317 | Memorizing Scripture, Cultivating Tenderness, and Intentional Parenting (Phil Comer)
Episode Description
Phil Comer wasn’t raised with a faith background. So when his first son was born, he knew he had to get radically intentional if he was going to raise children who walk with God. In this episode, Phil shares the habits that helped him develop his newfound faith as a young father and launch his grown children into the world with success.
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Phil Comer is a husband, father, and grandfather with 40 years of pastoral and counseling experience. After planting a church in 2004, Phil and his wife, Diane, went on to launch Intentional Parents International. The ministry focuses on equipping young parents and providing focused teaching in the spiritual training of children.
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· Men are designed and commanded to be tenderhearted, kind warriors.
· No one can love their wife or be used by God as a father without the Holy Spirit.
· Memorized Scripture carries with you through life, enables you to do battle, and brings you joy.
· Even if all you do is quietly speak the Scripture out loud for several years, you will memorize it.
· It’s not what you say to your kids that instructs them; it’s what they see from you.
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Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.
Phil Comer: [00:00:39] If you, with God's help, can give a blessing when you've received a criticism or a curse, it brings peace and it actually changes the atmosphere of a room. But if I return evil for evil, well, yeah, well, of course I'm upset because you did whatever, then the darkness in the room accelerates, right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:00:59] This is episode 317 of DadAwesome. My name is Jeff Zaugg. Guys, I'm so glad that you're listening today. I've got Phil Comer joining and he actually leads with his wife and his daughter and son in law, they all lead Intentional, intentionalparents.org. Intentional is an amazing organization that's been resourcing parents for, actually Phil and Diane, this has been their their heartbeat kind of their their life message for decades. And now the team has kind of grown, and the resources, again, from books to film series. They wrote the book Raising Passionate Jesus Followers. I had Phil and his son-in-law, Brook, on DadAwesome, way back, episode 160. So this is three plus years ago. And then Phil and I had kind of coordinated back and forth. Our plan was to meet up when I was in Bend, Oregon, and it just didn't work out. Last minute he had a travel thing. So then I tracked him down and, early in the new year here we had this conversation. I am so thankful to share it with you guys. Before we jump in, though, I want to remind you, Fathers for the Fatherless, this is our sixth season of mobilizing men with 100 mile bike rides, with triathlons, with obstacle course runs. We rally teams of men to do something hard on behalf of the fatherless. And if you are from the Midwest, we've got three different events up in Minnesota, and the early registration deadline is actually at the end of this month. So I want to remind you guys to go to f4f.bike. So, F, number four, letter F dot bike. This is our sixth year. We are nearly $900,000 raised for our partners who directly serve the fatherless, and we've just seen life change through our partners, but also through our teams of over 800 men who have been a part of one of our events. These events change us as men. So, want to encourage you guys to check out Fathers for the Fatherless. All right, let's jump in, though. Today's conversation, again, Phil Comer, so thrilled to to lead you guys into this. Buckle up. He shares so much wisdom. He just, he's the guy, the grandpa, the dad who puts his arm around you and just says, man, I'm with you. I'm with you. God is with you. You're going to make it. Here's a little bit of perspective that will change everything. So here's my conversation, episode 317, with Phil Comer. And just in the last six months here, my family had a chance to spend time in your neighborhood. You and your wife were gone when we came through it, just to spend time with, four of your grandkids and with Brook and Elizabeth and just treasured that week that we spent in Bend. One, the area's beautiful, but two, we love your family. So, in fact...
Phil Comer: [00:03:41] Well love you. They, they, they went on and on about how much fun they had with you. Scarlett became fast friends with your kids, and I'm sorry we missed you. So one of these days, we'll meet face to face.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:03:52] Well, when we were in this travel prayer for discernment on where are we going to move as a family? And so maybe I'm glad that you weren't home, because I think, I think Elizabeth said, well, if you met my parents, you as might have chosen to live here. And so it's probably good that you weren't there to to win us over.
Phil Comer: [00:04:06] I would have worked you. I would have worked to try to get you to stay. But, you know, it's better to listen to the Lord than me or anyone else, right. I've learned that God knows what's best for me better than I know myself.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:04:15] That is a really...
