360 | Surrounding Your Kids with Mentors, Modeling Adventure, and Making Memories with Your Own Dad (Ben Bevis)
Episode Description
Ben Bevis joins today’s episode with practical tips for helping your kids embrace their God-given identity, gifts, and vision. He’ll inspire you to make more memories with your own dad and identify committed mentors for your children. Don’t miss Ben’s insights on healing generational wounds, modeling adventure, and strengthening your relationship with your kids.
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Ben Bevis is passionate about helping the Next Generation to live out their faith in Jesus. He is the founder and Executive Director of Encircled. He is leading a movement to get Mentor Circles (Dads included) around young people across the globe. He loves being active in the outdoors and lives in Minnetonka, Minnesota, with his “fabulous” wife and three “amazing” teenage children.
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· Take advantage of opportunities to adventure with your own father while you can.
· Intentional fatherhood begins with mending wounds and healing resentment.
· Help your kids discover their God-given identity, gifts, and vision.
· You can’t launch your kids alone; surround them with committed mentors to speak into their life.
· Keep adventuring, both on your own and as a family.
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Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave me this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.
Ben Bevis: [00:00:39] The more I've experienced the importance of helping highlight young people's gifts and strengths, you see this light come on. You see them kind of sit up a little higher, and because many of the young people I've worked with don't feel like they have anything to offer the world. They feel like they're less than, like they're not good enough. When we can highlight their unique gifts and strengths and call those out and notice the times where we've seen that gift impact others with God's grace. You see this connection, they're like, I guess that, that's what God calls us to do, huh? Yeah!
Jeff Zaugg: [00:01:16] What's up, guys? Welcome back to DadAwesome. Today, Episode 360, I have Ben Bevis joining us and I'll jump right into that conversation. But want to quick highlight, three invitations. The first is I would love to mail you our DadAwesome end of year kind of vision report. We've never mailed out kind of, this is what God has done in the past years and this is what we're stepping into and this is our first year of doing mailer. We're actually about to turn seven years old. And this is the first time, I would be thrilled to mail you one of these end of year reports with all the vision included right in the show notes is if you, if I don't have your mailing address currently and we've realized about half of our kind of crew at DadAwesome, I have your email address, but I don't have your mailing address. So, simply click in the show notes, give me your address and myself, my four daughters or my helpers, my little Christmas elves will mail you out one of the DadAwesome packets. Secondly, as you're praying about, end of year, end of your generosity, we just want to welcome and ask you, our family at DadAwesome to pray about making a donation, a tax deductible donation to the future of DadAwesome. So dadawesome.org/give is that invitation. And then lastly, as we're heading into Christmas week, I want to let you know next week's episode, Episode 361 is going to be what I learned this year. It's resources, ministries, experiences, books, and it's basically I'm going to bring you 24 learnings, discoveries, DadAwesome findings in the year 2024. So that's coming at you next week. Just make sure, I know it's, it's like right before Christmas, but I want you guys to know about that podcast, that podcast episode coming up. Okay, Ben Bevis founded Encircled, an amazing ministry that helps parents build a team of friends, family, wise mentors so that it's not just your voice as an adult voice of wisdom for your kids. You build a team and the benefits and the amazing trajectory changing outcomes, if you can build that kind of team. Encircled is the ministry. I reference, in the introduction, a worksheet around gifting, and you're not going to see it if you're listening in your earbuds. It's on YouTube, you'll see me hold up the worksheet, but just want to let you know, in the show notes there's a bunch of additional resources. So with all that said, let's jump in, Episode 360 with Ben Bevis. Welcome to DadAwesome.
Ben Bevis: [00:03:58] Thank you so much. It's a pleasure to be on here.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:04:01] Thrilled to learn from you. Thrilled to hear more of the ministry Encircled and what you're doing. This is this morning, my daughter's handwriting, my daughter's handwriting. So we went through one of your work, worksheets around gifting, discover your gifts. We'll come back to that. But I, just as a reference point, when I have friends that create resources, I'm like game time, I'm gonna do that with my kids. And so that was this morning, that was this morning.
