332 | Engaging Your Destiny, Obeying God, and Finding Your Tribe (Ben Peterson)
Episode Description
Combat veteran Ben Peterson joins us to discuss the glaring challenges in America's individualistic society, especially for people who have experienced the tight-knit military community. He offers practical advice to help you find your tribe, embrace your purpose, and be vulnerable about the struggles you're facing.
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Ben Peterson is a Jesus Follower, husband, father, and combat veteran. In 2016, Ben founded Engage Your Destiny, a nonprofit ministry that exists to engage with the military, veterans, and their families to lead them into their destiny. Ben and his wife, Rachel, live in Tennessee with their son.
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· Our souls and psyches thrive when we are part of a tribe.
· The transition from tribe culture to individualistic culture is an extreme challenge for veterans.
· We are in a war for the souls of men.
· The strongest men are the ones who are willing to be honest about their shortcomings and struggles.
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· Save the Date for the DadAwesome Day Zoom Call: Monday, June 17 at 7pm CT
· Engage Your Destiny: Practical Ways To Run After Your God-Given Purpose by Ben Peterson
· The Power of a Praying Husband by Stormie Omartian
· The Engage Your Destiny Podcast
· EP30: Power of a Praying Spouse: Part 1 (Engage Your Destiny Podcast)
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Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.
Ben Peterson: [00:00:39] When I was born, he held me and was the first person to hold me. And then he handed me off and he actually left, and he went down to the chapel and he got on his knees. My dad would always tell you that God had called him to be a music minister and a preacher of God's Word, and he never did it because he was so wounded by Go, he could never follow Him to that degree. And he went down there and he got on his knees and he said, God, whatever blessing that You had for my life, I know I haven't obeyed You or fulfilled it, but would you give it to my son? And I commit his life to You that he would follow You.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:01:11] Hey, guys. Welcome back to DadAwesome. My name is Jeff Zaugg and today, episode 332, I have Ben Peterson from Engage Your Destiny. I'll introduce him in just a moment, but want to quick shout out to the DadAwesome Accelerator Group. I mentioned we had our first group of ten dads complete this experience about two weeks ago, and I wanted to quick just give a shout out, so Kevin Klaas had this to say...
Kevin Klaas: [00:01:38] Kevin Klaas coming at you from Cape Coral, Florida. I want to give a personal testimony, if you're considering joining one of these, or even if you're not, you need to. It will change your heart. It will change your mind. It will change your intentionality and how you show up as a father and a husband. All for the good. This is the most impactful thing that I've done for my personal growth and and just having a sense of community with other men in the last 365 days, easy. The homework that they give you in the accelerator group will move the needle in terms of your connectedness at home and connectedness, even in your own spirit and soul around how God can use you to build up and to mentor, to grow those relationships that are closest to you, namely with your spouse and with your kids. And it's going to have a lasting impact on your personal legacy in your home. So, so if you're thinking about it, do it. If you're not thinking about it, do it anyways. I could not endorse this more highly.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:02:33] So this experience is a six week intentional growth group where we're saying, what if we just take six weeks and learn and grow and level up and say, we bring our whole hearts to this journey of being dads? And I would love to share more with you about this DadAwesome Accelerator. The deadline to apply is June 26th. But if you want to just get the flyover on, what do we promise? What does the experience entail? What do you need to bring, as far as expectations? Simply email awesome@dadawesome.org and we'll send you all that information right away. But the deadline to get is June 26th to apply for the summer cohort. That email again is awesome@dadawesome.org. I want you guys to save the date. Quick save the date, Monday, June 17th is DadAwesome day dad! DadAwesome day is the first day to the fatherhood year to a year of intentional fatherhood. DadAwesome day is the day after Father's Day. We say let's, Father's Day is celebrating the dads. DadAwesome day is saying game on, I'm going to press in with my full heart. I'm going to learn this year. I'm going to grow this year. So we have a zoom gathering just for 40 minutes on June 17th, Monday at 7 p.m. Central Time Zone. And that's going to be linked out in the show notes, along with in all of our social channels, you'll be learning about DadAwesome Day the zoom gathering to learn about where are we going next with this ministry. So with that said, let's jump into today's conversation. Ben Peterson is a young dad. He's got a little toddler. He just released his book, Engage Your Destiny. It's the same name as the ministry he leads, but this book is about practical ways to run after your God given purpose. And he brings, oh my goodness, the amount of passion, the amount of intentionality, he shares things he's finding as a young dad for marriage, things he's finding for, man, this is how with raising his toddler, we're all overwhelmed in this young kid phase. But man, we got to be gathering. We got to be encouraging each other. And Ben is so good at this. So let's jump right in, this is episode 332 with Ben Peterson. Just by form of introduction, talk for a moment about the Dad life and what's making you smile, recently.