Phil Comer: [00:04:17] I'm proud of you for how you sought the Lord and direction for your family. Very few dads do that. I mean, you bring your whole family into prayer, where is God leading us in the smallest detail of your life and something huge, like, where are we supposed to live? I think that's the way we should do life. So I'm proud of you.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:04:31] Thank you. Thank you, Phil. You landed our conversation, kind of, parting words, three years ago, with a challenge around the theme of tenderness. And you, chatted about 1 Peter, chapter three. This idea that you in turn, must treat your wives with tenderness, viewing them as the feminine partner who deserves to be honored. For they are co-heirs with you of the divine grace of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. I mean that that challenge is like there's like six, six core elements in that verse. But I'd love for you to take us back into the theme of of tenderness and why it's such a big deal as a dad.
Phil Comer: [00:05:09] Well, you know, I don't know who thought of that phrase tender warrior, but, I really like it because men are warriors. Let's face it. The way God wired us. I was listening, I don't listen to comedians, but I came across one the other day that was this hilarious guy. And he was saying, I just had a baby boy, and I held him. And the moment I held him, I said, I will die for you. He goes, I don't even know him yet, but there's this thing God did. And then he said, and then I had my little girl. And as soon as I held her, I said, oh, man, I will kill for you. Because the father's going to protect the daughter, right. So there's that God given protecting, I think the, the, the husband, the father's, the priest, provider, protector. We're all priests in the body of Christ. So, this is, but I believe in a special way the man is to be the priest provider, protector. Of course, wives can work and help. But ultimately, if the family's starving and there's no roof over the head, I think that's the, the father's responsibility, the husband's responsibility. So there's that side. But then when you look at Ephesians 5, husbands love your wives.Just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. Well He didn't just once in a while serve the church. He laid down His life. And then God says, that's the picture of how a husband is to love his wife. You know, people get hung up on that a wife is to honor her husband. And I always say it's pretty easy to honor a husband when he's actually serving and loving and being tender and caring towards his wife. And I think the passage you quoted that that has to do with regarding her, even her preferences, her thoughts, her cares and some guys are really good at that. I've been married 45 years and I am still working out, what the Bible calls besetting sins. I tend to talk over people. I tend to complete somebody's sentences instead of listening to them, which is actually rude. You want to listen. My wife speaks very slowly. She's super smart and just the way she's wired. That's why she's such a beautiful writer. She's a thinker. She thinks before she talks. Some people think as they talk, which is kind of me. I can kind of, our son Matthew's that way. He kind of, he kind of learned that way, he kind of learned to read by just talking out loud about reading, you know. And so I feel like, when I regard my wife, I'm going to, in my case, slow down and listen to her. And that is a tenderness, I think. I think listening is an expression of a tenderness, like, I care about what you want to communicate. I care about what's going on in you. And and I want to lay down my life for you. So we're commanded to do that. So for starters, so a guy can't say, well, I'm just not that, you know, I'm not that tender of a guy. Well, no, we're all commanded to do this. Jesus was the strong, he was the God man. He was strong. He was powerful. He healed the sick. He raised the dead. And yet He wept at the tomb of Lazarus. And so I feel like that's that tenderness that the Holy Spirit produces in us. It's it's not an emotion that we just work up. You know, the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness. When I think of tenderness lately, so you said I left you with that word tenderness. My, the latest word I'm working on is kindness. Is, is our, you know, after the whole cancel culture thing out of Covid, people were being unkind to one another. As soon as I disagree with you, I'm going to blast you and nail you to the wall. The opposite is to be kind. We're to be, Ephesians 4:32, to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, so the two go together, kindness and tenderness. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as Christ in God also forgave you. So it it's it, to be kind is a beautiful thing. And I did a study once on kindness from 1 Corinthians 13, which is the classic passage on love. Love is patient, love is kind, and I think of kindness as an emotion. Oh, he's so kind. She's so kind. Well when I studied the Greek word means do something useful for another person. So when we say somebody was kind, if you stop and say, why did you say that? It's because they did something for you or they did something for somebody else. Like I just watched that guy do X, you know, he walked over to that woman who was having trouble, you know, she dropped her grocery bag. It's spilled everywhere. And he went over and picked it all up with her and made sure she didn't slip on the ice. And you say that guy's really kind. Why? Because you wouldn't even say he's tender. You'd say he's kind because he did something needful and useful. So I think that connected to tenderness is is is kindness. And I think our wives are longing for that. Like I just told you, I watched Brook and Elizabeth's littlest. They're five and seven. They're easy. But after the, Diane's sick in bed, so I like I did everything. I fed them, I took them on a walk. And after 2.5 hours, they probably asked me, I don't know, 15 times Pops, Pops, Pops. I was thinking, I got, I felt myself being like, don't ask me anything anymore. And I every time I watch them for a couple hours, I love them to pieces, I realize my wife is amazing. She is amazing. She gave 30 years, the 30 of the best years of her life to pouring into our kids, and they are what they are today, largely because of her. And you know, she would, we give Jesus all the credit, but she give me a little bit like I give her the credit. And so I feel like if somebody, if your wife is worthy of honor like that, she should be treated with tenderness and she would should be treated with kindness. And when we do that as as husbands, there's a great return on the investment, because it's a lot easier for them to love us back when they're being treated that way.