Ben Bevis: [00:04:25] That's amazing.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:04:26] Would you introduce, though? Your family, chapter of Dad life? How old are your kids and how long have you been married?
Ben Bevis: [00:04:33] I am a dad to three amazing kids. My daughter Sophia is 18, so I have entered into an adult child. She's a senior in high school, which is exciting, but also a lot of kind of those last things and events that, that it's really sad but exciting. My son Reed is 16 and he is, yeah, high adventure kid, driven kid. And then we have Sam is our youngest, who's 13, is our soccer kid and loves to make creative food. So he's, yeah, just some fun variety. And then my wife and I have been married over 21 years and her name's Sara and she's amazing. I married up, for sure.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:05:23] Same. I heard in my research, for this conversation, I heard about you describing your kids, so maybe we'll, at some point, take back to the three of them. But your youngest son, you said he brings the fun, part of his gifting, he brings the fun. And I immediately, I was like, well, I want it, that's part of, I love that you celebrate that about your son and know that about his gifting. But also, as a dad, I want to bring the fun. There's a lot of other pieces to the dad life, but if we can just as one like practical bring the fun. Can you think of any recent examples in your family, either from your son or time that you had the chance to like soak up a little more fun as a family? Any stories or anything that come top of mind around bringing the fun?
Ben Bevis: [00:06:04] That's a great question. I definitely love to bring the fun. So I would say whenever we are on adventures. So we went, we don't usually do this, we don't usually travel far. It's usually in the minivan. But we, we went on a post-COVID trip to Mexico and we brought the fun. And we literally, I brought many bags full of inflatable paddleboard and, you know, toys to play on the beach, skim boards, snorkel stuff. And we brought the fun for eight days and it was amazing. And my wife definitely was like, do we need to bring all this? And I'm like, Yeah, we do. We need to, we need to have a blast. We need to celebrate life. And we, we had so much fun.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:56] I love that story. That's amazing. How would your, you know, your kids are at a phase now that you can ask them, hey, how's how's the dad life going? How am I doing? What would your guess be, it could be from any of their perspective, on an area. Let's start on the side of they, they're like dad, like you're like, you're stumbling here, Dad, this is hard. We don't like this side of how you approach the dad life or we want to see you grow, Dad. Any guesses on the sides of, that they might point out, if I was interviewing your kids and your weaknesses or growth areas as a dad, what might they say?
Ben Bevis: [00:07:28] Oh wow. Yeah. I would say kind of the weaknesses are sometimes I can get a little too intense about things that aren't important. I don't know if anyone, I'm sure people can relate to that, whether it be you need to get the dishes all the way into the dishwasher. You need to help put away clean dishes, you know, put away things that they leave out. And so I can get intense about that. I can also get intense about being on the screens too much. There's times where I want to throw their screens into a lake. Fortunately, we don't live on a lake. And so, so I can get, I can get kind of intense about those, those types of things. So I can have a little more grace and tact in how I ease into that conversation versus just going right at it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:08:16] Yeah, yeah. Perfect example. So there's just, kind of, yeah, it does. Man, those screens would be submerged, you're saying if you could reach water with, with your, with your...
Ben Bevis: [00:08:24] For sure. We would paying a lot of money in recouping those costs.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:08:29] Amazing. Now, flip the question to the strength sides from the perspective of your wife, Sara. If I was just like, what areas of like being, and again DadAwesome is not dad perfect, but like this these are strengths. Ben brings this to the family. What are maybe 2 or 3 things she might mention?
Ben Bevis: [00:08:46] Yeah. I definitely bring kind of the adventure and just getting out in creation, doing a hike, doing a mountain bike ride, signing up for races. Let's do them together. And so I think that's a component that my wife appreciates and my daughter, even my 18 year old said, Dad, I really love how you bring adventure to our family and to me. So and she's like, she's like me. She likes, she wants to go out and do those things. I would say the other piece is prioritizing community. The importance of inviting other families to do life together with. And so whether it be new people at our church or younger couples, hey, come on over. We're going to grill, can jump on the trampoline, kids, bring your kids, whatever. And so bringing that, the importance of taking time, even amidst our busy schedule to do life with other people is probably another area.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:47] Yeah. That is, and your kids see, in ways you don't even have to be, like if you're with friends, they share values and are being intense. Like it all trickles down just through their little eyes watching and seeing. And then we'll talk about, you know, forming, actually some of those mentors for your kids. We'll talk about that a bit later. But that's yeah, that's incredible. So her perspective, a couple of strengths. Now let's start from the being a son and what your dad, what you experienced from your dad. I know we talked about this a little bit before hitting record, but what are some of the takeaways that you or things that you would just say, Hey, my dad got this area right, like I'm trying to live in like he did it to the dad life. Where there a few, top of mind about your dad?