Ben Peterson: [00:04:48] Man, I would say watching my son get into prayer so intensely, even if it's a snack and he wants to thank God for the pickles and the water and the plates and everything. It's crazy. He's the prayer monitor for us. And, I just seeing him is seeing how our devotion to prayer throughout the day and bedtime and all that kind of stuff is really rubbing off on him. And at two and a half it's, it's making me smile quite a bit.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:05:20] Well, it's funny you brought up prayer right away because that was one of my questions. Is you and your wife did, released a podcast episode together just recently around prayer and around the power of praying. I know you guys didn't write the series, but on a praying wife, praying husband, praying parent. What have been a few of your takeaways from kind of diving into that resource? And we'll link it in the show notes for the guys who are curious. But yeah, what have been some of the new insights you've taken away from that series?
Ben Peterson: [00:05:42] Well, what I would say to the guys listening is, the power of a praying husband, it's written for men. The book has really touched me. You know, I was up in Alaska and I was meeting with the chaplain and just struggling with my marriage and struggling with the challenges of communication. And my wife and I work together and, you know, our past and some mistakes that we made and things like that. And, you know, we were having a conversation about that. And he looked at me and he said, Ben, are you praying for your wife every day? And I just looked at him and said, no, I'm not. And he goes, you know, I love you, dude, but that is why you're in the situation you're in. If you change that one, you make that one two degree shift. It will change everything. And I'm telling you, it has. And that book has really, last piece, it's given me a level of empathy. I'm not a high empathy guy. I'm a suck it up and get over it kind of guy, you know. While asking for all the empathy in the world because I can be such a baby about stuff. But, like, yeah, I mean, I'm not a high empathy guy, and that book is giving me an empathy for what women carry and the struggles they have that men have no idea. So highly recommend the book and highly recommend praying for your wife. My wife and my's intimacy is radically exploded since then.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:56] Amazing. Thank you for the recommendation, the strong recommendation. This episode's going to launch around Memorial Day, and it's it's fairly common that, that day can come and go without a pause, depending on the church community you're in or your family, or if you served in the military or have lost people who have close to you who died in combat protecting our country. But I know for you, I mean, this is a, this is a day that that, you've you've chosen to give your life to around themes of helping celebrate and and honor those who have given, can you just coach, share some of your story in the set up, but then also just coach me as a dad that wants to be intentional with my four little girls on Memorial Day?
Ben Peterson: [00:07:36] Yeah. I think it's, you know, for me, I, I lost seven of my guys at 21 years old in a combat zone. And, you know, you never forget those that have, that have given their lives. And the fathers that were on that, on those helicopters that died, you know, and, so Memorial Day, you know, has a different sentiment to it when you've lost people in combat. And then, you know, we did the Heroes Honor festival of honoring and welcoming home Vietnam veterans, at the Daytona Speedway in 2022. And that was, you know, there were tens of thousands at that event. And so, you know, that was a special weekend to remember everyone who's given their lives, but also to honor those who were never welcomed home when they came home from combat. So, you know, this day has a lot of weight for me. And I think it's important for dads that are listening as you're raising your kids, you know, that you can take the time to educate them and let them know the freedom that we have today and the freedom, there's places in the world where people don't get to choose what they want to eat or what they go and do, that they can't just go to church. You know, it's illegal to go and worship God. You know, they'd say that there could be people from the government that could take this from you, if it weren't for people that have fought for many. And kids are smart, man. They get it. And so I think that there's just opportunities to be very honest with our kids. You know, going back from World War two until now of, hey, these are the sacrifices that have been paid. Not to mention the sacrifices paid in the Civil War and the Revolutionary War for freedom. For freedom from oppression, for, you know, rights and civil rights. And the freedom is a great fight and a great struggle because the enemy hates freedom. The devil hates, people living in freedom, being able to freely worship God. So I think that there's an opportunity for education, and it's kind of like going back to my son and how he prays. You know, he'll thank God for the smallest things. And it's like we need to be doing that and educating our kids, that we have the freedom to do these things because of those who have fought for it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:48] Sacrificed. Yes. That's helpful. Thank you. I was thinking about just the area of deep passion of helping with transition. So, folks who have served in our armed forces who have transitioned home. And you explain, in your book a little bit around the military being one of the most tribal places. Like, like this is a place with deep, deep community and then America being one of the most individualistic places, ever.