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:11:07] If I use that example, you just shared Pops, Pops, Pops, Pops, like I think of like seagulls, like the seagull sound from my four daughters and, and my wife is experiencing, because she right now, during the day she has our four girls and and I am in a closet recording a conversation with you, right. But what I find is this verse doesn't say anything about be tender, you know, treat her with tenderness, if she's tender to you. You know, treat her with kindness if she's kind to you. So, like, if you look at the opposite of tenderness, like, if you're cooking something, there's something is tender, or if it's way over cooked, right, it's like hard, like, you know, it's it's it's not able to be cut through or like, it's, it's it's, that on that extreme. I find that when I come into a situation of there's a lot going on, a lot of demands, I step, I step into the room with my wife and my girls, my default is, if I don't sense tenderness or kindness, often, I will just join the atmosphere of that room. And I will also be a little sharp, a little impatient right from the get go. It's like I haven't, she's been spending... So, so this is to me a challenging word, both the word tenderness and kindness. I tend to be that. But how often when my girls say, man, I felt like dad, like, really had this soft tenderness, caring love. So this is a challenge to me.
Phil Comer: [00:12:31] Yeah. Well, I think that, we've all been there where we've caught ourselves like, oh, wow, like, I'm not walking in the Spirit right now. Where did that come from? Why did I respond harshly to my wife? You know, and I think when that happens and it will to the best of us, that's when we should repent. You say, Lord, forgive me, I need You right now because no one could love their wife or be used of God with their kids the way He wants to use the father with their kids, without the Holy Spirit. And so you know what, as soon as you give your life to Jesus, you do receive the Holy Spirit. But I have to say, you have the Holy Spirit, does the Holy Spirit have you? And that comes from with a moment by moment, daily surrender. When we do that, then we have the fruit of the spirit, and we're able to love even when we're not loved. I love that you pointed that out. These, and also in Ephesians 5, it doesn't say, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church when they deserve it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:13:28] Exactly.
Phil Comer: [00:13:29] And the wife isn't told, honor your husband when he deserves it. No. And so that's when you really find out how godly you are, right. If in those moments where you don't, you know, since you, since you started it off with 1 Peter, I'll just go back to it. You, you quoted 1 Peter 3:8. Well, you quote, you quoted 1 Peter 3:7, verse 8, to sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kind hearted, there's the kindness, and humble in Spirit. Now listen to verse 9, not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead. For you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. So when my wife and I get to teach on marriage, one of the points we do, we take it from this verse, we say give a blessing instead. If you, with God's help, can give a blessing when you've received a criticism or a curse, it brings peace and it honors God. And, and and it actually changes the atmosphere of a room. Okay. But if I return evil for evil. Well, yeah, well, you know, of course I'm upset because you did whatever, then the the darkness in the room accelerates, right. But I love what's next, it quotes Psalm 34 right away, for let him who loves, who means to love life and see good day. Who doesn't want to love life and see good days, right. Refrain his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking guile. Let him turn away from evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it, for the eyes, of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears attentive to prayer. And so I feel like there's a blessing there when we get, when we can give a blessing. Instead we walk into the room and there's some tension, and we are used of God with his help to turn the atmosphere, bring im into the conversation, bring love into the conversation, bring tenderness in, bring kindness in. Then the result is we're going to love life and see good days a little quicker, you know.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:15:35] Wow. And my heart just jumps from there to Deuteronomy 30:19. I've set before you life and death, blessings or curses. Choose life so that you and your children may live. So, so you speak a blessing in that room, in that moment, like you're talking about. We actually likely that's seen by the little eyes. My, my, my little girls are watching me speak a blessing in that moment. And the trickle down effect, the promise is a generation. Deuteronomy 30, I mean it's loaded in all this generational blessing. Like if you just do this, it plays itself forward for thousands of years.