Ben Bevis: [00:10:29] Yeah, great question. Yeah, I thought about that. My dad passed away about four years ago, and I would say my dad modeled the power of consistency and presence. He showed up to our events, to our ski races, to our soccer games. He, hockey when I was little, he was a coach when he could well, especially when we were younger. I see all these old pictures of our team, teams with my dad there standing there. He celebrated our wins. He also modeled and then he also showed up to meals. I just, I don't remember him missing dinners. He showed up to dinners, even though he was a really busy professional. He loved to be home. He had a humility. He worked really hard. He had lots of degrees. He was an orthodontist, but he never talked about his work. Like in a way that was like, Hey, I'm really good at what I do. Unless someone asked him, which then he would, kind of uncomfortably talk about what he did, but he wasn't one to just brag. So I appreciated, now I appreciate that. And then his adventure, sense of adventure. I think I caught that from my dad because he worked hard so that we could play hard. So he would, on Friday, Thursday night, he would pack the car, pack the boat full of stuff. So I'm like, my dad, he'd put bikes in the boat and tubes and everything. And we would go up to the cabin right as he has done from work and busted up five hours north to go play. And we just did, Yeah, lots of adventure. And we were a skiing family. So we would go skiing and we'd jump in the car and drive to Colorado or Wyoming. He was a downhill skier and he, you know, had just a love for being in the outdoors and in God's creation. So we just did a lot of playing and adventuring together. And then the last one, he's modeled commitment love to my mom. 57 years they were married. It wasn't always perfect, but he, he loved my mom and and he modeled that to us. They would go on trips and they'd go out to dinner and they would, yeah, just to love each other in their own sort of creative ways. And so I appreciated that, that, that long term love that that is pretty rare these days.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:12:53] Yeah. Man, reflecting I mean, hearing you reflect on your dad and four years ago him passing. My dad was five years ago and just one topic I just wanted to process on briefly is, you know, for I just had a chat yesterday with a friend in a season of just wanting to get this chapter right as a son of, you know, his, this this buddy, his dad is 73 years old. They don't know how long and like what would you just tips for that relationship you know the dads listening who their dad is still alive, they have relationship like what would you just advise, like hey do more of this in that chapter because you know the two of us can't because our dads are passed. Top of mind you can share with those guys?
Ben Bevis: [00:13:37] Yeah, I would say so, we had a perfect scenario. It was literally six months before my dad passed. My dad texted, he was a texter, so he reached out to my brother and I, who lives in North Carolina. I live in Minnesota. My dad was living in northern Minnesota and my dad wanted us to go with them to Cabo San Lucas, fishing with his retired buddies for yellowfin tuna. And, and so he reached out and my brother was like, well, I don't know if I, you know, if I can afford that. And I texted my brother and I said, I think we need to do this. How much longer do we think we're going to have with our dad? And so we did it. And we had this amazing trip. Caught lots of fish, heard funny stories with my Dad's retired buddies and just had a memorable time. And so I would say to the dads, like if there's opportunity to adventure, whether it be local or further away, like you can, you can always pay that back, but you can't get back time with your dad once they're, once they're gone. So, so I'd, yeah, been on just some pretty fun, also went on a trip with my dad and brother to Alaska. That was 20 years ago. And so we had a fabulous trip. So I just think, if you can do some of those milestone experiences with your dad while they're still able, do it. And just spend time, ust spend time with your dad, asking questions, having him share stories, because those are times that I can't get back anymore. So I would encourage you to take that time.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:15:19] And the fact that now your ministry, Encircled, is actually creating some of your resource guides are for grandparents and how grandparents can pour in.