Ben Peterson: [00:10:14] The eagle.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:10:14] Right, right. The high, high tension difference like, dissonance even between those two cultures. These are, I think, important as dads for us to understand where we live and what, like, stream we're floating in, as far as that individualistic side. And I want to raise my girls to think deep community and to think deep connectedness. What are, just how would you process that out for, for us dads?
Ben Peterson: [00:10:42] Just because technology has changed, just because the way of our world has changed, does not mean that the needs of the psyche and the human body and the soul have. The way that our souls and our psyches operate is the same, and the needs they have is the same as people that were a thousand years ago. And if you go back to the early English settlers, if you took a Native American out of their tribe and put them with the white man, you fell apart. But if you took the white man out of their way of life, their civilization, you put them in the tribes, they thrived. And they actually had an issue with the early English settlements where the, where the they had settlers that were leaving and trying to join the tribes because they found something that you can't have anywhere else. And America is the most individualistic country in the world by multiple times. And so that's where that church community, that relational community, creating ways to get to know your neighbors. I remember on our street, we created the cook off, and I ordered a $9 trophy and got it engraved with the name of our street for the cook off champion. And we did a cook off. And so now twice a year we do these cook offs with our street and now our street is like family. I just got a text from one of the people on our street saying, hey, some black F-150 just pulled out, it could have hit somebody like, we need to be on the lookout for who this is. Like, we have a community group for our cul de sac. So, dude, it's just you got to be a leader and take charge with it, otherwise it's not going to happen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:12:10] Yeah, just trying to take even that a step deeper of how do we create that for our kids? And, yeah, I think church is a known spot that like, as we decide how we engage in a local church, in a way that's a neighborhood of the two that maybe two of you brought up there. But just realizing the drift as we get more and more busy is again towards us in our own schedule versus, so maybe, if you'd explain for a moment what would happened and what has happened to men and women in the armed forces who transition home, and how that disconnect has led to just such pain and hurt and despair. Would you explain a little further how the effects of the difference of having deep community to not?
Ben Peterson: [00:12:49] Well, your, your average, you know, soldier will leave high school which high school is very tribal, and you're with people every day, right. And then they go to the military and their phones are taken away. Their booze, their porn, everything is taken away. And they have to learn to work with this group of people for months at a time. I think it's one of the greatest things you could do to a person is for them to go through the military, and then from there, you know, they go to their unit, whether they're in the guard, they go back to kind of civilian life, and they still serve in that kind of drive unit, or they're active duty and they serve on it 24/7, full time, right. And in that context, like, you know, we just had an operation for a bunch of our soldiers, in the Army, and there were thousands of them, thousands of them that went on this air assault operation for three weeks, three weeks away from their families. They had, they had minimal cell phone use. And the entire time they are operating in a combat, you know, simulated environment and working together, eating together, sleeping together, you know, everything, like sharing everything. And we just don't realize that that is how humanity has lived for thousands years. That's how Christ did life in a tribe. The discipleship was a tribe of 12. And when you look at that form and then now I'm going to get out of the military and I'm going to leave this tribe and go into the most individualistic culture in the world. They did this massive study about six years ago where they were studying the drive time, the family time, TV time, everything like that, when it comes to Americans. United States took number one over every other country multiple, multiple times because of how individualized we are, how independent we are. And so for a, for a military person, you are taking them from the the essence of tribe and putting them in that culture. And it's a disaster. I remember when I came home from Iraq and I was transitioning out of the military, dude, I had a brutal time, and I couldn't put my finger on what the issue was. And so I think it's really important for dads and for people in your community to just begin to understand what the veteran or what the former soldier is going through in their transition because of the psyche and the mindset of what they've come from and now what's, what they've lost.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:15:09] Yeah. Want to jump for a moment to your dad and you dedicated your book, you said I dedicate this book to my dad. You taught me the power of relentless pursuit. But then and throughout the book, some of the the, I mean, the heartache moments and the really good. I mean, the prayer he prayed when he first held you and went to the like, and that story, I should probably have just tell that story because that's like, I'm like, whoa, what a vision your dad had in that moment. Go ahead and tell that story to start things off.