Phil Comer: [00:16:09] Yeah, it does. And I think, isn't life a series of choices? You know, I read a C.S. Lewis quote the other day, the future arrives at the rate of 60 minutes an hour for every person alive or something. He said it more brilliant because he's C.S. Lewis. But it's like, it's like we're all going through this day one minute at a time, one second at a time, and we're making choices. You know, what we're going to do with that? I love that you brought up that, you know, what Moses says there, but I, I'm reading Genesis right now. And I just came across again where Abraham is given this blessing to pass on to his children. I have, this is, Genesis is way before Moses, Genesis 18:19. I have chosen him, Abraham, in order that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord, of Yahweh, by doing righteousness and justice, in order that the Lord may bring upon Abraham what he has spoken about it. In other words, this is, this is why I've chosen him, because he's going to lead his children and his children's children in the way of Yahweh, so that the blessing that I, that I've proclaimed through, that's going to happen through him can continue. And that was a series of choices that Abraham had to make, you know.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:17:26] Yes. I feel like right now I'm looking at first Peter 3:7-9, I've got on the screen right now, so I'm thinking about this verse and we're talking about this verse and I'm thinking about this verse. Well, my heart right now feels like the level of tenderness, the ability to like, engage my daughters, my wife and like, like man to just like she deserves honor, man. She's a partner. What a gift. Like, man, I want to, like, pray for her. I don't want anything to hinder my prayer. So I want I like all these elements of this verse like, but it's because we have chosen in our conversation right now to anchor it in Scripture, right. And but this principle, like, I'm not a Bible scholar and I can word search, the word tenderness and bring up a couple verses and we can have a great conversation about the, the theme, the characteristic of tenderness. So transferable principle to all the dads listening. Anyone can sit down for a cup of coffee with a few other dads and talk about a few things that they're struggling with, just like I just admitted. Like I'm struggling. I got a lot more hardness coming naturally than tenderness. So so the scripture, I know, this actually, I want to anchor this all the way back to the year was, let's see my notes, I went the wrong direction. The year was 1979. Okay, I'm going to take you back to a story here. I dug it in the the blog archives of the ministry you lead,. Phil, Intentional. I found a blog post from your wife and she'd found some notes from the year 1979, seven months before your first child was born. And this may or may not be ringing a bell. So I'll take you into where I'm going with it. So, yeah, see, you preached a message, and this is so 79, this would be 40, 44 years ago. You preached a message on the power of memorizing Bible verses. So, so you actually brought ten reasons that all of us need to memorize Bible verses.
Phil Comer: [00:19:16] Oh, come on. I do remember that it was called Ten Benefits of Memorizing Scripture.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:19:19] You got it. Yeah.
Phil Comer: [00:19:21] That was a long time ago.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:19:22] Well, I don't know if the audio archive exists of that message, so I'll just give a flyover and then I want you to talk about why memorizing scripture, why can we as dads, because it's hard for me. It's it's a like to lead this area for my family, it takes a lot of energy and effort to like, memorize and then to recall it six weeks later. Like to actually have that habit. But a few of the reasons that we should memorize scripture, I'll just fly through and then we'll just talk broadly. You'll get on to talk about the points. We're commanded to memorize scripture. It'll help us overcome temptation. It'll give us joy. It will enable, us giving a timely answer. It will help us in teaching our family. It will give us direction for life. It'll give us wisdom for life. It builds up strength. It will help us discover the knowledge of God. And it protects you from sexual sin. Ten reasons why memorizing Scripture. And that was actually, you were even teaching this message to parents. However, I know you actually took these principles into, oh, they helped you be, an intentional dad and husband. Would you take it, take us into your heart for memorizing scripture?