Ben Bevis: [00:15:28] Yeah.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:15:28] So here you are in a season that you know grandpa, your dad is not able to pour into your kids in this chapter, but it's something you care, like you're helping grandparents actually step in. And one thing, another addition that I know is true is putting into writing. You wrote a letter to your dad that you just like you told me, you just resurfaced with cleaning the house. Would you share just a little bit of that story of how, what that meant?
Ben Bevis: [00:15:51] Yeah. Yeah. Through the Intentional Father's John Tyson work, it was suggested to write a letter, and so my dad had already passed, but I wrote a letter. I don't have it in front of me, but it was just really thanking him for a lot of the things that I'm talking about today. Just for the sense of adventure, the modeling of of faith, the loving us as kids, showing up. And I think I even wrote some things just asking him for forgiveness for times where I try to get him to be different, a different dad, where I could be critical sometimes. And so there's something powerful about just writing that out and just trusting that, that, yeah, God can use that both for my own life and for my own future and modeling to my kids and to their kids eventually, right. As a, as one that truly honors our dads and, and loves, loves them for where they're at. Because my dad, you know, was modeled a type of fatherhood that was different than mine, right. And so we all have our different stories. And how do we continue to love and honor our parents in that process, right?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:17:10] Yeah. And I know the letter exercise because I've done this exercise that John Tyson encourages as well, from the Intentional Fatherhood in the Primal Path curriculum. The flipside of the letter, though, is that you tell your dad or you write to your dad, these are areas that brought some pain or some hurt or, you know, and the goal is to seek and to press in, in the area of forgiveness and healing to that area. But I know that that side of the letter actually can be a catapult for intentionality for us as dads. Often we're either hurt. You know, hurt people, hurt other people, right. Like, so you can either like pass down the same habits or, you know, pain areas to your kids that your dad past to you. Or you can flip and experience healing and transformation and, and actually bring life in those areas that could have been a pain passed down. Are there any, you know, 1 or 2 examples of like these are things that you're trying to live into differently or from a healed place that, that maybe is a course correction that you're trying to bring to your kids?
Ben Bevis: [00:18:13] Yeah, I would say there's actually a brings back one quick memory of my dad and I. We were on a drive up to Ely, Minnesota, which is a five hour drive from Minneapolis. And I really had built up wanting to have this intentional conversation with my dad, not in a way that was critical, but I had just written, read the Five Love Languages book. And I said, Dad, I have just read this book. I have learned about these love languages. And I explained it and he's super quiet and stoic type of guy. And I said, I think I've figured you out. I said, I think your primary loved languages is quality time and giving of gifts. And I said, I think mine is, is words of affirmation and physical touch. And I think because of this, we've kind of missed each other on how we model love to each other. And I said, I remember at the end of our drive, I said, Dad, I just want to say thanks for all you've done to provide for me and for my family so that we could come to this beautiful cabin to go fishing and to do fun things together. And I know that's one way that you've showed that you love me. So thank you for that. And I said, I apologize for times where I have been critical of wanting you to use your words to say I love you or give me more hugs or whatever. And so I just, I just want to ask for your forgiveness for being critical. And h,e he looked at me and he and he started to tear up because he doesn't cry much. And he said, I love you and gave me a hug. So, so that was a that was one of those moments that I think feel like broke kind of these chains of of bitterness and, and, and resentment that I carried for many years. And I'm so glad we had that conversation before he passed away.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:03] Wow. But, and plus, so it broke that healing moment, connection moment. But also now a tool that you're able to use with your kids. We did the assessment this morning with two, two of our daughters around their love languages, at the breakfast this morning. And this is yeah, this is the first time of doing the assessment, trying to learn what are their love language and explaining how my wife and I, mostly me actually, she's pretty good at knowing how love with love languages. I miss it all the time. So that maybe one example of like you're actually, you have that as a tool to pass forward. Any others examples of areas you're pressing in or maybe wasn't modeled for you?