Ben Peterson: [00:15:37] Well, you know, my dad was the son of a Lutheran minister who beat my dad almost every day of his life. And my dad had, horrific acne, and he was teased. He was bullied. And, you know, he he just became a fighter, and and he had such deep wounds and deep scars. You know, my dad was addicted to pills and alcohol, and, my dad carried so much shame. And he would just assault life because it was all that he had to make his depraved soul feel good. And it just felt like, you know, at the, in the time, in the 80s, in the 90s and things like that, like people didn't understand mental health, they didn't understand trauma, they didn't understand abuse. And to to go from being in church on Sunday, to watching your dad pastor, to then being thrown in a closet and beaten by him, I mean, dude, that is unbelievable, right. And so, you know, my dad really struggled in a lot of ways. But in, in a few very, very important areas, he crushed it. And the first was when I was born, he, you know, held me and was the first person to hold me. And then he handed me off to the nurse or whatever, and he actually left the, the O.R. or whateve, operating room, you know, the birthing room. And he went down to the chapel and he got on his knees. And he, my dad would always tell you that God had called him to be a music minister and a preacher of God's Word, and he never did it because he was so wounded by God, he could never follow him to that degree, right. And he went down there and he got on his knees and he said, God, whatever blessing that you had for my life, I know I haven't obeyed you or fulfilled it, but will you give it to my son? And I commit his life to You that he would follow You. And it's like, you do something like that, right, that's a big win for a dad. The second thing about my dad is I never questioned how much he loved me. He would scream for hours at a time. He'd shove me around, smack me around a few times, you know. He was emotionally a disaster. But, that man loved me furiously. Now it was in a, it was a completely emotionally erratic, unhealthy love, right. But I never questioned how much my dad loved me. And he never used shame on me. I remember when I was at this event or I was actually, it was after I got out of the military. I was touring with this worship band for the summer, and there was this leader that I was with, and I was like, I wish he'd been my dad. Like this guy was cool and fun and all the things that my dad wasn't and all this kind of stuff. And I wish this dude was my dad. And, and I remember we were doing this like, this like combatives competition with the with the, with the, with the youth. And I was on this block and we had these, like, you know, sticks, whatever and I go to battle with this, this kid was just a beast and he knocks me off, right. And this leader shamed me in front of everybody and made fun of me. And I remember looking at him and going my dad would never do that to me. And so, you know, that was like a turning point with my dad. The third thing so, so first was committing my life, love, never shaming me. And the third was my dad assaulted everything that he did. And I watched him, I remember, so my dad wrote a book on the Baton Death March, which was a death march that happened in World War two in Japan, where tens of thousands of soldiers died as they marched, all these soldiers from one island of the Philippines to the other. And my dad was a salesman at the Minnesota Zoo. And there was a volunteer day, and they were honoring veterans. And he heard this guy talk about when and where he served. And my dad was like, I think you're a Baton Death March survivor. For three years my dad pursued that man weekly, asking him if he could interview him and hear his story. And for three years he told him no. So finally he said yes. And my dad spent the next two years going to his house, weekly or bi weekly for hours at a time, taking in his story, and it took two years to work through it, Jeff. And then my dad compiled all that into a book called, which is called Footprints and Courage. That is relentless pursuit. And it's like my dad, you know, this man looked at my dad when it was all done, and he held them as he sobbed and said, I feel peace for the first time in 60 years because of what you've done for me. That is relentless pursuit.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:35] Yeah, sorry I cut you off there, Ben. I, just a pause in that, for a moment, of as a dad, do my four daughters, for you, does your son, all the dads listening do your kids see you as someone who sticks with commitments, who goes the extra mile, who brings a level of, like, deep resilience and deep conviction and deep passion and says, I don't back down, right? I just, like, it's a like the level of comfort in the world that we live. We talked about how individualistic and the level of comfort. I just don't think it's as normal for kids to see a dad who says, no, this is the kind of man I like, God created men to be strong and to stick with it and to press in. And I want to read two sentences, so this is, this is you kind of being vulnerable in your book. But I grabbed a couple sentences out and I'll read this because I think it is a setup for kind of the heartbeat of who you are comes from your dad, who he was. But also, I think it's transferable to all of us. So you wrote this, I'm a man who walks with a limp. My spirit, hope and faith have been broken many times in my short life. But through all the moments in victory and defeat, I have found the path to be a, to be a life of destiny. As a result, I have devoted my life to helping other broken people, like me, engage a hope filled destiny in the brokenness, to hope filled destiny. And I mean, like, I know that that's the mission of this book, mission of the organization you lead. Will you take us in a little further into, like, Ben, why, why this book? Why these themes? Why is this the path you've chosen?