Phil Comer: [00:20:24] Yeah. Well, I'm really glad this came up, because this is my passion. And Diane and I were talking about this just the other day. So what you just quoted. So in 1979, I was 29. And, I was a new believer, so I was not a Christian growing up. So I was in a liberal church where the gospel wasn't preached. And so I had no clue who Jesus was. So when I was 19, I heard the gospel, and it was a few years till I landed in a church that was thriving and there were young people everywhere. And everybody was memorizing scripture in the youth group. It was like woven in, it was the Jesus movement. So it's like religious America was figuring out they missed it. Like it's not just go to church on Sunday. It's like there's this real person, Jesus, who died on the cross, and I can have a personal relationship with Him. And so our lives were radically transformed. And I got baptized in 1970, 73. And by 75, I was a young guy in vocational ministry, and I was teaching. But the people that had mentored me through my brand new believer years were all challenging me to memorize scripture with three by five cards. So, and I had this 1970 LeMan's. I thought I was Mr. Cool, was drummer in a rock band. And then, you know, I had to go get a real job while I was finishing college when I got out of the band, and these are long stories. But I'm at Church one Sunday and this guy's up there, this, you know, probably the most Godly guy in the youth group. He's younger than me. Like, he's up there with this big smile. He's quoting scripture. He said, hey, next time you're sitting at a red light, don't listen to the radio. You know, your listeners need to know there's this thing called the radio, just like before, before there was, you know, Spotify and streaming. Okay. And, you know, you listen to radio in your car, right. He goes, turn it off, put a three by five card on the visor of your car and at the red light, pull it down and memorize the verse while the lights red. So I thought, I'm going to do that. I was like on fire. So the first time I kept reaching for the radio like, no, no, I should, I should do the verse and I turn it off and I do the verse right. So I just kept struggling. Pretty soon I got into it more and then I remember six months later, I was so enjoying memorizing these verses on these three by five cards and I, I said, let me turn the radio on, and I turned it on and I honestly felt like I can't believe I was, I was like addicted to that. And I realized, Romans says, Romans 12, be transformed. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Well, I saw that Scripture was literally and the neurological science will tell you that the ruts in your brain can be altered and reprogramed. So my mind was being renewed by Scripture, so I, I just became like passionate about it. I'm going to read through the Bible every year. I'm going to memorize. And when we started having kids, soon as they were old enough, we taught them to memorize. We paid them money for it, you know, because it was that important to us. So I feel like I was discipled in this by missionaries and by pastors. And I feel like, this is a broad statement because every church is different. But I think in America now, in the Church, capital C, there's a good thing going on about listening to the Lord, practicing spiritual disciplines, listening, prayer, things like that. And I think that's all good and we need it. I'm seeing us trend away from just digging into the Scripture and, you know, instead of like, yeah, I have a little, I listen to worship song in the morning and I read, you know, a couple verses, verses like, I'm going to spend 30 minutes this morning in the scriptures and I'm going to start memorizing this verse. And I think we need both. Because the one thing I know is that I believe in prophecy. And when it, when it's legit, when the Lord has spoken through someone a word of prophecy in your life, what Diane and I have learned is usually that person doesn't even know. They don't say, hey, I have a word from God for you. They say something to you that you've been, you and your wife been praying about, and suddenly this thing comes out of the blue and, you know, it was a word from God. And the person may not even know it at all, in fact, usually they don't. And those are powerful and they're real, but they have to be tested. When somebody walks up to you and says, you know, hey, I have a word from God, from you, you're supposed to go do a, well, how do you know if that's from God or not? So you've got to test it. Whereas the scripture does not have to be tested. It's God breathed. It has to be interpreted correctly. You can get really messed up if you misinterpret it, take it out of context, etc. but we know it's the Word of God. So since God's given it to us and Jesus himself said in Matthew 4, therefore for man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God. So Jesus, who was hungry at the time when Satan tried to tempt Him, hey, why don't you just turn the stone into bread which you could have done. He said, that's not really what's going to feed my soul. Yes, I'm hungry right now, but I need the Word of God more than I need some bread. And I haven't eaten for 40 days. But He, He right there, told us how valuable God's Word is. And so I think if He needed it, that's how He overcame temptation in every situation He quoted scripture. So to me that's like He's God, He's the God man and He, He battled Satan by quoting scripture that he he didn't say, hang on a second, Satan, let me go find the scroll in the synagogue, because I forget where the verse is, you know. No, he quoted it. And then the Bible says, After Satan tried multiple times, he went away until an opportune time. He wasn't done. He was going to come back later. So to me, it's like, I think it's one of the spiritual disciplines, but I think it's huge. And I think that we need to teach this to our kids. We need to model it for our kids, and we need to realize that we need it. And when it comes to the memorizing part, I mean, we're supposed to meditate on Scripture. Now, I can do that by reading it. But what about when I'm out on a walk and I don't have my Bible on me? Anything I do have, I'm able to bring back up and chew on. That's really what that verse means, that meditating is chewing on something. And I think that that's where God comes in. I mean, even at my age, there's so many times suddenly a verse pops into my head that I memorized back then when I was 29. It carries with you through life and enables you to do battle. And it does bring you great joy because it it brings us to what I call right thinking because we can get off really quick. We start, I'm very selfish, very self-focused, very woe is me. All this stuff that is not of God that when I come across the scripture, it it corrects me. You're not thinking correctly. You're thinking of yourself. You're not living a self-giving life. You're living a selfish life. And it corrects me. And when God does and it's you feel loved. It's not like He's even angry at you. He's bringing you back on the path that brings blessing to you, to your wife, to your family. And so then right thinking leads to right living. And then I become a better father and a better life, a better life, sorry, a better husband to my wife and a father to my children, right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:27:22] Phil, as I, as I was, you know, researching for this conversation with you and I found that old blog post referencing back 44 years ago, one, I knew that when I had you on this call and we were having this conversation, I would see, you know, the shine in your eyes, the fire in your heart for Jesus and for this topic of fatherhood. I knew that was coming because we connected three years ago and you brought your full heart then. I just don't know that many people that that had that fire back in 1979 and 44 years later carry even more of that fire, that passion. And I, I'm grateful. I'm really grateful. And and and like, I want that to be true for me, for my little girls and their future husbands to see that I headed in that direction of more passion, more fire, more purposeful. So so I wanted to just call that out and I know that scripture and memorizing Bible verses is one, is one of, there's other there's other aspects to what's caused that fire to stay burning strong in you. Will you share what are what are some of the other things, the reasons why you carry as much fire, as much passion today as you did or more than you did 44 years ago?