Ben Bevis: [00:20:42] I would say, yeah, I'm just really pressing into yeah, I try to just sit down with my kids even when it's awkward and bring scripture, bring a resource. Kind of like what you did today with your daughters, right. And there's resistance usually. But at the end, I was once we have that conversation and kind of get through the awkwardness, I'm always glad that I worked through the uncomfortableness and had courage. Knowing that God's word is going to ism is alive and active and there's going to be a blessing. Maybe not right away, but on the other side. Whether it be for me or my, my kids or our relationship.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:26] Cool. Cool.
Ben Bevis: [00:21:28] So that's one, kind of one areas I've pushed through because that wasn't modeled to me by my dad.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:34] Yeah. Well, I wanted to jump into some more building blocks of Encircled and of these mentor circles. And because there's just so much transferable to all of us dads. But I thought we go rapid fire, mid conversation here, we'll go Rapid Fire for a second and just basically respond. I'm going to read a Bible verse and these are off of your guides. So don't, don't, whatever top of mind we're going to talk about identity, gifts and vision and just rapid fire, a little bit of thinking around why this is important. So, John 15:9, just as the father has loved me, I also have loved you. Remain in my love. Just riff for a little bit of an identity and why that as a like adds, bringing and helping formation of identity is important.
Ben Bevis: [00:22:18] Even on just a personal note, for us as dads, it's so often, it's easy for our kids behaviors to be a report card on us as parents, right. And, and so we need to make sure that our identity is grounded in, in Christ and the fact that we are sons. And when we're grounded in that, we're less taken aback when our kids are critical of us or tell us we're not funny or which happens to me quite often. And so when we're grounded in our identity in Christ, we can live more freely as fathers and as husbands and as brothers and sisters. And then as we think about our kids, our kids are being bombarded by so many different voices at school, in the community, on their devices. And so the more we can help them to know they're grounded as children. We used to always tell our kids before they'd go on the bus, remember, you're a child of the risen King, right. And so, what does that mean? I didn't I always necessarily know what that meant. I just knew that that's really important and meaningful for our kids. But the more I have thought about it is when we are grounded in our, our, our sonship and being a daughter or son of of the Heavenly Father, our yeah, we live our lives with a different confidence and a courage and a purpose. Even when the world tells us we're not doing what they think we should be doing.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:04] Amazing, Amazing. We'll go to the next Rapid Fire. So this one's on gifts. 1 Peter 4:10, use whatever gifts you have received to serve others as faithful stewards of God's grace in various forms. So gifting and gifts. Why is that, and how can that be an area that we press in as dads?
Ben Bevis: [00:24:23] Yeah. So, so this goes way back to I'm a licensed therapist and life coach and I've worked with youth for like 31 years for a while here. And the more I've experienced the importance of, of helping highlight young people's gifts and strengths, you see this light come on. You see, you see their, them kind of sit up a little higher. And because many of the young people I've worked with don't feel like they have anything to offer the world, they feel like they're less than like they're not good enough. And so when we can highlight their unique gifts and strengths and call those out and notice the times where we've seen that gift impact others with God's grace, that's, you see this connection. They're like, I guess that that's what God calls us to do.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:17] Yes.
Ben Bevis: [00:25:18] Yeah, we're called these oyr gifts. So, they don't have to be gifts of being the smartest, the fastest. I was never any of those things. Still not. And so, but there's an impact. And in that, I know in the activity that you and you did with your daughter, like the more we can help them see the impact of our gifts played out, it's, they're more likely to do more of that because it feels good, right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:43] Yeah, it feels so good. So if you're on YouTube, you can see me holding up the sheet. But this is, this is going to be linked out to everybody listening. But just the examples of these 12 giftings, of course there's more. But it was, yeah, the exercise of my daughter just starting with a little dot next to one she thinks might be the one, and then kind of reading through again and praying through. Then I kind of called out a few things and she ended up like really diving deeper and going to the next page, the exercise with the first three that came to her mind and we would have never, top of mind, stated those three as her top giftings. So it was, it was a discovery gift for us. So as a next step and we're going to circle back to gifts in a moment.