Ben Peterson: [00:22:14] You know, I think, you know, I can't, you know, go through this and not talk about Jesus saving my life. And, I mean, I'd be dead without him. You know, I'd have gotten into cocaine. You know, I remember I gave my life to Christ, and then my buddy started snorting cocaine, and there was some power in me that was able, it was the Holy Spirit, I didn't know it at the time that gave me the self-control to say no. And before that I would take and snort and do anything right, drink, whatever. But, you know, He saved my life. And when I came home from combat and I was dealing with PTSD and having nightmares and tremors, that I was doing horrific things and my life was falling apart. It was the church. It was the local church, and it was Jesus through men that saved my life when I wanted to take my life, you know. And He has kept me in the game time and time again. And so I think you can't have, you can't not have a humility knowing who I would have become without Him and even how broken I am with Him and struggling with sin and struggling with sexual temptations, struggling, you know, I've been sober for three years and am tempted by alcohol regularly. To want to just, you know, numb out and you know that I made a decision to quit drinking because I don't think I'm an alcoholic, but I definitely have all the tendencies to be one. And there's things like that where, you know, you walk with this just humility, knowing, dude, this is who I am apart from Christ, and even with Christ, I still carry all of these struggles. And so, you know, I think that there's, there's a peace there. But then also, you know, when we did that event in Daytona, God had given me a very clear vision that we were going to do a national event to honor Vietnam veterans and that there were it was going to be huge. I mean, we had over 35,000, 40,000 in attendance. It was crazy. And I had this vision of how we could sell tickets. And it would cover a good portion of the $6 million bill. So I raised $4 million in donor cash. Through generous, amazing donors that gave so sacrificially. And then I'm like, we can get this other two mil from ticket sales. Well, we only sold 500 grand. So we finished that event 1.5 million in debt with no vision of where we're going to go next. No money in the bank. I had to lay over 25 people off. And I mean, my organization is only been resurrected from death to life because of Jesus and His favor. And if I'm honest, Jeff, as we were talking about before in this call, God was speaking to my heart like, hey, pull the gas off of this ticket thing, man. I, you need to put some other areas, you know, cut, but, you know, He was speaking and I wouldn't do it. I was so stubborn in my pride of what I wanted to create. And it failed. I failed hard. And was the event a success? Heck yeah. Thousands of, you know, veterans healed and saved and all that kind of stuff. But financially, it destroyed my organization and it had to be resurrected from death to life, which now we're doing amazing, but that's only by His grace. And so I think, like, I walk with a limp because of growing up in a super unhealthy home, going to combat, dealing with trauma, but then also walking with Christ and the struggles that I still have and that I have to surrender to every day. And then the big mistakes that I've made, while chasing this life of purpose and destiny, while continuing to have relentless pursuit.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:47] Yeah. Story, I mean, you've shared a few parts of your story, but story, I just want to remind everyone listening the power of a story, of a man, of a dad who sticks with it and has the valleys, has the mountaintops. The peaks in the valleys, like, make for a good story. And God's right there with us in the valleys, and He's right there with us. But it's like it's not a good story if it's all mountain top. It just isn't a good story.
Ben Peterson: [00:26:15] Lord of the rings wouldn't be what it is without all the valleys.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:26:18] Yeah, but you even say, though, engage your destiny, practical ways to run after your God given purpose. Like men who run, men who run that that are, maybe sometime you say walk with a limp, like like the limp is there, the injuries happened, the hurts happened. But man, we can still be running. We can run. And what would you say to the dad who's like, I feel kind of stalled out. I'm not running towards a purpose. I'm just like making it through. How would you encourage that dad?