Phil Comer: [00:28:31] Oh, I don't know, let me think about that. But I wanted to read you one more thing that's in my Bible. So I have my Bible here that is, I got in 1973 as a new Christian. You know, I've had it recovered multiple times. And, and I, you know, when I, when I sometimes when I can't remember where the verse is, I know it's on the right hand pag,e at the top, you know. But when I went to Bible school in Portland, the founder of the school, Dr. John Mitchell, was 89. He was still teaching, and I got to see him a week before he died. He lived till he was 94, something like that. He was still teaching in 89 and he seemed to have the whole Bible memorized. He would just quote Scripture and he and then he'd look at our class, he goes, where is this in the Bible? We go, go, there, he goes Colossians 3. He goes, where else is this in the Bible we go, there you go, Ephesians 4. And I remember once he said, oh, where is it? It's on the right hand page. And I found out that he had used the same Bible his entire life. He'd worn out, he'd worn out three. He was on his fourth. He was 89. He had a fifth one set aside. So I just keep recovering mine, but I got him to sign my Bible. Okay. So here's what he wrote. I also got Cliff Barrows, Billy Graham's worship leader, a man that I really looked up to. I got to meet a couple times. He signed it as well. But here's what Dr. Mitchell, the one who seemed to have the Scripture memorized, he wrote Phil, and he's quoting here Colossians, Colossians 3:16. Let the Word of Christ richly dwell within you, live within you. So he says, May the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, and here's what he said, and thus become a usable vessel for our Lord. We love you, John G. Mitchell. So he's basically saying, if you want to be used by God, let God's Word dwell in you richly, live in you richly. And so he never had any children, but he had all these students. He was like a father to them. But his, he and his wife never had any children. And so people would ask him all the time, they'd meet with him, tell me your system for memorizing scripture. And he did. They expected some system like three by five cards. You know, you do this one for a week, stick the thing. And I have another friend who also seems to have most of the Bible memorized. That's how he does it. He's a coach. He's disciplined. He uses three by five cards. Dr. Mitchell gets up every morning. He reads the Bible quietly out loud. So if he's reading, you know that scripture, he he's not reading it silently. He's reading, let the word of Christ let you go within you. So he said, you're speaking the word, seeing the word, hearing the word. Well, you do that for, you know, to your 89 you memorize a bunch. So people say, well, I can't memorize. If all you did was quietly read the scripture out loud and you do it again, and you do it for five years and six years, suddenly you're going to say you're just going to start speaking some of them because you've read them out loud so many times, you've spoken it. The Word of God is to be spoken. So anyway, the Bible brings passion to me. It's like I just can't wait in the morning to open the scriptures, so why else do I have this passion? I've seen, I have so much to be grateful for. All my kids have chosen to follow the way of Jesus. They married people who follow the way of Jesus. Our kids are now leading our grandkids to Christ. My joy is overflowing. There's no better way to live. I, the longer I walk with God, the more I love Him, the more I can't wait to see Him. But the more I see this world is in need and He's the one that decides when He's going to take me home. I got work to do and it's it's eternal stuff when I see I've seen so many people's lives changed and therefore their marriage changed, and therefore their destiny changed. Their eternal destiny changed, their children changed. So it's like it just, I don't know, it just makes me more passionate, you know, I don't know, I can't tell you, like, you know, I'm passionate because ABC. I will say this, excuse me, I am getting over cold. I have had the privilege of being at a church during the Jesus movement where the Holy Spirit was moving and people were getting saved, and when you see that for a few years, it impacts you. And then when John Mark and I and a and a core group of people planted a church in Portland, 2004, we got to experience that again. So when you've seen that and you've seen the fruit of it, it it makes it easier as opposed to someone that they're calling, has been in obscurity and they've been in hard ground, they're in the Middle East, and they can't even share their faith without being in prison. But they are being faithful, and they are not seeing, you know, they're not seeing 200 people baptized in one day. You know, they're they're like one guy accepted Christ in ten years, and they're laboring hard. I think their reward will be even greater. But I think part of my passion is pretty easy because of the things I've seen the Lord do. It's like, it's like your bucket gets fuller and fuller and fuller and fuller, and you realize He really is who He says He is, and it just gives you passion that spurs you on.