Ben Bevis: [00:26:19] Awesome. Which, which were the, which were the couple of the gifts that she had?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:26:22] My 11 year old creativity, humor and teamwork were her three that she highlighted, which is so like to celebrate. And I celebrated, I celebrated a few other ones. I was like, This is definitely one as well.
Ben Bevis: [00:26:35] Yeah, yeah.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:26:36] That's a fun. I mean, why not just like as a dad, I mean, fairness. Fairness is something that no one would like from scratch say, this is gift I see in you, and now I can look for ways to call that out. It's like a, it's just a resource vault for me to like, call out and look for and be curious. So, so the third, just kind of rapid fire before you because the dad's like, wait, tell us what Encircled is. But we'll get there. The Vision, visions, the third one, Ephesians 2:10, for We are God's Handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do. Why, why is vision important?
Ben Bevis: [00:27:16] Yeah, so vision, so going back to some of the therapeutic work. Whenever a young person, an adult, usually male adolescents would come see me and their parents want me to fix them, right. So didn't ever do that. Usually worked with the parents just as much as the kid. But what I would do is I would often ask them, so let's say six months from now, all the things that you bring in that I'm supposed to help you with, get better, what would, how would life look like? How would life be different if you were kind of living out this this future vision? So that was one question that I would ask. And these kids would be like surprised because I wasn't nailing them over the head with them using marijuana or their anxiety or whatever. And we would just go to vision. And so it's so important that we can help, and I know, DadAwesome, part of what you talk about is the importance of wonder, right. So how can we help young people, our kids really wonder and imagine what, what might God be up to through our gifts and how might our gifts impact the world in the future. And that future might be this afternoon or it could be 5 or 10 years from now. But there's something amazing when young people are just ready to be asked these questions. So we have like a vision tool where we help them think through what is a clear vision around their faith, around school, work, relationships. Maybe it's, they're excited about video games, that's what they get excited about. Maybe it's, they want to be able to slam dunk a basketball. So the more we can help young people really think of a vision and goals and then to apply that to make it an impact where God's kingdom, it's this beautiful process in discovery because you never know what God might be up to in our kids lives. And that's been meaningful for me, just God, what have You put me on this earth to do? And so that's what I'm doing with Encircled is kind of that clear, it's pointed vision for what God put on my heart. So I want to model that to my kids and be curious with them about what what God might be up to in their future.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:39] Yes. I mean, just in this 20 minute exercise of discovering the gifts, the future side, the future side of her three gifts. I mean, we're starting a business is what we talked a lot about. How she could use creativity and humor and teamwork and to start it. So, I mean, the fact that that all came out in 20 minutes. I want to quick just to keep the interest of the dads listening to go get these guides. I'm going to peak their interest quick and you talk about is real practical nature retreats and serving together and heartfelt conversations, practicing gratitude, fostering storytelling. I mean, there's a lot of like, there's some core elements, but then it's like, here's ways you can do that. And it's just as a set up story. I sat, two weeks ago, in Dallas at a on a back patio the night before my friend's son was getting married and I'm sitting with, he brings together seven older, you know, we're all dads actually around the circle that all care deeply about his son, we care deeply for his son. But we all brought wisdom to share with his son the night before he got married. It was a part of something that he created, a process with his son that ended with us kind of lending our prayers, our wisdom and accessibility. We all said we want to help. We're accessibl. What I thought of on that moment in the drive home was, you, Ben. I thought of Encircled because my my buddy created this. He's very entrepreneurial. He created this moment. But there actually wasn't a a strategy from five years earlier or six years earlier that led to that. He did do some core building blocks himself as a dad. But I thought about Encircled in this creating mentor circles that would prepare for the night before a wedding and what a gift to have that group gathered. And so what I'd love for you to do is share...
Ben Bevis: [00:31:29] I love that.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:29] Share about the essence of what is Encircled and, and just help us understand how intentional relationships and mentorship and those groups that commit, we're in to help you launch and go beyond. Yeah, tell us a little bit about what you've been up to these last kind of eight years, eight, nine years. Is that about the right time frame?