Ben Peterson: [00:26:48] Oh, man. First I would say, brother, are you okay? Are you obeying God? Has He put things on your heart that you're numbing out with alcohol and, partying or, you know, hanging out and having fun and playing games and boys and their toys, like, are you just, are you obeying Him? You know, and I want to just come right out and say, like, dude, you're going to stand before Him and you're going to give an account for everything you did do and everything you didn't do. And that's a very sobering deal. And I want to stand there and say, yes, sir, Roger that, I accomplished. You know, John Bevere did that book Driven by Eternity and, you know, where's, where's my 10,000 souls, you know? Or however he did it. Man, I just think it's so important to live with that mindset. And it doesn't have to be a fear based mindset, but it's like, this is the reality of the kingdom, and there is heaven and hell, and there are realities to us being disobedient, and there is free will and there's consequences for that. And I think that's part of kind of the military coming out, because if you don't do your job, people die. And that's, that's, that's and it's the same thing in the kingdom. Like there's a reason that Paul used the reference of the soldiers so much because we are in a war for the for the souls of men. So I think that that's my first answer. And then my second is, you know, who told you you weren't enough? Who told you that you weren't enough? The people who bullied me in high school told me I wasn't enough, you know. The lack of emotional connection to my dad made me feel like I wasn't enough, you know. But I think, if I'm being honest, a lot of my passion and pursuit h as come out of that 16 year old that was getting beat up and made me feel like he was worthless. And after he got beat up out on the recess court, no one came by his side and everyone stood there and laughed at him. And that young man made a decision that I'm going to become everything that I think is awesome, and I'm going to pursue everything that I want in life to prove to them that I'm enough. And I think at the end of the day, it's never going to be enough. So who told you you weren't enough? And where are you at on the spectrum of doing it all in your own strength, or being completely immobilized because it's safe and because you're scared and you're hurting?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:21] Yeah. Then there's a quote that's not in your book, but it's, I couldn't help but think about this quote when I was reading through, Engage Your Destiny. And it's it's, it was written, I think, 34 years ago, the year 1990. Robert Bly wrote the book Iron John, a book about men. And I actually haven't finished the entire book, so I can't necessarily recommend the book, but this quote gets, I think, after what we're talking about. Is just another layer of saying, man, you're not done, you're not done. So here's the quote, and I want you to respond to it. And, I just want to hear what stirs up within you. Where a man's wound is, that is where his genius will be. Wherever the wound appears in our psyche, whether from an alcoholic father, a shaming mother, a shaming father, and abusing mother, whatever it stems from, whether it stems from isolation, disability or disease, that is precisely the place for which we will give our major gift to the community. How does that stir you and how what would you add into this conversation we've been having, for the dads?
Ben Peterson: [00:30:28] I love the imagery of the wounding being the gift that you have for the world. And that is the warrior poet. That is the one who is willing to lay down their shield and be honest about their struggles, and be vulnerable. You know, the strongest men that I know are willing to laugh at or, you know, be totally honest about their shortcomings. I'm a true founder. Every, I think everything I do is going to work, you know, and it's like, and when I go into meetings, I throw that out there. Guys, this is a huge weakness. I think everything is going to work. Show me how it's not, you know. And so I think we can lean into some of those, those woundings, from a sense of humility and being honest that, you know what? I'm never going to be perfect until I, until Christ comes back or until I go home, you know. And in Him, I'm a new creature. And that gives me such a sense of peace and satisfaction, that my wounds are okay. It's okay to be vulnerable. And, you know, we're living in a society today where the suicide rate is through the roof. We have the highest rates of anxiety and depression. You know, people feel the most confused, the most they've ever struggled. Our political climate is a complete disaster. I mean, there's no better time to be vulnerable with what's going on and where we're struggling to lay our shields down and to be honest about what's going on. Being a dad is hard. I mean, I was struggling this morning when my son was having a tantrum, and he's been having a few too many of them lately. And I'm ready to get, you know, military. And I'm navigating that. And I'll be honest, Jeff, I don't have a clue what to do. I don't know what I'm doing. My dad's dead. I don't really have, you know, that father figure in my life. We got a lot of great mentors and friends, but I'm kind of doing this on my own. You know, and I feel alone in that. I feel scared in that. I'm afraid of making mistakes with my son. And, you know, the few times that my anger has gotten let loose, you know, and it's dude, it's really hard. And just the more vulnerable we can be about it, the more we can relate, because everyone's going through it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:32:46] Yeah. Ben, I was going to jump back that direction of just rookie dad advice, something that someone shared with you that was like in that specific moment that you just shared, like, you don't know yet how you're gonna navigate through that specific thing. But what about you in general, the first two and a half years of dad life? What was one of the most helpful, maybe 1 or 2 things, that someone did share with you, and it proved to be helpful? Anything you gathered from other people that you're like, oh, that was helpful?