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:33:29] Well, Phil, that's super like helpful. And just to kind of recap a little bit like we talked about this tenderness side and we talked about how that plays out in marriage and with our kids. And then you talked about the practical of Bible and Bible memorization, but then you played it down in the best way possible of saying, no, just read it, spend time with Jesus and read out loud. Don't, because as soon as we go academic with it, we go knowledge side of memory tactics to memorize as much in we say, versus the heart behind that's where, and this will be put in our show notes, the actual practicals that your wife laid out with how to memorize scripture. Really, I actually turned her notes into, anytime I take research for conversations into another Google doc for our family, that's means I'm, I'm, I'm weaponizing what I've learned to to my little girls. So look out your, that information and it'll be linked in the show notes. But I took it and made it for our family already. Just today I did this. So, yes, you've covered a lot of areas. Anything else that you'd say, like, like this is where I would apply some extra intentionality, as a young dad, it puts an extra intentionality here because, man, the return for your kids and grandkids, this, it'll be great?
Phil Comer: [00:34:44] I feel like some young dads, it's overwhelming. Parenting is overwhelming. I told you once in a couple hours, I was like, don't say Pops, I gotta get ready for my zoom with Jeff, you know. So we, you know, you get overwhelmed. And I had one dad who's got three kids and his wife wants a fourth. They're trying to, they're seeking counsel to have a fourth. And he made a comment like, well, I just I just know I have so much that I have to give to each kid. And I was thinking like he's thinking like, oh, I have to give everything to this one child. And I wanted to say, no, it doesn't work that way, you know. And he said, but if I do something with one of them, the other, the other one's gonna say, when do I get to go? Do you say you get to go to. But I said, you don't raise kids by making them all you ever do. Each kid, you're you know, that's that's gonna make them think they're the center of the universe, right. And so I feel like one of the things young dads need to know is that, first of all, your wife and kids are your your greatest gifts from God after, after Jesus himself, after Jesus himself, your, your greatest gifts, I believe from the Lord are your wife and your children. So they're that high priority. And I just think that you have to figure out how to live that out. And every child is different. Some kids need more than others at different times. That's where you listen to your wife. Sometimes my wife would come to me and say, I think John Mark needs a little more time with you. So I'd take him out for, you know, a hamburger or whatever, and we'd hang out or we we had different things we did together, and I did things with my daughters and stuff like that. So, you know, I had two of each, two boys and two girls. So I just feel like young dads need to realize it's going to be over faster than you can blink and eye and with girls, you have four daughters, I believe a woman, a girl, knows what proper male affection is. She learns that from her father. So by loving her well, your daughter as well, in a proper way, one day they will compare any guy they date to their dad. And so I think that when you think about that, I just think it's, it's so, so important. And you can't let your job eat you alive. You you and there's going to be busy times and you've got to figure out how to how to counter that, you know, and if you figure it out. Parenting is a wisdom issue. It's not an exact science. And so but I guess I'd say you, you will never, ever regret time spent in the scriptures. You will never, ever regret time spent with your kids and raising them is about modeling more than messages. Okay. It's not do what I say. It's what they see. Like I see it in you, Jeff. You're, you love the Lord. You have this big smile and I'm sure you have a nice smile, even if you weren't a Christian. But you got the Holy Spirit beaming through you. And so your daughters are just seeing that every day. And they're going to say, my dad walks with God, you know, like, yeah, he likes to bike. And he does, he takes me here, he does me there. But he, you know, they see in you that you're practicing what you're preaching. And I think that, that is the most, again, that gets us what I believe with anybody listening is that you can't be, you can't be saying one thing and be living another. That will destroy your kids, and it will lead them away from Christ so quickly. If you are modeling a genuine, authentic faith, if you are a passionate Jesus follower, your kids will pick that up because values are caught more than they're taught. They're taught, but they're caught. And so I think, you know, we always have to look at our life every day, like, am I getting more lukewarm? You know, am I, am I just, you know, losing my passion or am I growing in my passion? And and I think that as long as we're on the, you know, the growing side of Christianity and the growing side of Jesus, our kids are going to pick it up. So I guess that's what I leave you with, authenticity.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:38:45] Phil, I am so grateful for this conversation. And it, you know, our chat we had three years ago, episode 160 was much more the practical, the the kind of frameworks from the book Raising Passionate Jesus Followers that your wife wrote and kind of some of the ministry, the core things you do at Intentional. The amazing thing is we can send our listeners over to that episode or over to Intentional, your podcast, your your film series, the Intentional film series that you guys created. I mean, you have so many resources that I can't wait to send our, our dads to, but this has been so helpful and I'm so grateful for today's conversation. Would you say a short prayer over all of us?