Ben Bevis: [00:31:49] Yeah, it's about yeah, but about the last six years. So I actually started doing some of Encircled like things with a bunch of my friends who had teenage boys. And I said, Hey, I got this idea. And then six years ago it really cemented into a ministry and I started doing it under Connected Families. I know, you know, Jim and Lynn Jackson.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:32:12] Love their resources.
Ben Bevis: [00:32:13] And, and Jim helped me kind of launch on to my own nonprofit. And really this idea was that dads and mentors aren't expected to launch young people alone. Can't do it alone, right. And so this idea that we need, us as dads, moms, grandmas like we all need other people to speak into our kids around identity, gifts, vision, and then to commit to ways they're going to walk with them and bless them into adulthood, right. And so we created all sorts of resources. And I'm super glad that you've used some of our one pagers. So we have one page resources that are super quick, easy ideas that really start at 0 to 5, work their way through these developmental stages. Because I believe, and I wish I could do this and go back to when I my kids were one, and really know what I knew now. But when they're young, start to pray about who might be those mentors, who might be those intentional adults that you can start to surround your kids with when they're early, so that when they're 18, like my daughter, they are committed, active, taking you're taking my daughter out for coffee or for a hike, speaking into them. And so we've created these resources to equip parents, grandparents and mentors to really launch a generation that's connected to God and others. So we have the one pagers. We also have actually an app we just created that's a web based app that will be a free download that you dads can download and walk through a two session, in session gathering, where you help your son or daughter be grounded in their identity and Christ, do a gift inventory, similar to what you did with your daughters, but on a, on an app. Help them create their vision and then literally invite their mentor circle to come to a gathering that really allows that young person to highlight the things they've learned about their gifts, their vision, and then ask them for encouragement, for wisdom like you're your buddy did what you all gathered. So this, think of this intentional time where you have 5 to 8 adults that are coming around your child and speaking into them, encouraging them, giving them wisdom. And then committing to ways that they're going to walk with them, whether that be, hey, I want to meet you once a quarter for coffee or I want to introduce you to some other people that are in a career that you're passionate about, that love Jesus and are good at what they do. I want to commit to ways that I'm going to just keep praying for you. And then it ends this, this time with a blessing. And so in our app, we even created a button where they can record an audio blessing that it saves on the app so they can have this memory of this powerful blessings and prayers that are grounded in Scripture from people that they've invited, right. So, so yeah, and as you say, this podcast is for you, Jeff. I would say this app is for me. It's like for me and my daughter is going through this in a week and a half and we're going to get her mentor circle around her. And so that's my heart is that more dads and moms and grandmas and uncles and small group leaders can have intentional time really speaking into this next generation because a lot of this generation, they're saying by the time, throughout their life, this next generation of youth will be on their screens, 20 years of their life, right. Yeah. And I think that's maybe low. So 7 to 9 hours a day, kids are scrolling down their screens. And so how do we connect them with God and others and with this community that really will uphold them and journey with them. And that's what I'm passionate about, is is really launching this engaged group of dads and moms and grandparents that are being intentional in creative ways.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:36:35] So, you know, I can shout out Jake, who's got a seven month old in Illinois, I was just with two days ago. Like, this is for you. Actually are prepping and there's a from a seven month old little baby to there's some real practical like time to pull this group together or allow your 13, 14, 15 year old to choose and like it actually is the, the adults that will encircle your son or daughter. They're the ones making the choice. Am I correct on that?
Ben Bevis: [00:37:03] Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They get to drive the bus because if we drive the bus, they're just going to think it's a parenting strategy. And so we got to put them in the driver's seat, literally of who they want to have there.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:37:15] And there's upstream though, is there has to be relational connectedness and trust. And they have to admire these people or else they're not going to pick these people. So the show me your friends and I'll show you your future, right. Or the Charlie Tremendous Jones, you'll be the same person five years from now aside from the people you meet and the books that you read, right. Like we actually get to as dad by bringing families, other, other men, if you've got a son, other women into the life of our family, into shared meals together, into vacations and adventures together. We're really building connectedness so that when it's time for them to pick, who would I want to have, which is aunt or uncle or which youth pastor or person. And then and then just to imagine this, like the them having the strength, on the night before their wedding as I just kind of set up, of a journey of not only these people know my name and cheered for me at a soccer game, but I've, I've met quarterly or I've, I've, I've gone to vacation with that family or I've been introduced. My job is because I was introduced and I had an internship with what I mean the the amount of strength, these people pray for me like even that alone of these this circle, these these people have prayed for me for years. So I just, you can tell and the guys listening call tell, how passionate I am about this topic, and in the work that you're doing. What is just practical, because we have got to end in a few minutes here.,I'd love to go like a whole part two you. But, Ben, tell me like, what are practical, what's the next step? Your website, the guides, the gifts, reflections, the one pagers, the app that you just said so I can send them all those directions. Besides resources though, is there like feel like and this is 1 or 2 things start doing this today because it's going to have a huge impact? Are there a couple of things you'd want to leave us with?
