprint. And if I follow it exactly, I know exactly how it's going to turn out. And, you know, anybody who's raising kids realizes quickly that it doesn't it doesn't add up that way. But I think, you know, understanding that gardening has huge responsibility. It's a ton of hard work, but you have such limited control of the outcome and you have to be okay with that. And that's, you know, that's the journey of of surrender and dependance on the Lord that He loves our kids far more than we do, and we have to trust His outcomes for them. You know, it doesn't limit our responsibility at all. We, you know, we have to pour all of what we are into it because, you know, we're obviously the only one who can fill this role. Any other role that you have can be filled by anybody, you know, by somebody else this is this is your deal. And so I think, really, you know, I am trying to sink deeply into the belief that this is the most important thing that I have been given to do. And I think that if it is that, then it deserves all of what I am.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:44:45] Yeah. That is, I've never heard that analogy before, but talk about ratcheting up the like the need to step in with our whole hearts and all the messy work of gardening. But also the, you can't control it. Yeah. Really helpful. Would you say a short prayer over all the dads listening?
Jordan Stone: [00:45:00] Yeah. Sure. Father, I'm grateful for the way that you've Fathered us. You've provided the perfect example of of of who were called to be and how we're called to love those that you've entrusted to us. And I do, I pray a blessing on any any father that they would stumble across this Lord that You would, You would want to open their eyes to the immense privilege that they've been given to to steward the life in the heart of of their children, and that You would open their eyes to the immense responsibility that it is. The weight of it and that as they feel that way, they would find such comfort and knowing that they aren't doing it alone. That You have provided everything that they need for what You've called them into and that You You longed to walk with them as they love their families and as they lead their families. So yeah, my blessing is just a deeper walk and independence and surrender and trust in You for each of them. And that they would find such joy and in their hearts being at home with their family. Amen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:46:37] Amen. Thank you so much for joining us this week for episode 308 of DadAwesome with Jordan Stone. To fin the conversation notes, kind of some of the action steps, the main takeaways and quotes, go to dadawesome.org/podcast. Guys, I want to remind you that we covered a lot of ground in today's conversation, let's be dads who take action. We're headed into the Christmas season. Let's be dads that instead of coast our way through, press in with intentionality. Press in with making moments, special moments. Let's be thinking, this is a perfect time of the year to be thinking and praying about what does next year look like? And I guarantee there's something from today's conversation that you can put into action as you become a DadAwesome for your family. Have a great week, guys.
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· 13:47 - "The reason we start out with [with our family mission each day] is because what we're doing is very difficult. A pioneer is somebody who goes into uncharted territory and tries to establish something that doesn't already exist there. And that's how we see what what we're trying to bring Kingdom wise into this place."
· 40:08 - "What really happens, at least in my case, there are so many things that we suppress through busyness. The demons in our life, the baggage in our life, the things that are quite uncomfortable to face. Busyness provides us a very socially acceptable way to never confront those things. When you stop [the busyness] all of it has the opportunity to come to the surface and you don't have any more excuses not to deal with it."
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