Phil Comer: [00:39:23] And I, I just want to say, I really think the world of you. I hope we get to meet in person soon. So, Father, thank you for Jeff. Thank you for his family and thank you for the model that he is to those who listen to this podcast. And we thank you that, you have given us the privilege of being fathers. And now, in my case, even a grandfather and Lord, you gave me a phrase not not too long ago, father like the Father. I pray for the dads listening that they would be the kind of father to their children that you are to them. Your, there's only one perfect father, that's our father in heaven. But where we can learn how to love our kids by looking at how you love us. So help them, give them a passion for your word. Give them a passion for their spouse. Give them a passion for their children, even the ones that maybe aren't like them that they struggle to love at times. Thank you that as they pray to you, you will give beautiful insight into how to love that child and bring them up in the way of Jesus. And Lord, may they remember, and I thank you that I've seen my kids come to know you. There's no greater joy than this to hear of our children walking in the truth. So may Jeff's girls love you with all their heart for the rest of their lives until they see you face to face. And may the dads listening here live out each day knowing what a privilege it is, to walk with God, to know God, and to help others come to know him to. In Jesus name, Amen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:40:53] Thank you so much for joining us for episode 317 with Phil Comer. Guys, I want to encourage you, let's be dads of action. And part of that is just taking a moment to check out the show notes, to go to the web page that has this episode, the transcript, the links, the kind of key points, the quotes, the, you know, references out to their book, Raising Passion in Jesus Followers and in the film series that Intentional offers. That's all going to be listed out at dadwesome.org/podcast. You can find kind of all those resources. I want to remind you guys. Also, we have a resource page with, I think, there's over 80 resources for dads at dadawesome.org. So just hit the resources tab and you can search based on what type of resource and what you're looking for. And that's just a helpful spot to go continue to grow in being a DadAwesome for your family. Last thing I want to encourage you guys with is the DadAwesome store. We now have the ability for you to order up a hat, a t-shirt, a jacket, a coffee mug, a few other items there on the store, but a chance for you to share the vision of DadAwesome with others by wearing something or holding that coffee mug or rocking the hat. It's really the reason for this is to be a conversation starter with other dads where you could share and encourage them to check out DadAwesome. So guys, thanks for listening this week. Thanks for being dads who, who put action behind this pursuit. We're not just dads of intent, we're dads who take action pursuing the hearts of our kids, praying for our kids, having that intentional conversation. And that's where so much of the passion that Phil Comer brings. So, glad you guys listened today. Have a great week.
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· 25:57 - "We need to teach this to our kids. We need to model it for our kids, and we need to realize that we need it. When it comes to the memorizing part, we're supposed to meditate on Scripture. Now, I can do that by reading it, but what about when I'm out on a walk and I don't have my Bible on me? Anything I do have, I'm able to bring back up and chew on. That's really what that verse means, that meditating is chewing on something and that's where God comes in."
· 38:02 - "You can't be saying one thing and be living another. That will destroy your kids, and it will lead them away from Christ so quickly. If you are modeling a genuine, authentic faith, if you are a passionate Jesus follower, your kids will pick that up because values are caught more than they're taught. We always have to look at our life every day, am I getting more lukewarm? Am I losing my passion or am I growing in my passion? As long as we're the growing side of Christianity and the growing side of Jesus, our kids are going to pick it up."
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