Ben Peterson: [00:33:11] I, you know, I, I'm in the toddler phase, and so I have a really fast new friend who's come into our life and we've just really been able to build community with them. And, you know, he said to me, because he has a two year old as well, never negotiate with a terrorist. And I said, Roger that. And since he, because I would, I grew up in such an unhealthy home, right, emotionally, I kind of don't trust myself into how far do I go and what I do and what I don't do it. My wife is like a spiritual gangster and my wife is way smarter than I am. And so sometimes I feel like the dummy in the room was just like, you know, I don't know what to do. And so that that is really helped me never negotiate with the terrorists. And it's like, I'm not bending on this boundary and I'm going to stay calm and I'm going to do it in a healthy way, but I am holding the line come hell or high water. And I've had to do that with my son and truly, and it can go on for 15 minutes. But I am not coming off this boundary. That has helped me immensely. And then I think.,I think like just being able to like, to talk to other families and hear them say that the funnest and happiest days of their lives was when their kids were the youngest. And that's when it's the most energy, it's the most tiring, there's the most sleep issues, like all that kind of stuff, right. And so my wife and I are really pushing, pushing ourselves, we were talking about it last night. No complaining, be grateful for this season. It's good. We only have one, but dang it, if he is a handful, I mean, he's the spitting image of me. He's so intense, so powerful, and he's so sensitive. Like, this is my son, right. And so it's like, this kid's a flippin handful, and and I'm not going to complain. And I'm going to be grateful because this days are going to be over super fast.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:09] So, so good, so good. We're going to link out in the show notes, Engage Your Destiny, your, your book you just launched. And you got the podcast that surrounds that your ministry, Engage Your Destiny, the work you're doing all over the country and all over the world with serving folks who serve in the military. So thank you, Ben. This has been a great conversation. I was hoping to invite you, would you would you pray for all of us dads as we say goodbye?
Ben Peterson: [00:35:31] Yeah, Lord, we just come before You, to lay down our shields and to open up the wounds in our hearts. And, Father, I just I just pray, for anyone who's been listening to this and they sense that area of disobedience where they haven't taken the next step, Father, that You would meet them, as the Scripture and say, I have faith, Lord, help me in my unbelief. For anyone who's just struggling with their unbelief, myself included, and Father, I just pray that we would take that next step. And that Lord, any connections that need to take place for the healing of the father wound in the areas, where where dads failed anyone who was listening, God, that you would orchestrate that healing, that you would orchestrate that incredible moment, right now by the power of the Holy Spirit and that the enemy would not be able to steal, kill or destroy or take away from these men, the day that has been ordained for them to come into true healing with their past and have peace with it. I pray this in Jesus name. Amen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:36:32] Thank you so much for joining us for episode 332 with Ben Peterson. All the conversation links, including that podcast series that him and his wife hosted on marriage, to his new book that just released two weeks ago, to the ministry, Engage Your Destiny is all going to be found at dadawesome.org/podcast. Guys, want to encourage you again, the DadAwesome Accelerator applications are open through June 26th. Make sure to email awesome@dadawesome.org to receive an automatic email back with all the flyover of the experience. Guys, I'm so thankful you listened to this week. Thankful that you guys have said I'm in. I am turning my heart. I'm turning my focus. I'm turning my intentionality. I'm stepping into being DadAwesome. So I'm cheering for you guys. Praying for you. Have a great week.
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· 27:29 - "Where's my 10,000 souls? I just think it's so important to live with that mindset. It doesn't have to be a fear based mindset, but this is the reality of the kingdom, and there is heaven and hell, and there are realities to us being disobedient, and there is free will and there's consequences for that. That's part of kind of the military coming out, because if you don't do your job, people die. And that's the same thing in the kingdom. There's a reason that Paul used the reference of the soldiers so much because we are in a war for the for the souls of men."
· 31:18 - "We can lean into some of those woundings, from a sense of humility and being honest that, you know what, I'm never going to be perfect until Christ comes back or until I go home. And in Him, I'm a new creature. And that gives me such a sense of peace and satisfaction, that my wounds are okay. It's okay to be vulnerable."
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