Ben Bevis: [00:39:02] Yeah, I would say, man, I would say to you, dads, wherever your kids are at, continue to live in community and model this importance of, of bringing people around you, whether it be camping or in the backyard, barbecuing, whatever. And have this, have this sense of really just bringing others around your kids at an early age, so it's comfortable. And not just for that but just because it it's good. That's what we're called to love God and love other's, right. I would say keep adventuring as a family, individually with your kids, whether it be in the backyard or on a trip to Mexico. It doesn't need to be fancy because I found my kids will remember the pools and like a basic hotel was their favorite thing, right. And then I would say continue to pursue whatever the kingdom where God's put in you. Because when we model that to our kids, whether it be starting a nonprofit or raking your neighbor's lawn or doing some type of of ministry in your church, model that and invite your kids to be a part of that. Because you never know what God might do through, through that.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:40:22] I love, really your anchored back to the three that I did rapid fire on of of identity, gifts, vision. When the dad lives into their true identity, with their gifting, for a mission that matters, that is magnetic to our like our kids will. So there's so many things we covered I won't even try to recap on here as we land. But, Ben, thank you for the work that you lead with Encircled. And I'm positive that DadAwesome, they're going to be hearing more from you and from these, you know, resources you're creating. Will you, would you take a moment, though, to say a prayer over all of us dads?
Ben Bevis: [00:40:56] Yes, I would love to. Thank you, Jesus, for the opportunity to be dads. For what a pleasure it is for the challenging parts of it and for the joys for the mountain top experiences and the, and the times where it feels lonely. I just pray for divine just appointments and opportunities for these dads with their kids, whether they're one day old all the way into their adult years, that You would just help them remind, remind them of the opportunity they have to speak into their kids, to model faith and to walk alongside of their kids through the, yeah, the peaks and the valleys. And so I pray your blessing upon them. And as we we could just continue to pursue who You created us to be in the world as dads and as husbands and as just followers of you. Amen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:41:55] Thank you so much for joining us for episode 360 with Ben Bevis. The conversation links, the show notes, the transcripts, all of those action steps that I mentioned, including like that worksheet exercise that I filled out with my daughter. Those are all going to be found at dadawesome.org/podcast. And then you simply look for episode 360. Guys, Merry Christmas. I know we're kind of heading into Christmas. Forgot to mention the discount on our DadAwesome store. If you're looking for Christmas gifts for yourself or other dads, all the DadAwesome gear, use the code thanksgiving2024, all one word, thanksgiving2024, will get you 20% off of everything in the DadAwesome store. And that's good for like a couple more days from the release of this podcast that is through December 15th. So guys, thank you for being DadAwesome. Thanks for being on this journey with us. Have a great week.
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· 22:55 - "When we're grounded in our identity in Christ, we can live more freely as fathers and as husbands and as brothers and sisters. And then as we think about our kids being bombarded by so many different voices at school, in the community, on their devices. We used to always tell our kids before they'd go on the bus, remember, you're a child of the risen King."
· 29:00 - "The more we can help young people to really think of a vision and goals and then apply that to make an impact in God's kingdom, it's this beautiful process in discovery because you never know what God might be up to in our kids lives. That has been meaningful for me, God, what have You put me on this earth to do? That's what I'm doing with Encircled is the pointed vision for what God put on my heart. I want to model that to my kids and be curious with them about what what God might be up to in their future."
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